In seventh grade I watched my friend bleed out
Holding what was left of his leg, he whispered, "This isn't good."
They say that the human body contains eight pints of blood
I counted nine.

When you were born, no one knew.
No one knew how intense the galaxy inside of you was.
How each star would illuminate your eyes,
and how you would illuminate mine.

In tenth grade,
my dad didn't talk to me for three months.
I didn't know who I was for three months.
My light became darkness as his love became emptiness.
Father, love me the way I love you. I pretend not to,
please be the same way as me.

Your heart grew faster than my hands, brother.
I hope someone loves you more than I.
For I am what you are, everything without and within,
forever and without the night.

Mother,
do you feel what I feel? Do you see what I see?
Am I what you imagined, more or less?
Do my words matter? Does my heartbeat pound alone?
Do you love me?

You are what illuminates my eyes, Queen Anne's Lace.
With or without, from your eyes to mine,
silence with noise, electricity moves throughout
yet I am calm. You are what I know,
and all that should be known is that
you deserve to be happy.

In twelfth grade my father tried to stab me.
If he was successful, it wouldn't have been the first time
one of his actions got past the surface level.

It's not your fault, burning rainbow on the water.
Adaptation without reclamation I find you in my translation
as hurt yet elation. Mother.

My kaleidoscope,
so soon,
mirroring colors and shape.
Am I looking at myself?

I don't care if you don't comprehend, the words I say or how I end.
And if you don't understand the words that pass,
your eyes, like your heart, are transparent glass.
Taste throughout, with blood mixed in, the way I beat has always been
to know, to show, to allow what I see now to be seen,
may I know what I let go is what I'll always mean.
Thunderbolts from your mouth, good luck to me because I am shocked.
There is no lock. There is no lock. There is no lock.

I live throughout different years, with evolving eyes without resolving fears.
I've been afraid. I've been lost.
Kaleidoscope.
No longer, no more.  
My heart is an open door.

Blood stained pants.
Hands without.
With every word,
every shout.

Up until my insomnia meets me
I lied when I said I forgot
I was scared what you'd think
If I said that  I love you a lot

People have only cared for minutes
Leaving me to care for days
When I look at you all I can think
Is please don't go away

I can see me in your eyes
I dream of dreaming with you
I can trace your scars with mine
My thoughts are bleeding through:

My Talia, I know what it's like to not be seen;
what it's like to be alone in a crowded room.
For you, my star, I want you to know:
that no one shines as bright as you.

I can taste you moving on my skin.
My gasp is air you sustain.
hand in hand, under an umbrella
with you, I am safe.

1, I tried looking for the best man one day. I found you
And realized, there is no one better.
2, I will always be interested in you.
You're too interesting to lose interest in. There's always something to do,
Always something to talk about.
3, I will always love you.
No matter what.
Rich, poor, sickness, health, life, death.
I will always love you.
4, although you worry about being used,
I can't use somebody I love this much.
5, I hate infidelity.
6, if you give me your heart,
I will protect it with my life.
It will be my most precious gem,
I will adore it, love it, nurture it.
I won't let anything happen to it.
I will bury it deep into soul
and have it surrounded by love
and joy on all sides.
It'll be my own island
and I'll call it
"cour de m'amour" (heart of my love).
And I will live on it
and build our empire on it,
and everytime you hold your heart,
you'll feel my love,
and you'll be filled with the warmest joy one could produce.
I'm yours.
Your friend, wife, joy,
future, present,
family, partner, other half
and everything else I could be
and you want me to be.
And don't you ever forget it.
7, I care too much to ever leave.
I'm here, and I'm here to stay,
for you, for us.
8, I'm breaking out of my shell
& trying to be the best for you.
9, I will always be here for you.
You're a strong man and
I won't let nothing break you down.
Just like you protect me,
I protect you and
I refuse to fail.
You are not alone,
I will never forsake you.
As long as there is breath in your body
I will be there with you,
holding your hand.
I won't let anything happen to you.
10, it's only kismet that we're together. We're soul mates. Partners, for life.
11, I love you like XO!!

Would you have
     our stars not shine?
Would you have darkness
      be your shrine?

r ~ 5/5/14

Come morning,
when darkness lifts
its veil of mourning,
the warm sun gifts
her day to praise
with sweet refrain
on a grassy grave
in the mountains.

r ~ 5/10/14