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bluevelvet Jun 2017
I wonder if you could read

The things I write now,

Would they somehow make you proud?

Or would you just remember

The words of a fifteen year old girl

That didn't even write them,

Just formed to fit her current mood

And have they?

Are your dreams beautiful?

More than you could have ever hoped for?

I hope they are.
Life can be hard life can be confusing but know this life can be amazing and beautiful so don't give up and keep on trying beacuse one day your dreams will come true and you will be free to be what you want to be
bluevelvet Jun 2017
I write frequently about you now.
It's all I can seem to do to stay sane.
I like to believe I'll be free one day, free like I was when I met you. Free before the storms of regret and life in general set in.
I know I should get up, go do something and have fun. But I've never felt so alone. It's probably not even half of what I truly deserve.
I'd like to believe that you are the same nice and caring you. You would wish me the best and let me know that I will never be alone even though you'll never be here. And I don't think I have experienced a darker time in my life, and all I really needed is you. But you sent that part of you far away and I wonder if it came back here, lurking in the corners until it was found.
It was found. And it will never be replaced or taken away again.
If there is one thing I wish I could tell you it's this,

You are you
And he is he
Please never mistake the two
Because he is a haunting I no longer wished to have known
And I will take you wherever I go.

I realize how horrible that is. I can never take what I did back. My second biggest regret will never trying harder to reach out to you. My biggest will always never realizing it was always you. A silly face drowned out by the shadow from the sun, it's something I will never forget. And even when I'm mad and lost with things I don't understand, even though my words don't mean anything to you anymore and aren't reason enough to write songs of. I hope you find it in you to trust me when I say that I hope you have endless silly faces. I hope even when the suns shadow covers your face, the light you both give off brings it back from the unwanted dark.
And I don't know if I'll find myself again or if I'll find someone else.
The only thing I do know is that I will always keep that part of our lives in my heart.
Nothing close to a poem but it's just how I feel.
bluevelvet Jun 2017
I want to go to the water
Breathe the air in
Feel my feet in the lakes sand

But I will still be in this car
Your ghost,
The static of radio silence
Endless summer behind cracked windows,
Decay of winter if I should step out
Like you did so long ago

I wish you were still here
But I could never
Take the broken glass from
Your side window and chisel
Myself into the things you knew

I still feel you there
Even though I could never
Take the peroxide you used
To erase your fingerprints
And cleanse myself inside out

Still, you will never be anywhere
Because I tried replacing
The things I had forgotten while still in this car

Remember how you'd carry
The sun just to brighten my day,
Just a decade too late
It will never be enough
My body turns a sickly blue
As the winter air seeps through
And this time,
I will never forget you
bluevelvet Jun 2017
She no longer has that power

He flew away in the midnight hour

Nothing lasts forever

Wings flap in shades of clever

There's no longer any voodoo talking

He likes to come back for vengeful haunting
bluevelvet Jun 2017
This is the story of an old man
He likes to light up city's
And disappear without a will to understand
Because he's oh, so witty

It may not seem like much
But it used to cause a fever touch
And just short of love
Maybe it would have been enough

But here's the story of how
He likes to light this up
And makes fun of a fat cow
(But I'm jumping ahead)
This is the story of us:

Once upon a time in a village it seems, there was cheer and laughter with a promise of 'next year'. It was quite dark out, hard to see. There was a peasant sitting on a bench made from tree, and the knight in shinning arm was pleasantly knelled before her feet.

In the moonlight he gripped her face, a soft thumb wiped a graceful tear off a less than perfect cheek. They blocked out the distant noise with the sound of their heartbeats.

With a quiver just above a whisper the girl said,

"I'm never gonna see you again, am I?"

The hand grabbed tighter onto her face as the knights booming and sturdy voice said,

"This is not the end!"

Try with all her might, she couldn't phantom this being right. He made her brave and carefree, made her feel a numbing pulse and shaking knees. But we all have doubts, especially the ones that believe they are never good enough.

"You don't know just how stunning you are tonight," is what the boy said.

Maybe it was beautiful or maybe it was a different verb. The peasant girl, being useless in every way, tends to not remember every word that they would say. But at least she forgives eventually.

The boy hugged her and whispered,

"I wish I could kiss you right now."

She knew she heard correctly but wanted to make sure. So she tore apart the hug and asked him to repeat what he said.

"I wish I could hug you," is what he said he had said.

"No, it's not. You said you wanted to kiss me," she defiantly stated.

He looked back up at her and said,

"That is what I said."


And that truly shocked this poor girl because never had anyone said that directly to her that she wanted to kiss back.

"You don't want to kiss me," she wanted to play difficult.

"I do want to kiss you," he said in a hurry.

She decided to be brave again. Life is too short, she reasoned.

"So why don't you?" She asked him. But her heart was going against the portrait of strength on her face.

"I don't want to mess things up," he sighed, defeated.

She was truly lost here. What could he possibly mess up? Did they not want each other?

"What are you going to mess up if you kissed me?" She pondered.

"I just want to make sure it's right. I promise I'll kiss you one day."

And so he decided that he was done with conversation and she wasn't very rhythmic. So he left her there on that bench.

He left her there in every single way.

Over the years, she had made plenty of mistakes. And she figures he has kissed plenty to this day. Anyone can find her traveling that short distance to the same spot.

He found better, the thing that's most definitely right. Now she writes in the early hours of morning. She gets angry at herself and at him, sometimes the world and how he truly knows how to show you life isn't fair.

But she goes and although she no longer is a peasant and he is a different knight in shinning armor, she lets her soul and imagination run free. Goes back in time, finds the strength to kiss him instead.
I'd say 'The End' but we haven't got to where she's a fat cow just yet! (That's the best part!)
bluevelvet Jun 2017
There is

       Three hundred and thirty million gods



            Like there is

     Three hundred and thirty million voices

                  

                But yours is the truth?


  I'll take that regret like I fell


                 far,



                                    far



             from grace.
You can say you kept your word, God is faithfully honest after all.


But I'll spend my time finding my truth away from your delusion.
bluevelvet Jun 2017
I'm not one
For patience and
An overdose of
Memory loss

I wonder if
This is the pain
You felt when I
Would talk about him

And the rage
When you believe
I didn't mean
A single word I said

What can I say?
I loved him
And you?
You loved walls

Walls can be
Your new found
"Middle name!"
And I will outlive
Any name you give me

I will eventually
Reach a north and
Be more than
All the little things
You and every person
Perceived me to achieve

And on that day?
You can breathe this in
And go
Straight to south
#journey
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