Your fingertips danced to the echo of your own brokenness
Your pain so pure in the form of shivers
    too heavy
           Intense for a mere tear
and what words I could hear from your mumbled mess
    and skipping heartbeat
   As you looked off into that deep dark sea
    that was just scary and I thought
You had every right to be afraid of just about
everything
because there is so much to be scared of in this horrible
awful
messy
place
children go missing
and molested
and little girls like you
get *****
and all they remember is the strange hum of police sirens and an officer that was
a little too friendly
and now they look at people with empty frozen eyes
that I cant look past or through
Like insects trapped in nets
Or **** stars turnin' tricks
I feel awful to think that paedophiles
and molested children
have the same kind of hands
if you look somewhere in the past
its hard to think they were children too
who maybe liked chocolate milk
and hated the way a neighbour made them feel

You told me these theories with a steady voice
Resembling your own destruction
somehow detached from your own ****
what
was
taken
from
you

Sam told me about how you came home bruised
broken
and he took a wash cloth to your cuts
and that filth that monster left in you
      you told me how Sam cried as you tried
hard not to make a sound
(you ended up comforting him)
you ask questions to an un-answering god
about how this could of happened to you
too many times..

I watched your beautiful mouth tell me
awful
awful
things

I could never paint
your eyes right,
sticky drops of green
plastered among
the warmest browns
Your river's light lost
in the reeds

The walls of our house
stir and shake, children's
fingers poking in between
window frames, pushing
skeletons through spaces
in the screen -

They pulse there, hot
and wet like grass outside
on the lawn, my breath
catches when I think of them,
lungs trampled into the carpet
Our youth this yellow honeyed
liquid decomposing in the sun

Someday we'll sit, together,
and remember them
as they pass - today is not that day
Winds bluster through the cracks
and my highest clouds melt
with the fog

Deep love shoved
as food into the garbage,
moving bright under the grime

Yearning to be seen for
what it was,
kaleidoscope heart
shifting
until it found
what you were looking for