That spark and fire
Flooding veins with desire
I am thoroughly singed
By this heat between our skin
Bodies pulling closer
Mouth aching for just one taste
Converge
Two bright spiral sparkle super nova souls
Filling every corner, penetrating every hole
Always leaves me thirsty for more
For one night away from the warmth of your sun
Feels like days in darkness
Shine hidden until you turn your smile this way once again

In your modesty shadows reign
Until you turn your face our way once more
Gracing us with silver beauty without equal

There is no greater warmth
Than the light you emit

Shadows caress like a silk prom dress
Memories of my youth scatter
Dancing along the lines of my past
I heard your voice yesterday on video  for the first time in months
Four years ago we took to the sky
Diving
No idea if this was goodbye
Your last words uttered
Before we again touched ground
"I love you, Brook"
"Everyone else, I'll see you when I come down"
So crisp and clear
As if you were still here
I cried and cried until it hurt
Laughter pushing to insert
For though our end was laced with loss and pain
It is outweighed by the love we gained
This constant push and pull
Triggered by the smallest things
I will miss you every. single. day.
I could never let you fade
This gnawing ache I must let heal
Or I'll never move on
Never truly feel

I'm holding strong
Tight, so close the edges blur
Lines that once defined us
Now entwine us
Even though we are no longer the same
Your breath still warms my cheek
Heart still dances to your beat
We watch as the years pass
Age lines, laughter leaving it's mark
With time passing I wonder
If our eyes will find each other
At the end
Or if, like so many other's grip
We will slip away

What "justice" is there in violent retaliation?
You, we, are not making any progress with ******
Goes for all sides
Families are left destroyed
Hearts ache
We wake tomorrow to do it all over again
With the idea that one more life may equal peace

Like tiny deer ticks
Insecurities bleed us dry.

Slow night
Easy does it
Low light
Try not to covet
The sacred lines
Of our in between
Lost to sharp times
In my own misery
I held us sacred
You dropped my hand
Now tasting these acrid
Memories of sand
Tears still fall
Try as I might
To keep them all
From flooding my sight
I know you have left me
Soaring high above
Yet even in my shadows
Still shines your love

Single. Double. Pull it through.
Single. Double. Pull it through.
Chain after chain
Row after row
Blisters on fingers that pull tight
I work well into the night
Only when I have the light
Baskets spill over
Sari silk yarn
Acrylic blends that mold and stretch
A thousand colors tangled
Before my eyes
Into warm, cozy gifts, a birthday surprise
The feel of the hook is home to me
Ask me nicely and I may see
If I can make something gorgeous for you
With hook and yarn as I am known to do

I don't know you
Not half as well as I used to
Your rakish smile is still the same
You still play this exhausting game

*Perhaps it is I who has really changed

These voices inside
Are not silent
They are free
Shouting and singing
me me Me **ME

I'm wearing armor
These wounds still bleed
I painted on my "Don't ask" face
Just so you wouldn't see
The pain that lies beneath
My emotions are my dedication
I take your's into consideration
Not expecting reciprocation
Rarely surprised but if you do
Try to see it from my view
I do not take sympathy with comfortable ease
I ask you kindly, pretty please
Know that I'm grateful if my words fall short
I may do a little talking but I'm more the writing sort

By Shel Silverstein**

Oh, I'm being eaten
By a boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
A boa constrictor,
I'm being eaten by a boa constrictor,
And I don't like it--one bit.
Well, what do you know?
It's nibblin' my toe.
Oh, gee,
It's up to my knee.
Oh my,
It's up to my thigh.
Oh, fiddle,
It's up to my middle.
Oh, heck,
It's up to my neck.
Oh, dread,
It's upmmmmmmmmmmffffffffff . . .

I found god at the bottom of a jelly jar
His name was gonzo

Dig deep*
Free your mind
We are not one in front of the other
*But side by side

Slate skies lay still
Cool against my smile on bus stop corners
Already missing the bright caress of sun
Your letters arrive less and less
Further apart than the one before
I breathe you in on each envelope
Curled black ink telling more secrets than truths with each line

In my bedside drawer
rest letters sealed and stamped.
piles upon piles of potential
regret.
I may not shine, but I choose
not to rain.
silence is at times
closer to a yes in my language than in yours.
here, attached to the leg
of a white dove;
my heart. blank paper is
still paper. men suffer
from limbs lost
without words.

Tracing the edges of many a time read pages
I hear between the lines
More loudly than what is written
Dear John on the tip of my fingers
A heart that will not give up
Shadows lace this back and forth
Waiting for the light to break

My heart and I are not
always on speaking terms.
sometimes I want to
tell it I'm sorry, but it alway
beats me to it.
keep my blood flowing, I
beg of it, and I will think
for us both.
later. later. later.
then we'll rest in love's
nest of sweet childlike
restlessness.
later.
I have heavens for us, after
the rain.
suns with your name
on them.
blue is the color of sorrow
and cloudless
skies.

I will be seeing you in starlight
Behind the echo of my midnight sighs

Gray dust of frost
Tips green with sharp edges
Warm puffs of breath dissipate quickly
I am silent. Still.
The whisper of wind through bare tree tops
Squirrels bark at Blue Jays that steal
My heartbeat quickens as I catch the snapping of twigs
Rustling of leaves is music to my ears
Soon a smudge of brown
Different from the rainbow of neutrals this forest reflects
Moves steadily towards me
My tree stand height is perfect
The kick from my shot gun will be welcomed
An extension of myself wielded
To fill my freezer for these coming months
Of darkness

I once dreamed of tracing Ghost lines
Now I do in waking life
Shadows catching shape and form of those missing
From those left behind
By candle light you are whispered
When gloaming lays still in the chilled evening air
I remember an autumn, not long ago
That made all those before it
Pale
On Equinox morning I became a wife
Two and a half years later I lost that life
Words fall short
Your arms never squeeze tight enough
hold close enough
Those that hurt
I am not made of paper mâché
I am steel, spider silk, diamond bright
With alligator skin that is all too thin
Don't ask me if I am okay
That word no longer plays a part
Focus on the silver lining
*Not on your broken heart

I am italicized*


We sing and we simmer
Our cosmic tumble tune
Hardly yet wholly
A place without room
Stardust dancing along side our gate
Black hole chancing just beyond our escape

If that gate can be an escape
An entrance to the unknown world
Fistful of stardust
Blow it to the wind
Let the wind be our guide
Beyond the canvas of our life
Our imagination captured beyond the horizon

Sunset washes the day clean
Brilliant peach orange blaze
Still left wondering what this all means
I am connected to you
As I am to this tree
Whole and in pieces
Full picture you see
The circle comes round
We dance to it's beat
Evolving masterpieces
Rarely repleat
Fingertips touching
Secrets yielded to soft sigh
Hoping with sore hearts
You'll always feel this high

In the circle of eternity
The known rhythm is back
In concentric circles
Frenzied steps
Spark that kindles two hearts
Blazing through the night sky
Touch of freedom
Paints the encircled world
Hearts healed with magic potion
Trust emboldens the souls
To soar higher and higher
It’s an eternity
Now, the saga shall continue

I long for warm sand beneath my feet
This cold seeps deep into bone
I'm here for the darkness
Oh sun lover won't you come home?

I am not as thick-skinned as you may think.

On this night
I honor you
Candles lit
Your favorite food and wine laid out
Your picture graces my altar
My heart is open
Please, won't you join me?

Crisp leaves blow to and fro
Blustery fall morning edged in winter's kiss
The last day of October
Spirits roam and wolves howl
Gibbous moon hangs low
Scents of wood fires, caramel and face paint
Permeate the chilled air
I've got a treat for you
Tricks too!
Abound through a night of celebration
Altar laid out with orange and black
Build courage for the coming dark
Banish evil intent by candle light
Your picture is central
Your memory always bright
Come visit with me
Speak softly
On this Sawhain night

Smoky jazz music floats on air
Carried by the whispers of prohibition
Deep woods moonshine
Flashing smiles from pearls to cigar tips
Soft velvet red coating lips
Hiding behind champagne glasses
Their fresh diamonds sing of blood
I watch from the office chair
Wing backed, cushioned
Fit for a queen
Bayou queen with swamp water veins
Ebony skin like satin
Whiskey eyes that take it all in
I built this from nothing, hole in the wall
This is my town
You have to pay to play
My debt book is thick
Your names like a mantra I hum beneath the saxophone tune
I'll get my money
*Or I'll get you

Body. Mind. Heart. Soul.
Slowly each piece is coming into focus
Loss is spoken of in many ways
The shock of it for some is like winter
For other's, a desert born of oceans
given away through tears
The darkness taking those closest with it
All experiences unique
Mine was/is no exception
On the other side of raw, though still sore
In a constant state of Medic! Medic!
When in crowds, looking for just you
I miss you.
A simple idea. A complex emotion.
The daily and nightly revisit of what hope's absence feels like
Baring down on you with the ferocity and venom
Of a hungry cobra, weeks without prey

This is the face of grieving
Vicious.
Cruel.

Yet it's heart is one of softness
For through it all
Every pain. Every nightmare
I have a night sky full of memories
Your smile. Your voice. Your love.
*Grief will never touch those

Petal soft lips
A taste, a kiss
Exhaling all of your love
Into me

We enclose, impose and expose ourselves
As poets we do not see in black and white
Instead we use words to paint the countless colors
In between
Our stars align
Misalign
Great works of emotion
Spilled out from sore and joyous hearts
To reach the hidden cavities of those who read them
We are the dreamers, the night time schemers
Filling up afternoons with sunshine
Midnight walks with moonlight
Hold our heart, feel the weight of the world
Hold our gaze and *see it

Vines of apathy stunt the growth of many
Listlessly moving through their day
Burdened by our way of surviving
Cold, without empathy

Where has our compassion gone?
Things cannot console you when you need a warm touch
A hand to hold
A sympathetic ear

We, all of us, are made of star dust
Cosmic stuff
Coursing through Big Bang engineered veins
Yet fluoride calcifies our connection with that energy
Pineal gland silent, radio waves dead

Nature is in harmony, was
Until us
Now she has lung cancer, poisoned waters
Fields of dust that go on for miles and miles

What have we done?

Clean energy, Eco-friendly products
THE KNOWLEDGE TO GROW OUR OWN FOOD
Is at our fingertips
Big Corporate wants you to stay dumb, numb and greedy
Feeding their insatiable need for more with your own


If you look closely, real close
Starting with your own actions and priorities
You will find that what once was a co-habitation with us in the mix of this great planet
*Is now us at the top, alone

There are days where I stay in you all day
Wrapping soft sheets around my exhaustion
Hiding from the world
Mostly you are made though
Meticulously tucked and folded
Into an Icelandic grey satin present
My fingers itching to unwrap you
Yuletide greetings all cozy and warm
To a sore frame in need of rest
I accomplish much on these days
Inner turmoil organized
A place for everything and everything in it's place kind of reassurance
Although I would be lying to myself if I said these days are my favorite
There is such extreme freedom in being able to tell the morning to *******
Turn over into your pillow
Stay there.
All day.
Rarely does this urge pass my frontal lobes
sometimes I just cannot help myself

Instead of oceans for eyes
She had puddles for skies
Everyone always telling her to dream bigger
She could not see past her own figure
Tainted and painted with innocence, with sight
Only knowing her small thoughts
Never really taking flight
Open up, radiant flower
Praise them all with your wide eyed wonder
Finally seeing the forest for the trees
Taking in wonders she thought she'd never see

He sat numbly
Guitar strings silent beneath still fingers
A sore heart nurtured in the solacial sound of solitude

(pull yourself together)

He edges his lap desk closer
Parchment, ink and quill
To most the page looks blank
Only he can see the clear stain of memory spreading
As it grows larger with each metronome tick

(tear yourself apart)

He ties laces without passion
Single knots for slow walks
The night damp sings softly
Not easing the turmoil
Merely giving it a voice he could not find

*(therapy can be found anywhere, even in the dark)

I catch your cologne on the breeze
A sea of faces but none are looking for me

Loving you is like trying to light a damp cigarette
The skin eventually burns but the heart stays dark

Whether I wake up to rain
Or the sun in the east is not yet born
Waking up next to your smile
I am always warm

You creep, crawl and scuttle
Piloting drunkenly through my lamp shapes
Aimlessly, it seems, in search of shelter
Shell in shield shape, legs of prickle
I know your vast numbered presence harbors one of two meanings:
Spring has given life anew
               Or
*Winter is coming

Often we do not know what ails us
Only that it hurts
A combination of the parts of an experience
Or the whole
Compared to what is left behind
Memories.
Good or bad
They remain

Your sweet sugar bubbles
Boil rolling in the pan
Heavy bottomed, 3 quart stunner
With attitude for a handle
Luscious amber satin evolving into
Dark velvety ribbons
If allowed to cool
Heat from the stove opens pores
I'm gathering your heavenly scent
Into every inch of me
Salted caramel sauce is on the way
Covering special occasion cheesecake
You'll blow out your candles and make a wish
Mouth full of the love I cooked up for you

I have been through many things
Not hardships, experiences really
That have left their wounds
Underneath my skin, between heartbeats
I am a patchwork of scars
Some deeper than others
Many still healing
Few that never will
At the end of the day I must pause
Take a deep breath and realize
No matter how much I bleed, hurt or cry
I will survive

You and I used to be
So perfectly connected
Thick as thieves, hip to hip
In the  mirror of our irises our happiness reflected

Those days have gone
Shadowed, now in the past
Time has healed those wounds
Heart knows you will not be my last

I do wish though that you could see
How beautiful you are
I hope for you such grand heights
To be again someone's only star

Summer is associated with social outings
Ice cream and heat
Yet winter holds all of the ice we would need
The warmth of our cuddled flesh
Is no match for July at mid-day
Many a life is created during long, blustery nights
Celebrated when the sun is at it's peak
I cannot help but despise February's numb
Although it is in that distance from feeling where I hurt the most
I thought living in a land without much change would cure
I was wrong
The last breath of your snow
*Follows wherever I go

I remember how bright you shined
Silver linings do exist

I just want to lay here
Wallowing in your loss

Slithering smooth seduction spans synchronizing sacred satin sheets*

The letter S
Has much power over our hormone driven lives
*** and Sadness
Being two that drive us/hinder us
The most
Why not spiral out, keep going
See where the end takes us
Our comparison to every single thing that we know or have thought of
Is relative and personal
Each experience unique in that you experienced it
Speculation drives our curious natures to question
To create
*What will inspire you today?

We should ease the squeeze we have on each other's hearts
It is difficult to breathe in here
With all of our solids gone to liquid starts
Jump the moon, hang her high
I seem to always hear hello
Hidden and heavy in your goodbye
I'll keep searching the grounds for your redemption
Digging deep
Regrets in suspension
The circle will come back full, round
Your tongue and mine dancing
To the beat of our heart's pound

I was not force fed ideas
Growing up my mom viewed us as wild flowers
Strong enough to soak up the sun in our own way
Allowing weeds to share our space
Never choking
Their chance at living just as important as our own
Guidelines were simple, still are
Respect others
Your space is precious, as is their's
Forgive transgressions
Grudges will fester
Above all
Listen
*You hear a lot more if you are not only waiting for your turn to talk

Surface relationships.
Virtual hello's.
Days without hearing a voice other than those in your head.

I do not understand how we as a species are going to survive with such space between us.

Our current society may view us as being more connected than ever.

*I feel us drifting further and further apart

Writing, although favored, is not the only medium on which I lay myself bare.


*Your sheets feel heavenly against my skin

I do not often connect well
with my rhyming poems. Even if their messages are felt deeply instead of just word play.


**They feel forced.

Seems so long ago...

       That our rings, almost dropped from your nervous hands, would have washed out into the Caribbean to be a sparkling reminder of our love at the bottom of the ocean where now only your spirit can roam.

Happy Four Years, Jeremiah.