Instead of talking and thinking about
how your future outcome will be

with the stacks of money
you say you will have
the expensive cars
you will drive
the big house
you will live

Instead of that how about you
start talking about the plans
your going to make in your present
to get you a step closer to your dream
Or start thinking about what you are
going to do tomorrow
or today
that will bring you to the right path

Instead of thinking about your destination
how about you think about the steps you
need to take to get to your destination
because you can't get there without
without yourself and without dedication

When are you going to start?
What are you going to do?
Where are you going to go?
Who do you want to be?

If you want to make it to your
luxurious lifestyle
you need to work hard
and start now

Don't do things because of others
Stop trying to "prove" to them you will be great
Its going to backfire
How about you start doing things
for you
let "you" be the reason not others
Start to prove to yourself
And watch things change

Depression is the key to death

If I can go back to change things I honestly would take that chance in a heart beat

As he reminds me of everything I did wrong
breaks me little by little
slowly and painfully
the words slicing my heart like a knife
I already have enough scars as it is
I don't need to be reminded
I already know
I can't help it
I wish I wasn't like this but this is who I am
I am DIFFICULT

you know who he reminds me of....
he reminds me of my ex
he use to point of everything I did wrong

and you know what they both remind me of

they remind me of how difficult relationships can really be
and that I can deserve someone better

Give me your all
put your past in my hands
and watch me heal it
and make you look forward
for your future
you don't need to worry anymore
I will set you free
I will turn your cocoon into a butterfly
don't be afraid to show me
who you really are
give me your all
your heart
love
past
present
give me your future
and I'll give my all right back
I promise
but it won't come all together
because of everything bad
that has happened to me
so be prepared
to have my all in
pieces

The way you looked at me said it all

She was in love with poetry
He didn't know why
he seen it as just words on a page
and sentences that rhyme

But it was more then just sentences
They told her story
In the dark, these words were her light
and had so much glory

He was the type of guy
that didn't know how to express his feelings
That's why he didn't understand
But the way she had a passion
for every word she read
he found that very appealing

One day she sat him down
to read with her
As she read
He finally started to know
That it wasn't just words
The meanings started to show

Now he understood why she was in love with poetry
The words can relate to her
He's glad he understands and finally see
Before, everything was such a blur

But now its not, for some reason
He started to love poetry too
Not because of the meanings and what they were
But because he didn't know
how to express his feelings
and what he was reading explained everything
he wanted to say to her

Don't mix up my kindness for mix signals

It hurts knowing the person you thought was your friend
never wanted to be your friend
showing up at your locker every day to say "hey"
passing notes
listening
picking on each other
motivating each other
I thought he was my friend
he only did those things because he expected more
he didn't want to be my friend
he wanted to be my boyfriend
yet he knew I wasn't looking for anything
and now he's gone
because when he popped the question
I said....no
I'm not hurt because of what he was trying to do
I am hurt that the fact he did those things
and yet I thought he was doing those things
because he was my friend

The only thing I miss about my ex is that
he use to remind me mostly every day
about how beautiful I was
even when I looked a mess or even dressed up
he would say "you are so beautiful"
I actually started believing him
I got so use to it I expected it
even.....when he left

Its sad to say it now
when someone calls me beautiful
I cringe
because they don't say it the way he said it

because I knew he meant it

I'm honestly scared to die
because I don't like the unknown
I'm scared I'm going to suffer
I don't need any more
I already suffered here enough

I told her
" I don't want to lose you, I don't want you to die "
But before I can say anything else she yelled
" you already lost me along time ago, I'm just a walking body

I'm not ashamed of my scars
I embrace them
even if there intentions were bad

Even though the blade left gashes on my body
within the wounds told my story which bloomed my future

I'm sorry you had to watch me
fall in love with someone else
I know what it feels like
because I watched my lover
Fall in love with someone else
But my lover didn't have it any better
He watched the love of his life
Move on and fall in love with another man
Because he found someone else and fell in love with them
And his previous girlfriend fell in love too
Just not with him

But I dont understand why there is more falling and less loving

I am drowning in my past
but its ok
I can save myself
I can swim to shore
but it feels like forever

I dont want to admit
that I need a hand
but I do

Waves hovering over me
and crashing into me
causing me to sink

the light starts to fade
and the surface starts to become blurry
it felt like everything stopped

please help me....

I thought that was it
until a hand reached into the water
an pulled me out

and who pulled me out was

my future

When I'm having a bad day
I want to go home
going home means
going home to you
your smile
your eyes
your laugh
your "how was your day baby?"
your warm hugs
just you
Because you are my home

You are the guy in my dreams
Every time I came home I loved to fall asleep
Because that meant seeing you
Every time I woke up felt like a nightmare
I wish you were in my world
But as long as the ladders of thoughts are there
I can climb up to your world to see you

I don't want to go
I hate saying goodbye

But as long as I am here
I know you will be here for me
and love me
and never let me fall

I wish you were real....

But you are in my dreams
Some times dreams come true

I hope mine does

One day I fell asleep
and you weren't there

I panicked and woke up

After school I kept looking for you in my dreams
Sitting on the bench waiting for you
But one day you just never came back

I just gave up

Next morning
Waiting for my mom to pick me up
Sitting on the bench
Just like in my dreams

Buried  my face into my knees
trying to connect to the other world
To see if I can see you again

But instead I cried

Until someone tapped me
I looked up fast scared

I couldn't believe what I seen

It was you...
The boy in my dreams

This felt like a dream
I thought I was in his world
But I wasn't
I was in my world

He left his world just for me..

I guess some dreams do come true

He told me he " loved me"
I looked at him with disbelief
Put my head down and chuckled a little
And told him
The only reason why you love me is
Because
You have nobody else to love
Not even yourself
You hate yourself so much
To the point
That you can't even pretend
To love yourself
You don't really love me
You just think you do

But I don't understand
You don't love yourself because
your broken
I'm your reflection
and you love me?

You fell in love with me
But I fell in love with someone else
But that someone else fell in love too
Just not with me

In the path of trying to find myself
I ended up finding you

I've never thought I'll ever cross paths with you
but I did

what stopped me from continuing my journey
was the look in your eyes

as if you were me

you stripped away all the pain for a bit
and it felt good

the vibe I felt planted my feet into the grown
and I couldnt even move

you kissed away the pain
cleaning up the mess that they made
and it wasn't even yours

you took my past and carried it on your shoulders
you held my heart so gently, showing so much love
that it drove the hatred it had back to where it belonged

how..how did you do this? How do you have the power to do this

you revived me

how did you do it?

How did you give me the chance to be able to feel what love was again?

it felt so weird

my heart didnt feel this in so long
it forgotten to recognize love
as if someone got into an accident and lost all there memory

you made me remember
it felt so new
you revived my heart

filling up a hatred body with love
this is probably a good idea...
if I know what love is
I can probably give myself the chance to love myself too

something I thought was impossible to do

but it just doesnt add up

how could a broken soul revive a broken soul?

you saved me

I wish I can stop loving you the way you stopped loving me

In my home self love does not exist

You have more of a reason to have my love
More then I do

Once I lost you
I lost me too
you were apart of me

but now your gone

trying to move on
with someone new
my mind is trying to find ways to stop the pain
but my heart is running back to you

Is moving on really stopping the pain?
How can you move on
when you don't remember how to feel ?
or love?

thats when I met him
honestly wish I never did
it was just two emotionless bodies
acting out "love"

I wish I never did the things I did
but I cant go back

wish I could

he was a big mistake
but not a regret

he walked into my life at the wrong time
but he was also the wrong guy to walk into my life in the first place

I hope someday I can feel the same love I did before
better yet even more

I hope one day I can fall in love again
this time I dont **** it up

and makes me forget the pain

and forget my past....especially him

so if someone ask me one day "how is he?" (my first love)
I can smile and mean it and say "hes fine"
without caring or feeling triggered
every time someone mentions his name
better yet
or "who's?"

Wishing you can do something about it
but you cant
its your pain
but in someone else's hands
slipping through
waiting for the answer
to see if everything is ok
looking on the other side of the room
not able to move or do anything ,but watch
just there waiting
for the news
it ***** knowing your not in control
of something that is having to do with you
something that hurts
but someone else is carrying
the thing you want to fix
but you cant trespass the cation lines
just wait on the other side

I lost myself 6 months ago
all because of you
I don't know who I am anymore
not only that you left
you took apart of me with you
and I can never get that back
because its behind me and I'm not looking back

I lost myself trying to forget you
trying to fix myself
I knew I couldnt stay in the place I was in
so I left
but I left my feelings behind
with the heartbreak that I call my past

but ended up bringing regret with me
its my fault for making you apart of me
now I dont know who I am anymore

hopefully I will find myself again
but this time not in someone else
but within the the body I call home
and with the soul that is lost in her own home


hopefully someone day I will learn how to be happy again
someone day I will learn how to love again
I will fall in love again
but not with another soul
but with the girl that knows how to love everyone else
besides herself

I'm sorry I'm not the girl you wanted me to be anymore
I left her behind , shes lost in the past
Shes not who I am anymore
The girl you want me to be is just a memory

you make me forget about everything
getting lost in the moment
not realizing the hours passing by
speeding in the high way
the wind blowing in my hair
seeing the forest in front of us
the sun beaming on the car
blasting the music
muting the noise around us
getting high on our laughter
you make me forget about everything
the pain, aches, depression, heart break
with just a smile
and your presence
I feel better
like your slowing healing me
being mold back together
is it even possible to heal a broken girl?
you make it seem possible
running away from everything
while you follow the path
of the broken pieces of my heart
that I left behind
you make me forget about everything

but when I get home all of that is taken away from me
the feeling is temporary
and I crave you
crave the feeling of being ok
because you make me forget about everything
I want to be with you everyday
just let me get lost in you
make me forget about everything

I am sorry that my problems made you feel not enough
that I had impossible expectations for you to try to reach the unreachable
I didnt mean to make you feel that way
my demons made you feel like that , not
I didnt mean to hurt you
I can see why you dont want to come back
but it hurts knowing that someone can do better then me
it hurts knowing that shes where I use to be
she would never be there if I just made you feel enough
I didnt mean to

Its sad to say that I am a broken girl
a lost soul hoping to be found one day
born in the darkness, one day hoping to be set free into the light

But I am a broken soul with big dreams
I am a lost soul, trying to find my home
yes I was born in the darkness
but that doesn't mean I stop searching in the dark
Ive been through a lot
and all I want to feel is love
yes I want to feel love from another soul
but I want the love from something that feels impossible to have
and thats the love from myself

I am a survivor
with physical and spiritual battle scars
I'm a fighter and I dont want to give up
I know theirs times that I want to , but I cant

I'm a girl with a fake smile
you wouldn't suspect a thing
but just know
I am broken
but I am healing

It hurts thinking about seeing you with someone else
but its going to break me completely when you find someone else
its going to hurt really bad
because I know shes going to be better then me

You want me to stay and I'm here
but your actions dont back it up

you dont want me to move on
but you push me away

you say you want to be with me
but find ways not to be

when your feeling ******, I'm your girl
but when we have a regular convo I'm not

Its hard to move on
but I know I want to
even as much as it hurts
because I know I deserve better
i don't deserve this

the time I finally accept this and move on
your going to come back begging to be together
but when that times I'm not going back
how come you couldnt come back when I wanted to fix things ?

Please take an easy
Also don't rush me when we kiss
This means a lot to me
I am glad that you came into my life
you must be a very special guy then
I've waited for many years for this moment
I have trust issues
and I was scared to have my first kiss because
I was scared of them taking everything and leaving
this meant a lot to me and I didn't want to just give it to anybody
I wanted to give it to someone that deserves it
someone that I love
and that loves me  
and I've been with for a long time
you shown me that I can love again
that I can trust again
you shown me that you are the one
you win, you shown me that you deserve it
even if you leave I wont regret thing
because I know I loved it in the moment
thank you for loving me for who I am
and accepting me with open arms
and staying by my side even if I am a disaster
I love you

Have you ever had your first kiss? He asked
No I haven't I replied proudly
he was shocked, actually everyone else was too
what !?! look at you, your hot
and he looks at me up and down
I felt naked and I got upset
because people look at me for my looks only
but dont take the time to know who I am
Did you ever had ***?
Nope, I'm actually waiting to marriage
I know I know
your probably wondering
"oh you say that now, your mind is going to change when you get older"
things change
but not my belief
I am going to wait
and I am going to do it and prove people wrong
Do you smoke or drink?
No, I honestly hate the idea of it
I know you cant hate what you never tried
but I do and I dont plan on doing that ever
and I am serious
Your probably wondering
aw this girl is no fun
I dont need to do all those things to be
"fun"
I am just a 16 years old girl
lost in her own thoughts
people say boys "chase me"
but for what reason
only for my face and to get in my pants
I just want to be alone
they dont realize how difficult I can be
I'm different from everyone else
get to know me, you will be scared
Dont let my looks fool you
just because I look beautiful
doesnt mean its beautiful inside
I'm not a bad person
but I am slowly dying
and I dont think anyone wants to see that
just because I dont want to be like everyone else
doesn't mean you need to get at me
I love to be different
if I have to walk alone on this earth
I will
I am proud to say
I am a 16 years old girl
focusing on my future
and is still a ******
never had my first kiss
and hates smoking and drinking
I love that I am like that

Hi to the mysterious boy I have a crush on
I'm surprise to say I have a crush anyways
I guess I'm just curious
you seem like someone I want to know
your probably have a girl friend or like someone already
but its ok
I dont even know who you are
or what you look like
but something about you
makes me like you
but I just want to get to know you

She was young when she committed
Her friends yell her name
but its like shes not there
shes gone
her mind committed suicide a long time ago
its going insane now

So whats the point of living
when your not there
her heart is already on the edge of giving up
with all the blows that it took

its like living without an soul
its just a body
not really a corpse
because she is still breathing

but shes not alive either

Dont you ever have that feeling that something doesnt feel right
but you follow it anyways
like God is telling you to stop
and leads you to another direction
but you dont listen and keep moving forward
so God has to make something go wrong or that person to hurt you
but your so ignorant and you take the pain and keep trying
and feel like God is going to let you do what you think is going to work
then hurt you so bad that you cant continue

yeah thats how I feel like right now

I don't want to continue running back to you
knowing that you don't want me back
I can't help to think there's hope
when deep down inside this is something that cant be fixed
I'm trying to hold on to the names he calls me once in a while
the names he use to call me while we were together
I want to move on from you
but I cant
I'm trying to fix something that is not going to change by loving them
even though loving them right now is dangerous
I have to slowly move on
because loving you right now is like letting my heart commit suicide
you say you love me
but you don't prove it
you call me by my names
but you don't mean it
you say you miss hearing my voice
but you don't even want to call me
you say all these things
but manage to always have an excuse for each and everyone of them
I'm trying to move on
but your such an addiction
A drug that is slowly killing me
but making me feel good
sadly I'm giving you the privilege
I'm letting you drag me to hell
but its only because your guiding me there
because your with me
I just cant let go what we had
and if I have to be sent sent to hell
just to feel that temporary feeling again
then I guess lead the way

I know I deserve better
even though I feel like I deserve the bad things that happen
making up for the sins Ive done
But I sat down and thought about it
I dont deserve that
Why am I so ******* myself
A question that will most likely never be answered
I need to start doing whats best for me
even if I feel like I dont deserve it
I have to start by removing people out of my life
Improve on myself
work to be the best I can be
and just live
I am wasting my time
for something that isnt going to change
unless I do something about it
So I have to make a change
and it needs to start now

Falling alseep thinking of you
Dreaming about what we had
and wish we can have again
dreaming about making love with you
taking care of my body and soul

but realizing this dream is only an illusion
knowing this isnt real

this dream turned into a nightmare really fast
instead of us making love
it only felt like *******
it felt forced
it felt like a ****

didnt feel like love anymore

felt like nothing