there once was a young girl with green eyes
who wore her soft blond hair
in braided pigtails

at the age of seven,
she watched her older sister
stand in front of the mirror before school
and pinch her stomach with a disgusted face
          neither of them ate breakfast that morning

at the age of nine,
she watched her older brother
make fun of a girl with glasses
for reading on the bus
          she went home and hid all her books in the attic

at the age of twelve,
she watched the older girls at school
with straight hair and short skirts
put makeup on in the bathroom
and discuss how boys would only like you
if you looked perfect, like them
          the next day she arrived with red lips, short shorts, and no braided pigtails

at the age of fourteen,
she watched her father hit her mother for the first time
her mother cried when she saw her standing in the doorway
and told her daddy didn't mean it
          the next year, she told herself that her boyfriend didn't mean it, either

at the age of sixteen,
she was paper thin and empty
with straight blond hair, red lips,
purple flesh, and lifeless green eyes
          while staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror,
          she thought to herself "at least i'm normal."

two words.
two syllables.
two people madly in love.

twenty fingers.
twenty toes.
twenty thoughts racing through her mind.

two legs.
two arms.
two hearts beating in unison.

this is the story of a love
so strong and pure.

she loved to smile,
but didn't get to often.

he loved to laugh,
but no one told a joke.

together, a perfect unity.
apart, a perfect tragedy.

forever sometimes falls
a tad short.
forever sometimes gives
false hope.

forever is a long, long time.
but its fine,
ill spend it all with you , she said.

he uttered a few words,
lets just be happy right now,
no rush.

she gave him everything
and he took out the trash
when he was done.

she was alone.
and he had put her there.

his guilt was nonexistent
and her misery was apparent.

this was not the boy from the start,
it was a troubled soul
and all he wanted was a notch.

she was close to death,
emotionally,
physically, she was scarred.

he found her and asked her name.
he loved her and gave a ring.

three years.
three words.
three syllables.

i love you.

you saved me.
xoxoxox

when you put your pajamas on
before getting into bed.

She put on her make-up, her dress and her watch
She pulled up her socks and put up her hair
And in her hair, she placed the umbrella

The small green umbrella
had at first been a joke.
There in her cocktail
on their very first date.
He had taken it from the ice,
setting it above her left ear.

She walked out the door, down the driveway, to the car
She pulled out from the drive, and into the street
And in the rearview mirror, she caught the umbrella

She had worn it on each
of their dates after that.
Through all the long years.
Through all the happiness,
and sometimes the fights.
It always kept them connected.

She entered the building made of soft colored stone
She met with the nun, who helped her with the practice procession
Through her walks down the aisle, the sister noticed, but didnt ask, about the umbrella

She had worn it the night
that he had proposed,
just as she would
on the day they would wed;
and the next ten years after that.

She saw more cars pull up, more friends and family arrive
She met with them all, and spoke with them softly
They were all accustomed, of course, to the fifteen year old, faded, umbrella

Ten years after the wedding
she still had the keepsake.
She had even been wearing it
on the most tragic of days.
The day of the accident,
the one she survived.

So she walked down the aisle, and arrived center stage
She smiled at the calm face of the man that she loved
She then reached up to her hair, and inside his casket she placed

The Small Green Umbrella

You come into my life
Again
Unannounced
Random
Unwanted
After I have finally begun to heal

And you open the wound back up
Tearing
Pulling
Prying
Hurting me as you go
Not a word spoken

Just the sight of you leaves me feeling scared
Horrified
More than just a little paranoid.

What if you try to hurt me again?
You frighten me
Make me sick
Nauseous
The rank smell
The vile taste
Of *****
Making my insides cringe

You used to be there
In the innermost part of me
Physically, mentally, emotionally
You had every part of me.

It’s your fault.  You, who claims he knows nothing of what he did.
“I swear, I never meant to hurt you, I’m sorry.”
*******!
You aren’t sorry.  You know what you did. How could you not?  

You know you nearly killed me with your words
That flow from your mouth
Uncontrollable
Like a raging river of lies and deceit
Untrustworthy is what you are

Is what you mean to me
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing. Not even a stranger. For I would treat
a stranger better than you.
An animal better than you
A pile of feces better than you

You are the lowest of the low
You ask me to be your “friend”

No.  you don’t know the meaning of the word
How dare you try to corrupt that blessed status
You selfish, evil, conniving, *******.

You can burn in Hell. In the deepest darkest parts where brimstone is so strong it engulfs you in a whirlwind of unpleasurable, rank, decaying, vile smells and tastes.
That is where you belong.
That is where you will stay
In the blacked out part of my memory, where I wish we had never happened

And I hope on day you will realize what you did
And die.

I dream about you.
Do you know how rare that is, how taxing, how emotional?
Or do you just expect me to be here, always, waiting for you
Refusing to let my life move on when we both know
We both know that there’s nothing left of you
That it’s time to let you go.
 
No matter how many ships we could sail together
How many stars we wished upon
How many times we said goodbye, hello, goodbye
Is there really anything left, is there, is there
All my memories of you disappeared, replaced by new memories
Of a life without you in it.
 
“Do you still sing?” the cat asks the bird
“Even though you
You’re stuck in a cage where I can’t get to you, get to you”
The bird doesn’t reply
He doesn’t have the will to anymore
He doesn’t have the will, the will
 
Is it a bad thing to say I don’t miss you?
Even though how much we’ve been through, so much

And all I can do is see you sometimes
Sometimes, growing fainter, fainter
Only in dreamland?
“Will you still sing,” the cat asks the bird
“Even though I don’t want you to?”
 
Can you hear me
Can you hear, hear me
In dreamland?
"Can you still sing?" the cat meows comfortably, bored.
 
And all I can do is wonder where the words went
And realize that they were there all along.

"Don't lie.  There are no lies here."
Outforth bursts a song like no other.
It’s only a simple phrase I need to say
Even though I just wasted two hundred and forty-four words
On a cause that was lost awhile ago.

The tendons in my fingers stretching,
Stretching like they never have before, because there’s no form here
There’s no will, want
Assumption, annihilation, amplification
Do you wear flannel still?
Or are you stuck in hospital scrubs?
I think I’ve exhausted all my questions.

"I give up," the cat states, walking off, tail swinging in the air.
The bird sits quietly
And sits
And waits
And says nothing.
 
Three hundred and sixty-three words now
And all I meant to say was goodbye.

He told you
He wants you to be sluttier.

If he loved you
Like you want him to
Like you love him
He would
Never
Even
Think
About asking you to change.

Why can't you see?

He's ruining you.

He eats at your soul like an earthworm
hollowing things out in there

He's done it to girls before.

Why can't you see?

He's using you.

Why can't you see?