I like to be
The victim
The unknowing
Who got played

I like to fall
The martyr
The faithful one
Until the end

I like to plead
The honest dupe
The defendant
Full of belief

I like to ignore
The truth
The innocent
Who swallowed lies

I like to know
The reason
The stupid girl
Whose heart is broken

I’ll dance in the rain
For a chance at forgiveness
To let it wash away
All my wrongs

I’ll kneel at the cross
In hopes of redemption
To cleanse my soul
Of all my sons

I’ll face the fire
To please whoever
To free my mind
Of all these thoughts

I’ll shed my blood
For saving grace
To make right
All the wrong I’ve done

I’m the girl
You call
For a good time
I’ll never meet your mom

I’m the one
You tell your secret
In the dark night
I’ll never know your light

I’m the piece
You use to satisfy
Your lonely night
I’ll never be more

I’m the one
You will never leave
Because your afraid
I’m the one who knows

I’m mad
With it all
At myself
At the world
At you

I’m lost
Where am I
In this universe
In this life
In this moment

I’m tired
Trying so hard
To be strong
To be smart
To be it all

I’m a failure
In this disguise
Having faith
Having dreams
Having hope

I’m done
Without regret
I’m not strong
I’m not surprised
I’m just finished

I’m prettier
Than her
I feel petty
For thinking so

I’m smarter
Than her
I’m not sure
That’s even true

I’m better
Than her
When it comes
To loving you

I’m sadder
Than her
I’m not the one
That you want.

I’m empty
Running on fumes
I’m hanging  
On a thread
And a prayer

I’m nothing
Totally empty
I’m existing
On a moment
And a breath

I’m finished
Nothing left
I’m numb
On a life
And a time

I’m praying
For resurrection
I’m dependent
On a dream
And myself

I’m hesitant
Your hands in my hair
Your breath teasing my ear

I’m scared
Your words in my head
Your scent lingers on my skin

I’m doubtful
Your eyes piercing mine
Your embrace holds me tight

I’m surrendering
Your play wins me over
Your presence wrecks me

I’m done
I’ve nothing
Left to give

I’m out
I’m empty
Out of space

I’m finished
I’m complete
I’m numb

I’m lonely
The silence
Is palpable

I’m sad
The melancholy
Is heartbreaking

I’m lost
The uncertainty
Is frightening

I’m indifferent
The numbness
Is life saving.

I have no flow
I’m either
A babbling brook
Or full on tsunami

I lost the rhythm
I’m either
Stiff as a board
Or a gyrating mess

I hold out hope
I’m either
Filled with belief
Or running on empty

I long for answers
I’m either
Head in the clouds
Or relentless in my quest

I’m me
I’m either
Perfectly imperfect
Or flawed flawlessly

I’m not ok
If you ask
I’ll lie and
Say I’m fine
As a swallow
The drink
And drag
The needle
Across my skin
I’ll smile
To your face
And weep
Uncontrollably
Once im alone
I’m a put together mess
And no one knows
How I ache inside
It’s best not to tell
You get the mirage
While the tsunami
Takes a toll
On what’s left of me

My heart is so heavy
I’m not sure
There will be room
For another

My love is spent
I’m not sure
That I can
Love another

My life is long
I’m not sure
That I’m ready
To surrender

I’m that girl
That won’t let go
Hanging on tight
Until the goodbye

I’m that girl
That won’t believe
I’m not that one
Until you say those words

I’m that girl
That will love you still
Through a broken heart
Until the rest of my life

I’m
Trying
To be
Cool
Not play
My hand
Too early
But you
Tug
My heart
Spark
My giggle
Excite
My senses

Maybe I needed you
In this moment
In this time

Maybe I longed for you
With your words
In this time

Maybe I wanted you
With your touch
In this time

Maybe I’m ok without you
In this day
In this time

This loss
Is not
Your gain

This failure
Is not
Your win

This bump
Is not
Your path

This mess
Is not
Your win

It’s off
The feeling
The day
The time

It’s wrong
The moment
The space
The air

It’s weird
The groove
The vibe
The aura

It’s me
The one
The girl
The stranger

I want to tear it
All down
And get a
Do over

I want to rage
Against it all
And know
It’s ok

I want to cry
Until I can’t
And feel
New again

I want to be
Still in the moment
And breathe
Again

I wish I knew
Why you couldn’t love me
But maybe the truth
Would break my heart?

I miss you
I get how
You stopped
Loving me
I’m a lot
Of broken pieces
Patience
Is required
To put me
Together again
I wish
When you
Felt it
You told me
Instead of
Pretending
That we
Were ok
I’m trying
To forgive you
For
Breaking
My heart

I wonder how you know?
You text at the perfect time
Your words fill the void
That countless others couldn’t

I wonder if you know?
I’m stronger than before
I won’t fall again so easily
That girl is no longer

I wonder what you know?
When our eyes meet
Our spaces intertwine
That moment you are mine

i want to dwell
I want to wallow
In the saddness

I want to linger
I want to stay
In this moment

I want to lament
I want to rage
In the now

I want to surrender
I want to give in
But I won’t

If you called
I would answer
And I would say yes

If you texted
I would respond
And I would agree

If you needed
I would be there
And I would be yours

Your scent
Lingers
On my skin

My lips
Raw
From your need

My body
Spent
With satisfaction

My soul
Wondering
What this means

My heart
Oblivious
Because I know better

Alone
With some who loves you
Or with some you love

Are there lesser evils
Do we call it
As we see it
Does life stop
Or move on
Am I even allowed
To ask

The days
Roll by
With unanswered
Questions
Because the truth
Can’t be believed

Yet here I am
Forever hopeful
That the unknown
Will soon
Be my reality

I’ll keep my heart
Close to the vest
just in case
This life
Is not what it should be

Words
Like scars
Tattoo my soul

Reminders
Like cuts
Scar my brain

Memories
Like cancer
Ravage my body

Images
Like nightmares
Steal my dreams

Reality
Like ******
Explodes my world

Lost
Just me
Alone
But ok
I know
That
I’m enough

I got nothing
No insightful words
Or encouraging prose

Love is beautiful
And heartbreaking
In the moment

We choose our battles
And pick our sides
Feelings be ******

Yet truth be told
Emotions exposed
This pain is real

We write about it
Over and over
Again

We wallow in it
Until it settles beneath
Our skin

We cast hope
On superstitious
Falling stars

We defeat ourselves
On happy endings
That will never come








Our skin

It sits on my chest
Like an anvil
Weighing me down
Causing me pain

It feeds on my soul
Like a parasite
Eating away slowly
Leaving me empty

It steals my joy
Like a thief in the night
Robbing my being
****** me bare

It leaves me lonely
Like a closing door
Sealing my fate
Breaking my heart.

If I sit
Still enough
Maybe no one
Will notice

If I stay
So quiet
Maybe no one
Will hear

If I linger
Out of sight
Maybe no one
Will care

If I scream
Into the dark
Maybe no one
Will  shiver

If I fall
By myself
Maybe no one
Will follow

I’m broken
I get it
I’m a lot to love
A crazy mess
Who doubts herself
And accuses you

But I’m worth
The amount of time
You’ll spend looking
For the girl
Who’ll love you
With everything she has

The beginning
May be a hurtle
I’ve got walls
Too much to climb
For the weak

When you make it
To the top of me
I’ll love you
More than anything
Has ever

I’m an idiot
Thinking anyone
Would care
About this mess
That I’ve become.

A pretty package
With a **** voice
And quick wit
A nice facade
That’s what I am

Only I know
What lies beneath
Take the mask off
And you’ll see
And run away

I’m mess
Needn’t tell you
I’m pretty sure
You know

My heart
Is broken
No matter
Your kindness

I can’t
Love anyone
I’m tapped out
You see

Just a shell
All that’s left
Of the girl
I used to be

I left a crease
In the blind
So the moonlight
could sneak in
And calm me
As I cry
A million tears
For what was
And what is
Caress my cheek
Moon
Tell me
All will be ok
Reassure me
Through
The night
Until
The sun
Takes your place

The world
Is on fire
Hate
Is trying
To win

All lives
Do Matter
Color
Is losing
The fight

This stand
Is important
Justice
Is needing
To be served

The calm
Must prevail
Honor
For a life lost
Without Violence

So, I’ve this heart
That’s too big
And accommodating
It welcomes all

It’s the most beautiful
Tragic thing
You will ever
Encounter

It loves unconditionally
And uncontrollably
To all that dare
Cross it’s path

It’s broken
And misshapen
But so full
It’s busts at the seams

It has no boundaries
And no limits
It’s yours for
The asking

You can take
What you want
And leave what
You can

In the end
I’ll find peace
Even if only
Ashes remain.

You should know
I can’t love you
I promised myself
Years ago
To never fall
Into that again

Things turned
And you left
A stupid letter
Of empty excuses

Months of chats
And shared desires
Meant nothing
In your exit

Shattered dreams
And loneliness
My consolation
Of loving you

I miss you
Tonight
When the moon
Is waning
When my heart
Is empty
When my being
Is aching
When the earth
Orbits the moon
And you
Are far away
Such foolishness
I’ll be done
With the sunrise
A new beginning
My soul soothed
And the promise
Of a new day

Oh new guy
This is me

Scars
Carefully concealed

Crazy
Held in check

Drama
Politely hidden

Paranoia
Dismissed quietly

Reality
Completely ignored

No one
Will put me on a pedestal
And buy me a tiara

No one
Will watch the eclipse
And tell me that they’re falling

No one
Will love me for me
And  make  me think I’m enough

No one
Will make me believe
That the past is the past

No one
Will convince me
That I’m what they’ve been waiting for

No one
Will make me trust
That their words are the truth

No one
Will gain my trust
And make me believe

No one
Will stop out of the blue
And leave me alone

No one can love me
I’m broken
Beyond repair

No one will stay
I’m used goods
Not worth their time

No one understands
I’m not perfect  
Beneath the cracks

No one gets
I’m worth the effort
Beneath the surface

I think of you
Like a nursery rhyme
That  plays on repeat
In my head

You were the boy
Eating the pie
Kissing the girls
Until I cried

You wore red
And slept in beds
Not caring
If they weren’t mine

You were the
Little twinkle
In the little star
I just didn’t know how far

You were spider
That sat beside her
And pretended
You didn’t bite

You were the Jack
Who went up the hill
And when we fell
You disappeared

You were the rhyme
That ended my dream
That there would be
A happy ending

The wasted tears
The mascara stains
The ruined pillowcases
Of unknown thread count

The empty bottle
The used tissues
The endless nights
Of wasted emotion

The stifled cries
The deliberate cuts
The pleas to God
Of quiet desperation

The bitter realization
The hope relinquished
The final surrender
Of a broken heart

My words
Mean nothing
Ramblings
Of the broken

My thoughts
Are nonsense
wandering  
Of the lost

My feelings
Are silly
Inappropriate
Of the needy

My response
Not required
Unsolicited
Of the unwanted

Alone
In bed
The thoughts
Roam
From good
To bad
Should I
Or no
I just need
To let go
The right hand
Ready
Good to go
She knows
The spots
No need
To show
Dead
To center
She’s got me
Oh!

I post a few pics
The ones
Where I’m pretty

You message
Hopeful
For reply

We banter
Back and forth
Nothing serious

Then we text
Words get deep
You wanna meet

I hesitate
I’m scared
A broken girl

You persist
I give in
Beyond nervous

I’ll be hopeful
The pieces
Can hold it together

You don’t have
To love me
I’m good
On my own

You don’t have
To need me
I got this
On my own

You don’t have
To pretend
I’m satisfied
On my own

You don’t have
To say the words
I’m wise enough
On my my own

You don’t have
To stick around
Im strong enough
On my own.