I think of you
Like a nursery rhyme
That  plays on repeat
In my head

You were the boy
Eating the pie
Kissing the girls
Until I cried

You wore red
And slept in beds
Not caring
If they weren’t mine

You were the
Little twinkle
In the little star
I just didn’t know how far

You were spider
That sat beside her
And pretended
You didn’t bite

You were the Jack
Who went up the hill
And when we fell
You disappeared

You were the rhyme
That ended my dream
That there would be
A happy ending

I hate the way
You left me
On a Sunday
With no call

You disrupted dreams
With a preposter
Who wasn’t
You at all

I was left
To grieve alone.
My tears fell
I hit a wall

You said eternity
Which wasn’t true
Now I’m sad

If I sit
Still enough
Maybe no one
Will notice

If I stay
So quiet
Maybe no one
Will hear

If I linger
Out of sight
Maybe no one
Will care

If I scream
Into the dark
Maybe no one
Will  shiver

If I fall
By myself
Maybe no one
Will follow

It’s off
The feeling
The day
The time

It’s wrong
The moment
The space
The air

It’s weird
The groove
The vibe
The aura

It’s me
The one
The girl
The stranger

Tonight
I’m on the edge
It glistens
Beckoning me
To join

I see
The darkness
With its shimmer
Telling me it’s ok

The blade
Is sharp
Full of promises
Of peace

I’m wise
To the beckoning
As sleep rushes
Over the pain.

You are straight lines
I am scribbles

You are clean floors
I am dust bunnies

You are hospital corners
I am an unmade beds

You are perfect creases
I am wrinkled pants

You are straight and narrow
I am slightly off course

You are the one
I am the forgotten

You are in love
I am so afraid

I miss the early us
Where our clothes
Hit the floor
Before our eyes met

I miss the early us
Where we expected
Nothing but
Before the truths surfaced

I miss the early us
Where mornings
We’re lazy
Before days changed us.

I miss the early us
Where dreams existed
In our heads
Before reality set it

Tonight
I want to weep
To shake the walls
Maybe wake the dead
As I wail
The pain bubbles
To the surface
I’ll tremble
With release
And beg forgiveness
For uncommitted sins
Missing your shadow
And what
We might have been

I’m lonely
The silence
Is palpable

I’m sad
The melancholy
Is heartbreaking

I’m lost
The uncertainty
Is frightening

I’m indifferent
The numbness
Is life saving.

It sits on my chest
Like an anvil
Weighing me down
Causing me pain

It feeds on my soul
Like a parasite
Eating away slowly
Leaving me empty

It steals my joy
Like a thief in the night
Robbing my being
****** me bare

It leaves me lonely
Like a closing door
Sealing my fate
Breaking my heart.

Stupid girl
No one cares
Your troubles
Are your own

Stupid girl
No one knows
Your alone
all by yourself

Stupid girl
No ones coming
Your strength
Is all you have

You ripped
My heart
From my body

You betrayed
My trust
From my being

You exposed
My insecurities
From my soul

You loved
My self
From your side

You never
My forever
From my heart

This story
Is not just mine
To tell
It’s a kaleidoscope
Of colors
And words
That not even
Time
Could write

You left
In an array
Of words
That penetrated
My skin
Like bullets
Leaving wounds
In my soul

I’ve no defense
For your plays
I succumb
Every time
To
Your call

I’ve no strength
For your advances
I give in
Every time
To
Your need

I’ve no choice
For your requests
I desire
Every time
To
Your pleasure

I’ve no regret
For  your  satisfaction
I receive
Every time
To  
My existence

I’m that girl
That won’t let go
Hanging on tight
Until the goodbye

I’m that girl
That won’t believe
I’m not that one
Until you say those words

I’m that girl
That will love you still
Through a broken heart
Until the rest of my life

I miss you
Tonight
When the moon
Is waning
When my heart
Is empty
When my being
Is aching
When the earth
Orbits the moon
And you
Are far away
Such foolishness
I’ll be done
With the sunrise
A new beginning
My soul soothed
And the promise
Of a new day

I’m not
That girl
Who goes
Quietly
You can
Bet your ***
There is
Gonna be
A Ruckus

I’m mess
Needn’t tell you
I’m pretty sure
You know

My heart
Is broken
No matter
Your kindness

I can’t
Love anyone
I’m tapped out
You see

Just a shell
All that’s left
Of the girl
I used to be

Don’t we all want to rage
Against brutality
Against injustice
Against intolerance
Against indifference

If it doesn’t affect you
Why do you care?

Because our fellow beings
Are being killed
Are being prosecuted
Are being denied
Are being tortured

What do you do?
For a cause you aren’t affected?

I rise up
I make my voice heard
I stand beside the oppressed
I bring awareness
I harbor hope

I’m here
For anyone suffering injustice

I’m standing
I’ll be your champion.
I’ll be your believer
I’ll tout your cause
I know you Matter

You flow through life
Untethered to anyone
But longing
For roots

You blame everyone
Innocent to your faults
Yet hoping
For kinship

You deny those
Showing you emotion
Then blaming them
For loneliness

You are unsettled
Mad against the world
So angry
At yourself.

It’s ok
That you forgot
I’m used
To it

I’m fine
All alone
I’m used
To it

It’s good
In the silence
I’m used
To it

It’s life
Not my choice
I’m used
To it

You don’t know
My pain
You don’t understand
My choices
You don’t get
My reasoning
You don’t realize
My past
You don’t accept
My ways
You don’t fit
My path

I’m lonely
Though I’m not alone

I’m lost
Though I don’t wander

I’m sad
Though I’m smiling

I’m needy
Though I have enough

I’m angry
Though I’m calm

I’m done
Though I am beginning.

The world
Is on fire
Hate
Is trying
To win

All lives
Do Matter
Color
Is losing
The fight

This stand
Is important
Justice
Is needing
To be served

The calm
Must prevail
Honor
For a life lost
Without Violence

The wine
And the ****
Will get me
Through the night

The promise
And the words
Will get me
Through the day

The silence
And the loneliness
Will get me
Broken to pieces

I’m broken
This girl
You see
All put together

I’m lost
This girl
You see
Wondering paths

I’m tired
This girl
You see
Traversing oaths

I’m ok
This girl
You see
All put together

I hate how
You rush over me
With your heaviness
That I can’t resist

I hate how
You swallow me
In your blanket
That comforts me

I hate how
You linger inside me
With your promises
That make me hope

I can’t do this
All the roles
The provider
The worker
The care giver
The teacher
The cook
The cleaner
The support
The disciplinarian
The shoulder
The comedic relief

But I’ll do it
Because I’m the mom

So, I’ve this heart
That’s too big
And accommodating
It welcomes all

It’s the most beautiful
Tragic thing
You will ever
Encounter

It loves unconditionally
And uncontrollably
To all that dare
Cross it’s path

It’s broken
And misshapen
But so full
It’s busts at the seams

It has no boundaries
And no limits
It’s yours for
The asking

You can take
What you want
And leave what
You can

In the end
I’ll find peace
Even if only
Ashes remain.

This loss
Is not
Your gain

This failure
Is not
Your win

This bump
Is not
Your path

This mess
Is not
Your win

Maybe I needed you
In this moment
In this time

Maybe I longed for you
With your words
In this time

Maybe I wanted you
With your touch
In this time

Maybe I’m ok without you
In this day
In this time

It’s too soon
To open our cages
And let us roam
Freely around

Our lessons
Are not yet learned
And we aren’t
Thinking sound

We feel trapped
Instead of safe
And we don’t want
To be homeward bound

Yet if we look
Into the future
Will know too late
When we aren’t found

I want to tear it
All down
And get a
Do over

I want to rage
Against it all
And know
It’s ok

I want to cry
Until I can’t
And feel
New again

I want to be
Still in the moment
And breathe
Again

You fell
Out of love
With me

There
Was no one else
Just us

I wasn’t
Enough
Or too much

We cried
At your choice
We were done

You still text
Years later
Regret?

I’ll date
A thousand men
Until I find one
That makes me
Forget you

You should know
I can’t love you
I promised myself
Years ago
To never fall
Into that again

Stupid girl
Stop trying
To be
What you aren’t

Stupid girl
Stop believing
You are
Good enough

Stupid girl
Stop pretending
It matters
That you exist

Stupid girl
Stop wanting
All the things
You’ll never get

I miss you
At the oddest
Times

When the rain starts to fall

When I hear a ***** joke

When the cup of coffee is perfect

When the beer is cold

When the night is lonely

When the day is hard

When my heart hurts

When I realize the emptiness

Your love left

This fire
Rages inside me

It is placated
But not satisfied

It is captive
But not contained

It is strong
But not unbeatable

It’s is wild
But not untamed

It is fierce
But not unkind

It is guarded
But not blocked

This fire
Inside me

You don’t know
My pain
The scrape
Of the needle
Across my skin

You don’t know
My existence
The facade
Of emotion
Killing my soul

You don’t know
My heart
The beating
Of life
Begging for more

Lost
Just me
Alone
But ok
I know
That
I’m enough

I wonder how you know?
You text at the perfect time
Your words fill the void
That countless others couldn’t

I wonder if you know?
I’m stronger than before
I won’t fall again so easily
That girl is no longer

I wonder what you know?
When our eyes meet
Our spaces intertwine
That moment you are mine

I hate you
How easily you left
And your life went on
As I search for peace

I hate you
How you're happy
And your new love
As I lay alone

I hate you
How you survive
And your ok
As I crumble

I hate you
How you still reach out
And you pretend
As I know the truth

You know the pretty
The made up
Put together girl
With curb appeal

You see the shiny
The presentation
Adorable lady
With hopeful intent

I know the reality
The crumbling
Sobbing mess
With heavy heart

I predict the end
The wreckage
Broken souls
With no hope

I’m lonely.  
Not for you
As you’ve
Moved on
But for
Someone
Who cares
A kind word
A gentle touch
A knowing glance
I’m not good
All alone
I need
Someone
And your
Not here

I left a crease
In the blind
So the moonlight
could sneak in
And calm me
As I cry
A million tears
For what was
And what is
Caress my cheek
Moon
Tell me
All will be ok
Reassure me
Through
The night
Until
The sun
Takes your place

Tonight
There is
A lone star
Mocking me
To make
A wish
I’m ignoring
His twinkle
In the dark
Because
I know
He won’t
Deliver

How do you not
Love me
I gave my all
I was perfect
Totally
On point
But you
Walked
You were
Done
Despite
My best effort
To hold
You here
I’m n my gaze
Unbelievable
That you are
Dane

I’m broken
I get it
I’m a lot to love
A crazy mess
Who doubts herself
And accuses you

But I’m worth
The amount of time
You’ll spend looking
For the girl
Who’ll love you
With everything she has

The beginning
May be a hurtle
I’ve got walls
Too much to climb
For the weak

When you make it
To the top of me
I’ll love you
More than anything
Has ever