with every steaming breath
comes an everlasting struggle
to gain control of a lustful heart
aching for the touch of your lips
to barely press upon my mouth
to feel once again
the burning heat of your touch
that turns my cheeks to embers
white hot and untamed
quietly erupting beneath a heaving chest
but you remain a flawless entity
of my grim imagination
for without your kiss
i am left with the chill of your back
and the distance at my side
allowing thin layers of frost
begin to leave their mark

please do not be offended
if i speak to you with formality
for i am not a creature of emotion
you'll find i'm quite lacking
while others stain their cheeks with tears
i have added mine to a collection of bottles
for in moments of sentiment
i make myself absent
for it is truly easier than being close to you
understand, please
i do not want to lose you
to the weak-hearted affection
that would consume me if i allowed such things

i won't be the first to admit
that i sleep in terror
for tomorrow is another day closer
to *growing up

you dug your teeth in like an animal
savage and deadly
your claws helping tear open the wound
as you poured in your poison
you used to be so kind
or at least it's how you looked in my eyes
but with every passing day
a piece of your mask faded
revealing the skin of a monster
and although i was warned
and told to run
seek refuge
hide
i did not fear you
for i thought i knew you
but all you ever did was lie
and make believe you were the prey
while your predatory gaze kept a watchful eye

how quickly you sprang
how vicious your jaw
how easily i fell

and somehow it was my fault
somehow i was wading
****** and torn
in a river of apologies
unsure of the meaning
always searching

in time i learned your ways
and i froze
waist deep in the river
unable to swim to the shore
and become dry
because you cried
because you filled my ear
with sweet whispers of "i love you"
i believed you
so i stayed

but now as i lay freely
staring up at the sun
feeling its warmth
on my newly healed wounds
i realized that you never loved me
because love is not a violent word

I know it's real,
2000 years with a lack of sleep
I'm forever dreaming and it's of you
Flutterbies and burnt dandy lions
I walk a thousand miles in unknown shoes
I've lost control, slipped into madness
And drowned in a scent that brings me home
I still don't know if you're real.
A day to day existence
No substance
And heartache reassurance
I miss you, the clouds are cold without you
And it's winter but fire rumbles within the ground  
The elements miss you and fail to comfort me like you do.

I waited 8 periods, 7 hours, in between searching for you, running around the corridors,
Like a psychosis affected patient running trying to find reality through delusions,
But "planet", ironically you are my delusion, miles away from the brutal reality.
My excuses to see you were drying up; sprinting to the top floor that maybe you‘ll come across,
Ecstatic like a 5 year old kid, when his rents buy him a toy helicopter,
Disappointed like the poor kid as his helicopter crashed on the first day itself.
You’re nerdy, the only guy studying java and oracle with interest, enticing me with your mint and cedar scent,
This infatuation is eating my heart up, slowly and slowly, like cancer
I came today only to see you, desperately clinging to the belief that maybe you’ll come to see me too.
But I was left alone, with the burning sun as my only companion.
I woke up hours early, straightening my hair till my hair were singed, applying mascara till my eyes burned.
I fancied, that possibly you might think of me too, day dream of me too,
but darling  curse me for being a hopeless teen, as its getting me nowhere.
Everyone keeps telling me its never going to happen, I’m a junior and you a sophomore
& when your azure lids never glance my way, my face turns ashen, even during the Indian summer.
And who am I to even try to fight with the bitter truth,
for it’s always destroying our little fragile hearts and drowning them in acid and absinth
It was so silly of me to even give into these treacherous day dreams, to even let my pride escape.
I was absurd enough to even like you, knowing even then, that I will never be able to solve this Rubik cube.