You aren’t
The one for me
Time has told
The truth
I didn’t want
to believe

You aren’t
Enough for me
Lessons learned
The past
I wasn’t sure
To trust

You aren’t
What I believed
Fairy tales
The story
I dreamed
To come true

You aren’t
And that’s ok
The reality
The bittersweet
I accepted
To move on

I looked at photos
Reminisced
Like a needle
Across my skin

How do I hate
And love
This much
In one breath

You linger
On my mind
As you dwell
In my heart

Your existence
Tears me apart
As I pray
For your well being

I try to run
From all that was us
As the memories
Hold me in place

I miss you
I get how
You stopped
Loving me
I’m a lot
Of broken pieces
Patience
Is required
To put me
Together again
I wish
When you
Felt it
You told me
Instead of
Pretending
That we
Were ok
I’m trying
To forgive you
For
Breaking
My heart

I blame the cat
If anyone asks
He’s so rambunctious
His claws are sharp

I just moved
If anyone asks
The boxes were heavy
I lift with my legs

Who knows I say
If any one asks
I’m super clumsy
Always bumping into things

No worries
If anyone asks
They bring relief
Keep me off the ledge

I’m not
Your girl
We spend time
Talking
And between
The sheets
But we aren’t
A couple
Or a thing
We’re chill
Your word
Not mine
I’m ok
With it
It suits us
You fill
A void
That I
Can’t

I’m empty
Running on fumes
I’m hanging  
On a thread
And a prayer

I’m nothing
Totally empty
I’m existing
On a moment
And a breath

I’m finished
Nothing left
I’m numb
On a life
And a time

I’m praying
For resurrection
I’m dependent
On a dream
And myself

Stupid girl
No one cares
Your troubles
Are your own

Stupid girl
No one knows
Your alone
all by yourself

Stupid girl
No ones coming
Your strength
Is all you have

I’m prettier
Than her
I feel petty
For thinking so

I’m smarter
Than her
I’m not sure
That’s even true

I’m better
Than her
When it comes
To loving you

I’m sadder
Than her
I’m not the one
That you want.

I’m lonely
The silence
Is palpable

I’m sad
The melancholy
Is heartbreaking

I’m lost
The uncertainty
Is frightening

I’m indifferent
The numbness
Is life saving.

I’m broken
I get it
I’m a lot to love
A crazy mess
Who doubts herself
And accuses you

But I’m worth
The amount of time
You’ll spend looking
For the girl
Who’ll love you
With everything she has

The beginning
May be a hurtle
I’ve got walls
Too much to climb
For the weak

When you make it
To the top of me
I’ll love you
More than anything
Has ever

I hate the way
You left me
On a Sunday
With no call

You disrupted dreams
With a preposter
Who wasn’t
You at all

I was left
To grieve alone.
My tears fell
I hit a wall

You said eternity
Which wasn’t true
Now I’m sad

You correspond
Because
Your afraid
I’ll float
Away

You inquire
Because
Your scared
I’ll entertain
Another

You linger
Because
Your hopeful
I’ll return
Someday

You wonder
Because
Your terrified
I’ll love
Again

I ******* hate you
But would bow
At your feet
If you asked

I ******* don’t need you
But would dissolve
At your touch
If you did

I ******* don’t care
But would stop time
At your request
If you needed

How do you not
Love me
I gave my all
I was perfect
Totally
On point
But you
Walked
You were
Done
Despite
My best effort
To hold
You here
I’m n my gaze
Unbelievable
That you are
Dane

He didn’t see
The scars
As he held
Me close

He didn’t notice
The tears
As he pulled
Me tight

He didn’t know
The thoughts
As he decided
Me his

He didn’t realize
The chasm
As he declared
Me the one.

I’m
Pathetic
The sad girl
A martyr
For love
An idiot
For sense
A lost
Cause
But
A hopeful
Heart
A synic
Who needs
Just to believe
That a
Love
Doesn’t
Die
Just fades
Until
The flames
Are fanned
A new
And love
Reigns
Once again

It’s too soon
To open our cages
And let us roam
Freely around

Our lessons
Are not yet learned
And we aren’t
Thinking sound

We feel trapped
Instead of safe
And we don’t want
To be homeward bound

Yet if we look
Into the future
Will know too late
When we aren’t found

Here I am again
The night lingering
Taunting me with ideas
Hope shaded by the moon

Here I go again
The day rising
Beckoning me to join
Promise wrapped in sunlight

Here I fall again
The life wasted
Pushing me to the limit
It’s the end of time

*******
I’m angry
I hate you
In the moment

*******
I don’t care
I despise you
In the now

*******  
I’m over it
I won’t love you
In this life

Tonight
I want to weep
To shake the walls
Maybe wake the dead
As I wail
The pain bubbles
To the surface
I’ll tremble
With release
And beg forgiveness
For uncommitted sins
Missing your shadow
And what
We might have been

If they knew
The thoughts
So dark
And deep

If they knew
The scars
So precise
And everlasting

If they knew  
The longing
So great
And encompassing

If they knew
The girl
So lost
and on the edge

I wonder how you know?
You text at the perfect time
Your words fill the void
That countless others couldn’t

I wonder if you know?
I’m stronger than before
I won’t fall again so easily
That girl is no longer

I wonder what you know?
When our eyes meet
Our spaces intertwine
That moment you are mine

It will be a day

   Of biting my lip
      Holding my breath
         Clearing my head
            Blocking the thoughts
               Denying the feelings

                               To stop the tears.

I loved you
Long ago
When stars mattered
And dreams were real

I believed in you
Sweet words
When hope lived
And possibility existed

I needed us
Perfect story
When it seemed impossible
And yet came true

I realize truth
Sad endings
Happen too
And yet I don’t give up

Don’t we all want to rage
Against brutality
Against injustice
Against intolerance
Against indifference

If it doesn’t affect you
Why do you care?

Because our fellow beings
Are being killed
Are being prosecuted
Are being denied
Are being tortured

What do you do?
For a cause you aren’t affected?

I rise up
I make my voice heard
I stand beside the oppressed
I bring awareness
I harbor hope

I’m here
For anyone suffering injustice

I’m standing
I’ll be your champion.
I’ll be your believer
I’ll tout your cause
I know you Matter

a drift
on my own
maybe no port exists
to dock my vessel
there is no safe harbor
to calm my tempest
i'll find no dry land
to find my footing
how will I survive?
then I recall
there is an anchor
to hold me still
i have a compass
to point me home
my faith is strong
to get me through
calm waters
crashing waves
ill find my way

It’s been awhile
But tonight
I was lingering
On the edge
Biting nails
Chewing my lip
Begging
For release
There he was
On the nightstand
Ready for me
Hungry for flesh
To relieve
The pressure
To feel
The physical
And forgo
The emotional
My friend
And adversary
In this
Twisted game.

I hate you
How easily you left
And your life went on
As I search for peace

I hate you
How you're happy
And your new love
As I lay alone

I hate you
How you survive
And your ok
As I crumble

I hate you
How you still reach out
And you pretend
As I know the truth

Nothing
Says lonely female
Better than a
Cat

Nothing
Dismisses you
Better than
A cat

Nothing
Tolerates  you
Better than
A cat

Nothing
Loves you
Better than
A cat

Tonight
The needle
Across
My skin
Deep enough
To hurt
But not leave
A scar
Your name
Lingered
On my lips
As the edge
Tore thru
My flesh
Tomorrow
It will
Be better
Until
I remember
You don’t
Love me
Anymore

I want to
Write
About
Happiness
And sunshine
And tranquility
And what
That means
But my
Experience
Is limited
And
My thoughts
Have no idea
And
My feelings
Are scattered

So I have
Nothing
But words
That don’t rhyme
And random
Moments to ponder
As I watch
This life
Go marching by

I’m your night
No commitment
Required
Your breath
Buzzes heavy
In my ear

I’m your center
No permission
Needed
Your hands
Roam freely
Over my body

I’m your moment
No restraint
Asked
Your body
Rises against
My very being

I’m your memory
No recollection
Called to mind
Comforts fully
This broken girl

I like to be
The victim
The unknowing
Who got played

I like to fall
The martyr
The faithful one
Until the end

I like to plead
The honest dupe
The defendant
Full of belief

I like to ignore
The truth
The innocent
Who swallowed lies

I like to know
The reason
The stupid girl
Whose heart is broken

I miss you
At the oddest
Times

When the rain starts to fall

When I hear a ***** joke

When the cup of coffee is perfect

When the beer is cold

When the night is lonely

When the day is hard

When my heart hurts

When I realize the emptiness

Your love left

No one will
Find me
Beneath
The destruction
Of my life
There’s no light
To guide them
To the crevice
That was once
A beating heart
No micro chip
No google map
To the ruins
I’ve become
Just a space
Lost in time
Wondering
What became
Of  her
Beating heart

I find humor
In their wanting
Needy eyes
And grabby hands

I find solace
In their desire
Hungry mouth
And urgent need

I find distraction
In their actions
Pulsing flesh
And heightened glee

I find numbness
In their afterglow
Sweating body
And dreamfilled sleep

I’ve no right
And I won’t
But I miss
Your texts

I knew
Going in
That we are
Casual

I didn’t rely
But your words
Brought joy
To my day

I’ll be ok
A little sad
That your words
Have gone away

I’m lonely
Though I’m not alone

I’m lost
Though I don’t wander

I’m sad
Though I’m smiling

I’m needy
Though I have enough

I’m angry
Though I’m calm

I’m done
Though I am beginning.

Lovers
Inaccurate
Because they don’t
Love me
That is
More apt
To call
Them
attempters
As they sampled
And found
I wasn’t
To their liking
I’m not
Everyone’s
Cup of tea

I’ll date
A thousand men
Until I find one
That makes me
Forget you

The wine
And the ****
Will get me
Through the night

The promise
And the words
Will get me
Through the day

The silence
And the loneliness
Will get me
Broken to pieces

Your words
Were unexpected
Thinking of me?

My guard
Was deployed
Thinking of me?

Your prose
So casual
Thinking of me?

My breath
On hold
Thinking of me?

Your play
Not working
Thinking of me?

My resistance
On point
Don’t think of me.

If you knew
Would it change
Your mind
Would you think
Less of me

If I told
The truth
Came clean and honest
Would you still
Hold me so high

If I showed
The scars
And told my stories
Would you smile
At me after

If you knew
He will always
Have my heat
Would you love
The rest of me

I’m that girl
Battered
And broken
But still standing

I’m that girl
Lost
And abandoned
But still hoping

I’m that girl
Shredded
And struggling
But still trying

I’m that girl
Left
And all alone
But still hopefull

I’m that girl
stubborn
And strong
And still thriving

I’m
Trying
To be
Cool
Not play
My hand
Too early
But you
Tug
My heart
Spark
My giggle
Excite
My senses

You fell
Out of love
With me

There
Was no one else
Just us

I wasn’t
Enough
Or too much

We cried
At your choice
We were done

You still text
Years later
Regret?

A drag across the skin
Barely a mark
When the it takes place
But the release is golden
Like exhaling
After being underwater
A moment of euphoria
To feel so alive
Human again
Almost normal
The prickles succumb
Tomorrow
I’ll addrss the aftermath
I’ll clean it up
Maybe a bandaid
As I retreat
Back to me

You should know
I can’t love you
I promised myself
Years ago
To never fall
Into that again

I’m an idiot
Thinking anyone
Would care
About this mess
That I’ve become.

A pretty package
With a **** voice
And quick wit
A nice facade
That’s what I am

Only I know
What lies beneath
Take the mask off
And you’ll see
And run away

I use words
Because my thoughts
Are too abstract

I don’t rhyme
Because my head
Is too full of ****

I amble on
Because my feelings
Can’t be defined

I lie alone
Because my spirit
Won’t be  broken