I have thought about your soft breezes
Edging along the curve of my jaw line
Like soft snow drift whispers
While the sun sits midway
I hope to put you up with words and smiles
Swing in your mind's hammock to pass the summer day
I know no other way to show you
How even your broke down barn doors
Give me shivers
I'd even help you paint them
A fresh coat on those aged timbers
I want to breathe you in
Chase your homegrown fumes
You'd fill my jar with moonbeam sweetness
Give us a taste, won't you?
You've got this thirsty girl wanting
Down on grass stained knees
Pour us both a swallow
Share a sip with me?

You take me so high
I taste stratosphere
Sitting coldly aloof inside these midnight lungs
The deep, heavy ache of a bad drug
Better than ***, sweeter than honey
I cannot say no to that smile
Lips curving around my lace trimmed edges
Running gets me no where
Turning away leaves me numb
I just keep coming back
*One. More. Taste.

Southern, sweet like honey heart housed in Northern mountains
Flat plains saturated with cranberry bogs
I could feel your laughter
The cool, calm wind ever after
You may have been a weeping willow
Letting me pull gently at your boughs but
I could have braided you into my Valkyrie helmet
Strong wings made of courage thunder
Holding together what little you could piece together
I did not mind
We are all just raw edges one way or another
I miss your words
How they would draw and stretch my heart like taffy
Wrapping up sweet and tight what we hold so dear
The definitive search for the inevitable, the divine, the one
I only have what I saved
For with one button you didn't just fade away
You were gone

I have been led to my darkest of moments
By hallways lit with the brightest of lights

When your tears fell on that fire
Sizzling their last cry
It was a bitter sunrise
That I swallowed to gain some sort of balance
Too full now
Unable to tilt one way or the other
In the in between
I follow
Haunted by the taste of your smile's memory
My fingertips curve softly around pieces of paper
With your eyes gazing back
I would rather I could visit a grave
Then carry you around encased in stone
Those wishes of yours...leave me cold
Marble holds my warmth but not like flowers would
At least then I could feel you in their blossoms

August heat rolls in unchecked
I dab softly at my neck with a hint of Autumn whispers
Already yearning for cardamom and patchouli
Winds to blow Chai kisses my way

Many moons have passed
Since saying good-bye was all there was left between
Your fading heartbeat and my own
I dug a hole, filled it with months of sorrow
Almost drowning in the constant torrent
Winds of change blew through, turning face to sunlight
I miss you.
I will always love you.
But I must pull myself together.
You once whispered softly to me through a veil of tears
"Don't let this ruin you. Move forward and find happiness."
I am taking your advice
Creation has always been my greatest passion
I hope you will continue to inspire me Jeremiah
I am ready.

Bleeding through like milk ink art
Your eyes splash the morning with color
Cobalt, sea foam and jade
I want to paint you
Paint you with my adoration
All silky acrylics and soft oils
Sweeping across the canvas of your smile
With the brush of my tongue
My fingertips
I would add to your already glowing masterpiece

What an amazing day
For those who are Gay
A milestone long over due
Equality is universal
Should not be treated as adversal
We ALL should be happy for you

Let's go back*
Those drawn out mornings of soft light and even softer touches
Sparkling dust motes floating mid-air
A vision of perfection twisted in love drenched sheets
I could stay in bed all day
Just listening to you breathe

There is no ancient living here
No holy
Just the only
Sparking flies of fire twinkling against twilight
I breathe in the exhaled breath of late spring
Feeling full but light all in the same motion
New moon cast no shadow here but I can still see her's
Outlined by star shine the gravitational pull of the divine
That lies within us all
The rains keep falling so that the air is tangible
A dancing partner when I thought I was alone
Feet fall in squishy patterns against grass that should still be forest
I hear their call, the wildlings
Wolf howl. Dove Coo. The slithery slither of night time creatures.
Spinning in circles through the darkness
Wishing I could but take their form for a moment and run free
Break apart from the day to day pressure
Of what is expected of me
Focus on the fire fly dance
Just keep spinning

After everything I still believe in true love
I may be damaged but I remain strong, unbroken
Tepid winds have blown change into my life
Resurrected a winter heart, blossoming into spring
I miss the autumn though, the in between
When I was focusing so closely on the veins of leaves
Pieces of myself came into view that before were blurry
I know now that was being truly awake, alive, feeling it
Summer was but a dream then
Even further now due to my own coping choices
Drowning my sorrows was useless
Getting so high I could touch clouds did no good
I must feel it to heal it
Now I hurt, let it wash over and suffocate these little lungs
That used to hold the North Wind
Years later, the aftermath of near annihilation
I am sore, bruised, ravaged
Seams have changed
No longer just ragged edges
Somewhere between giving up and giving in
Hopeful (please)
Each morning I pull myself from the safety of sleep
Knowing that even there I am not completely out of reach
Nightmares bring you to me angry, lost or in pain
Bless me from time to time with smiles and warmth
Back from the dead or having never left
I wake up wet with tears of longing
Why did this all happen?
Could never be answered with a sentence or a word
It is what it is
This is what I live with
I have to feel it
To heal it

Bad news is always dreaded
Lump in my throat as I hear a voice I never thought I would get used to
The aftermath of losing a husband yet still dealing with his ex-wife
For the sake of three beautiful, full-of-hope faces that are left behind
The eldest is sunshine golden
Great at math, loves to laugh
My precious Kallie-bug
The second child, middle stuck
Kayla, she-who-creates
Is a writer, a drawer, a nurturer through and through
The youngest makes me see myself
Inquisitive, a loner but still so full of love she cannot help but shine
Sweet little Addison
Out of 3 gorgeous girls, 2 of you have been cursed
Your father's disease passed down exactly
We will have to watch you struggle, suffer, cry
I do not know what to say to you, to others
(tears in my eyes)
Besides "hope", we must be so full of it that we can feel/see nothing else
I watched your father slip through my grip
Once a towering presence of a man
Reduced to a slight few pounds drowning in hospital white
I am so thankful you had his love as a child, he was something else
Never would have wished this for you
DKC is not a disease we know well, only that it brings hell
Nor can we promise that what we can do will help
I pray with your mother to separate gods
Each of us knowing that it does not matter
Our tears mingle into one single river through hundreds of miles of cellphone tower  
I will always be here
I will fight until I can no more
My little loves

We've got it all, you know?
That sparkle swirl pull me down to the deep underground
Love like this doesn't just wash away with a heavy rain
It sinks deep into my wet wet earth and takes root in my veins
Heavy.
The emptiness I am left with when you pull away
Silences every known too-close to the speaker concert I have every been to
More than I could count
But only one of you
I have reduced passed feelings to that of the draw of drugs, of poison
One even was the flutter of angel wings
Broke down the walls, stormed and raged until I was it's willing partner
That love left me drowning in the darkest night of my life
It went on and on and on and on and on and on...still going
Even on the sunniest of days there is that shadow framing it's corners
You have become the sun though, replaced artificial I-am-ok's
With I-am-having-the-time-of-my-life (s)
Laughter comes easy, smiles too and all because of the sweetest of you
I want to sew you up close
Never let you go
Psychedelic children womp womping our fragile neurons through a summer that is heavy with the heat of our kisses
Your name curves around the bow of my lips and settles in the dip of my dimples
Just a whisper of what it starts with can get me going
Revving me up through the afternoon until my palm is flush with yours once more
I love you.
When the sun comes up.
When the lights go out.
When the flames rage.
When the waves die down.
I love you.

I have completely slipped the grip
Where there was once creation and imagination
There is dull grays and heavy blues
Stagnant.
An atmosphere who's lullaby is silence
I get angry
I thrash at blank pages
Shatter unresponsive ink onto white walls that have no recourse
Then cry
Then rage
Then cry some more
These days are wearing thin
Underneath it all I am vulnerable and raw
I need you to see that, to hear this, to know me
I want you to stop treating me like I am dry clean only

Between earth and sky
I live a lie
Upon minutes and years
I flood these tears
Down hallways and alleys
I traverse these valleys
Out of windows and screens
It remains to be seen

Soft air drifted in hushed whispers over my still form
A dormant heart, cold as concrete in mid-winter snowfall
Stutters awake to sudden life
Deep inhalation, ******* in the sunlight
Until it melts the numb core within
Wake up sweet thing, the day greats you
Eye lids flutter like tiny May Fly wings
Unsure and brand new

I burrowed down
Kept my head below the fault line
Hoping that I would go unnoticed
As a novice I had no shame in hiding
A caged beast that eventually broke free
Soon the seams of my cocoon started cracking
The edges pulling with such pain
My throat burned from the effort
I was still the only one to hear the echo
From darkened corners burst forth into blinding light
A rainbow of late spring brilliance
Reflected back in dusted delicate unfurl
I was no longer an inching segment
I was a butterfly girl

I have yet to look you in the eye
Yet I know that gaze holds a galaxy within it's depths
Swirling hues of creation mingled with the spark of the divine
*What I would not give to feel your gravity

Silence fell, the waves broke through
A whisper on soft wind
I will find a center in you
Pressure pulse beating rhythm to night time dreaming
I am left with the sobriquet
Always leaving
We are heaving, pulling moves from all directions
A solid stunt with clouds for vision
Unknowing of our fated predilections
The desire for something different, sings wild
Curved and copulate along fine lines
Dreaming bright colors vivid like a child
Urging to pull closer and keep what is within reach
Having no more power over the hours
*Than those that the stars keep

Warmed skinned
Heart of gold
In between the young
And the old
Passion burns like fire light
Within this cage I learned to fight
Life broke me down with loss
With choices
I built back up with steel
With voices
I've carried on through tears, decisions
Tender is my new found vision
I'll help you too if put to task
All you have to do is ask

Further still
Heat laced with wet silk
Lassoing isn't so easy
With hair forever unkempt and breezy
Reckless, careless, tossed to the wind
I close my eyes only to rise and fight again
Broken through the quakes, the rubble
I've got moonshine veins
Laughter like bubbles
I wrap you soft and sweet spun sugar boy
Only to fall away, this run hiding toy
You put far too much into my hints and clues
I'll be your heartbreak if you'll be my muse
A deal is a deal, sing it soft, dance slow
I want to hear it all go down
I want to be front row

You're sinking in my soul.

I approach calm
Uninvited
Yet your arms stay warm and wide
I'd rather not remember their weight
Instead I run and hide
You peel me back like banana skin
Yellow, yes, with sunshine
Please spare me words of comfort
I'd rather you stay benign
We are but two quasars
Spinning with flashing solar light
Compared to dawn and dusk
Our polarities reside with the night

You have found a way inside
Like Virginia creeper climbing walls of stone
Only to find a crack in the foundation
That allows a taste of the unknown
Uncountable words drip from honeyed lips
Knowing that my sweet tooth
Has been sorely neglected
I fall
Hard
Grasping onto your nimble vines
Lengths that bind us
Piece by piece
I could pull on your roots to no avail
Anchored deep as the gravity between star and planet
It would take a meteor the size of our fair moon
To remove me from your embrace

This will not break me
I may posses a wooden heart
Which bobs along through tempest
And calm
But you'll never find me wrecked on the bottom
Weighed down
Fighting for air

I don't know you like I used to
Dove grey haze settles
In the air, swirling slide shows between us
I catch moonlit glances of your fevered advances
Stretching the fine edge of breaking free
You shutter me
Soft light bubbles pop against the backdrop
A sudden urge to laugh rises
The heavy burden of loss carried deep
This surface isn't what it used to be
I am not the same old me

I stood silent, still
City lights and sounds rained down
Forming musical puddles all around
Eyes dart everywhere to pull it all in
Lungs working to pump it all out
Filth in the gutters
Trash in the streets
Everyone moving quickly
Business at their feet
Neon signs did buckle
Under the weight of picturesque pomp
I had no idea what I was getting into
Watching the curved lines of this city's model stomp
My colors don't belong here
Foreign, sore thumb seed
Everyone comments on bringing spring in
For earth is what they truly need
How could anyone be happy in a place
Where everyone is wearing black
I left with thoughts of open fields
Oceans against my toes
I say to myself I'll never go back
...but who knows?

Your side of the bed
Is not the same
Without you in it

She pearlized the stage
Slippery, conch shell translucent
Dancing on air it seemed
Or Venus rising from open seas
I could not break away my gaze
As her cresting form broke the waves
Rolling me under just as easily
As root torn kelp in stormy late spring

I am a whisky drinker
A moonshine slinker
I've got banjos on the brain
Unwilling to share my name
Soft and subtle with no E
Talking your ear off skillfully
Stopping to share bread with those on the road
Spreading sunshine and laughter wherever I go
Our paths will cross, I hope so indeed
May we share a jar and a story or three
Hugs are given with heartfelt intent
I hope you never know a cold winter spent
Without the hope of the warmth to come
If you need a reason I'll give you some

I am shattered lands
Tectonic plates bucking against the heated pressure
Of each word you utter
Vesuvius verses Pompeii
With gypsy tips I've got these tricks
Leaving you breathless
Panting after in great belching strides
The slightest wave of my hand
Your a step away from erupting
Steaming up my control panel
Moisture slicking the pathways between here...and here.
Blow your top honey
I've got a village for you to cover

This internal cataclysm
Incurable but I am hoping
That my mid-twenties tragedy will transform
My biological clock into a vortex
Sending me shooting forward to see that I am divine
Then back again to this impending mortality
I cannot see the future, endless
Possibilities take form in the shape of current faces, places
I often wonder if in fact I am as I claim
"OK"
Words like strong, will of iron and resilient
Pair with my story when told by others
My version is much more malleable
More like gold in the hands of Hephaestus

In a sea of faces
Your eyes would be my anchor

I hope you woke up next to sunshine
A soft smile and sleepy eyes
To greet you come morning
I hope she lights you up inside
Loves you for you
Helps you to love yourself
I hope...

Two years gone
Willow-o-the-whisp whispers
Fleeting in those final moments
Yet standing stark as limestone monuments
Now that time has passed
Many things I let slip soft as silk against your feverish skin
Hoping that they wound their way through the fog of narcotics
Finding the struggling will of your spirit
Easing your decision to soften your hold
How could I explain that your vessel was failing
You knew in the slowing of your heart
The stressed racing of mine
I could believe you smiled though your features lay lax
Last breath eased out in exhaustion
Finding peace after a well fought war
Two years gone
*I still feel you here

In the quiet light of morning
Sleepy slumber eyes
Meet my sunny, smiling gaze
Heaven is as personal as our gene structure
*This heaven is mine

My heart sleeve is tattooed and scattered
Four wind corner scars
Crisscrossing like battle lines
I've drawn in this sand of mine
The roar of your cannon's memory
Explodes loud and clear
Over the muffled cries of those that marked before you
Their leaving was more like a land mind
Blasting craters in my giving soil
That have since filled back in
Where as you hurt as Namazu would
Without Kashima to guard
*Ripping my earth apart

I suppose I have stalled confronting
The true depth, true meat of the problem
I am missing.
Not a half or a whole or a part
The me that was with you
Is gone
I begrudgingly have come to aching terms with your loss
Only to wake up silent and still
Reaching for your warmth
Not every night but some
Those that hum that certain tune
The one that reminds me of you
I most admittedly am in mad, passionate love with life
Every passing cumulus cloud
The flood of mortalities wake
I will keep jumping from great heights
Feel of the fall only eclipsed by safe landing
Feet on ground
Reaching deep to find me again
The one that can handle the sting of your loss
I do not want to forget
*Only to remember

I want to expose you
Pull out from behind static screens and caffeine
I don't want to  know you sober sugar
Only as a lover
Dipping in and out between light's fall
Light's rise
Concrete beneath never-at-home feet
Losing sand as time runs
Always in a hurry walking too slow
I catch up
Hands palm to palm
In heart to heartbeat resuscitation
I've Gypsy Blood, remember honey
Where you go
This sun drunk passion ***** follows

I would breathe deep of midnight
If only to drown in the blaze of your dawn

Rip those seams girl
You've got a leather heart
I want to taste your deepest secret
I've a mind to tear you apart

"I urge you to turn from me"
"I beg you to leave me be"

My grief is precious, pure and chosen
Heart and lung have stalled, frozen

I've got medicine for those tears of yours
You give me the time of day
I can give you laughter and more

With loving hands, soft sighs and light
He pulled the rain clouds from my sight
Vision sure, hands true
I wasn't broken, just had to choose
My smiles may come and go
But the sunshine he brings will always show

Ocean waters lap against the tickling edge of my toes
Warm, salty grooves on the airways
I cannot help but soak you in, great puddle
My veins too, acquire significant salinity
You and I are on the same page, balanced
Maiden moon pulling us both to dark depths of shadow
Then back up again to silver drenched shores
Our chemistry entwined, as one
The night holding such promise

If there were thousands of galaxies between us
I would still traverse each one *searching

Swimming amongst the stars tonight
Head drifting through the clouds
Memories of sun and summer
Kiss softly at my wintery edges
A small impatient smile widens
Into one of pure anticipation
I can almost smell the green of spring
Entwined with falling snow's perfume
I miss you
Whispered only for the ears of fireflies
Their minuscule heartbeats precious
Lighting up miles of darkness with their love
Inspiring us all to race into the woods
Igniting a wildfire of our own

All of the passion has been ripped from me
Piece by excruciating piece
Layer by sandpaper-salt-wound layer
Until all that remains
Is the hallow, numb seat of my soul
Cradling softly to my shadowed center
*The last sweet breath of you

I pulled at your edges
Soft, straight lines at first
Then thick, caterpillar fuzz spirals
Echoing into the vast expanse
Of your deep under ground
No map or metal
To shine within those dark caverns
But the deeper I traversed
I noticed a glow
Stumbling upon soul fire
Left out here in the wild
Explains your constant thirst for foreign soil under bare foot
Chasing oceans of sand
Just to drink the same vent-salted water
Our tongues entwined over powers with sweet
Feeding the high of a new sunset sky
This place inside, it is golden
True
It's holy and priceless
Completely you

I am derelict
Heaven sent
Down in the puddle
With my eyes to the sky
I'll never forget the feel of your secret silk
As it slipped through my fingers
All of the light in the world
Captured between our parting gaze
Sacred soul fire raging
Then in a whisper dying out
Lucky me I kept the spark
Enough to keep burning
Long after you have been gone

Blowing candles
Twenty and nine
The supposed last joyous year of youth
I still feel 12

Many sorrows
Many great blessings
Ribbon together in bright May pole colors
This beautiful weaving of my life
I wear it close, this art work
For even the tiniest of words
Have effected it's pattern

*Our age should mean no more than acquired wisdom
Like fine wine we sip on memories
I am no different
A toast to you Birthday Girl
Make a wish for me

Our relationship with the Earth
Can be defined by two choices
Parasitic or Symbiotic
We choose to be fleas
*Why not choose to be Pilot fish?