I thought
I knew love
Once upon
A time
A tall man
With dusty boots
And twang
Made of honey

He put
A crown
Upon my head
Dubbed me
Princess
In his mind
He took
Me into
His bed
Just for
A little time

Life turned
The tiara
Slipped
His shoulders
Slumped
And vinegar
Dripped off
His tongue

The only
Thing
That lasted
Were his
Dusty boots

I find humor
In their wanting
Needy eyes
And grabby hands

I find solace
In their desire
Hungry mouth
And urgent need

I find distraction
In their actions
Pulsing flesh
And heightened glee

I find numbness
In their afterglow
Sweating body
And dreamfilled sleep

I want to
Write
About
Happiness
And sunshine
And tranquility
And what
That means
But my
Experience
Is limited
And
My thoughts
Have no idea
And
My feelings
Are scattered

So I have
Nothing
But words
That don’t rhyme
And random
Moments to ponder
As I watch
This life
Go marching by

From the scars
On my thighs
To the thoughts
And the sighs
To the nights
That I’ve cried
To the people
That I’ve lied
To the smile
I’ve perfected
My secret shield
I’m always protected
To my wish
For the end
A silent plea
That I send
To the pain
That I hold
To a life
Never told
To the reader
Of theses words
Please know
Your voice has been heard

Here I am again
The night lingering
Taunting me with ideas
Hope shaded by the moon

Here I go again
The day rising
Beckoning me to join
Promise wrapped in sunlight

Here I fall again
The life wasted
Pushing me to the limit
It’s the end of time

I blame the cat
If anyone asks
He’s so rambunctious
His claws are sharp

I just moved
If anyone asks
The boxes were heavy
I lift with my legs

Who knows I say
If any one asks
I’m super clumsy
Always bumping into things

No worries
If anyone asks
They bring relief
Keep me off the ledge

Lovers
Inaccurate
Because they don’t
Love me
That is
More apt
To call
Them
attempters
As they sampled
And found
I wasn’t
To their liking
I’m not
Everyone’s
Cup of tea

Rain already!
Let it go
Stop holding back
The inevitable
I’m waiting
Palms ups
To feel you
To be engulfed
Cleansed
Of the sins
I never committed

Nothing
Says lonely female
Better than a
Cat

Nothing
Dismisses you
Better than
A cat

Nothing
Tolerates  you
Better than
A cat

Nothing
Loves you
Better than
A cat

A drag across the skin
Barely a mark
When the it takes place
But the release is golden
Like exhaling
After being underwater
A moment of euphoria
To feel so alive
Human again
Almost normal
The prickles succumb
Tomorrow
I’ll addrss the aftermath
I’ll clean it up
Maybe a bandaid
As I retreat
Back to me

When we were 17
You didn’t notice me

When we were 17
You were awkward

When we were 17
I was chubby

When we were 17
We worked together

When we were 50
You found me

When we were 50
You put me on a pedestal

When we were 50
You fell in love with me

When we were 50
You were my best friend

When we were 50
You broke my heart

When we were 50
You moved on

When we were 50
I still felt 17

You know
What you need to do
The time has come
Please don’t be afraid

You know
What the cliches say
Life is short
You should be happy

You know
What the past has been
Can you continue
To live that way

You know
The first step is so hard
Leap in faith
This life is yours

Tonight
I hate you

Tonight
There are others

Tonight
They want me

Tonight
I will succumb

Tonight
Someone other

Tonight
You don’t matter

What is it
That made me
Love you
I lowered my defenses

What is it
That held me
Steadfast in you
I lost myself

What is it
That sustains me
Content in love
I let go of fear

What is it
That knows already
Forever isn’t ours
I retreat in fear

What is it
That I can’t move on
Your words hurt
I still love you

I’m the girl
You call
For a good time
I’ll never meet your mom

I’m the one
You tell your secret
In the dark night
I’ll never know your light

I’m the piece
You use to satisfy
Your lonely night
I’ll never be more

I’m the one
You will never leave
Because your afraid
I’m the one who knows

Disdain
Boils in my blood
How does he
Not sense it
When he walks into the room?

Hatred
Oozes out my pores
How does he
Not taste it
When his lips are on my forehead?

Numbness
Keeps me still
How does he
Not feel it
When he holds me in his arms?

Contempt
Fills me now
How does he
Not know this
After all that we've been through?