I like to be
The victim
The unknowing
Who got played

I like to fall
The martyr
The faithful one
Until the end

I like to plead
The honest dupe
The defendant
Full of belief

I like to ignore
The truth
The innocent
Who swallowed lies

I like to know
The reason
The stupid girl
Whose heart is broken

I’m mad
With it all
At myself
At the world
At you

I’m lost
Where am I
In this universe
In this life
In this moment

I’m tired
Trying so hard
To be strong
To be smart
To be it all

I’m a failure
In this disguise
Having faith
Having dreams
Having hope

I’m done
Without regret
I’m not strong
I’m not surprised
I’m just finished

I’m not
Your girl
We spend time
Talking
And between
The sheets
But we aren’t
A couple
Or a thing
We’re chill
Your word
Not mine
I’m ok
With it
It suits us
You fill
A void
That I
Can’t

We are
Skin on skin
Whispered words
Hard kisses
Gentle strokes
Urgent needs
Swelling desire
Hands in hair
Desperate pleas
Tangled sheets
Arching hips
Lip biting
Perfect rhythm
Sweat dripping
Eyes closed
Sweet release
Perfect end

The edge lingers
Sometimes
I peak over
Tempting fate
I haven’t
The strength
To gaze too long
I’m a coward
In disguise
I dance alone
In the darkness
But the beat
Won’t allow me
To coreograph
My own end

I want
To feel
Permanent
As if
My time
Mattered
To someone
Or something
Greater
Than me
I need this
Longevity
Be it physical
Part emotional
Maybe chemical
Possibly spiritual
I’m not choosy
Just a legacy
Of me

Alone
With some who loves you
Or with some you love

Are there lesser evils
Do we call it
As we see it
Does life stop
Or move on
Am I even allowed
To ask

The days
Roll by
With unanswered
Questions
Because the truth
Can’t be believed

Yet here I am
Forever hopeful
That the unknown
Will soon
Be my reality

I’ll keep my heart
Close to the vest
just in case
This life
Is not what it should be

He calls me beautiful
Yet I wonder
How I fit into
His world

He tells me I’m ****
Yet I wonder
How I’ll ever
Measure up

He comes back
Yet I wonder
How long this
Will even last

He makes me smile
Yet I know
How replaceable
This all is

You aren’t
The one for me
Time has told
The truth
I didn’t want
to believe

You aren’t
Enough for me
Lessons learned
The past
I wasn’t sure
To trust

You aren’t
What I believed
Fairy tales
The story
I dreamed
To come true

You aren’t
And that’s ok
The reality
The bittersweet
I accepted
To move on

I don’t know how
Without you
I guess I’ll learn

I feel lost
Without you
I guess I’ll find my way

I am alone
Without you
I guess I’ll be ok

I am good
Without you
I guess I’ll move on

I have no flow
I’m either
A babbling brook
Or full on tsunami

I lost the rhythm
I’m either
Stiff as a board
Or a gyrating mess

I hold out hope
I’m either
Filled with belief
Or running on empty

I long for answers
I’m either
Head in the clouds
Or relentless in my quest

I’m me
I’m either
Perfectly imperfect
Or flawed flawlessly

The sharp point
Brings relief
I can’t explain
The release

The quick pain
Frees the hurt
I hold inside
Like poison

The afterward
Uncovers a calm
I crave
Despite the scar

We are over
Yet your there

You aren’t attracted
Yet your there

You don’t love me
Yet your there

We ran our course
Yet your there

I’ll ignore you
Yet your there

I don’t need you
Yet your there

I’m ok without you
Yet your there

I hardened my heart
Yet your there

I love another
Yet your there

I’m wanted
There are a few
Who desire
What I offer

I may be loved
There’s no proof
Who might
Long For this

I am scared
There are moments
Who knew
Days are long

I’m ok
There’s no choice
Who gets
That I’m alone

Your scent
Lingers
On my skin

My lips
Raw
From your need

My body
Spent
With satisfaction

My soul
Wondering
What this means

My heart
Oblivious
Because I know better

I miss you
The us we were
The man
I knew

Life moved
Now you are you
The man
I don’t know

Now I mourn
Our past
The man
I lost

Time evolves
You fade away
The man
I loved

I use words
Because my thoughts
Are too abstract

I don’t rhyme
Because my head
Is too full of ****

I amble on
Because my feelings
Can’t be defined

I lie alone
Because my spirit
Won’t be  broken

You don’t have
To love me
I’m good
On my own

You don’t have
To need me
I got this
On my own

You don’t have
To pretend
I’m satisfied
On my own

You don’t have
To say the words
I’m wise enough
On my my own

You don’t have
To stick around
Im strong enough
On my own.

I’m empty
Running on fumes
I’m hanging  
On a thread
And a prayer

I’m nothing
Totally empty
I’m existing
On a moment
And a breath

I’m finished
Nothing left
I’m numb
On a life
And a time

I’m praying
For resurrection
I’m dependent
On a dream
And myself

I’m broken
The pieces
Are far too much
To put together

I’m lost
The distance
Is far beyond
A compass direction

I’m destroyed
The fallout
Is to widespread
For any hope

I’m alone
The aftermath
Is not you concern
For you are gone

Tonight
I hit the wall
Where reality
And loss collide
The sadness sinks in
Weighs heavy
On my being
I need to grieve
But I’m afraid
The finality
Of letting go
Means losing him
And I’m not going ready
To say goodbye

I’m prettier
Than her
I feel petty
For thinking so

I’m smarter
Than her
I’m not sure
That’s even true

I’m better
Than her
When it comes
To loving you

I’m sadder
Than her
I’m not the one
That you want.

You correspond
Because
Your afraid
I’ll float
Away

You inquire
Because
Your scared
I’ll entertain
Another

You linger
Because
Your hopeful
I’ll return
Someday

You wonder
Because
Your terrified
I’ll love
Again

I’m your night
No commitment
Required
Your breath
Buzzes heavy
In my ear

I’m your center
No permission
Needed
Your hands
Roam freely
Over my body

I’m your moment
No restraint
Asked
Your body
Rises against
My very being

I’m your memory
No recollection
Called to mind
Comforts fully
This broken girl

Imperfect
My skin
Is too soft
My body
Not tight

Unwanted
The flaws
Are too much
For you
To ignore

Rejected
My insides
Don’t make up
For what the outside
Lacks

Saddest girl
Brown eyes
Brimming
With tears
Unshed

Silliest fool
Heart in hand
Overflowing
With love
Unrequited

Lovliest spirit
Soul open
Praying
With hopes
Uninterrupted

Words
Like scars
Tattoo my soul

Reminders
Like cuts
Scar my brain

Memories
Like cancer
Ravage my body

Images
Like nightmares
Steal my dreams

Reality
Like ******
Explodes my world

My heart is so heavy
I’m not sure
There will be room
For another

My love is spent
I’m not sure
That I can
Love another

My life is long
I’m not sure
That I’m ready
To surrender

If hope was enough
I’d love the life I long for

If belief paved the way
I’d walk the yellow brick road

If wonder made the map
I’d find treasures of you

If dreams came true
I’d know happiness at last

We’re skipping stones
On still waters
That might
Be better left alone

We’re replaying songs
For our needy souls
That know
The words by heart

We’re catching glances
Of subtle signs
That possibly
Know the way

We’re easy times
Of years gone by
That familiarness
Never fades

We’re hopeful souls
Of our imperfect world
That maybe
Someday is our day

Get over it
He left
He told you
That you weren’t
The one

His words
Sting in you head
Ran our course
Not attracted
I’m done

You licked
The wounds
Cried the tears
Cursed the gods
Moved on

I’m ok
Boys come and go
My heart mourns
As others long
To take his place

My words
Are nothing more
Than wine filled
Ramblings
From a heart
Broken
Beyond repair
Take them
As they are
Full of hurt
And longing
And wishes
For a happy ending
That won’t come
Because
Everything moves on
Except me
And my heart
We hold steadfast
To a past
That no longer exists
To anyone
But me

We write about it
Over and over
Again

We wallow in it
Until it settles beneath
Our skin

We cast hope
On superstitious
Falling stars

We defeat ourselves
On happy endings
That will never come








Our skin

I’m
Pathetic
The sad girl
A martyr
For love
An idiot
For sense
A lost
Cause
But
A hopeful
Heart
A synic
Who needs
Just to believe
That a
Love
Doesn’t
Die
Just fades
Until
The flames
Are fanned
A new
And love
Reigns
Once again

I looked at photos
Reminisced
Like a needle
Across my skin

How do I hate
And love
This much
In one breath

You linger
On my mind
As you dwell
In my heart

Your existence
Tears me apart
As I pray
For your well being

I try to run
From all that was us
As the memories
Hold me in place

I don’t know
I pretend I do
I act like I got this
As my knees knock
And my tummy turns

Fake it til you make it
That’s what I know
Slap a smile on
And cry in the dark

Put on a show
Bring out the dogs and ponies
Fall apart later
When you’re all alone

Big girls don’t cry
**** it up buttercup
You got this
Until you don’t.

Months
And I am still
Grieving
We had
This amazing
Story
And you fell
And I fell
Way too fast
I gave all
You gave some
I was scared
You pulled back
I never stopped
You did
Or so you say
I’m in ruins
You exist.
This is us

There will be a day
When you no longer matter

There will be a day
When I dont cry over you

There will be a day
When I forget what we were

There will be a day
When someone cares for me

There will be a day
When you aren’t my first thought

There will be a day
When I breathe without ache

There will be a day
When I break free

There will be a day
Where I no longer love you

You
I think

You
I can’t

You
I won’t

You
I might

You
I could

You
I will

I am
That girl
Pathetic and alone
Texting
In a wine induced haze
Hoping for a response
Desperate
For something
I can’t describe
Wondering
If life will ever be
what I dreamed
Knowing
Good and well
There’s no happy ever after

There are no stars
In my night view
Only departing planes
Which remind me of you

Leaving me
Something you did well
Unsure of your destination
I guess time will tell

The light ascends
Until I no longer see
Darkness remains
To comfort me

The engines roar
Deep into the night
As I weep alone
Missing my flight

No one will
Find me
Beneath
The destruction
Of my life
There’s no light
To guide them
To the crevice
That was once
A beating heart
No micro chip
No google map
To the ruins
I’ve become
Just a space
Lost in time
Wondering
What became
Of  her
Beating heart

Alone
In bed
The thoughts
Roam
From good
To bad
Should I
Or no
I just need
To let go
The right hand
Ready
Good to go
She knows
The spots
No need
To show
Dead
To center
She’s got me
Oh!

I’ll dance in the rain
For a chance at forgiveness
To let it wash away
All my wrongs

I’ll kneel at the cross
In hopes of redemption
To cleanse my soul
Of all my sons

I’ll face the fire
To please whoever
To free my mind
Of all these thoughts

I’ll shed my blood
For saving grace
To make right
All the wrong I’ve done

If you knew
Would it change
Your mind
Would you think
Less of me

If I told
The truth
Came clean and honest
Would you still
Hold me so high

If I showed
The scars
And told my stories
Would you smile
At me after

If you knew
He will always
Have my heat
Would you love
The rest of me

The wasted tears
The mascara stains
The ruined pillowcases
Of unknown thread count

The empty bottle
The used tissues
The endless nights
Of wasted emotion

The stifled cries
The deliberate cuts
The pleas to God
Of quiet desperation

The bitter realization
The hope relinquished
The final surrender
Of a broken heart

Tonight
The needle
Across
My skin
Deep enough
To hurt
But not leave
A scar
Your name
Lingered
On my lips
As the edge
Tore thru
My flesh
Tomorrow
It will
Be better
Until
I remember
You don’t
Love me
Anymore

We are in a place
That can’t be named
For our past
Might define us

We were lovers
From the start
Needy souls
Who wanted to feel

We became friends
Who walked
Hand in hand
Thru the rocks

We went our ways
Suffered silently
With understanding
That life moves on

Now we are
In a time
That’s undefined
But feels so right

No!
I scream
As my finger
Lingers over
His name

Don’t!
I cry
As I type
Words that
I shouldn’t say

Stop!
I beg
As I push
The button
You can’t rescind

Sorry!
I cry
As I apologize
To the one
Who no longer cares