I can't stop thinking about you
I still love you
I can't stop loving you
I wish I didn't think of you.
You treated me like absolute ****
I should never go back
Never give you another chance.
But I can't shake it.
I cannot get rid of the feeling.
You are ever present.
I gave you a piece of my heart
   And I never took it back
   I don't want it back
       I want you back.
I want you to apologize
I want you to come home
I want to hug you
I want to wake up to you
I want to hear you
I want to love you.
I do love you
   I can't shake it.
Please help us both
   Please come home.

FOUR YEARS
You've asked me to wait FOUR YEARS
FOUR YEARS for you to do what you want
FOUR YEARS for me to play along
FOUR YEARS to love you from afar
Well guess what, it's ******* hard

And I'm just your dog?
That waits for your return?
Oh she'll always be there
It's fine, she's mine
YOU DON'T OWN ME
NOT EVEN MY LOVE
I can give that to WHOMEVER I PLEASE

And those days when you don't accept me
When you argue with my choices
And counter my opinions
I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL MIND
You do too
So just let them be beautiful together

STOP CLOSING YOUR ******* THOUGHTS
OPEN YOUR HEART
LET THE BREEZE TOUCH YOUR SOUL
GET BLOWN SOMEWHERE
AND JUST ENJOY THE RIDE

four years...
four years
   and a hell of a lot of tears

I haven't wrote about you in a while
Because I prefer to push it down
With others,
The feelings and urges are so obvious
But with you I don't know
You're like a memory
That now tempts me as an image
And a voice
Just a memory
Flickering into my reality
Only ever so often
Ha
Will you ever actually come back?
I can't live my life waiting
You're living your dream
I hope you're happy
That's all I ever want
Happiness
For you
And for me
If they coincide - great
If not
We'll learn to go on

I'm not ready
I am so not ready
I'm not ready because I'm scared
I'm scared to feel
I don't want to see you
Because I'm scared
Of what I'll feel when I see you
I like being alone
I've really grown to it
I'm scared
I don't know
I don't know if
I need you to show me
You taught me what love was
But now I can't remember
And I'm not sure
I want to try again
I'm so scared
My heart isn't ready
My soul isn't ready
If it was out of love
   Yes, the pain is worth it
So is our love strong enough?
You have 8 days
To make me know

Did you know
   then,
That every time
   you,
Called me
  sweetheart,
That one day
    you,
Would stop talking to me?

I can't decide
   where I went wrong
But then I realize:

   I didn't.

   You did.

But then I'll listen to a song...
And I'll want nothing more...
Than to pull you in -
And kiss you hard.
Kiss you as hard as you hurt me.

It was real
And you got scared
But I'd hold you hand
If you'd hold my gaze.
Days and days
   they go by
Sit and think
   and wonder why.
How I let myself fall so hard
How I let myself believe
How I let myself think
You wouldn't leave.
Ha!
You were a dream
And I was a game.
Don't come back
   But come again.

I've grabbed your necklace
Wrapped it through my fingers
Pulling it
Pulling you
Closer to me.
The metal's cool touch
Sweet to my chest
That usually sits on yours
Gives me a shock.
Doesn't shock me awake
Just shocks me deeper
Making all of me
Invest in the sensation
In every sensation
You're giving me.
Your necklace.
Cool to the touch
Light to the soul.
Making me want more
Which you give me.
All it takes
Is a grab of your necklace
Pulling us down
Even deeper than before.

And now I ask you
To fade away
Into a distant memory
Making me question
If we were
ever
      even
             real

You don't care.
I've always been a game.
You had your fun
Because you won
And now you don't want to play again.

And here I sit.
Puzzle disassembled,
My pieces scattered.
I'm waiting for you
To come back.
To come play again.
Please come back...
I'll let you win

When I think of your face
Of that face that you make
Of the face you make
Between kisses we take
It sends me a shock
A shock down my body
Electric love
Gives me shivers and shakes

I wish you lived here
In the moment
With me

I would wake to your eyes
looking down into mine
and ask
"is this real life?"
You'd smile and hug me close
muscles tightening around
with a response
"I can't believe it either."

Your eyes
Read defeat
Because for the first time
Youre giving in
By opening your heart
And letting me in.

Your eyes,
I could see
Straight through
To your soul
And at the bottom
Lay the innocence
You have left.

Don't squint so much.
You have beautiful eyes.
And when you look at me,
A beautiful soul.

I'd like to live in music
Which is why I dance
It's the closest I can get
To feeling like a song

And suddenly...
I feel used.
You said what I needed to hear
And I gave you what you wanted.

My favorite place
Is between you and a wall
While I'm in your arms

Love is so cosmicly terrifying

I'd like to say it's guilt that's eating me alive
But it's desire.
It's desire of every part of you.

I want your eyes to be mine.
The window to your soul
Let me clean them until they shine
Your eyes in mine
Your eyes in mine.
I don't like it when you squint,
(Actually, that's a lie)
I just want to see you
But sometimes direct contact
Is too much to handle.

Your heart that beats
To it's own darling drum
Let my heart match the tempo
Or we could make our own.

Back to your eyes,
The window to your soul
When your eyes are in mine,
Darling we know.
It's like a portal
Or a tunnel of sorts,
Your eyes in mine,
Time they contort.
Time they contort,
And our visage too,
When your eyes are in mine
All that matters is you.

Every single part,
Every last detail
Of the person you are,
And the story you hold.
Let's write it together
We could fill shelves
with books and books
of love never told.

It's so easy
To find my hand in yours
It's so easy
To let you hold me
It's so easy
To tousle your hair
Know why?
Because I care.

I care as much as you
I asked you
   and you feel it to
You said it's incredible
It gives you a high
But it's all for nothing
I'm sorry...sigh.

When I think of you
I see light.
The light of your golden hair,
Blowing in the wind.
When I think of you
I see bright.
The bright of your white smile,
Shining on us all.
When I think of you
I see strength.
The strongest body and mind,
You are one of a kind.
When I think of you
I see us all.
I see everything we want to be,
I see all the things we'd like to feel.

Your eyes tell me:
Even though we never knew you,
You know us.
You can see us.
And most days,
You're smiling at us.

You are truly an angel,
A blessing through and through.
Only bright memories
Are left of you.
You are truly an angel,
Made of the sweetest soul.
I'd like to thank you for everything
Here, I'll give it a go:
For your love,
   Your beauty and your grace,
For your children,
   Your touch and embrace,
For your strength,
    Your compassionate heart
I could go on for hours...
   But that was a start.

My parting words to you my dear,
Before you rest
  that I'd like you to hear:
Sweetest soul
Now up above
That you for showing us
Life and love.

I got really sad today while sitting on my futon.
Why?
Because I thought: Gabi was sitting right here two days ago ago. And I wasn't hugging her.

Wouldn't it be neat
If I didn't cry this time?

Wouldn't it be cool
If he didn't have to leave?

I miss you already
and I was just in your arms

I miss you already
because my love,
   You're gone.

God bless true love
God bless us for trying

I could listen to love songs
In your memory
In our memory
  Every night
  Till sleep

We laugh but's it not funny
we giggle but it's not cute.
**** hurts
and cuts burn.

I miss you
Come home.

I'd like it to stop now

I'd like to be done

Ive decided I don't like hurt

I've decided that you burn

Those years ago
I thought you healed me
Closed away my anxiety.
I thought I needed you.
You told me you need me.
But I'm not your dog
I don't live for your pleasure.
Yes, I used to
But I think I've found clarity.
I can't live
With how you love me
I don't love
How you live with me.
I feel like we're not living at all
As I wait all day for one call.
But where the **** are you?
I DON'T KNOW.
You've broken my trust
Yet you still run the show.
What are our lives?
I wish I could love you tonight.
I WISH YOU WERE HOME
I WISH I WASN'T ALONE.
You've left me alone
You've left me wondering
    What is home?

Remember me
when you look at the stars
and think that
At least we have those in common

Remember that
I'll love you
For as many lifetimes over
As there are stars

Some things to think about
After I leave you

"I never should have let you
   Let me go"
-Rufus Humphrey

Bless the love in your heart
Bless the love in the world

Bless the love that burns brightly
Bless the love that never dies

To see beauty break
Makes you *******
And feel as if
You should be breaking too

I make myself forget
How much I miss you
Because if I'd let myself remember
I would be in constant pain
Writhing on the ground
Covered with tears.
I miss being happy with you.
God I miss you.
Jesus...I miss us.

It's the day you left
Im watching your car drive away
Yellow fading into the distanve
And I'm collapsed in the grass
Alone.
Our voices still linger in the air
I stare to the sky
And try not to feel.
But I can't help myself
And I start gasping.
Because I know what's beginning.
I know the hell we're about to go through.

IT'S UNFAIR
That two people
Can love like we do
And feel euphoria through a touch
Or even a glance
IT'S UNFAIR
Because the universe has dammed us
It gave us a flame like none other
IT'S UNFAIR
That we can't be together
IT'S UNFAIR
I don't get to love you to your face
IT'S UNFAIR
AND IT'S BREAKING ME

So every time I say I miss you
It's empty
Because if I ever let myself
Remember why I miss you
You'd hear nothing
But cries of pain
And aches of hurt.

I make myself forget
How much I miss you
Because if I'd let myself remember
I'd feel like how I do right now.

She is beautiful
but she can't see it
her eyes are clouded
by the fog of his
her heart is troubled
by the make of his

She's beautiful
but she hurts
every night her thoughts haunt
every day her eyes jaunt
of him
for him
But she is without him

Tears fill my eyes now
she's my light
but she's turned off inside
she's a barefoot summer
but she's wearing shoes

We all have that thing
and this is hers
I just pray
we all move past our things
   and those hims
One day

I can't live like this
   In fear
   With anxiety.
I can't live like this
   Wondering
   Questioning.
I can't live like this
   The distance
   The doubt.
So sweetheart,
    We can't love like this

I'm jealous of the sun
that gets to flush your skin
I'm jealous of the wind
that gets to tousle your hair
I'm jealous of the water
that gets to grace your lips
And I'm jealous of her
that she gets to make you smile

And on my drunkest nights
I find myself
Remembering our love
And missing you

Whether it was true
   or false
temporary, or bull
I find myself
Still thinking of you

Anxiety
make me chuckle

Anxiety
make me cringe

Anxiety
that's inside me
killing from within

"RIVERS AND ROADS
RIVERS AND ROADS
RIVERS TILL I TEACH YOU

RIVERS AND ROADS
OH RIVERS AND ROADS
OH RIVERS TILL I REACH YOU"

The words I'd like to tell you...
All the things I'd like to say...
I've decided they're simple
Let me put it this way:
I love you
I'm sorry
I miss you
Don't hurt me

Go for the girl
Who smiles as she sleeps
The peace of her dreams
Reflects the peace of her mind

When you look into her eyes
I hope you see mine

Every time she laughed
He hugged her even tighter
And there, she felt safe.

I sit in silence
hearing only
your sleeping breath.

I have never felt
more comfort
from a single sound.

I hang up the phone.
*I wish you were home.

NO - YOU'RE DOING IT TO ME

My lovely...
I'm here to help
I want your pain
To clear your mind
To relieve your chest
From the heavy hurt.
Tears filled my eyes
When I read your words
God...
   Let them be lies.
   Let her be safe
   Protect her soul
I can't comprehend the thought
That you could be hurt
So please call me
I'll help you with the load

I love you my lovely
I love you I do
Time heals all
But I can help too

Beer.
Within which you hide
And that which you drink.

I wish I could cool your mind
as it does your throat
as it slowly slides down.
I wish I could ease your pain
That burns in that liquor
in which you now drown.

Years or days
months vs hours
why do we let time tell?
Where we are
and how we're doing?
Time is set
You must fit the qualification
Because Lord forbid you wed
Without proper justification
But years or days
months vs hours
Love is love
Period the end
Love is love
let it sink in
Cover you
and flow through
your head, heart,
and toes
Wash you
and spread through
your wings stretched wide
love is love
period the end
time is just a guide

I don't write in riddles
I write because
I want you to understand
To know how I feel
Because I often hope
I'm not feeling all of this alone