Today is the day that we officially..... broke up
It just doesn't feel ..real?
I cried my eyes out ...more than a water fall can cry
then the pain stopped because I'm in a stage of disbelief
But its going to hit in the morning for sure
I'm not going to lie
I had doubts , yes I did
but it was only because I was scared...
scared of someone actually loving me
I just didn't want that to all go away
I feel nothing right now...is that bad?
But he's the one who left , technically
he didn't say it to me but I read it between the lines of his messages
I know he wanted to...he was afraid to be in the category I have for the boys that are considered like everyone else
Its sad to let go the hand of your other half
and watch him disappear in the past behind you
He questioned my love for him and I did to
But last night was the night I realized that I love him more than I thought I did
I guess you really don't know how much you truly love something until its gone
I also realized how much I took him for granted
While I was taking a shower I just let the memories of us drown me
like the time he kissed all of my insecurities
or when we both celebrated together on how I'm going to get myself together
and the first time he slept over
and the first time....he came over my house because ...I said I was crying
and that was the day....we started
I guess I didn't really understood how much he loved me until I took that gloomy and lonely shower
I never felt alone when I was with him
I felt like thats all I really needed to be honest
But I ******* up my fairy tale once again.
Your probably wondering why am I writing on here when I just got dumped
but its because I don't know how to express my feelings.....and writing is the way I could...writing helped me for most of the parts of my life
But I guess Im writing to say......love your partner as they come and just love.
I also want to be raw with you to show you not every relationship is perfect and this is not the end...

I decided to take a break from my relationship
But I am scared for when my break comes to an end
because its either going to end in up
me being alone
me staying in a relationship confused
or me realizing the **** I'm thinking about is stupid and realizing that I do want to be with him

I hate the fact that I can be living my best life
and still you cross my mind time to time
I know its getting worse because its to the point that
everything reminds me of you

"You can't love someone until you love yourself"

Before I thought this statement wasn't true but only because I was in love
and what that relationship made me realize is that this statement is so true.

you can't love someone until you love yourself because if you don't love yourself and get into a relationship you are going to rely on their love and convince yourself that you love yourself to because you love them and they love you. But if they were to leave you are going to fall apart because you relied on them for self love and happiness.
That's why before you get into any relationship you need to know your worth.

Things started to get easier the moment I decided I wasn't going to settle for average.

Friend: Are you going to be ok?
Me: yeah... hopefully
Friend: It's not like we have a choice
Me: Paused whispers...yeah

You're a big reason why I hate people

I wish you were the mother I needed

But don't worry

I'm going to be the mother I needed
for my children

I blossomed
and became more then just a
confused depressed girl in a dysfunctional family
I became me

Things will get better
but it will get better if you let it
and if you do something about it

I was here through your worse and your best
I was here when you didn't have nobody
I was here for your accomplishments
I was there through it all

You were never here through my worse and my best
you were never there when I didn't have nobody
you were never there for my accomplishments
you were never there through it all

But when I rise best know that you won't be there
so don't try running back

Thank you for believing in me
Now its my turn to believe in myself

Is this the way you want to die?

Get lost in the moment because that moment wont be here forever.

As I started putting the stuff he gave to me in a box
I seen the memories we shared flashing before my eyes

Him: Do you love me?

Me: That question doesn't matter right now, the question is do I  love me?

She made it to the top of the mountain took a deep breath and smiled

Thats when she finally decided to start living the life she deserves

I'm in love with you.....

NO......your not
You are not in love with me....
Your only in love with the idea of who you want me to be....
And that's not me ....

Saying sorry will give you forgiveness and a settled situation
But doesn't mean it will heal the wounds you left

He asked me " do you want me to stop loving you"?

I replied " you can't stop loving me when you never did

Because of you
I lost apart of me
That cannot be given back

But its up to me
To give myself
The forgiveness I deserve

Even with all this air in the world
Its still hard to breathe

You helped
helped me get out of my comfort zone
you came to me
and I let you in
You listened to my story
and I let it out
I took off my mask
You turned me inside out

I was so confused about loving you
So today was the day I had to let you go
Because sometimes you won't truly know
if you really love someone
until you let them go

How come every relationship I'm in
You always sneak into my thoughts

I am trying to forget you
But the more I try to forget
the more I think about you


I don't like you
so why are you constantly in my head

My boyfriend is
the last thing I think about
before I fall asleep

But you tend to sneak into my dreams

My boyfriend is
the first thing I think about
when I wake up

But your the one who sneaks into my thoughts
during the day

But why?

Why do I care so much

How come in every relationship I'm in
You're always around the most

Love is a drug
But even addicts can get better

It was hard for me to feel love again
When he left
All my butterflies in my stomach died
But when I met you
All my butterflies revived
And that moment I knew
What love felt like again

I loved you
when I didn't love myself
Said you loved me
But you only loved yourself

-Layton Greene

Its been almost a year since you been gone
deleted our pictures
erased you from my contacts

But why can't I delete or erase you from my head?

I moved on and found someone new
I am happy
so why?
why do you pop up in my head
time to time
when I least expect it
I don't want to think about you anymore
why do I think about you
when you don't think about me

Sometimes I wish I never met you
I wish that I didn't know your name

Your making my heart go against my head
because my thoughts are hurting my heart
just thinking about the past
just thinking about you
putting my heart through all this pain
but its my fault because
my mind became addicted to you

Feels like I am walking on broken glass

Please get out of my head
run into someone else's thoughts
not mine
I'm trying to fall asleep

But the thought of you keeps me up

They destroyed me
I never knew why
But why me ?
Its been going on for so long
So I just got use to it
I welcomed myself home
To this destruction

They continued to tear me down
They beat the mindset of deserving it into me
So I thought there was something wrong with me

If they hurt me
]Why shouldn't I hurt myself
If nobody loves me
I shouldn't love myself

The darkness was my home
Throwing up was my sister
Negativity was my brother
Depression were my parents
The blade was my best friend
They were always there for me
People knew they were there for me
because it left its bandages on my body

People usually ask me
"why or did it hurt or what even brought you to that point?"

I just shrug my shoulders and said " I'm numb to pain, I'm numb to hurt. Its all I've ever been use to. When you've been hurt for so long....nothing hurts you"

Feels like I'm living with strangers
that don't want to be more then strangers

My home feels like an abandon house
When I come home I feel so alone
even though there's people here
it feels like there's nobody

I have to sacrifice my nights for you
Because if I dont
theres a chance I wont have any more nights with you again

How can you love someone like me
Can you show me how you do it
So we can both be on the same page