In my home self love does not exist

You have more of a reason to have my love
More then I do

Once I lost you
I lost me too
you were apart of me

but now your gone

trying to move on
with someone new
my mind is trying to find ways to stop the pain
but my heart is running back to you

Is moving on really stopping the pain?
How can you move on
when you don't remember how to feel ?
or love?

thats when I met him
honestly wish I never did
it was just two emotionless bodies
acting out "love"

I wish I never did the things I did
but I cant go back

wish I could

he was a big mistake
but not a regret

he walked into my life at the wrong time
but he was also the wrong guy to walk into my life in the first place

I hope someday I can feel the same love I did before
better yet even more

I hope one day I can fall in love again
this time I dont **** it up

and makes me forget the pain

and forget my past....especially him

so if someone ask me one day "how is he?" (my first love)
I can smile and mean it and say "hes fine"
without caring or feeling triggered
every time someone mentions his name
better yet
or "who's?"

Wishing you can do something about it
but you cant
its your pain
but in someone else's hands
slipping through
waiting for the answer
to see if everything is ok
looking on the other side of the room
not able to move or do anything ,but watch
just there waiting
for the news
it ***** knowing your not in control
of something that is having to do with you
something that hurts
but someone else is carrying
the thing you want to fix
but you cant trespass the cation lines
just wait on the other side

I lost myself 6 months ago
all because of you
I don't know who I am anymore
not only that you left
you took apart of me with you
and I can never get that back
because its behind me and I'm not looking back

I lost myself trying to forget you
trying to fix myself
I knew I couldnt stay in the place I was in
so I left
but I left my feelings behind
with the heartbreak that I call my past

but ended up bringing regret with me
its my fault for making you apart of me
now I dont know who I am anymore

hopefully I will find myself again
but this time not in someone else
but within the the body I call home
and with the soul that is lost in her own home


hopefully someone day I will learn how to be happy again
someone day I will learn how to love again
I will fall in love again
but not with another soul
but with the girl that knows how to love everyone else
besides herself

I'm sorry I'm not the girl you wanted me to be anymore
I left her behind , shes lost in the past
Shes not who I am anymore
The girl you want me to be is just a memory

you make me forget about everything
getting lost in the moment
not realizing the hours passing by
speeding in the high way
the wind blowing in my hair
seeing the forest in front of us
the sun beaming on the car
blasting the music
muting the noise around us
getting high on our laughter
you make me forget about everything
the pain, aches, depression, heart break
with just a smile
and your presence
I feel better
like your slowing healing me
being mold back together
is it even possible to heal a broken girl?
you make it seem possible
running away from everything
while you follow the path
of the broken pieces of my heart
that I left behind
you make me forget about everything

but when I get home all of that is taken away from me
the feeling is temporary
and I crave you
crave the feeling of being ok
because you make me forget about everything
I want to be with you everyday
just let me get lost in you
make me forget about everything