Oh where to start with you
When I first saw you at Walgreens
I honestly thought we'd never talk
But man was I wrong in that aspect
We just started talking one day
And haven't really stopped since
You've helped me open up more
You're helping me gain confidence
Before I started talking to you
I was timid, and tended to shy away
But now, I feel more confident in myself
But you as a whole, you're amazing
You are truly beautiful and sweet
And you honestly shouldn't change a thing
You may think you need to lose weight
Because you claim to be "fat"
But really, your body is perfect the way it is
You are perfect just the way you are
However, there is one thing you can change
You really need to show off your smile more
It's beautiful and really lights up the room
When you move away, I really will miss you
In the short three months I've known you
I have honestly gotten fairly close to you
But you're leaving faster than you arrived
So I wish you nothing but the best
In whatever your future may hold
Just remember these three things
Keep smiling, don't change a thing
And I am always here for you if needed

I am not sure why I am single
I am told I'm a fantastic guy
That will make any girl happy
But how come I'm avoided
I will treat her like a queen
Spoil her with my undying love
And incomparable affection
Do anything to see her smile
Letting her know she's special
The most beautiful girl in my eyes
I will be loyal to my gorgeous queen
Not allow anyone between us
What is holding me back though
Is it my looks? My confidence?
Is it just me? Or is it society?
Whenever my queen comes along
I will treat her like royalty
We will rule this world together
Me as king, and her as my queen

There are two very special words
That will be spoken a lot in a lifetime
But can truly change your entire life
In a single moment
I do
Once a marriage ceremony comes to and end
These words are spoken by each participant
To signify the unification
Of two individuals
However, I hear these words
Probably hundreds of times a week
At work I ask a question
And I always hear "I do"
Every time I hear those two words
I smile a bit
Knowing that one day
Those words will come out of my mouth
To unify me with a significant other
At some point in my future

I had a wonderful time
Reminiscing the old days
Marching competitions all day
And just being with all my friends
Returning for the last of the season
After graduating the previous year
I met some brand new faces
And was greeted by the familiar ones
But one face stood out the most today
One I have not known for very long
But long enough to cherish and recognize
She is in a tough and stressful period
And I am trying to assist her any way I can
Seeing her most of the day made me realize
How much I miss being close to a female
I offered her my sweater when she was cold
And cuddled together to keep warm
But we are just friends. Or are we?
I am not really sure at this moment
As I saw the tears ruin her perfect makeup
I consoled her to the best of my ability
Am I starting to grow feelings for her?
Does she seem to like me back?
These are all questions that remain unanswered
But one thing I am sure about in this situation
Is I am getting close to a female once more
I am not sure on my true feelings toward her

All I can ask for right now
Is to find a very special girl
That I can show compassion
And love to every hour of every day
I am a broken hearted man
But my heart is still open to loving
I am a kind and compassionate soul
I care and I protect, no matter what
I want to spoil a special girl every day
And make her the luckiest girl alive
I just want to share this affection
It feels useless in my lonesome body
All I want is a tender and loving woman
I want to make a girl smile in my presence
And to call her my very own girlfriend

The brain is an amazing phenomenon
Creating visions while it is most active
And processing views while least active
When active, it creates amazing elements
These are known as dreams, or nightmares
Despite the brain being an amazing entity
It can not create a face, only scenarios
All people seen in a dream or a nightmare
Is someone viewed previously in life
As the mind isn't powerful enough to create
A new life form that was not previously seen
The villain often someone harming your life
The protagonist being a close friend or relative
I see a certain someone in almost all visions
Whether it is an amazing dream I wish was real
Or a nightmare where I wake sweating in fear
But this person switches roles each time
One night it will be a dream, next a nightmare
I wish the brain was powerful enough to erase
Erase a person to rid of all unwanted visions
If only I could dream for the rest of my life

All of this debate going on
Cops shooting black men
Mass shooting at a gay club
It is all the same, it is killing
I must say this before I start
I apologize for any language
But this is all a load of *******
And it honestly has to stop
When a white man kills a white man
There is no publicity in the ordeal
When a black man kills a black man
There is still no debate going on
But people are dying in these situations
Someone's family member or close friend
Gone, taken away from their life
Then a cop shoots a white man
And there's a little discussion on it
But a cop shoots a black man
And there are riots, marches, but why
All lives should matter in this world
The declaration says all men are equal
So no life is greater than anyone else's
White, Black, Mexican, Asian, Middle Eastern
Straight, gay, lesbian, transgender, ect.
It is all equal to one another, it's 2016
Stop the killing and keep peace and equality

I can sit here, saying your name
Looking at a picture of your face
Or just thinking about your beauty
None of it feels the same anymore
When I was with you, I took it for granted
And now that we are apart, I regret it
I wish I would've shown how much I loved you
I wish I could have done everything better
But I tried, it was a difficult time
Long distance and all, I did what I could
But it still was no where near enough
So now I think of you, your name, your face
And I get emotional, close to a breakdown
But I hold it all back from the world
Because I don't want you to see me this way
I feel like a lonely and miserable monster
I regret ever falling this deeply in love with you
But I don't regret a relationship with you
As it shaped who I became today
Even though I cringe at the sight of myself
I hate how I feel, but I regret nothing now

I've tried to move onward in my life
But you're like a boomerang, coming back
I do what I can to push you aside
But you end up at the same place each day
I miss you, I can no longer hide that
I can't change how I feel about you
I wish you were back here with me
But that's no longer possible, so I move on

We can always be looking
For that destined someone
Some many never find them
Others will often get lucky
It can tough to find them
But it will all pay off eventually
Soulmates are destined to be
You will know when they are found
You will feel an ultimate connection
Feel what they feel almost always
Be able to make each other happy
With just each other's presence
Some pipeline believe in a soulmate
Personally, I don't think so anymore
I thought I found mine at one point
Then she abandoned me like I was nothing
I felt everything I just said above
And she felt the same way to me
But I guess it's not destined to be

Here's a short explanation of my life:
Pages 1-6: building up a new reputation
Having big dreams, as big as a nation
I was just starting out in my early youth
I remember when I first lost a tooth
I thought I was slowly dying away
I thought my body was beginning to decay
But then I realized it was a natural occurrence
I continued my youth with little interference
Pages 6-12: I'm in my late youth stage
I'm ready to be a teen and then the page
I experienced moving and family deceased
I tried to cope with it as the pain decreased
And sure enough it did not happen again
But I was constantly bullied and in pain
At times I didn't want to go to school
But I was as consistent as a Mexican bull
I fought through all the pain and agony
To become as successful as I could be
Pages 13-16: looking at a bigger place
High school. A place filled with disgrace
Middle school seemed like a slow torture
So I hoped that high school would be better
It was, kind of. Freshman year was strange
I was okay, then depressed and out of range
I then met someone that seemed truly special
Possibly my dream girl, we were inseparable
Except, she moved thousands of miles away
We fought through difficulties every day
But it just did not work out at all in the end
I felt as if my heart would never again mend
Until I thought I found someone close to me
I started to like her on a band trip in Hawaii
We dated for a few months but it fell apart
And yet again there was a tear in my heart
I didn't think I could do anything about it
Until I find a key that will properly fit
Page 17: my current place in this story
I still have the right to write about me
I still have many years to look ahead
Until the final days when I end up dead
But I'm only at 17, halfway to 18 now
I have had a disappointing life I think
Two girlfriends, heartbreaks, I slowly sink
Grades starting to slip in every class
As I progress to harder classes to pass
My lips still remain virgins, no gentle touch
I am becoming desperate now, so very much
I want to find someone to love once more
Someone who won't slam the door
My heart has been beaten and slaughtered
I need someone to fix it while it's tattered
I still have a place in my heart for someone
She's thousands of miles away, so far gone
Yes, the first girl I loved, that's the one
I thought that It would work out, but I'm alone
Page 18: I am 18 now. I'm legally an adult. I'm off to college in a few months, done with high school, and I'm ready to take a giant step in life. It's been two years since my heartbreaking situations. Am I okay now? Sadly I am not. I still see her face and a thousand memories flood my mind. I don't think it's possible to move on. I've done all I can think of. Maybe one day it will all settle in the dust and it will all be okay. But in the meantime, I will live another day.
Page ???: I will again find happiness in my life
My story continues with happiness and strife
I will find happiness again some day, I hope
As I have too much pain right now to cope
I need someone now to hold in my open arms
As I am a classy gentleman and mean no harm
I will live my life as long as a block of lead
And will try to remain happy, until I am dead

It will be one of these days
All the rage bottled in me
All of the built up anger
Then it will all just explode
It keeps building each day
From people and myself
When I finally will explode
I will change as a person

One of these days, I will find love
I thought I found it at one point
But that all was just a lie I guess
Maybe it will happen, one day
But in the meantime, I am patient
Yet impatient, as I have been waiting
But when I finally find my love
It will be a huge weight lifted away

One of these days, I will be happy
A true, generous smile on my face
Not some fake nonsense of a smile
Maybe I will be truly happy again
But while I wait, I am optimistic
I am trying to find it in smaller things
But it's only in the larger ideas I see it
And when I'm truly happy, I will fly freely

One of these days, I will be living the dream
Not necessarily living a luxurious dream life
But just knowing I'm proud of where I am
Living with a beautiful wife and great kids
Working at a job so I can support my family
And the job allowing ample time to enjoy life
When I finally see the dream as a possibility
I will grab hold and never let go as long as I live

I wonder about this very often it seems
Why am I always a single and lonely guy?
Apparently I'm sweet and a gentleman
But I am always on the wrong end of it all
Is it because I'm not the most attractive?
Could it just be I don't seem sociable?
Maybe I really am not a true gentleman
But either way, I am single, but I wonder why
I don't enjoy the single life, I truly hate it
I could be much happier if I had a girlfriend
Simple. I honestly am not happy right now
I'm lonely, I want something to do, but no
I am stuck at home playing a stupid game
Just thinking about my ex, and how I was happy
Back in the good days, when I enjoyed life
Now I live each day, dealing with loneliness

First of all, I would like to say thanks
For being caring during a time like this
However, you don't need to worry
You did what you thought was right
And that's all you could have done
Prom, it doesn't matter much to me
Sure I want a date to it, but I don't mind
I know you would have went with me
But I want you to be happy, not me
I control myself, and it is as simple as that
So there's no need to worry about me
You made your decision, and I made mine
Be happy, no need to worry about me
I am fine

I imagine the scenario
What I want to happen
To what actually will occur
Then it all just goes black
Replay, it's all back in my head
I see her smile, so gorgeous
She is crying tears of joy
As she runs into my open arms
Then it goes black once more
Prom, every high schoolers dream
It is now a nightmare and a dream
All at the exact same time
I want to spend it with her
But I no longer exist to her
As she has a new boyfriend
And I sit alone, thinking
The scenario in my head
Replays constantly, it won't stop

It is all currently a blur
As a senior in high school
I am unsure of my future
It is like looking though a fog
No idea on the career I chose  
No idea what college to attend
No idea if I want to go to prom
Senior year has been stressful
Not because of my daily classes
But for the personal decisions
My future at one point seemed bright
Knew where I wanted to attend college
Knew what I wanted to do as a career
Even knew the woman I was to marry
And the names of the kids we would have
But now none of this is clear in my mind
A haze now is constricting my future self
This woman left me for someone else
And I no longer enjoy that potential career
I don't have money for that potential college
At one point, my future was set and done
But now it seems so unclear, for now

I reread what I wrote last year
And even the year before that
I still feel the same was as before
The same person, just now older
Still listening to the same music
Playing the same silly games
Watching the same TV shows
Even still having feelings for her
It has been over 2 years now
Since we went our different ways
Almost 3 years since last seeing her
And I thought the wait would end
But I told myself a lie, like I always do
I still can't move on, I don't know why
One thing I do know is I haven't changed
I'm still the same, pathetic person today
As I was a year ago, and the year before
I want to change, I want to be able to forget
But that's clearly not happening yet

I am constantly held back in life
From others or even just myself
I tend to hit a barrier fairly often
Where it takes some time to pass
All these restrictions, reoccurring
All the pain, consistent and nonstop
All the feelings, ongoing and unforgiving
And all the love, gone and ripped apart
I can simply just hear her name
And a wall of restriction is built
I can see a picture of her perfect face
And an unconquerable wall is built
All this pain, all this heartbreak
It's restricting me from my goals
From happiness, from future success
I am being held back due to this
And I must break these chains
In order to live happily ever after

I am always unlucky in life
Always stuck on the bad side
Always feeling all the pain
And always in some discomfort
I am the victim of heartbreak
I am the victim of loneliness
I am the victim of harassment
I do not enjoy being the victim
No one does

Every time I see her eyes
In a crisp, clear photograph
I feel something suddenly drop
Maybe my heart leaving my body
I just feel like breaking down
Letting the tears flow freely
But I still remain headstrong
Somehow, someway, I'm strong
I will look at a picture of her
And sometimes crack a smile
But then the memories flow in
And I collapse in undesired pain
That smile, those eyes, haunting me
So beautiful, a word a rarely say
To anyone involved in my life
Beautiful she is in every photograph
But only if these were real
The beauty will truly show
But so will my emotions
The tears, the break downs
All from a beautiful photograph

Visions, dreams, nightmares
They all deal with the brain
All of these images painted
To reflect on what is wanted
Dreaming to become something
Is just a lie, it gives false hope
Chances to succeed are slim
However, they still can be done
Visions are simply just pictures
Nothing more than a simple want
The brain makes you picture a want
However, visions just deceive the eye
Nightmares are an internal fear
Fear of supernatural possibly
Or just fearing life in any aspect
However, nightmares are a necessity
These dreams, visions, and nightmares
All have one thing in common, falsity
They produce a false hope or a fear
Hope of becoming happy, or fearing death
However, these false brain impulses
Just inflict pain in life, and can't be stopped

What if I just walked away
Left everything I love behind
A new start somewhere else
Maybe it will free my soul
What if I just left this cruel world
Would anyone even miss me
Not necessarily take my life
Just isolate myself from mankind
What if I just opened up my life
How I felt, what I felt, who I felt
Just tell everyone my deepest thoughts
Without a single worry about myself
What if I tried being more selfish
Caring only about myself from now on
Making sure I am happy before everyone
But that's not how I want to live life
What if I just changed as a whole
What if I could just change the world
To change my harsh world is a start
Maybe that will result in a better world

It all boiling over now
Nothing is enjoyable
All that I used to enjoy
Frustrate me even more
Everything frustrates me
I'm sick and tired of it all
I can't enjoy life like this
Just done with everything
I can't move on anymore
I can no longer be happy
Especially living this way
I'm frustrated and done
I'm sick and want it to end
I'm beyond the boiling point
And now I'm far from the edge
I must change myself. Now

I would like to say thank you
For helping me find myself
For dragging me out of the dark
For giving me a reason to live
You taught me important lessons
Like how to be happy in a relationship
Like how to make others feel truly special
Like how to simply be happy with myself
I was wanting to go see you again
Take time out of school and work
To go up there and see you again
But I won't if you don't want to see me
However, if you want, I can still go
Maybe we could go to prom together
Like we talked about a while ago
If that is still in any interest to you
I really want to keep talking to you
But if you don't feel the same way
I'm not going to change your opinion
We can stop talking for good if you wish
I just want you to know I'm happy for you
And I thank you for all that you did for me
I want to wish you the best in your future
And I hope this is not the last time we talk

I've had thoughts for the bad
And for the worse of my health
I've thought of many things evil
And for many things for the good
Thoughts of drinking alcohol
Or starting to do numerous drugs
Thoughts of dropping out of school
Or just leaving this town all together
These are a few of the bad thoughts
While there are a few signs of hope
There are thoughts of seeing her
Making a movie-like surprise occur
Thoughts of making people smile
Making sure their time is worth while
But through all of these many thoughts
Some have not crossed my mind
These are for the good and for the bad
Thoughts of suicide or theft never came
And neither have thoughts for myself
However, these are all thoughts or ideas
Most will not come true, especially the bad

I don't want to go to my prom
That is now a well known fact
However, I still want to go to one
Not my own, I want to go to hers
She is over a thousand miles away
And I want to be by her side that day
I have a brilliant plan lined up for it all
I will contact her school or her mother
Tell them what I am about to tell you
Say I want to fly up there for her prom
Surprise her, she will have no clue
See if I can get a special entrance
Just so I can get one special dance
I will fly there with a group of friends
And hope to make her happy as can be
However, there is only one flaw to my plan
She may not want to see me anymore
As she is currently with another guy
I'm just going to ask if she wants to go
If she says yes, I'll put the plan into action
If she says no, I'll drop it and let her go
I want this plan to occur, it will be perfect
Seeming like it comes out of a love movie
But it will hopefully be real life, my own life

The title says it all right now
I just really hope you're happy
Because I sure am not anymore
I'm upset, with you and myself
I'm not upset because I'm jealous
I upset that you lied to me directly
You told me it's started that night
Then I discovered it was two weeks
We talked about our personal lives
And a possible future together
Saying to me while still dating him
So I hope you're happy now "friend"
As you're making out with him at work
I sit at home lonely and cold hearted
But I don't know how I have a cold heart
As it feels like I no longer have one
But just be happy, I'll deal with myself
I just wish you would have told the truth
It would have been easier knowing true
But just be happy, don't worry about me
I'll be find in the end, which is now near

I need to find happiness in life
And for me, that's hard to find
I look near and far, but to no avail
I find hope as soon as I give up
Does that mean I should give up?
Maybe, maybe not, I do not know
But what I do know, is I'm not happy
I need to find happiness really soon
And there is only one way to do it
I need to find myself a girlfriend
Someone I can depend on always
Someone that I can make laugh
She makes me feel confident
Someone that can fix me up
But I know I must keep searching
Because I won't be happy if I give up
I need to remain persistent and believe
Believe I can find this special girl
That will make me believe in myself
But in all honesty, what am I?
I need to find what I am truly about
I do not know what my future holds
I don't even know what tomorrow holds
I just go with the flow, knowing nothing
I am in my senior year of high school
I still have no idea what I'm doing in life
I need to discover what my future is
But I need to focus on the present
I know that I need to be happy
But to do that, I need a girlfriend
After that, I need to discover myself
And to do that, I need to know my future
I want to know everything in this world
But these are a few ideas I need to know

Today in my anatomy class
We did an experiment on pain
Seeing if you could feel a needle
Pricking at your skin slightly
Well, I never felt a single thing
I told my partner to push harder
Still nothing, I felt no pain at all
When I got home, I looked at myself
Connecting that experiment to my life
I no longer can feel pain it seems
Unless it is just excruciating pain
But I don't feel anything, I am nothing
I will always have sympathy for people
But I can no longer feel the pain myself
I will help others through tough situations
But then when I'm in something similar
I feel nothing, not caring about myself
Is this an issue? Yes, I know it is
I have no feelings, but filled with emotion
Maybe it's good I feel nothing at all
Because now I won't be hurt anymore

Hey bro are you doing alright?
Yeah, I'm fine, thanks man
But that "I'm fine" is a lie
He really just wants to die
Hey girl, you feeling better?
Yeah, better than I was yesterday
But she really is a day closer to death
But she hides that pain underneath
Hey mom, is Jeremy going to be okay?
Yes, your brother is in a better place
But Jeremy is really already gone
And mom knows that where he belongs
Hey, I like your new shirt Vanessa
Thanks, these sleeves are comfortable
But really, the sleeves cover her scars
As she is afraid for her father behind bars
Hey, you doing okay about Samantha?
Yeah, I'm over her, it's all good
But you know you're no where near "fine"
As she is on your mind all the time
Hey, Jessica, you over Benjamin yet?
Yeah, he means nothing to me now
Each night, mascara runs down your face
As you miss his touch and his embrace
People lie to make it seem like they're fine
But we've all been there, they're not fine
They just want to curl into a ball and cry
Right now, that's me. I just want to cry...

I care way too much about others
I always put others before myself
I make sure others are always happy
Even if I'm hurt, I care about them
I'm not self centered by any means
I tend to others before I tend myself
But sometimes, I need to be selfish
I need to learn to care for myself first
I am hurt right now, yet it's the same
I care more about her than myself
I want her to be happy, simple as that
But I need to make sure I'm okay too
I care too much about others now
But I need to care about myself as well

I don't need a fancy car
I don't need an Xbox One
I don't need money and fame
I don't need a big ole mansion
All I want for Christmas this year
Is for you to be happy, that's it
Nothing else will suffice for me
If you're not happy this Christmas
So please, be happy, that's all I want
Nothing more and nothing less
Merry Christmas, and keep smiling

When I sleep, I dream of her
When I'm awake, I think of her
I no longer can sleep anymore
Because I'm happy when I dream
And it saddens me when I wake
I have been trying for years now
And I thought my efforts payed off
I finally started to talk to her again
Thinking I no longer had to move on
But of course, like always, I was wrong
I'm back at it again, trying to forget
But is it really worth it? I don't know
We still may have a future together
But I can't cash those checks in yet
I have to move on from her for now
And it's hard, she's always on my mind
Everything is meant to happen for a reason
And this is a clear example, I must move on

I'm not searching for a relationship
But happiness from a relationship
People tend to get those confused
If you're not happy, why be in one
It shouldn't be about them being cute
Or even them seeming sweet at first
But it should be how happy you will be
Will this person make you smile everyday?
Will this person make you laugh at nothing?
It's one thing I hate about society now
Especially with most people my age
It's all about looks and how others see you
But it should really be for your own happiness
If you're not happy, it is not worth it then
If you don't think you can last a long time
To at least a year, even consider marriage
Then this person will not make you happy
I just want to be happy, but I continue to wait
I'm fine with that, I've been patient for years
I will wait for the right girl to make me happy

I was just told the girl of my dreams
By her, that she was with someone else
Yeah, sure it hurts, but I can't cry
I liked her and she liked me back
But the distance didn't allow for it
Was it just not meant to be at all?
I don't know, maybe in be future it is
But now, distance kills and fire between
She is happy with another guy it seems
And I'm here lonely, but it is okay
I want her to be happy, and that's it
I hope this guy treats her like a princess
And me, I don't care how I feel to be honest
But I need to move on and find someone
As long as she's safe and happy, I am too

That wonderful smile
Those pretty brown eyes
The wait has been long
But will end here soon
Not talking for a while
Both saying goodbyes
It all seemed so wrong
But it'll be okay soon
I know I can't promise
And may not keep it
But this is one I will keep
To give you a huge hug
When I see you again

BEAUTIFUL
By far the sweetest girl I know
Extremely energetic
Amazing in every single way
Unbelievably strong (mentally and physically)
Trustworthy
Incredible dancer
Faithful and honest
Ugh, another "U"- unique
Loving/caring/sweet/kind