I can paint you a whole world but never can I paint myself an escape

I am unsure of the reason. I am unsure of myself. I got anxiety. I knew it would end soon. I am so uncertain of what's to come for you and I although "you and I" isn't the case anymore it's you and someone else. I yearn for everything to fall into place. I crave for you to be happy. For everyone to end up satisfied. It's okay if I don't but everyone else deserves happiness, especially you.

You have left so suddenly and now
I can hardly bring myself to move.
All I can do is stare at your photographs
with tears in my eyes,
trying to imagine you are beside me,
a vision I cannot make myself have.
I fear that if I take my eyes off of your beloved face
for too long I will forget what made you so beautiful to me,
and if I go too long without speaking to you
I will forget how your voice and your well-spoken words
made me fall in love with you.
But for now this doesn't seem to be the problem,
for I remember all too well.