Deep sighs at day break*
Our heated surface no match for the inferno inside
Raging for the ache of your dark touch
Sweat slicks already lubricated flesh
I curve into the muscled wall of your chest
Closer
I need it
I need you
Appalachia shadows criss cross fogged windows
Penetrating stories written along their dewed edges
I writhe beneath your whispers of
"Come for me"
Body bowed, tight like violin strings
Played by expert, elegant fingers
Shudder. Surrender
The seat of my soul flooding with pleasure, with release
Request granted

I feel you in subtle trickles
At times a deluge
Words fall not on deaf ears
Just softly
The push and pull is palpable
Silky surfaces greeting imagined rough hands
You are used to dirt beneath their edges
Both are carried by the sounds of little feet behind us
Echoing the future of our old age
Trepidation lingers in the air between our breaths
If only we were more like moon shine
Straight forward
Less like skittish ponies

Rough edges shape their calluses to my own
We bite softly at first
Tasting shadowed limitations
Deeper flavors blossom wet and dark along thirsty tongues
I need closer
To render you tearful, speechless
Peel back each layer then climb inside
Saturating my parched surface
With the dewy fabric of your subconscious mind
Ebony pupils widen into the spalunking expanse of my own
I could explore your depths for a lifetime
I would still be left wanting

At least it was springtime
I whisper to myself as he eases into the unknown
Such a strong man, a quiet man
My grandfather no longer suffering
Another gentle soul these hands have helped
Continue on this journey of "being"
No longer human
Scattered amongst the in between
You are loved
You will be missed
Rest in Peace

Rose petals like love letters crinkle around well loved edges
The sweet scent of their memory still saturates my senses
I miss you more than I could ever articulate
Each nerve ending longs for just a whisper, a touch
Occasionally I stumble across old recordings of your beautiful voice
Now only in dreams do I witness
Soft movements, tender touches
Waking with aches and pains that only you could ease
A well painted visage fits perfectly over the sadness
Aglow with sunlight and smile veneer seals solid with coarse tears
I keep hidden what I cannot hide

I am thirsty
Calm waters, bubbles galore
Swallow fast
Sip it slow
Picking raspberries in late June
Warm juices running along ****** fingertips
On the cusp of homemade wine season
I cannot get enough
Stained mouth hungry for more
Along my lip's edges I can taste your smile
Sunshine light with a hint of bright
I want to drink with you
Share with you
Get loose and fuzzy
Ready to fill your cup with more
Swinging away in breezy hammocks
Drunk on each other
Drunk on summer

We grew up strong in sunlight
Our Mother, earthen goddess, shown like dawn in springtime
Wild flowers basking in her warmth
I have never felt such love
Through the hardest of times
The finest of lines
She loved us without judgement
As age progressed and we distressed
Only fine wine could compare her
We are blessed to know such beauty
I am the woman I am today because of you

Let us whisper into the coming darkness
Full moon tonight spreading out consciousness
They say it can drive a sane man mad
I feel it's weighted pull against my thoughts
Pearlescent glow outlines the heated relief of your skin
As calloused fingertips ring giggles from the edges of mine
We play, you say, like children
Wrestling with pillows, our inhibitions
Until there is nothing left but heartbeats and feathers
Crowding around us as witnesses to completion
*I hope we will always be this close

I could tell you that I miss you
Guitar string twang heart throb
I would be singing truths
These mountain tops, their inhales never stop
Pulling in what I give then blowing out through spiral spun honey hair and budding trees
Early spring has me humming little bees lapping up your nectar
Hot coffee in the morning reminds me of steamy midnight windows
Curled up next to your memory mid-winter
Keeping the wolves at bay
Now the bogs are calling to bright sunny days
And the only thing I'm guilty of is asking you to stay

Shedding layers like crusted tundra
Equal parts bright and shade
Alternate to spread shadow or give light
With ragged edges I start to rip at weak seams
I am but many parts
Some of those gone soft, rotten
Hungry to pull away at them
Strip bare of every bruised surface
Moonlight cleansing sweet silver
Like holy water to the ******
Painful but necessary
I am reborn

My fingers itch to coast along your sensitive tips
Each sigh and tremor enough to make me remember
What spring sunlight feels like
After a long, dark winter

Maraschino cherry red sun rays cut through pre-dawn shadows
I lay dormant in dream state
Limbs waking up to the vision of juicy starburst colors
Dancing across my pale gray walls
I stretch languidly with whispers of "good morning" coming from each molecule
The first of March three years later and I still ache
No amount of yoga, running, sweat or tears could ease the soreness
I get overwhelmed, stay in bed, retreat from sound
There is no running from the memory of your voice
Realizing that I did not want to was a journey
I prefer the echo to the silence
I trade the shadow for the light

The echo of his fingertips
Resonates through cyber cerebral tinsel bright ends
I sigh into the lengthening shadows
Knowing that with each minute gone
Another day has passed that I don't know the weight of those echos
I know only of their missing

Glitter falls from pregnant clouds
Giving birth to light amidst midnight
January blooms ice tipped, gorgeous
The face of silver moon on dark landscape

I am compelled to lay it all out
***** laundry bleached, sun dried
Phased moon
Waxing, waning, new, full
A constant reminder of our will to change
Inherent ability to shine as much light
Or cast as much shadow
On our faults as we choose
Enter police interrogation lamp
I...am selfish
I lie
I steal
I supplement dealing with emotions with chemical relief
Often responsibilities lie unfulfilled
Compliments make me uncomfortable
I need to learn to let go
I look at myself too long in the mirror
I enjoy *** to the point that it has made my partners less confident
I procrastinate
My heart will always ache for someone I cannot have
I allow others to take advantage of me
A short list in comparison for all that I have to atone for
Yet I remind myself every day
I am only human
As are you

We used to celebrate together
The occasion of our close births
Cause to throw one hell of a party
Now I must go alone in our revelry
The edges water colored with wistful wishing
That you were here to help blow out all of these candles
I miss you in every little way
Jeremiah, Happy Birthday

30 years now I've been here
A drop in the bucket
A lifetime full
Realizing that the majority of my 20's
Have been spent loving and caring
For those who's hands have been helpless
Plans laid out that I drew blueprints for
Coming together in squeeze tights ends
I need to learn to let go
Blowing out candles one by one
Each their own silent wish
A milestone reached
*Happy Birthday to me

We project the shallows
In the hopes that you will
Let us hide from the shadows
Of the deep

The day it is a waning
Long streams of soft blue, deep violet
Ozone veins carrying the wakeful into sleep
I peak now
Eyes bright with moonlight
Stars dancing brilliantly against ink black anti-matter pools
I would go out drifting tenderly amongst those memories
Even if their edges tear apart from gravity
The knowing would suffice
Come dream with me 3am wanderers
Let the cushion of the unseen comfort
Sore spots that we no longer urge to heal

He ripped it open
He pulled it tight
Softness eluding
Absorbing light
He escaped in mourning
He swiftly returned
Partially healed
Mortally burned

I once had the secret to letting go
Now I find it hard to slip my grip
Even oil-slicked let me downs
Impossibly stick fast to shaking fingertips

I have holes in my favorite pajamas
Wearing out everything I love

Parallel we run our course
Only difference in choice
You may say it is the scenery
Or how you see
When in the midst of knowing
We know nothing and all

Seeing it clearly again
The falling of a feather
Is enough to break even the strongest
When all weighed together

Inch by careful inch
Whittling painfully away
What little I had left
To fight another day

Words no longer flow easy
No rain here to fall
Just dry sandy pastures
Burying it all

It was not until I was forced to taste the shades of gray
Lying like a death shroud across your face
That I truly embraced the full spectrum
Of every other color

There is breath here
Still
Full of silent
Mornings silent nights
Looking
Glass half-full half-empty
Handed
A Love beyond wild edges
Made
Too sharp to catch my fall

Yet I stand these tests of strength
Weathered the devastation
Share stories of our struggle
Never really losing the acidic taste of failure
The burn of letting go
How do I not feel guilty?
Even knowing I gave my all
It wasn't enough
Played out in such a way that nothing could have been

*I still had more to give

I know it is not my place
Yet I read your work and cannot help but wonder
Can you see yourself the way I do
Not just a mess. A horrible person
With honey in their words
Acid on their tongue
Dreams of neverwhere dripping like leaky faucet lips
I cannot help but want to fix with a wrench

There is gold in them hills, he says
Gazing whistfully at her peaks and valleys
So he's going digging
Chipping happily away at each new glittering curve he discovers
She watched on in giggling, sunlight type wonder
Curious if he shall ever be satisfied
For he was of a thirsty nature
One for white lightening
Another for the metallic shine
Of her lace-edged divine

I once blushed golden on a blue watered beach
As the minister held out rings for us to share
Each had it's own meaning for the other
Each heart's deep love laid bare
Those same eternal circles now rest quiet
On ceramic lily pad made especially to hold
Vivid memories of your hand in mine
Happy Anniversary my love, in whispers softly told

I was made to weather the storm
First steel frame constructed with intent
Then mold carved in alabaster with curves to make even a blind man sigh
I have never turned away from a challenge
The closest thing to sand and stone
In me are love and fear
One, if allowed, can wear you down
The other stop you cold
Neither have hindered my great regard for growing
For learning
Both have left their mark in my eyes
Still smiling even after the light has dimmed
My frailties are not on display
You will never see me begging at your door for scraps
I know how to forage, I know how to hunt
Table set by my own hands

Steampunk grind me down kind of heart
Pulsing static cling through bones that ache and groan
Coming alive again, the feeling of awake
I pull cobweb crochet hand-me-downs from eyes that even still find the light too cumbersome
Squint, pull the rusted hood back over and sleep once more
The struggle is real
Mind like a coal factory belching dust and debris
Keep shoveling, shoveling until it rages into an inferno
Only then will it not stay quiet
No found fuel has yet to ease this hunger for something...more
Lost amongst wave after wave of heat, knocking me down
Slipped grip fingers and toes gone haywire
Workers on strike

When cool winds shift from South to North
I feel you in my bones
A heart escaped this hypochondriac
Even if it is true that something just isn't quite whole
Sea salt rusted pump, sizzle
A cradle for the bawl of humankind
I hold it tight to shattered rib
Breathing in what I hope is starlit dust divine
Know this though, be wary  
She spins like a drunk bumble bee
Will sting you if touched
These eyes see much more than she
For in them they hold a clearer view
Ill abused, you lunged too soon
Another heartbreak for you
I cannot say nor have I way of healing that fresh wound
Seems to me like salt and sea are all a man could need
Racing around mountain ledges (knees raw and skin red)
Sunshine lover I would call you down
Gladly share your bed
You say I am too soft, too wrinkled
Worn down from loss's toll
I know better now than to lose my temper
When all I have ever really wanted was a hand to hold

Don't let this blue sky in my eyes fool you
There's thunder in my heart
Lightening in my lungs
Rain pours in sheets from fingertips
That long to soak the thirsty plains of your skin

I would say I have been blessed
Also put through the ringer
Had I raised my voice
Could have been a sultry sway singer
Regrets pile high in unopened letters
No longer reading between their lines
Eyes closed, spun sugar summers
Falling dizzy giggles with deep sighs
I soak up your words, took notice
Your sore and tired with a taffy pulled heart
Mine holds secrets I dare not share
I wouldn't even know where to start

I would like to say that our parting was just sweet
No sorrow
I must admit differently against the secret dark hours
Whispers holding the shape of your hallowed name take form
Merely caressing our true connection
Distance. Time. Neither hinder
This intense passion that still lingers in every beat of my aching heart
Ravenously reading your every slipped word
I wonder if even between lines one or two are just for me
A gypsy heart longs to wander
Roam each peak and fjord in search of feeling
Even Skathi's January chill cannot bank this fire inside of me
Burning ever brighter for you
Lay me down gentle but pull me hard, unyielding
Your Nordic blessed eyes speak volumes  
Devouring.
Warrior curved mouth against soft, blushing skin
I want to know what it feels like to be loved by you
Giggles, childhood memories, deep sighs into the wee hours
*What I would not give

I may not be able to feel my fingers
The words still flow.

The best of intentions
Often lead to broken hearts
Hope graveyards
The memory of warmth
Ghost arms to hold us

Twisted sheets, mind on stutter
Unable to sort through this midnight clutter
Put it away for tomorrow
But what to do with my gnawing sorrow?
I circle soft blue on color book pages
Hoping the repetition eventually assuages
The raw edged reality of lonely dark hours
Filling the void with Crayola flowers

I paint by candlelight
Soft glow on even softer strokes
Bringing me to a time when softness was all I knew
Sitting before a blank canvas, the rhythmic breathing before giving birth
I have not been blessed with such creation but as a woman, I know
Creamy edges twist pictures, a kaleidoscope of color
High mountain mothers with cool, starlit-sparkle brooks flowing
Gray wolves howling from their peaks
Sweep across this space in deep green wonder
Blazing, heart-of-fire crimson sunsets
Rich and brilliant, coming to bright life in the darkness
Then fading into shadowy white pull of half-moon silver
Charcoal, violet, deepest black
Ink stains across a lonely sky
My heart beat stutters in memory
Trembling hands pull the flame closer in hopes to bring warmth
For shades of winter glaze my vision over with ice, with cold
Spectacular cyclic formations stabbing through the tendons of my fingertips
The chill a stark reminder that I paint like Hel
Half in darkness
Half in light

Lay me out half naked
Cells truly see-through show a different shade
When they sizzle
Soaking up the great Ra
Thirsty for Atum's kiss
Teasing the just-below-the-surface urge to start running
I'll pick up like my Romani ancestors
Follow the warmth that ensures
Tomorrow will be ever sunny
I may have been born mid-winter
But I hope I always crave the sea
Eyes frostbitten blue before turning to whiskey amber
Breaking free under full moon silver
Still dreaming of my mother's ocean
Knowing that it swells inside of me

Summer strips
Fading slowly into Fall's fantastic wardrobe
Of chill kissed edges
Burgundy so rich you can drink of it deeply
Flaming orange who's heat you can still feel
Corn stalks as high as my daddy's shoulder
Who's height I crooked neck at to gain eye contact as a child
They sway gentle in late August breezes
I dance to the melody of their ripe harvest call
Apples hang heavy on juice laden branches
September slides down my chin like July watermelon
Both leave a 6-year-old's grin
And the knowing that soon all will be sleeping
Naked at midnight in January
Frost forming on lit windows
I wish I too could hibernate

Age old age old the golden rule is true
However I would alter it a little
To say "Do better unto others than they unto you"
You may find that you will be taken advantage
Used and abused
Do not let this bruise your spirit
For it is not only hope but you that you will lose

I have always been a giver, a maker, a wisher
Spilling out golden sunshine where ever I go
Lucky in love, zesty with life
I wear my happiness like a coat of rainbows
That's not to say I have not had my days
Where clouds threaten to smother
I just blow them away with what wind I have saved
Hopeful tomorrow will not see their cover

Don't send me home crying
Tears in my eyes, wet face
Feeling lost on the long drive back
I would rather leave angry
With half moons dug into my palms
A plan forms to pull it all back together
I can handle rage

There are worse things I could do
Then fall for a battered heart or two
My mind gets lost in their confused translation
Are you in for the long haul or a short gestation
I do not mind soothing the ache for a while
Just as long as when you leave, you leave with a smile

Wham Bam Thank you, Ma'am
Has never really sat well inside this vessel
Toeing that ever chalked Georgia peach line
We are but passing ships in harbor
Your vaulted sails much more impressive
When full of all that hot air
Once out of range of my compass
The needle spins towards greener pastures
Where I get freckles in the sunshine
But you will never kiss them from over there
Tasting the sweet sweet deep of an Appalachia summer
Muscles ache to leap off of Bear's Den from Skyline Drive
Spread wings and soar above the highest peak
Replace this hollow that has grown thick with ditch ****
Clear it out to welcome something colorful
Someone bold
A healing kind for me

You have not posted since mid-year of 2014
I search your name with bated breath
Hoping to see something new that I was  not privy to
Your fingertips have not been idle
Their vibrations sending morse code
Through the miles of separation
That always seems to span between us

Just keep on keeping on
This rickety frame will too
Collapse is eventual
Not always up to you
I suppose there in lies the beauty
Of not really knowing day to day
What around the corner holds for us
Perhaps we'll fade into the shade
Now I was raised by a wild hearted woman
Who taught me how to listen to wind song softly
Close whispers, their hidden melodies
Led my colors out more than often
I hung myself in trees
A hopeful wanderer
Trecked honey rich valleys
Always on the search for...something
Until knowing it was the search itself
In which case I will never be through
Scattering petals from one end to the other
You'll stand in wonder, curious as to who
Could hold such a creature
Maybe even you

Little viking hallow
Sharp turns and horns of arctic white
You stole through me like Valhalla thunder
A lightening flash to burn this bright
Odin's rough touch never felt so good

Saturated with midnight's palette  
I cloak myself in darkness
Moonlight tells the tale of too many dawns spent wishing for twilight
Every time I close my eyes I can still see your colors
Bourbon honey, the golden burst of your striated iris
Greek god glow, soft skin that reached for mine
Autumn's Burning Bush, our heated mouths, braided gums, eager tongues
Winter is tolerated
Varied other states of "now", avoided
This is the suspension of my grief
You lose a lover due to your choice or theirs
Possibility continues to grow between you
(one never knows until one does)
You lose a heart beat to silence
Hope only continues on for those left behind
(if the broken can piece back together)
That once promising soil now home to a bare spot in my garden
I still water your first phase flower
Knowing that I must preserve sufficiently
Color belongs with you
Shadows, with me

Unrestrained
Summer sweat slick skin sliding
Urgent
Homemade wine lubricating the distance
Between our whispering mouths
I want you
Cowboy boots knocking sideways shimmy
So ready for your deep sighs
To set my hips a dancing
This is late night country twang duos  
Heart beat rhythms speed up like humming bird wings
Drinking deep of soft *** nectar
Eyes roll back in mid-moan wonder
Close now to seeing early morning fireworks
Fog rolls in over high peaked mountains
I am right there with them
Dewy. Dawn kissed.
Strung tight like guitar string strumming  
This body's melody hums in tune with you