I’m locked in this prison cell
As a victim of my own mind,
A prisoner to my own thoughts,
And stricken by my own past.

All I can do is sit here
And watch the world unfold around me
From this prison cell of my own mind.

It always kills me to think of
All I’ve done
All I haven’t done
…All I’ve done

I like to think I’m not like the stereotypical guys
But maybe I’m one of them too.
Victim to my own ***
A prisoner to the stereotypes…
Stricken by testosterone habits.

I wish I hadn’t done
The things that I’ve done
But the past has already passed
With no way of fixing.

So instead I’m stuck here,
In this prison cell I call a brain
As a victim of my own mind,
A prisoner to my own thoughts
Stricken by my own past


**January 30, 2012

**** me now
And bury me in the bottom,
Of an erupting volcano.
The eruption would spread my ashes everywhere
Great for me, I don’t deserve proper burial.

How much worse can things get
Before they improve?

I’ve been awful
I’ve been stupid
and frankly,
I’ve just been an ******* to you.
How much worse can things get
Before they improve?

I don’t deserve proper burial
Since I can’t prove myself to you
What is there left?
I’ve been nothing but awful
I’ve been nothing but stupid
and I’ve been nothing but an *******
To my love… MY LOVE for god sakes

FORGIVE ME ALREADY!!!

All I want is you
But all I deserve is scorn,
And my ashes spread across the land
I don’t deserve a proper burial…

**January 16, 2012

My
Oh my
How can I
Go on like this?
Maybe you ARE like,
Like all the other girls…
Jealous of everything
And angry about our past fights.
I am glad you’re happier now, dear.
Compromising you for me, like I’ve done,
That is what a real man does for his girl, right?
Well, why doesn’t this feel right to me, like it should?
I should just be happy that you are happy
So why am I second guessing myself?
I am showing you how much you mean,
And proving how special you are.
So why doesn’t this feel right?
Didn’t I do what’s right?
How much will it cost
In the long run?
This is for
You not
Me…

**January 14, 2012

It’s my fault
And I finally gave in
To your demands
Hopefully I won’t be too lonely…

Can I even last
Without my friends
For you?
Is it worth it?
I mean I only have a few real friends
Hopefully I won’t be too lonely…

But if I want to fix things
It must be done
Hopefully I won’t be too lonely…
Hopefully I don’t go more insane…


**January 14, 2012

Death...
It's such an unusual thing.
Bringing people together,
Bringing back memories,
and bringing out tears.

Death...
What a funny feeling it gives.
To those closest,
To those furthest,
and those in between.

Death...
We all have to face it someday.
Nobody can say,
When you will,
When I will.

Death...
It makes you think of all you've done.
To those of past,
Those of present,
and not yet affected.

Death...
How does it influence your life?

**January 4, 2012

Happy, knowing I'm here
Dreading, when I am not.
In your arms
Is my version of home
Away from you
Just never feels right.

What will I do when I go back?
What will happen when I go back?
I can't shut myself out anymore
I don't want ongoing fights...
Can we last any longer,
In our torn and tattered state?
or will this be it...?

All we can do,
Is take it one day at a time...
...I guess...

You were right
You were always right.
I can't change
Not even for you
Not even for the one that means the most

So here I am... left with this
This torn and tattered state.
I'm happy knowing I'm here
But what will happen when I'm not?

...I guess only time will tell

**January 4, 2012

Pulling hair out
Bawling eyes
Nothing is right
Frustration consumes my life
Do I even want to stick it out?
There’s too much happening
All at once
All at once
Too much to handle
It really depresses me
Just thinking about it…


**December 20, 2011