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tonight i
lost it a little
and it's not even night
it's morning
just to be clear

start over...

this MORNING
i
lost it a little
and i don't know
how to be better

i talked at a white shining light
on my computer
i vented
at a webcam
for thirty minutes
and i looked myself in the face
and tried to tell me it'd be alright
but the words choked me
and i couldn't
get them out

and im not trying to be an overdramatic
*******
a whiner
or a ****** kid
i just have abandonment issues
and cutting
and wantingtodietoomuch
issues
and i feel like everyone is biding their time
waiting
to leave me
and i feel like
i can't sew up the child-sized holes
in my dad's heart

and it's ******* father's day
and i can't even do that
i can't ******* replace
the nine other kids
that should be here
i can't make up for that
i am just
one person
one daughter
and i cannot make my daddy
better
and i
hate
it

happy
*******
father's day
i can't make anything better. i can't even make me better. but i have to stick this **** out so my family isn't destroyed again.
Mother dearest jumped the gun,
Thought she found the chosen one
In the reflection of an eager bride
Who looked too deep and died inside.
Bang bang,
Mary shot her down
And plucked the thorns from off her crown,
Aphrodite got too close
And lost her face beneath the smoke.
Time has never looked so sultry
As when she falls from noon with a nosebleed.
Mother Nature lost her mind
Trying to pacify humankind.
Ashes ashes, there's nothing real
When all that is, lives to be concealed.
So bury me beneath the ground,
Next to those who also drowned
In something of a sordid tune,
The funeral can never come too soon.
Helen brought her face of gold
Plastered in cement, frozen cold-
For, who we are isn't what it seems
And nightmares are but twisted dreams.
Wake me up so I can feel
The bitter pang of all that's real.
Momma has gone and leaped again
Deep into the lions den,
Down and down her figure drops
Until all at once, everything stops,
Torment has yet to look as docile
As when it rests upon her heavy smile.
So prepare my casket and let it sink
While I loosely cascade off the brink.
Put on your mask
and face the world
don't need to worry
the person hidden underneath
wear your mask again
as you come home from work
people wouldn't know
you'd just lost your work

the mask covers your eyes
hide the telling eyes
and tell no one you'd been hurt inside
your mask is the smile
that covers your pain
who will know behind that charming smile
your heart cries , hoping you're still sane

secrets are not to be revealed
you know the rules and the risk
so you put on a smiling face
keep silent and smile
you masked your misery
on the pretext you're happy
hidden behind lies after lies
the truth is doomed to fade

again you love to hide behind your mask
thinking  its the only way to survive
denying one day...
one day... you'd be unmasked
Another night without you,
morning come and you're gone.
Where are you,
in a world filled with hatred and war.
I hope you're somewhere safe,
somewhere much more inviting.

Children with their fathers,
hand in hand,
laughing until they can laugh no more.
And I sit alone,
quietly watching them with the fear
that I will never see my daddy again.

I've cried all my tears,
I haven't laughed for the whole year.
There's not a day I don't think about you,
or a day I don't miss you.

Maybe, someday,
we will meet again.
In an afterlife
with so much more joy than this one.

But I hope you'll recognize the broken girl I've become,
with scarred wrists and teared eyes.
I'm not the happy child I was when you left,
I'm something much darker.

It's not a happy Father's Day for the fatherless.
-k.k.
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village, though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
You
You are a better person
Than you think you are.
You push me away,
So things don't go too far.
They say, "If you love someone,
Set them free."
That is the greatest gift
You could give to me.
You deserve to be loved
In a special way too.
But I'm not sure anyone
Is good enough for you.
Not true or personal, just a poem about this situation.
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