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4.7k · Feb 2012
My Mistakes
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
By all means
Let me be.

Can I have one day… one night
Without bashing?
On my mistakes… my mistakes
Oh god, my mistakes.
It’s difficult being happy
With constant argument
Over the past.

I know what happened,
I don’t need a daily reminder.
Can we be happy again?
Can we be at peace again?

My mistakes… my mistakes
Oh god, my mistakes.
The cause of frustration,
Shed tears, and anger.

My mistakes… my mistakes
Oh god, my mistakes.
Let’s move on from my mistakes
It’s difficult to be happy
With constant argument
Over the past.
Can we be happy again?
Can we be at peace again?


**December 10, 2011
3rd of 12 in my series of relationship frustrations. Just kind of what was on my mind at the time.
1.7k · Feb 2012
Clock
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
Your clock’s ticking
Tocking as your reign nears its end
Telling you to give it up for a positive existence
Or is this act in your nature?
Living your life in solitary solitude
Because you can’t go out in public

Is your megalomaniacal lifestyle that appealing,
That alluring to you?
Will you ever give it up
And end your shadowy existence?
Because your shadow is luminous
In the dark alley, luminating.

Tomorrow will be your end
I’m sick and tired of searching
For your sorry ***.

I hope when you’re in solitude
Within those prison walls
You do nothing but curl up
Just like a sleeping cat
For hours on end.

The countdown on your clock
Your watch
Your life
Has hit zero…
Do you feel accomplished?

**February 21, 2012
I challenged myself to have a stranger give me 10 words and I would write a poem containing all of them. The words were as follows: solitary, alluring, megalomaniac, luminous, clocks, tomorrow, tired, existence, nature, and cat. This is what was produced as a result.
1.5k · Feb 2012
This Prison Cell
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
I’m locked in this prison cell
As a victim of my own mind,
A prisoner to my own thoughts,
And stricken by my own past.

All I can do is sit here
And watch the world unfold around me
From this prison cell of my own mind.

It always kills me to think of
All I’ve done
All I haven’t done
…All I’ve done

I like to think I’m not like the stereotypical guys
But maybe I’m one of them too.
Victim to my own ***
A prisoner to the stereotypes…
Stricken by testosterone habits.

I wish I hadn’t done
The things that I’ve done
But the past has already passed
With no way of fixing.

So instead I’m stuck here,
In this prison cell I call a brain
As a victim of my own mind,
A prisoner to my own thoughts
Stricken by my own past


**January 30, 2012
The 11th of 12 poems about my relationship frustrations. If you've read any of the other poems previous to this one then this poem is pretty self explanatory. If not, this one is just about how my past constantly comes back to haunt me.
1.5k · Jun 2012
Pinta Island Tortoise
Ben DuBois Jun 2012
If I could go back
To when I made my choices,
The choices that led to everything today
I probably would’ve done nothing different.
‘Cause I still probably wouldn’t have stopped myself…
But no matter what
… no matter what…
the guilt will always be the death of me.

I guess in my past
I’ll always have been too ignorant
Too blind
Too stupid,
To see what I was doing.

Even though I knew it was wrong
I didn’t know it was wrong,
Which makes no sense,
But what does it matter?
It all happened anyways.
This guilt will be the death of me
The past will ALWAYS be the death of me.

So all I have left is you, and only you.

You never left
Even when you should’ve
And I never left
Even when I should’ve
So all I have left is you
This guilt
… and you.

**April 21, 2012
See if you can guess why it's called 'Pinta Island Tortoise.' It's yet another frustration poem though
1.4k · Feb 2012
A Weekend Isn't Long Enough
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
A weekend isn’t long enough
Being away so long
And coming home

A weekend just isn’t long enough.
To show how much you mean
How much I miss you
Every day
Every night

A weekend isn’t long enough
To see you as much as I want

Nobody here
Compares to you
Nobody here
Compares to you back home

A weekend isn’t long enough
To show how much you mean
How much I miss you
Every day
Every night
I think of being with you
Of having you in my arms
A weekend just isn’t long enough
After being away so long


**- September 2011
I wrote this shortly after starting college. A weekend just isn't long enough when you're only able to see the one you love about once a month.
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
My
Oh my
How can I
Go on like this?
Maybe you ARE like,
Like all the other girls…
Jealous of everything
And angry about our past fights.
I am glad you’re happier now, dear.
Compromising you for me, like I’ve done,
That is what a real man does for his girl, right?
Well, why doesn’t this feel right to me, like it should?
I should just be happy that you are happy
So why am I second guessing myself?
I am showing you how much you mean,
And proving how special you are.
So why doesn’t this feel right?
Didn’t I do what’s right?
How much will it cost
In the long run?
This is for
You not
Me…

**January 14, 2012
The 9th of 12 poems about my relationship frustrations. I wanted to experiment a little bit so I wrote this pyramid poem until it got to 12 syllables.
1.1k · Jun 2012
A Touchy Subject
Ben DuBois Jun 2012
I’m happy
But I’m interested
I’m happy
But I’m interested,
Interested in what makes others unhappy.

I’m happy myself
But I’m interested in how others can be sad
Mad,
Happy, any emotion, really.
What makes people tick?
How can people be happy?
How can people be sad?
How can people be mad?

Emotion is such a touchy subject,
Well… not physically… but we all feel it.
I guess it makes me sad
When others are sad
And it just makes me wonder…
Wonder how they got to that point…

Maybe I shouldn’t care,
I mean they’re only strangers.
But I wonder,
I wonder…
I wonder,
Because I’m interested.
Does that make me unhappy?

**April 9, 2012
This poem is kind of just a glimpse at my thought process when thinking of/talking to others.
1.1k · Jun 2012
Narcissism
Ben DuBois Jun 2012
This probably isn’t too surprising to you
But your shadow only gets bigger
As the day goes on,
But that doesn’t mean your brain does,
or your skill,
or the “coolness” of that outfit you’re wearing.

Maybe you should train your body and your brain
to be bigger,
Rather than talking about it being so.

How long will it take for you to realize
That actions speak louder than words
And your words aren’t worth saying
Unless you got those actions to back them up?
Maybe then… and only then
Can your words be worth telling
And your words be worth hearing
But probably not…

Because eventually your shadow will disappear
As the day turns into night

Sorry

**May 28, 2012
The title explains it. There isn't really any sort of person in mind while I wrote it, it was kind of just a thought I had so I went with it.
984 · Feb 2012
Andy Warhol Influenced
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
Seeing the beauty in everyday things,
The connection of society
Through the generally uninteresting
Is actually pretty interesting.

We are all much the same
In what we eat, drink, and do.
As we eat our McDonald’s
With a glass of Coke
And listen to our favorite tune.
We are all much the same

Seeing the beauty in everyday things
Because “a Coke is a Coke
and no amount of money
can get you a better Coke.”

The connection we have in society
Through the generally uninteresting
Is actually rather interesting
To Andy Warhol and I.

**February 13, 2012
This one is very different than anything I've ever written. I wrote it for my Contemporary Arts class about our discussions of Andy Warhol, portraying his style of making art about everyday life and everyday things.
961 · Feb 2012
Volcano
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
**** me now
And bury me in the bottom,
Of an erupting volcano.
The eruption would spread my ashes everywhere
Great for me, I don’t deserve proper burial.

How much worse can things get
Before they improve?

I’ve been awful
I’ve been stupid
and frankly,
I’ve just been an ******* to you.
How much worse can things get
Before they improve?

I don’t deserve proper burial
Since I can’t prove myself to you
What is there left?
I’ve been nothing but awful
I’ve been nothing but stupid
and I’ve been nothing but an *******
To my love… MY LOVE for god sakes

FORGIVE ME ALREADY!!!

All I want is you
But all I deserve is scorn,
And my ashes spread across the land
I don’t deserve a proper burial…

**January 16, 2012
The 10th of 12 poems about my relationship frustrations. This one is by far my most angry and just portrays my complete and utter frustration with my own self over my past actions.
769 · Jun 2012
This Night
Ben DuBois Jun 2012
What a night
What a night
What a night.
Such a strange night
And I’m not sure what to think.

Maybe the darkness of this night has gotten to me.
Maybe I‘m just losing myself suddenly,
My world crumbling around me.
As I wait, wait, wait
In my alone lonely loneliness.
Among everyone…

There is only one real solution
And it’s two hours away…
… two HOURS away!

Maybe the darkness of this night,
This particular night
Has gotten to me.
Maybe my world is crumbling around me.

So here I am, my antisocial, lonely self
With the only cure being
Two ******* hours away
What a night
What a night
What a night…

**April 19, 2012
Just another poem about my frustrations with my long distance relationship.
758 · Mar 2012
Maybe
Ben DuBois Mar 2012
Did I forgive too quickly?
I guess only time will tell.
Things are getting better
As I have you back now.

I know you regret everything.
But I’m always here
Always here,
I can’t let you go.

Maybe I’m stupid
Maybe I’m too nice
Maybe I’m too forgiving
And trustworthy
But I know deep down
You won’t do it again.

Now you can live in your regret,
Much like me.
That thought is a little dark
But I’m glad you see your light now,
Since I’ve let you walk over me before.

Maybe I’m stupid
Maybe I’m too nice
Maybe I’m too forgiving
But I can’t let you go,
Even if I try…

**March 12, 2012
This is just kind of my thoughts on my recent "break up," now we're back together and i'm happy, yet confused at the same time.
712 · Feb 2012
Sticking Around
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
How do you stick around
When you know my deepest secrets?
I’m just a guy,
One in 3 billion.
So what makes me so special?
What makes you stick around so long?

I’ve got friends you don’t like
Friends you don’t like
Friends you don’t like
Are you jealous
Or holding grudges?
Either way it tears us apart

What makes you stick around this long?
I’ve ******* up
We’ve ******* up
… I ******* up
Do you love me
Or do you not want to hurt me?

What makes you stick around this long?
My love.
What makes you stick around?
I’ve proven nothing
But who I am…
Will you be there
When I need you most?


**- December 14, 2011
4th of 12 in the series of relationship frustration themed poems. I've done a lot of things in the past that I regret, many of which still haunt me to this day.
651 · Feb 2012
Everything... Everytime
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
Can’t stand this
Every ******* thing is a fight
Hang with friends,
Argument of jealousy
Lie to protect a fight
Argument of the lie
When will it end?
When will it stop?

All I do is wrong to you…
It seems…
I’m changing too much for you to handle
I’m changing?
I know I’m changing
******* babe
Nothing I do is right to you
Everything ****** you off
Can’t you just be happy for once?
Can’t I just be happy for once?

Water fills my eyes
Why can’t anything be okay anymore?
I can’t go a day
I can’t go a day!

Let me live my ******* life
Without everything being an argument
Maybe I wouldn’t need to lie.


**December 20, 2011
6th of 12 poems about my relationship frustrations.
615 · Feb 2012
A Mouse to a Lion
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
After all the good,
Our entire past
Do you really wish
That you had ended it?
Ended all we had,
Over a minuscule, substantial thing?
A mouse to a lion
In the grand scheme.
What we have is worth fighting for.

Do you really wish you had just ended it
Right then and there?
A mouse to a lion
In the grand scheme
Of all we have.

**November 2011
Sorry that this is slightly out of chronological order, I forgot this one. 2nd of 12 about my relationship frustrations.
613 · Mar 2012
Our Poison
Ben DuBois Mar 2012
As I sit here
In this car
Wishing I were there
For just one more day
To hug you once more.

Same state
Farther away is what we have.
Near yet far enough.
How long do I have this time until I say goodbye?
How short is the hello?
Not long enough, not nearly long enough
… sums it up nicely.

This distance has been our poison
As of yet.
This distance has been our poison
Our rattlesnake,
Scorpion,
Poisonous spider.
it stings us over and over
This distance
This distance… a deadly disease
Our ******* disease

How long do I have until I say goodbye?
How short is the hello?
This distance has been our poison
I hope we find the cure soon.

**March 18, 2012
I wrote this while on the ride back to college after spring break. Pretty self explanatory poem for the most part. Long distance relationships are so hard.
538 · Mar 2012
Gallery Window
Ben DuBois Mar 2012
A man and a woman,
Husband and wife
Walk down the street
Together in the city, living the life.

They approach a small art gallery
Where they stop to peer in.
The window contains a few
Of the paintings found within.


To the side, on the wall
An innocent view from behind
The husband looking over,
Hoping his wife won’t mind.

Another painting in the window
Has interested the woman
Despite the fact that the man
Just doesn’t seem a fan.

They move along, continuing on
Down the street, not a thought at all
I wonder, had the husband been yelled at
For peering at the painting on the wall?
Had she even noticed at all?

**March 4, 2012
I wrote this one for my Contemporary Arts class. It is influenced by a photograph taken by Robert Doisneau that is contained in a series called "The Sideways Glance"
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
How can you look at yourself in the mirror
And say you’re beautiful?
When all you do is ***** and moan,
Mock the “ugly?”
How can you look at yourself in the mirror
And say you’re beautiful
Is this honestly what you see?

Be honest with yourself now
What is there to gain
In bringing us down?
I may be ugly
But I sure as hell ain’t joining you
If that’s how beauty is defined
Think of all you say…
Now all you do.
Do you really think you’re better?

Your fan base is dwindling
And your enemies growing
I may be ugly, but I sure as hell ain’t joining you
If that’s how beauty is defined

Be honest with yourself
Do you like what you see
When you look in the mirror?


**- Early 2011
This poem is pretty much about bullies or people that just think they're better than everyone else and how typically, people talk down upon others because they're insecure about themselves.
513 · Feb 2012
End
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
End
How long can we suspend
Choosing whether to mend it
Or end it

How long do we intend to go on like this?
We’ve been in a downtrend
Since the time we became boyfriend and girlfriend
It feels…

It’s like we ascended this mountain of a relationship
But now we’ve descended to the bottom

So how long do we intend
To do anything but pretend,
That things will be amended

Maybe next weekend we’ll regret it
But we might just be better off friends…

How long can we suspend
Choosing whether to mend or end?
Both tend to bring me to tears
And send me to my place of fears.


**February 1, 2012
The 12th of 12 poems about my relationship frustrations. I wanted to do another experimental piece by using a theme of words rhyming with "end" in a poem about what I thought was surely going to be our end.
510 · Feb 2012
Incompletion
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
Pulling hair out
Bawling eyes
Nothing is right
Frustration consumes my life
Do I even want to stick it out?
There’s too much happening
All at once
All at once
Too much to handle
It really depresses me
Just thinking about it…


**December 20, 2011
7th of 12 poems about my relationship frustrations. I initially had wanted this to be longer, but at the time I was quite emotional and couldn't bear to write more. Then I decided this was enough and called it incompletion despite the fact it is in fact complete in my eyes.
481 · Feb 2012
Fading
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
All my life I was told
The way, the truth, the light
Was the way to salvation
It’s all I knew
It’s all I thought

Time has passed
Thoughts have changed
Is this all a lie?
What I’ve been told my whole life?
What I’ve believed my whole life?

From what I hear
I may simply be wrong
But I believe, I believe
It loosens, it tightens
The hold is there, losing grip

Is it all a lie?
The way, the truth, the light
It saddens me to think
“Is it all a lie?”
What’s the truth
If there is none?

It loosens it tightens
The hold is there, losing grip
I still believe
Oh Lord, tell me it’s all true.


**- Summer 2011
I wrote this poem last summer when I was questioning my own religious beliefs. This is pretty much what came out of that. It's one of my favorite poems I've ever written personally and I hope you all like it as well.
466 · Jun 2012
The Shadow Haiku
Ben DuBois Jun 2012
Your shadow’s taller
Than you, that doesn’t make you
Any better, sorry

**May 28, 2012
This one pretty much goes alongside 'Narcissism.'
464 · Feb 2012
Tear and Bind
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
Tear and bind
Tear and bind
We always find a way to
Tear apart what we have
And bind it back
Like nothing happened
It’s a recurring theme

Sometimes you just push away
Rip me to shreds
Flood my eyes.
It always ends the same,
Together like glue.

How long can we hold on
To this, what we have here?
How long can we keep
What we have here
If all we do is tear and bind?

Everything must change
If we expect to keep
What we have here.

**- Summer 2011
This is the 1st of 12 poems I have written about my own personal relationship frustrations.
433 · Jun 2012
The Dance
Ben DuBois Jun 2012
I should have given you
That dance you wanted
All that time ago
I should have given you that dance.

It was so long ago now…
But with you gone forever
The regret hits hard.
The thoughts shouldn’t be a concern
But with your death
The regret and the memories
They hit hard.

We were only kids…. Not even teenagers
But I must have been
Such a **** at the time…
I should have given you
Just one dance…
It’s probably all you wanted.

And now in hindsight
I can’t even apologize
These thoughts shouldn’t be of concern
But with your death
The memories… of how I acted
… We were only kids, not even teenagers
But I should have given you
That dance you wanted
All that time ago…
This one has a sort of sad back story. Basically, way back in middle school (I'm currently in college) this girl named Paige had this huge crush on me and would always want me to dance with her just once at every single one of the school dances (these were nearly every week). Well I would always say no every time naturally (at one point I even think I screamed in her face... or maybe it was her friend), and looking back I must have been pretty mean. So about 2 years ago I found out that she had died, and as I look back at her Facebook page all I can think is how mean I must have been all that time ago.
424 · Feb 2012
Happily Dreading
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
Happy, knowing I'm here
Dreading, when I am not.
In your arms
Is my version of home
Away from you
Just never feels right.

What will I do when I go back?
What will happen when I go back?
I can't shut myself out anymore
I don't want ongoing fights...
Can we last any longer,
In our torn and tattered state?
or will this be it...?

All we can do,
Is take it one day at a time...
...I guess...

You were right
You were always right.
I can't change
Not even for you
Not even for the one that means the most

So here I am... left with this
This torn and tattered state.
I'm happy knowing I'm here
But what will happen when I'm not?

...I guess only time will tell

**January 4, 2012
I wrote this one while I was home for Winter Break, dreading leaving my girlfriend again in a few weeks because it's the best thing in the world to be with her.
406 · Feb 2012
Love (Without The)
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
What do I mean to you?
What do you mean to me?
So maybe we’ve ******* up once…
Or a lot… over and over.
We’ve fought for hours
To no avail.

But you know what?
We haven’t given up on eachother
And I don’t think we will.
We may not have a lot in common
But we have a lot in common.

I say it all the time
But the feeling never fades
I tell you everyday
And the feeling never goes away

So maybe we’ve ******* up once…
Or a lot… over and over.
But we haven’t given up
Haven’t given up.

I’d rather be with you
You…
Just you…
I can repeat it if you want
But I already tell you enough.

So what do I mean to you?


**February 7, 2012
Quite a change of pace with how my previous poems are. A love poem!  Only the word love is not in the actual poem (other than the title, of course).
402 · Mar 2012
Stains Of Red
Ben DuBois Mar 2012
The stains of red
The lines of scars
Cover the skin
Where you chose to inflict your pain

The scars of a life gone wrong
The scars of an unfortunate happening
The scars of mistakes gone terribly wrong

I don’t get it personally
I’ve never done it…
Never wanted to
What does it take for one to hurt oneself physically?
It seems it would only make the pain worse…
Rather than better

In my own experience
I fear pain
Avoid pain
What does it take for one to embrace it?
What does it take for one to decide
That the solution to mental pain
Is to turn it physical?

It always saddens me to hear and see it happening
I wonder what went wrong
Their stains of red,
Line of scars,
Covering the skin.

**March 3, 2012
This is just kind of what came out of my thoughts on self harm I was having. It's not all that good of a poem if you ask me.
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
Death...
It's such an unusual thing.
Bringing people together,
Bringing back memories,
and bringing out tears.

Death...
What a funny feeling it gives.
To those closest,
To those furthest,
and those in between.

Death...
We all have to face it someday.
Nobody can say,
When you will,
When I will.

Death...
It makes you think of all you've done.
To those of past,
Those of present,
and not yet affected.

Death...
How does it influence your life?

**January 4, 2012
I wrote this after thinking about a girl from way back in middle school that died about a year ago. I realized that I was kind of a **** to her way back then, it really made me sad to think about because what it made me wonder if I somehow affected her life negatively (she didn't commit suicide so don't get that idea). This one immediately became one of my favorites that I've written.
381 · Feb 2012
The Past Is The Past
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
Easy to remember
Hard to forget.
Together is perfection,
Far away is shambles.
Is this what we’ve become?

I’m just here living life,
But in the end,
All I want is you.
I’m just here living life,
Don’t you see?
This is my home
Away from home now.

Easy to remember,
Hard to forget.
It rips us apart,
Yet brings us together.

The past is the past.
Let’s move on and grow.
The past is the past,
And that’s all it’ll ever be.

**December 10, 2011
5 of 12 in my series of relationship frustration themed poems.
381 · Feb 2012
Untitled Frustrations
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
I mean, I don’t mind that you’re here
But the feelings that it gives me,
Frustrated feelings
That I can’t be with her
In a time when I need
In a time when I want her most.

I mean, I like you, I don’t hate you
But you give me feelings
Feelings… I’m so ******* emotional
And you’re both so ******* cute.

Less than a week,
Less than a week, is all.
I can be cute with my love.

Jealousy maxed out
As I watch you kiss his face,
Oh, how I long for one of those.
You’re both just so ******* cute together.

I can’t wait any longer…
I miss you so much.
Can’t I just be with you forever?


**December 17, 2011
I wrote this one when I missed my girlfriend very much and my roommate's girlfriend came. They're just really cute together and well, these rather all over the place thoughts are the result of my jealousy.
376 · Feb 2012
The River
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
Just sittin’ by a river
It’s so calm and peaceful
No one to hear
No one to see

Just sittin’ by a river
The sound of rushing water
Soothing all the senses
Not a care in the world
A childhood brought to reality

I could sit here for hours
Just watching the water rush by
As I sit by a river
Not a care in the world

**- Spring 2010
This is one of the first poems I ever wrote. I wrote this while sitting on the river that is near my house. Pretty self explanatory.
312 · Feb 2012
Giving In
Ben DuBois Feb 2012
It’s my fault
And I finally gave in
To your demands
Hopefully I won’t be too lonely…

Can I even last
Without my friends
For you?
Is it worth it?
I mean I only have a few real friends
Hopefully I won’t be too lonely…

But if I want to fix things
It must be done
Hopefully I won’t be too lonely…
Hopefully I don’t go more insane…


**January 14, 2012
The 8th of 12 poems about my relationship frustrations. There's a long, confusing story behind this poem that I won't get into.

— The End —