I haven’t seen You
since the second grade
when I changed my name.
when You lost me,
and things changed.
I started to wonder if I’d ever see You.
but You were too far gone.
You weren’t my father anymore,
You were just the man that made me possible.
however, I was just as manic as You,
just as addicted.
You left what You could in my DNA
but I cycled down my own path
and fell hard without guidance.
tripped upon things that only
the silence of the night can recollect.
alone in my third story bedroom,
I saw the world before me
each endeavored existence.
felt the night breathe its cool breath
into the slumber of my visions.
You and I were the same then.
there was not a shred of difference
I grew as a monster does by its own devices.
fueled by diseases I couldn’t even name
and though I had not seen You
nor heard your voice in the last eight years
I was the same as You. We were the same.

Far from the world, O Lord, I flee,
From strife and tumult far;
From scenes where Satan wages still
His most successful war.

The calm retreat, the silent shade,
With prayer and praise agree;
And seem, by Thy sweet bounty made,
For those who follow Thee.

There if Thy Spirit touch the soul,
And grace her mean abode,
Oh, with what peace, and joy, and love,
She communes with her God!

There like the nightingale she pours
Her solitary lays;
Nor asks a witness of her song,
Nor thirsts for human praise.

Author and Guardian of my life,
Sweet source of light Divine,
And, -- all harmonious names in one, --
My Saviour! Thou art mine.

What thanks I owe Thee, and what love,
A boundless, endless store,
Shall echo through the realms above,
When time shall be no more.

Boys like girls
Or are they boys?
Take no heed, take no heed;
Have another hurricane on me.
It's all the same
Down here
On Bourbon Street.

Oh, will you ever return to me,
My wild first force, will you return
When the old madness comes to
Blacken in me and to burn
Slow in my brain like a slow fire
In a blackened brazier - dull
like a smear of blood,
Humid and hot evil, slow-sweltering
up in a flood!
Oh, will you not come back, my fierce song?
Jubilant and exultant, triumphing over
the huge wrong
of that slow fire of madness that feeds
on me - the slow mad blood
thick with its hate and evil, sweltering
up in its flood!
Oh! will you not purge it from me -
my wild lost flame?
Come and restore me, save me from the
intolerable shame
Of that huge eye that eats into my
Naked body constantly
And has no name,
Gazing upon me from the immense and
Cruel bareness of the sky
That leaves no mercy of concealment
That gives no promise of revealment
And that drives us on forever with its
lidless eye
Across a huge and houseless level of
a planetary vacancy
Oh, wild song and fury, fire and flame,
Lost magic of my youth return, defend
me from this shame!
And Oh! You golden vengeance of bright
song
Not cure but answer to earth's wrong

My brain flows like the current of the ocean
thoughts and memories constantly in motion.
Ideas tend to come and go
some are nice and deep yet others are shallow.
I have a unique way of thinking
I can give advice confidently without blinking.
Yet somehow my own problems are too complex
I look at them through foggy specs
because my brain battles with my heart
as I slowly fall apart
from not knowing whether to surf the wave
or to go with my heart and be brave.
My mind says one thing heart says another
slightly contradicting like a father and a mother.
Both want what they view is best for you but they differ
while I'm here stuck with a mess that can't get cleaned by swiffer.
Right now my heart is broken so there's only one thing to do
which is surf the waves of my brain until I get over you.
My situations like an whirlpool dragging me down
but this young man refuses to drown.
So I write poems for they're my life preserver,
and I'll swim on because I guess I don't deserve her.
These are thee waves that crash in my head
every night before I go to bed.
Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane
but it's just the waves that are crashing in my brain.

you might have flaws but you're my best friend
you're my one cause until all your pain ends
I want to give you love, I will give you true love
all I ask in return is that you keep the belief that together we rise above
every demon feeds on different parts of a beaten heart
every uncaring love that's come close stumbles your new start
what you don't remember yet is that I've always been here
and until you know you can depend on me I'll be the one that keeps you near

this music is just for you
can you hear it?
this love is a fact proven true
and you never have to fear it

you always have a hand to hold yours because I'll never make a fist
you can let go and take comfort in this fall because there's no risk
I'll be what you've been taught to give up hoping for
I'll give you closeness craved until you feel satisfied then I'll give you more

smash the statues and tear the paintings off the walls in your life's museum
you never have to walk those halls, there's no call anymore to have to see them

we began a new story with the first kiss in each other's arms
our pages never write down the imperfections of the world that would cause us harm
we own the moments, these are ours to keep just for us
these are the times that remind us what it means to trust

I know you need the pain to stop, someone to fight for you, a true best friend
so I'm your guiding light until life's bright for you and it's dawn in your heart again