I am not with the party,
Please understand,
I didn’t even vote for the man,
I am full of anger,
I am full of dread,
Everyday...
“did you hear what he said”?
And just when you think you heard enough,
You hear something else…
“he said, what”?
What is the question?
What does he mean?
“just grab their…”
What?!
So crude and obscene!
I am angry,
She lost…
I have no regret,
I am not Alt Reicht,
So, I am left,
Standing with you,
We have got to agree,
Support the new minority!
©B L Costello 2017

Afraid of madness,
I keep a diary
Rather than talking to myself,
Taping keys,
I hide behind a monitor,
It seconds as a night light,
“I hope the phone doesn’t ring.”
Liar!
Hope wasted!
I could have turned it off,
I just lack commitment,
I am discussing with the third person (who will remain nameless)
The questions I cannot speak,
“What” was the point?”
“When” did it matter?”
“Where” was he?”
“Why do I still care?”
I am editing,
I am obsessing,
I am listening,
I am hoping that I will hear that voice of reason,
But nobody tells me what to do.
©B L Costello 2017

Soft grass,
Momma's lap,
The perfect nap

Standing in shamble,
Parisians lament,
It seemed to be just a shell of cement,
Then the smoke cleared,
It was not as they thought,
The altar intact,
Above it…the cross!
Satan did challenge,
But… God had won,
And The great Rose Window,
Still lets in the sun!
©B L Costello 2019

I should have got a pumpkin,
But…I don’t know how to carve,
I could have put on the porch,
I don’t have yard,
The porch did not work,
The children did not hark,
The little monsters were too afraid to beg out in the dark,
So, I ate a couple Snicker’s
I watched some DIY
That carving looks easy,
I might give it a try!
Sure,
There’s always next year!
I’m bound to be more handy
Yeah, I got lots of reasons,
I ate all the candy!
©BL Costello 2019

He plays with himself,
He thinks he competes,
But he never wins,
And he always cheats
So long in the game,
He doesn’t know why,
He likes to keep score,
But it’s always a tie,
Clean for minute,
They call it detox,
*** in a jar,
And shadowbox,
He thinks he ahead,
You can tell by his grin,
But he’s running a race that nobody wins
©B L Costello 2018

I chew my butter,
It doesn’t melt,
Trust worthy as Lucy Van Pelt,
He tells me his troubles,
I don’t complain,
I tell him where to leave the change,
It makes me happy to watch him fall,
He runs like a girl,
I move the ball,
I asked him play…I was feeling kind,
That block head does every time,
Sometimes he such a basket case,
I could punch that red head in the face,
But he looks sooo cute on that pitcher’s mound,
Sometimes, he's just so Charlie Brown
©B L Costello 2017

"He came from outer space to save the human race",
Black lips and painted face,
It was acquired taste,
You came so far,
You were not here long,
I still cry when I hear “The Cold Song”
A “Total Eclipse”
Life is not always fair,
But “Lightning Strikes”
And you were there,
Nomi,
Nomi,
What can we do?
Your name was a song,
But no one knew you…
And when you reached with lesioned
hands,
Friends backed up,
They did not understand,
You entertained,
We asked, what is it?
You said Nomi,
But no one would visit.
B L Costello © 2019

In black and white,
I love to look back,
He knew that he was “born in his trap”
Fatherless,
No sisters or brothers,
“A boy’s best friend is his mother”
Something about him was sweet,
Yet sad,
“We all go a little mad”
He ran the desk,
He held the keys,
Ironic……
He was never free,
He never blamed her,
Others tried,
But….”She couldn’t hurt a fly”
Sometimes it just went too far,
I wonder if they found the cars?
A stranger who “never meant to rude”,
Entered his den and ate his food
Slowly, he was coming to power,
I still get flashbacks in the shower!
An amazing classic,
A shocking end,
Norman was his own best friend
© B L Costello 2015

Once I had a nightmare,
But it turned into a dream,
Wide awake,
I would  meditate that I could hear you scream,
Imagine how I suffered,
Exhaustion lasting weeks,
Guilt without sedation,
And tortured in my sleep
Finally,
You....said ‘Hello’
But it made me feel sad,
Imagining that pretty smile smothered
By a gag,
Eyes that see me clearly,
Then Clouding full of tears,
Afraid to beg for mercy
Your scream is all I hear
©B L Costello 2016

Reality,
Abandoned him,
No Emmy no reward,
And now he fights the press,
Is he ever bored?
A cyber fool,
In virtual….
He lives…..
He loves…..
He lies……
Does he own twitter?
Or does he just subscribe?
©B L Costello 2017

Miles to go,
I do recall,
82 years,
That was all,
It happened in bed,
I hoped he was dreaming,
Dogs howling,
Sirens screaming,
He was alone,
I still feel appalled,
“He died in his sleep, after a fall”.
©B L Costello 2018

Beautiful child
Sad and true,
I cannot write a poem about you,
Inspired,
I don’t know where to begin,
A victim your suffering makes me cringe,
Angry,
I want to tell the world,
How she hurt that little girl,
But movies and books recorded her fate,
For her there was no escape,
This world is cruel and so obscene,
Neighbors “thought they heard a scream”,
Her torture and hell are finally done,
Why didn’t they tell anyone?
Now, I am tortured,
Haunted and disturbed,
They should have told someone
What they heard.
©B L Costello 2019

I loved when you took care of me,
You gave me everything,
Now your gone and all I want is you
BLCostello©2022

I do not agree with the spiders you see,
They're real for you,
Not for me,
I cannot get tangled in your web,
But I will call you out when your trapped in your head,
When life is more than you can stand,
When your on the ledge,
I'll hold your hand,
I will bandage your wounds and ice your lumps,
When I cannot reach you,
I'll scream, "don't jump"!
I will do anything to keep you from harm,
But I can't take that needle out of your arm,
Even when you beg me....
"Leave"!,
I still can't see them.....I don't agree,
I am going to stay,
I will help you try,
Please succeed,
Stay alive.

We all are made to break,
Fragile,
Who knows when,
That separation starts,
As soon as you bend,
Perhaps you changed your mind,
People often do,
Or maybe you just turned,
And saw a different view,
I guess it does not matter,
We all make mistakes,
Nothing’s ever perfect,
We all are made to break
B L Costell©2020

“The times they are a’changin”,
There’s a shift in the powers,
As the smoke rises,
She passes out flowers,
She seems so alone,
I wish there were others!
Watching I wonder where is her mother?
©B L Costello 2016

Forgive me if unkind,
I only changed my mind,
And now, you are sad!
That happens all the time,
Sometimes is not always,
Disturbed is just a word,
I know I am not popular,
I have seen... and I have heard,
Yes, I know all about it.....
I am never surprised!
They never can their laughter,
or lower their judging eyes,
They never understand,
and now,
I wonder too,
Does anybody get it?
I am looking back at you

The time that you spent hurting me,
Could have conquered poverty,
Healed a burn of the 3rd degree,
Even composed a symphony,
Still, you chose to take your time,
Practicing to be unkind,
Now……….
You are the perfect *******,
I bow down to the master!
© B L Costello 2016

Such pride she brought,
Their only daughter,
Indeed,
Their joy!
She walked on water,
Their pride and joy,
She gave them wings,
Without doing anything,
There was nothing to expect,
Baby girl was perfect,
They kept her safe,
Choices made,
She loved her swing and gilded cage,
No friends,
No callers,
Not even a knock,
So pretty she never noticed the lock
©B L Costello 2019

She was no victim,
Just not very smart,
Her aim was poor from the start,
All those warnings,
Like ammunition,
They told her “fire”!
But she wouldn’t listen,
A reluctant hunter,
She worried a lot,
Now she is prey,
She lost her shot,
Just to survive,
For her that was good,
Now, she may never get out of the woods
© B L Costello 2016

I watched “Schindler’s List” again,
I really don’t know why,
I know how it ends…
Everybody dies
I guess I loved the theater
Maybe, I’m getting older,
But I sure loved the popcorn,
And your arm around my shoulder,
The way you said “aw honey”
As tears rolled down my face,
I felt so important in that crowded place,
I thought about you as I watched,
Its over 20 years,
I microwaved the popcorn,
And wish that you were here,
Alone on the couch,
The movies loose there meaning,
They say it cost less,
****,
I’m sick of streaming
©B L Costello 2018

It is all pre planned,
It is all pre-seasoned,
We are all prepacked for the same reason,
No surprise,
I know that smell,
Predetermined?
Who lives to tell?
Preoccupied,
I am still afraid,
These thoughts repeat,
They are pre-made,
I will be fine,
I am not scared,
It is okay,
I am prepared
©B L Costello 2019

The world is so dull,
Yet, I am afraid,
Confused by all these shades of gray,
We are starting to doubt what we know is RIGHT,
Something else is controlling our life,
Research is dead,
We’re all on vacation,
“Alexa.... what’s instant gratification?”,
It’s getting darker,
It’s hard to see,
Hold on, someone is texting me,
“Your payments declined”,
“the queen is dead”
Another “alert”,
I am going to bed,
It will all be fine,
I am still afraid,
How I miss the primary days
BLCostello©2024

On bended knees,
She acknowledged the loss,
Blessing herself with the sign of the cross,
So many candles,
And still it was dim,
No ritual could replace him,
Alone she prayed,
Comforting words,
She wondered who will pray for her,
No flame could brighten,
No words to say… could ever bring back what is taken away,
The loss alone, is hers to bare,
No children left,
No stories to share,
She thought of the rest,
She wondered, who heard?
So she lit more candle, and said more words

THE MIND OF A CHEF
Can scare you to death,
THE LAY OVER cancelled
Anthony left,
He was always gone,
He worked on vacation,
A COOKS TOUR,
NO RESERVATIONS,
He said that he had no regret,
Thru the sinewy smoke of his cigarette,
and still he left us eating crow,
keeping a secret,
PARTS UNKNOWN,
He's gone again,
his choice,
his fault,
Clearing the table,
I spill the salt,
Unlucky,
******!
I don’t understand
The flavor is gone,
Everything’s bland
©B L Costello 2018

She always said, “I love you”
And I believe she did,
She had the kind of honesty you only see in kids.
Perhaps a little simple,
More than just naïve,
But she was so devoted,
She was never mean,
Happy just to please,
She accepted what she lacked,
In a storm, she would give the shirt right off her back
and now we will remember
She’s gone a few hours,
We think about her family….and where to send the flowers?

Details lost,
No prints mentioned,
But sin is judged by the intention,
So maybe his spirit will repent,
It could have been an accident,
A suicide,
A cry for help,
Maybe it was someone else……
Too long ago,
Too much to tell,
The only witness,
The Chelsea hotel,
A single room,
Not too fancy,
Good enough for Sid and Nancy
©B L Costello 2019

She takes the walk of shame,
At a purposed pace,
Her heels in her hands,
Mascara on her face,
Most of them are still asleep,
She not sure what she did,
She’ll take that pill at home,
She’ll get her period…….
Sure she’ll be fine,      
At the drive thru,
She gets coffee,
A moment to reflect,
“I told them to get off me!”
But….
Everyone was drunk,
Now she is just sore,
Embarrassed and confused….
Feeling like a *****.
©B L Costello 2016

Everyone’s begging for armageddon  
They all want to see the blood,
Punish them all
Lock them up
But all we need is love
It’s not about ***,
It not about baby’s
**** his ring
No one can save me
Nobody sees behind my mask
Or touches me without a glove
We are all becoming senseless
And all we need is love
BLCostello©2021

When black and white turn to gray,
Left and right lose their way
In the drab they lose direction,
Stalled at the intersection,
There we ponder which is best.
North?
South?
East, or West?
How many tolls must we pay?
Which is best?
It’s wrong to say,
Don’t ask
Don’t tell
That’s the code,
Common law,
No king of this road
Just a queen with no where to be,
Hail her royal majesty
©B L Costello 2019

Because…. She, is my mother,
Because…. She, gave me life,
I must make arrangements,
But she was never nice,
When I was young and helpless,
I felt her disgust,
When confidence is challenged,
You have no one to trust,
I wanted to trust her!
Sometimes, I would pretend,
But she could not believe what I said about her “Friend”,
And now, she is helpless……
Now, she cannot walk,
Aphasic since the stroke,
She never liked to talk,
She hated a "mess”,
Especially ones I made,
I learned how to clean,
Because…I was afraid,
She never liked to cook,
The staff helps her to eat,
Every time I visit,
They tell me, “she is sweet”,
I wish they knew her then,
I wish that they were right,
I wish she was my friend,
But she was never nice
©B L Costello 2018

She stood behind him, but she did not hide,
She offered her hand,
And it was denied,
He lied for an hour, Enough was enough,
He said goodnight,
and she ripped it up.

The worry the dread and all the doubt,
I think out loud but will not shout,
I know what other people may say,
They don’t know I was born this way
Strumming my uke sets me free,
Then I wonder…..Do penguins have knees?
Obsession, starts,
I cannot quit,
Does my gold fish have lips?
Distracted,
Annoyed,
I don’t know the answers,
I think I am okay,
Do I have cancer?
Over whelmed,
Did I pay that bill?
Fu-k!, it on the mantle still
Its 2 in the morning,
Saturday,
There’s nothing to do but shut up play
©B L Costello 2020

The world so turned away from his love,
I have to wonder,
Is this the “Flood”?
Karma reminds,
The is no end,
“What comes around goes around, again“,
That being said,
Who could dare say?
Is the Savior here?
Is this judgement day?
Depending on your sentiment,
It could be old testament,
The decision alone makes me age,
Its just a virus,
Its not the plaque
©B L Costello 2020

The music was much more,
When you had nothing to say
So, whether I read or not,
I interpreted anyway,
Such a thrill it was,
Amazed I sat in the dark
So many shades of gray!
Then talkies broke our hearts

BLCostello©2021

“I will love you forever”,
He said to you,
But when forever is over,
What do you do?
And what is forever, when someone is gone?
Without the clock,
Does time go on?
How do we measure the weeks and days,
When the calendar is taken away?
Numb,
I can hardly tell I am here,
So many chairs,
The covered mirrors,
Time to ponder,
Time to accept,
In 7 days,
I will reflect
B L Costello © 2019

Submit or succumb,
What the hell did I do?
Give into desire,
Or give into you?
Questions like ghosts,
Persist like a want,
Lighting a smoke,
I engage the haunt,
Searching myself,
I forget what I had,
Exhausted,
Taking another drag.
The alarm goes off,
I extinguish the ****,
“Good morning baby,
It’s time to get up”
©B L Costello 2017

He tied a slip knot,
His commitment,
Pretend,
An easy escape
Pull at the end,
How perfect i thought,
I envied his wit,
We were the polar….opposite
How simple the break
Metaphoric perfection,
Breaking the bound,
Increasing tension,
No loop to uncross,
No cutting today,
Just squeeze and pull yourself away
B L Costello ©2017

Was it the pants,
Or was it the shoes?
The world was fascinated by you,
Was it the hat?
I cannot decide!
You made us laugh,
You made us cry,
On the silver screen,
You were heaven sent,
They made you a homeless immigrant,
So sad they really went too far,
When Hollywood removed your star,
No crime,
Your choices were to blame,
A prop,
You should have used your cane
©B L Costello 2019

I think I'm dying,
I am to scared to ask
The government’s lying
Pull up your mask,
The shelves are low
Some do without,
I sneezed,
Someone shouted,
“Cover your mouth”!
The order is mute
I wonder why?
The only thing exposed are my eyes,
I am disgusted,
Without a reply
Tasting my sneeze,
I lower my eyes,
I am scared,
I pray,
What else can I do?
It would have been nice,
To hear, "Bless you".
©BLC 2022

I am scared,
I am confused,
my heart is crying,
I am not afraid of going broke,
I am afraid of dying,
But how I miss your face,
A mask cannot hide beautiful,
I wish you would have worn it,
We can’t even have a funeral
B L Costello ©2020

Long before she was ever rejected,
She was planned….
At least expected,
Before children laughed,
Before the police….
She was loved,
She kept the peace,
I wonder if they see her now,
They who loved her…..and who taught her how,
To tie her shoe,
To washed her face,
Who left her in that awful place?
Somebody loved her…..
Before she went crazy,
Once…..
We were all….
Somebody’s baby
©B L Costello 2016

I have asked you for years,
You always reply,
“I like what I see",
“Honey, your fine"
I guess I felt loved,
I cannot deny,
I know **** well,
Sometimes….you lie,
That is just something,
When I am down…..
I just do,
It lifts me up when you approve,
I was packing my lunch,
Just dreading work,
I cry way too easy,
You know…”the truth hurts",
Like sleeping alone,
When you come to bed late,
I am sorry I asked,
And I gained so much weight.
BLC©2022

As if it had something to prove,
It stayed right there,
It did not move,
And I kept coming,
Expecting  the best,
I could have missed it!
I failed that test,
I just kept going,
it went too far,
I’ll  dry my tears,
and I'll wash my car,
I never meant it to come to this
An accident or a death wish?

A snob and a guy,
They should have been kin,
A scholar and a pedestrian,
An unlikely pair,
Two of the best!,
Indeed!
It was, "another fine mess!",
"Fine"-"Indeed"!
I don't know why.....
I loved it when the skinny one cried!
Even better...(I'm not so bad)
I love it when the fat guy got mad!
Together was genius,
Alone only half,
I am glad they met and made me laugh
©B L Costello 2019

Before you became a diabetic,
Before the pain and the anesthetic,
We ate,
We smoked,
We slept past noon,
We played until we were out of tune,
We laughed at the cost,
“Go ahead…bill me,
I guess something has to **** me”,
And now…it is,
Imagine that,
But ****,
I miss being stupid and fat
© B L Costello 2016

Against my nature,
And all of my plans,
I reached for you,
You extended your hand,
“Hold on”,
You said,
“I will always be there”
When I lost my grip,
You pulled my hair,
Ignoring my tears,
I begged you…
”let go”,
You only yanked harder,
Telling me…”no”,
I am tired,
My battles never ends,
Are you my bully,
My lover,
Or friend?
Tell me,
I’ll listen,
We can have a good life
Sometimes,  
Let go!
And just say,
I’m alright
BLC©2022

“Hurry, come in”
he said at the door,
The Jehovah witness never heard that before,
Anxious to carry on “God’s plan”,
He never noticed the blood on his hands,
Not till he notice the drops on the floor,
How this would go,
No one was sure,
“Okay”,
Said his host,
“I don’t believe...that God is here or he loves me”
The witness nodded,
"I understand...May I go and wash my hands”?,
“No, not the bathroom…….”
“The kitchen, please...That room, really embarrasses me”,
The witness said,
"I'm embarrassed too, I don’t know if he loves me or you"!
The host replied “Do You know…..what I've done”
Are you judging me?
Are you having fun?"
“No, I am too selfish”
The witness confessed,
“I don’t really care about your mess,
"I can still hear her cry..."
"I tore her dress..."
"But she had such a pretty mouth,"
"No, you should never judge....
Or let strangers into your house”
©B L Costello 2019

INFJ,
I guess...I'm okay!
It's nobody's fault,
It's how I am made,
1%
Who could have guessed?
I'm not an alien,
I'm no threat,
I'm "just special",
The test was cheap,
To tell me...I'm rare,
Not a creep

BLCostello 2024