bluevelvet

bluevelvet Jun 2017

Untitled

Did it take a month?
Maybe it took a year?
Was it five minutes?
How long exactly was it
For you to turn it into a joke?
Did you even mean it?
Probably not.

bluevelvet Jun 2017

The Thing About Cyber-Stalking

For such a good boy
You sure don't know the meaning of nice
But such is life, no?

And I most definitely get it,
I wasn't the kindest
But thankfully I'm not filled with blindness

I'll write you away one day.

bluevelvet Jun 2017

Untitled

I looked for the same kind
Green and 7 ruled subject
But with my consistent luck
There was none to find

So I bought the closest to it
I don't know if the pages will fit

I've tore out four pages so far
And I keep losing focus
In the way that I always do
But it's not lost on other things
Just the things I wonder if you
Would have liked to do
If you'd like this
Or if you'd like that
But then I remember I'm fat
And you never liked me anyway
I just can't fit it in a perfect poem like you

And I wonder if you'll get the notion
To search this place in 10 years again
Will you still see how everything I write
Will still have a part of you in it?

And do find an inkling of respect
Tell me how great life is
Leave the foot shaped mud tracks real deep,
Tell me how the I Do went,
Kids and everything
Make sure it hurts

But I'll sit here,
Write about the things I remember
Somehow tell him it's obviously about him
If there ever is another him

And he'll ask why I'm looking at the floor.

"Old habits die hard, I guess."

bluevelvet Jun 2017

Untitled

Now I'm left to wonder if it's fair to touch another heart, another soul, another being. No matter how many layers are cleaned off there will always be this one that stays. Permanent like a tattoo. A youth forever remembered by all the things I should have done. It'd not be fair to leave those black fingerprints on them when I leave because I don't think anyone could ever make me forget this.

And when I wipe my eyes clean, the black turns to liquid and runs into my eyes. The pain is close to how I remember thinking you'd forget me by Fall. But it was me. It was me that let you down.

Everything is quiet now. Silent like the evening you sang that song. And I can feel the way it made me feel empty because it felt like you took everything out of me to admire but slammed it back in when I pointed out the similarities and you said no, it's for when you find the one. But you were looking down then and I just realized that too.

And now you sing it to the one and I feel the ache again but it's different because you're not here and you never will be. And in brief moments I wonder if it tastes bitter to sing it, to feel those words on your lips. If it reminds you of the table that is long gone and the way the birds were singing in the cooling down summer evening air. Of how I had my hands gripping the bench on each of my sides because I was so nervous. And I wonder if they knew I was the first to hear you sing it. But there's a first for everything and there's always a last until the end. And I'm always the first that's replaced and forgotten.

But I'm only talking to myself here. Reliving this past alone. Drowning in black salt water by myself. And now I'm just asking your ghost when the air will be gone.

bluevelvet Jun 2017

"You're a little too much for me."

I'd come get my things
But my hands are covered
In the smeared black ash
Of my unholy decayed past

These little things,
They bring new sounds
Fill my ungrateful head
With sounds of the dead

And I hope on a stage
My memory no longer fades
And you let it bloom
No longer wilt with doom

Because in every room
I have cleaned them out
Filled them with flowers of you
I hope you have no doubt

No matter where you go,
No matter what you do
There will always be a part of you
And I hope I make you proud too

Lorde is a great inspiration.
No spell check needed,
No pun intended.

Even if you don't miss me, I'll always miss you.

bluevelvet Jun 2017

Untitled

Met by chance
Didn't give it a second glance
And I do,
I hope you dance
Forever in the rain and sunshine
I hope it's kind to you,
I hope it shines through
Who I was is still there,
Buried beneath the wear and tear
You reminded me of it
Just forever too late
And it's a regret I'll carry to my grave
And I know my words mean nothing to you
But I know I'll miss you forever, it's true
I hope you don't forget me
But if you do I'll understand
Your life is filled with big plans,
None of which involve the help of my hand
But I will always stand,
Forever in time,
Cheering you on in my mind
Always to remember the summer of sublime

bluevelvet Jun 2017

Patti Cake (haiku)

It's a favorite song
I hope you dance to it
With them forever long

So why do I lie here?
Thinking you're still there
Like good would always care

It's only fair
But I will never dare
That storm's already fared