I am something everyone searches for
No matter who you are,
Deep down, you crave me.
I can make your sun shine
Or I can bring you grey clouds
I can make you feel high
I can make you feel on top of the world
Like nothing could ever harm you,
Like you're invinvible
Or I can tear you down so low
I can make you do things you swear
You'd never do
I can turn the strongest people weak
The bravest people into cowards
I can be the reason behind your smile
When you wake up
Or I could be the reason you cry at night
When your head finally hits the pillow
What am I?

i dont know what to think. i dont know what to do. i love him. right?
yes, i do.
but no, i dont, i can't.
why am i still thinking about you?
yes, he makes me smile,
but, when im with him, i wish it were you by my side
i wish it were you looking into my eyes, not him.
the things he says to me,
they make my heart melt
but i think its because
i hear them in your voice.
i picture your lips moving and
i am reminded of the way you lick your lips after every few words
i remeber the effect the sparks that your words had
on my heart
and for some reason,
i just dont feel them with him the way i did with you,
especially when he tells me im beautiful.
He gives me the world, but for some reason,
it's just not enough.
I know it sounds so selfish,
but in reality,
all i want is to be happy.
i'm not happy.
i can never sleep at night.
the voices in my head keep me awake,
sometimes, those voices tell me to forget about you
and to continue being with him
those, i consider those to be nightmares.
but sometimes,
those voices sound like your voice
and like to repeat old memories in my brain
slowly, but surely,
drowing me.
These waters im in continue to rise.
so what should i do?
contiune to go through the days, pretending im happy?
or should i just find a way out?
oh, i forgot,
there is no way out.
ever.
I dont want to hurt him,
yet I dont want to be in pain either,
I want you to be happy,
Yet i want to be the one to make you smile.
So,
i guess i'll stay here,
stuck in the mess of emotions,
while the waters im in
continue to rise
eventually drowning me in my
own thoughts,
wrong doings,
and my own pity.
when will i be able to
just breathe?

There are nights
When it really sinks in
That you're not right down the road
I can't just call you up
When I'm feeling alone
Because you're so far away.
I wish you were here

There are days when
I'm having so much fun
Then it hits me that you're not
Experiencing it all with me
And I'm left with an overwhelming sadness
It won't let me be
I wish you were here

There are times when
I can't wait to leave this life behind
And come be with you
Day in and day out
I just hope you'll be able to wait for me
I know its not as easy as it seems
I wish you were here

When I cry,
I wish you were by my side wiping away
My tears
Holding me and making me feel
Like nothing in this world even matters
Except for that moment
And us
But,
You're not.
I wish you were here

Every time I'm happy
I become sad within a moment
Because I realize
I could be happier
If only you were with me
I wish you were here

The days drag on
The nights seem endless
One day we'll be living a life together
That is never ending, limitless
But right now
I wish you were here.

I hate you
Yet I dream about you

And when I awaken in the middle of the night

I ache for you

And when the morning sun shines through the cracks of my window in the early day

Deep down inside me

I wish you had stayed

2013 © O'Brien Devin Brielle

Staying up until dawn
Out star gazing on the roof
Talking about what life had in store for us
Talking about things that have no proof
We'll never know
How we're going to die
But there's beauty in not knowing
When you have someone by your side
I remember the nights we would
Just cry
Reminicing on the past
All the things we had to leave behind
Or the nights when we'd get drunk
And have the best time of our lives
Went swimming naked in the creek
At three in the morning
Went down bad paths
Without any warning
Or those nights we'd take baths
In my parents room
Chain smoking all night
We were like flowers in bloom
Or the nights when we'd blaze
And eat and laugh
Dream about the future
Make jokes about the past
Or the nights when we'd talk about
Our ****** up family
We'd talk about how we'll never do what they've done
And You always had faith in me
The days spent out by the pool
The days we just spent sleeping
The memories that we shared
I'd always keep them
We've seen the same things
We've seen the pain heartaches brings

We've seen what most people never should
Have seen
We've both been ****** up on drugs
We've both been clean

We've both been happy
We've both been sad
We've both done what is right
We've both done what is bad

Without you
I don't know what I'd do
You saved me from myself
And I never even knew
But my eyes are open
And I could never thank you enough
You are everything
Anyone could want

Everytime I see pictures of you
I want to cry.
Our past wasn't so perfect
Well, at first it was
But that was when
Your kisses were sweet
Your voice was calm
And our hearts weren't teared
Then, you just left me.
I was asleep
Then I woke up to
A letter that said
"Goodbye'
I was devistated
And from that day forward
I never have said goodbye
Because
You showed me
That goodbye
Means forever.

I love you deeper than the ocean,
farther than fish can swim,
I love you as high as the stars beyond our sky,
oh the happiness that you bring.
Love is such a complicated thing
I just could never understand,
I'd never waste my time on any boys
or let them ever hold my hand.
When I look into your eyes
its not like the others I've ever seen,
when I look in your eyes I see the whole world, I feel as if I'm in a dream.
Is this real? Is it true? I can't even comprehend,
all I know is I dream of being in your arms until the very end.
Time ticks on, the days drag on, and I grow fonder of who you are,
in this dark black sky that is my life, you're the one and only shining star
who guides me through my times of sadness, hopelessness, and despair,
truly without any doubts,
you're the only one who cares.
I've never had a man look at me the way that you do,
it seems as if I'm seeing the world as if it is brand new.
As I lay down before I go to sleep,
I pray to the god above us that my heart, you'll always keep
. I felt like a flower in a vase,
slowly but surely withering away,
but you are the water that was poured into me,
and kept me alive, don't you see?
without you, love, I could not be,
my darling without you, I wouldn't breathe.
without you my love, surely I would cry,
my darling without you, surely I would die.


2013 © O'Brien Devin Brielle

At night
Instead of sleeping
I lie awake
Constantly weeping
Of better days
That I wish I was dreaming

Miles are just numbers
Numbers aren't that large
Don't believe me?
Just compare them to the stars
"Distance isn't real
Nomatter how far"

The stars and planets
Are free up in space
And here I am loathing
Aching to leave this place
I have no power
I have no say
I can't not just get up
And walk away
But I hope
You will find a reason to stay
Even if
I'm
A
Million
Miles
Away.

You're nothing but the ground I walk on, depending on the weather and seasons you could be the warm green grass tickling in between my toes
Or you cold be the cold winter snow numbing me inside and out
You're nothing but the clouds up in the sky
Or maybe the stars
Either way, you can never seem
To stay too long.
You're nothing but the winds in the air that pass through ever so briskly yet calmingly
Always Leaving me breathless
You're nothing but the christmas lights
Filling houses with vibrant colors and happiness in december
But its january now
And the bulbs are burnt out
But still they hang lifelessly
And broken
You're nothing but the flowers in a vase
At first so beautiful
With such a lovely aroma
That look so pretty sitting out
For everyone to look at
And admire
But now the petals have fallen off
And the dead flowers hang down
You're nothing but the waves in the ocean
Always leaving
Then coming back to crash down
With intense force and power
You're
Nothing

Yet, You're everything.

Out there somewhere
There's a girl with soft hair
That falls halfway down her spine
She dances with the stars until they're aligned

She sings with the moon
Convinced that the sun will come back soon
But she's always left in the darkness

She says "that's ok"
Because things always go astray
Yeah sometimes things get in the way

She's innocent and unaware
Quite frankly she doesn't care
She just want to be free
That's why baby lives for the
lsd



2013 © O'Brien Devin Brielle

I'm awake
Its nearly 2:30 am
And once again, I dreampt of you
Your eyes
They will always possess me
And I can feel your voice
Giving me chills, flooding me,
And piercing through my black soul,
Full of sorrow and full of despair.
By this, you create a feeling of ecstacy
Swimming through my veins
And shattering my bones
This is why I awake at nearly 2:30 am
Simply just to write songs about you
Simply just to get you off my mind.
Inhale me,
Let me takeover your every breath.
Flooding into your lungs,
You are now mine.
Surely until I fade away
Into thin air
And leave nothing but ashes
On the ground.
Spill out everything you're filled with;
Who knows whether your glass is half empty
Or half full
Now its on the ground
And that's okay,
Because I'm on my hands and knees
Cleaning it all up.
You remind me of stain glass windows in a church;
Some see your beauty, on the inside and out,
But they only notice when the sun gleams through your colors and cracks,
Showing off such vivid and lovely colors.
Some people,however,
They don't see your beauty. The can't fathom it.
They're the ones who throw rocks at you,
Leaving you shattered into
A million pieces
On the floor,
Not able to be loved,
Not able to be appreciated.
But, while you're that shattered mess
On the floor,
Let it be known
That I am the one
On my knees
With my fingers cut and bleeding
Picking up every shattered or broken
Piece of you
And I will mend you back together
I will make you feel whole
I will make you feel special
Because you are.
Look me in the eyes;
I'm not sure whether they remind me
Of the sound of the rippling waves in the salty ocean on a hot summer day
Or the smell of the smoking flames of a bonfire on a warm july night
Either way,
They set my soul at ease.
Things are impermanent.
We all know this too well.
Roaring fires turn to embers
Embers turn to ashes
That soon blow away into thin air.
This is why our love is not like fire.
Our love cannot be described.
"Nothing lasts forever"
Our love
Is nothing
Our love
Is forever.

2013 © O'Brien Devin Brielle

I'd swim all the oceans for you
I'd break all my bones for you
I'd let all my blood
Run dry
I'd put my right hand on the bible
But still I'd lie
I'd walk ontop of broken glass
I'd drive a car
Then crash
I'd make decisions
That are rash
I'd wipe the makeup off my face
Even though that is a disgrace
I'd run a thousand mile race
I'd risk my life
I'd leave this place
I'd rip the wings off a butterfly
Just To see if it would still fly
I'd put a bullet through my head
Just To see if I'd die
I'd pray to the god that may or may not exist
I'd swim in a tank with the fish
I'd take every single risk
I'd lay down in my bed
And think of everything I dread
I'd re live nightmares
That go on in my head
I'd fly to the moon
I'd say "ill be back soon"
But if I had to,
I'd just drift off into the galaxies
Like a balloon

Oh mary j
You make things okay
I love you beyond words.
I love to light you up
Watching you burn
Baby you make my world turn
Hits from the ****
Tokes from the bowl
Miss Mary jane
You make me feel whole
You will be my best friend
Until I die
Without you I could not survive
Everyday, I give thanks to god
Me and mary
Are like two peas in a pod
Well my lungs and my bones are craving
Your smoke
Ill see yall later I'm gonna go ****

Hundreds of miles is where he is
And also my heart which is stone hard
Hopefully he has it kept safe
In his jean pocket, or maybe in a jar
Why
Do we have to be so far?
Why
Does this have to be so hard?

I'm just a young girl who's lonely
And who's slowly
falling apart
little by little
My skin is paper thin
And my body is. weak and brittle
Why is this life an
Unsolved riddle?
Why am I always stuck in the middle?
Why do I taste the fruit that is bitter?
I want him here to hold me when I cry
Without him
its like trying to live underwater
There's noway you could survive
But into his waters I want to dive
Why is sadness a regularity?
Why do I want to always die?
Why is my breath just a constant sigh?
I have nothing
You have it all
I'm the sun shining
you are gravity
Without you, I will fall.
I'm an artist
Without a pencil
How can I draw?
I'm a guitar without strings
How can I play you a song?
Will the pain go on forever this long?
Did I do anything wrong?
The sun beams
And I dream
Of the days I wont constanly weep
Of the nights I can finally sleep
But this can not be
Until I'm laying next to you
Forever you and me
Is this what you've been waiting for too?
Will you promise me eternity?
Without you
Simply I cannot be
Without you
Truly I cannot see
Will you stay forever?
Promise you won't leave?
In me, will you alway believe?
Distance won't ruin us
Wait & you will see

The truth is
I've never been so terrified before
In this life,
We never know what's in store
I'm a terrible mess
Left scattered on the floor
Because everything I've ever loved
Has walked out the door
So there I was,
I finally got the strength to build
Up some walls
They're made out of
Bricks and cement
They will never fall
But you came in
And somehow knocked them over
You promised me you'd be mine
Even when we're older
I fell for you so fast I can't
Even explain
How wondeful you are
To take away my pain
I love you
As the sun loves the moon
You promised me
You'd be back soon
But right now you're so far
But I will always keep my door ajar
Just incase you come back home
For I don't believe its safe for you to roam
But I've never been so scared before
All I want is forever to be yours
I hope nothing gets in the way
I hope your feelings never fade away
I know for a fact you are better than me
Its so very easy to see
I'd give you the stars
Because you healed my scars
Please never leave me
There's no way I could breathe
I could never love again
My love for you is until the very end
You are my soul mate
My sunshine
My prince
And my fate
This is why I'm mortified at the thought of losing you baby
So will you always stay, maybe, just maybe?

To put it simply,
We
Are made of nothing
But brittle skin
& fragile bones
That will end up
Completely worthless
Left alone for eternity
to rot.
Our red blood
Sails throughout our veins
Like a sailor
On the calm ocean;
But once the wind begins to stir
The oceans become
Rough  
And you're left there
to eventually drown.
Our hearts,
All serve the same purpose;
To beat to the rhythm
Of the song
that keeps your body from shutting down, that keeps you breathing.
It has the most complex job,
Such a fragile thing
That is expected to
Take care of so much.
The heart is where
Your deepest secrets lie.
Where your fears are hidden.
Where pain left its marks.
Your dreams are burried deep within.
Your favorite memories,
Along with the bad ones too,
Are swimming around inside.
Our hearts,
Are made up
Of things we cannot humanly explain;
It is beyond being capable
Of truly being expressed with
Mere words on a page
That will be crumbled up
Thrown out,
Never serving
any true purpose.
There are Things
In the heart
That will overpower it all;
Every detail in your life
Is now determined
On the unknown effect
it will leave.
Things,
That will make you see
Mountains with endless heights,
When there's really only
Hills in front of you
That you can walk on top of
And crush.
Our hearts,
They are consisted
And constructed
For the action
Of
Loving and being loved,
Even if vulnerable.

My heart,
To sum it all up,

Is made up
Of all the things
You do
That keep me breathing
That keep me from dying

You, are my heart.

Gently
And at that exact moment
I felt the comfort and love
Surround me
As you came into my life.
You made me realize
Who I am
Who I am as a person
Oh, my dear,
My dear love,
Let me know that you will guide me
Through the dark
Past the demons.
I am too naiive to be on my own.
Looking past your flaws
Is like finding the sun
On a very cloudy day
There is that one spark in you,
You just have to look beyond
All the grief
And the suffering

if you look into the mirror
and you don't break down and cry
you better thank the so called god above
that you don't want to die

you are blessed
unlike the rest
who cry themselves to sleep
because they hate their ****** reflection
they just want to love themselves
sick and tired of all the objections

why is it that
I see deep inside
I am nothing but worthless
why am I even alive?

If the sun didn't shine
If the moon didn't beam
If the salty ocean didn't gleam
If the rain didn't drizzle
From out of a cloud
If the peak of a thunderstorm
Didn't make a sound
If lightening didn't strike
If snow wasn't white
If the stars in the black sky
Gave off no light
If I still had you
None of this would ever even phase me
You keep me sane
Yet you drive me crazy
If the earth didn't spin
If the galaxies didn't go on forever
Our souls
Could still never be dissevered

2013 © O'Brien Devin Brielle

None know
What tomorrow will bring
People can change their opinions
There is always a new song to sing
None know
If in the morning
You will see
what you claim to love
with the same eyes
Its all unknown;
An anxiety ridden surprise
None know
If
What you said yesterday
Still applies to today
Or if
Those words are now dead
Gone
Forever faded away
None know
What time can really do.
With enough of it,
It can change so much
This, I never even knew
Until everyone I loved
Woke up one day
Then Walked away,
They said they couldn't stay.
"The blood in my body doesn't run through my veins for you
No longer would I break my bones for you there's nothing you can say or do."
None know
How quickly some change their minds
Deciding its the time to leave it all behind
They don't feel the same deep within
As they did when it first did begin
None know
How you will feel about me tomorrow
I know You're not like the rest
I know this,
Baby you're the best,
But
None know
How you'll feel tomorrow
I'm holding on
Until you break my heart
And I'm left alone in sorrow
None know
How much longer
you'll waste your time on me
When there's so much out there for you
To see
I just hate not knowing what
It will be
None know
And that's what kills me

We are not flowers
That bloom
Then die

We are not butterflies
That flutter
And float by

We are not fire
That burns for a little
Then turns to ashes

We are not time
That quickly passes

So please promise me
Your love for me won't fade away
Like the stars in the early morning sky do
Because they simply cannot stay