I believe in love
I believe in equality, were all different all beautiful
I believe in getting lost, because if you're not lost then how can you be found?
I believe that happiness will find you and its not something you can chase
I believe that laws should not be changed or bent as ruthless as they may seem
because they were put there for a reason
I believe in justice, not revenge.
I believe in karma, and fate.
I believe in euphoria
I believe in being able to laugh until you cry
I believe that sadness is beautiful as long as it does not over take you.
I believe that emotion is not weak but it can be over shown
I believe in you
in me
in every last atom
that makes everyone and everything up.
I believe.

i am a beautifully misunderstood masterpiece
plastered with ugly truths and beautiful lies
i push boundaries and limits of what you thought you could be
and leave your little lungs empty.

i've knocked on deaths door twice but I still come home to you, darling

because when i learn to love you
i'll morph into something new
something pretty..
something that is the polar opposite of me.
i will become your expectations
and forget about who i use to be
make art of out my pain
and love, out of my heartbreak
no longer a caterpillar
i will be a little butterfly
shedding her skin
to finally
be something

*beautiful.

i just don't feel the same way that i use too
and
i wish i did
because i love you so
much
and not at
all

maybe
it's not you, it's me.
maybe im a skyscraper
collapsing
into
a preschool full of people that never play fair
but didn't deserve to die
but maybe
i killed them
and used there bones
as silverware for the dinner i have made you tonight
and
maybe
i'm a cobra
spitting poison into their mouths
because  
im scared
that they'll cut my head off
and cook me and my kids in a gumbo
and
maybe
nothing is what it seems
but you don't know that
and neither do i
    and
just,
*******
maybe
i'm actually disapointed in myself
for letting this all fall down around us
and for watching
you
watch me
not closely enough.

you didn't even
      try
to
hold
       those
rafters up

but,
i suppose you let go a long time ago.

you laughed that little laugh of yours
and let them impale
you
and me too

didn't think i could feel it
but boy, did i ever.

Hahahaha

i caused this mess.
i set the world on fire.
but worst of all

i was foolish
     to think you
could
withstand
     me
.

i wrote about who i was, in the sand.
and put my pictures of us on the shore..
im sorry for being a stick in the mud
but
i just can't forget you.

at least
not
today.


maybe it's these memories
sitting atop my shoulders
and in the trees
hidden
in the leaves
entangled in my hair..

you always were a little catty
i knew you were wild
but you won't come down
from that tree
on my head
and i guess
i've
built this sand castle
for us
to sleep in
for
nothing
.

im tired.
okay.

i need at least another eight hours.

scratch that.

make it eleven. eleven more hours to be free of you.

i can't grow in this substrate that you've planted me in
you've filled my veins with sand
and im a bit too hard for everyone's liking these days...
(if you know what i mean.)


i need to sleep
but all i can think about is how much
i hate you
all at once and
not at all

i shouldn't have given you a chance but i let my guard down
and i let you water me with your crocodile tears.

pathetic.

i should have realized we were toxic but you soaked yourself into my veins
and now im growing on the false pretense that you loved me.

once.

maybe..?

you kissed me.
and i foolishly opened my mouth to let you in.  
but you bit down on my tongue
and your holding it hostage
and suddenly you've turned into the kids who kicked over my sandcastle that one summer
and laughed at me in tears

i was so proud of that **** sand castle.
*******.


k.

i need to sleep
and its only eleven in the **** morning.
i got four hours last night
because i woke up to you
sticking sandbags into my skin
and i broke my back getting up this morning
as i tried to breathe

so yeah,
i'll cry you a river
i'll cry you a ******* ocean if it makes you miles apart from my mind
my house
my bed
MY
skin.
my town.

god do
i miss the days when i didn't have to write poetry to cope with this bone-crushing feeling i get
when i see your ugly girlfriend

(who i made out with, might i add.)

she's fourteen years old
and you're going on nineteen.

nice.

i wrote poems in the sand of who i was before i met you
the things i wanted to do
the man i wanted to marry
the person i wanted to be
i told the shore all of my secrets
and you collected them like seashells.
a little memento of what you murdered somewhere on the left side of my chest
and you know what keep that old broken down thing
what the **** would i need it for anyways

if love means leaving bruises on someone's legs
and making someone scared to go outside of your arms
then i don't want it anymore.
scratch that.
ever again.

i keep stock of the good times
and keep count of the bad
write your name
and my heart out
in the sand

and come morning
the waves  have washed it all away.

busy busy bees
floating from flower to flower
in search of fairy dust,
coating their wings with magical things so they can fly away.

so free
yet subservient,  
like little meteorites they plummet into atmosphere
and break there bones
and when they return from their journey
broken limbs swaying side to side
the
bumble bees with manes like lions
shed there coats
and there wings
and hand over the universe
and the planets

to a hungry
     queen
with
      a belly full
of
     *stars.

you liked your alcohol just like you liked your women
a little watered down..
bitter to
the taste.

and nowadays you set your lungs ablaze
and shoot things into your veins that I don't even know the names of
but
i remember once
when i was the only thing that tortured you.

we were never minuscule enough to be soley about something as petty and chemical as..love

but somehow you ended up loving me
because
i didn't love you.

apathy in disguise
crept up on you like a spy
so little was the fight you put up.
though.
with those toothpick arms
and tired
eyes.

so simply
it
became you
.

i thought we were the same
but turns out i was just wasting
time
lying to myself.

i have a tendency to
overestimate
and over analyze  
but it seems that i was wrong about you
is it that you've finally realized what i am
or do you just not care
anymore

tell me what did you run out of more quickly

**** to give
or time to waste?

actually
don't answer that.

you're too predictable and i know you too well..
i'm growing bored
and tired
of playing the same games. i've told you this.

i need a new puzzle to solve.
a new song to sing.
a new life to ruin.

don't take the detour in your fancy car
to this place
my dear,
the road less followed here
is still followed and still not worth the hours you will spend
trying to understand the sheer entirety of
it all

please don't waste your life
trying to find the beauty in this place
it
will be hard
if not impossible
to do

but if you decide to gamble
and
wager all your love and all of your life with me on this
do
check in the garbage cans
amongst the homeless hearts
and maybe in the gum under that bench
or the crumpled wrappers on the asphalt
right over there

in those forgotten things
you will find the good.

maybe.

i'm thoroughly convinced
that
everyone's blind
and schizophrenic
     here
and i don't want to listen to the noise that ricochet's off the walls of my skull anymore
when they're banging on their drumsets at two in the ******* morning
as if they're monkeys in a ******* zoo.

you're all too ******* loud.
go choke on your ****** personalities
and
shut up.


the cars beeping in the early morning
the screams
  the laughter

i can't help but
hate you all
because as much as i deny myself regular human interaction
and the ability to feel
as much as i keep myself locked up in a state of numb

  i crave your simplicity
to the deepest part of my core
and
i wish
so badly i could be happy and content with keeping up with regular trends and falling in love
and marriage and religion and laughing children
and babies coming into this world
and sunshine and butterflies
but i grew the **** up
and started seeing everything for the way it really is
ever since that one night
when i was too high to stop you
and you ****** me
with some type of desperation
and i told you to stop
bur you didn't hear me
i guess

were your ears virgins to the word ****..? or were you just dumb?

so many nights i try to justify what you did
to me
and convince myself that it was just the hallucinations
but we both know that i'm lying to myself..

whatever.
i'm over it.
doesn't matter anymore.
that's all seemingly irrelevant
all that matters is that
you know
that you ****** with the wrong girl
and so did all the rest of you.

i will sink this ship with all of you in it
even if it means going down with your sorry souls

and i don't care if you haunt me
i get enough screams in my dreams
when you touch my skin hugging jeans
(if you know what i mean)

so yes now that we're all on the same page
i
hate everyone
and that hate has festered like an open wound
into me hating
everything
in every city

everyday.

so from one person to another don't take the detour darling, and don't come to this ****** place
because i promise you your happiness won't leave with you when you pack up your bags

(i will have stolen it in the night)

you were better off at home
you were better off alone.

keep your children under lock and key
and hide your wife
have it be known county wide that
if you venture too far
into my woods
and
follow the bread crumb trail
like the naughty kids you are
you are in for a real treat.


please just assume
you can
withstand me

and know that
i will consume you
if you don't consume me first

if i were you id worry about cushioning the blow on your family
instead of your hair
when i open you up with my sword and let the hate flow out of you into a river of blood
your hairs gonna be a rats nest
i'll make sure of it.
all caked with dried up blood
face smeared in dirt.
just how you belong.
  

so listen to the road signs that scream dead end
and go back

this is my ghost town
and i will defend it and my heart at all costs
and when the day comes
when i can't do it anymore
i will dig my own grave and die here.

She was the girl in class they told to sit still
she was the one they wrote about on bathroom stalls
Ribs protruding like archaic armor
Ready to snap
Ready to go


It wasn't a little girls fairytale I promise
Because she came to you in your darkest dreams
And sang you the prettiest songs while you dreamed a million deaths and awoke in agony as you realized you were still breathing.

And the shivers down your spine were no match for the coldness in her heart
Her black wings covered her naked back
But all she was really trying to hide were the scars
she was foolish like me once too
She painted stories of blue, her sadness  plastered on her bones for all to see
a love mistook for lust
what a shame
Skinny love really can't get much skinnier when your out of flesh to peel
And you're starving and fresh out of  potatoes already huh?
And you've already sold your bones to some corpse who gets to dress up fancy and wear them next
And since your busy selling your soul to your demons.
Forking over all your limbs for more drugs
"save me a little slice of that broken heart, honey
After all, Misery always tastes the best served, bleeding and beating fresh out of the chest.."
And with those last words
She stretched her aching wings
bones so sore you can even hear the friction whisper
It seems her body spoke more words then she did
And
Each feather that fell from her wings hit the ground as hard as iron
She lived her life weighed down by all her burdens and regrets  
And when I asked her how she could still fly with a heart so heavy
and wings stained with iron
she simply sighed
and
melted into the night like ink on paper
She
Pale faced
Like newborn snowflakes that have never felt the harshness of the ground..
She sat breathing distance from you
Right by your bed side
Her ribs poked out of her chest like splintering toothpicks and broken  hearts  
and your world went black
catching only glimpses of
Her. lips.
So. close.
closing in on those little red rose petals you call a mouth
And you try to scream  but she devours your voice
Razors from her tongue shredding your cheeks into little bite sized pieces
And then you see it.. your life..your meaningless pathetic life.. hovering right above your reach
and you start to wonder if it all came down to this


Your eyes flutter open....


lips are hovering over your life drained face
and before you know it
her blood stained teeth slowly form into a pink sinister smirk that later turns into a grimace
and you can see that in between her teeth are little parts of you
like petite appetizers
Ripe for the picking
she swallows the rest of the flesh that envelops her throat
And
Licks her chops
Like she missed the taste of spilled blood


The rooms now full of chatter
the guests don't have very good manners
and
If you open your eyes and close your ears
The doctors around my hospital bed sound like crickets
And I think if I could be anywhere in the world right now we would be by the lake.
shes not scared to take you away so you shouldn't be either,
There is no point running from death
It's inevitable.
You are already chained to a world that is not entirely your own and tethered to a universe full of secrets

So while you were running to nowhere land,  can I ask you where you were?
and how far you got before time caught up?
and while i was lying half dead in that hospital bed
You we're dying merely a world away.

I have been waiting for this day for my whole life
and
She's still by my bed side black wings draped over my face..
The day has come where i can finally leave for good
but
I packed my suitcase full to the brim, three nights before, and something is still missing
And as you search amongst the darkness

*Her porcelain hands
reach out to guide you

cold as frost
But somehow
still managing
to leave
 blisters on your skin

You sat alone
like I always did
your eyes wandering aimlessly like a stray cat left out in the cold and from the moment I saw you I knew you were different..
your eyes told me that we were the same as I felt your heart beating through your bird ***** ribcage
You use to be such a fragile little thing before you learned how to hide it
The sight of a man could ******* you.. and ironically that's how you lived your last few years..
'home is where the heart is' they say
But when you died
My heart went with you.

i want to step out of my hateful skin
and peel off my scales
like fabric
like feelings
like everything temporary.
like a snake molting its skin
i crave to be something new.
i want to shed the pure essence that is me
and leave my skin behind
so i'm just a tangle of strings
and broken clocks
and pulsating organs.
ill come to you in your dreams;
maybe give you a call around the holidays
but in the end, darling
you will be left somewhere
amongst
the dust
next to
beside
or within
my dead
excess
*skin

i've been alive sixteen years, four months and twenty two seconds
and I still get fooled by a pretty face

words are words
but when she looks at you like that, they become lies hidden in poems
every syllable
stretched   out  with those soft lips
are all ***** lies.
and underneath that skin, darling..
you're still a bag of bones like all the rest of us
trying to fit together like broken puzzle pieces
desperately seeking normality
and you can't change a thing
and no matter how you spin it
under that skin you live in
its a rotting cage

that stinks of ugly.

My names twenty two
and these are the things I never said.

The telephone wires above my roof always remind me of the nights where we'd lay on our backs on the roof of your old Ford and just look out at stars
nothing but love between us.
The storms outside remind me of our fights
beautiful, and desructive.
And the pillow I lay my head on reminds me of your chest
soft, quiet, and a holder of secrets and makeup smudges.
That pin you gave me when i first told you that I was suicidal I still wear sometimes to remind myself that you loved me once.
That you loved me once like
stars in the sky
eternal and never ending.
that you pledged your life to me at a mere seventeen years..
I still love you you're still my star
and
I could tell you twenty two reasons why you're beautiful
as I puff out smoke signals to try to make you come back to me and just hear me out
if you tell me twenty two reasons why you left me
In the noon of the day
as if
the stars were too much for you?
Did i shine too bright or not enough?
Where we ever forever or did i believe too strongly in us.
Regardless
my name,
is twenty two
and
You made me the happiest girl in the world.
full of spring flowers
and April showers

Because on the twenty second you told me you loved me.

here take my broken bones
and
stuff them in the back of that beat up hearse
seal us up in that coffin
put a brick on that pedal

and

drive off the cliff

you aren't who i thought you were
and maybe that's what hurts the most.
vous êtes un ami de merde
(it means you're a ****** friend in French)
and i want you to know that
and so what if someday you're famous
so what if you dance
because in the end?
who's going to be there..?
not the girl you gossiped with between classes, not the boy you flirted with and are dating for the next week..
please tell me
what happens when your bones grow too old to dance?
who will be there to love you when your body doesn't move like it use too?
who's going to care?

So dear ****** friend, I want you to know one thing
instead of sticking around and just letting you hurt me again
I'm moving on
and if we meet again  
excuse my French
but
please remember

mal être mieux la prochaine fois autour de.



(I'll be better the next time around)

There was never enough empathy between your breaths
you exhaled as if you had a bed of rusty nails kissing your chest
fogging up the car windows
with some type of pain
some type of strength you couldn't muster
words where thrown like sticks and stones
and kissing you felt like a war
swords and screams formed on the tip of your tongue but you could never spit them out

i bite his lips so hard
they bleed
but he still comes back for more.
he tastes
like copper
but he doesn't have a penny to his name.
he knows my type
and
he knows just how to get under my skin
and
i can promise you he's poisoning me, ever so slowly
with the things he says..
he's trying to peel off my exoskeleton.  trying to get me
naked

in his bed

or

on the
floor

at this point, i don't think he cares.

i don't know what to do when he teaches me things
or touches me inbetween my thighs
except bite off his head
and shoot him down.

you can't fight poison with poison though.
no one ever wins
and it's his move
so im just stuck.

but please believe me when i say i want to love your pain away.
i'm just use to kisses with fists
and my soul getting ****** and left in that alleyway with those dumpsters
my face pushed up against the brick floor..
it wasn't worth the drugs..or the time i spent trying to make myself not care.

but

i guess,
we are all just wasting time.

long story short, i don't know how to love and i don't think someone so lost in there own sadness is capable of understanding something so beautiful

so just know, that i am sorry

when i bite off your head
and **** up your soul, i didn't want it to be that way.

in another world maybe we could have been together.

please
forgive me
.

theres no such thing as being too far away
at least not in my book;
turn a blind eye to your feelings
and paint on a smile
because the world's a ****** place and there ain't nothing anyone can do about it.
I could run a hundred miles but I can never get far enough
you're still here, there, everywhere.
I'm out of breath by the time I see your face and I don't know if I should punch you or kiss you..
See, its that distance I crave
that dissociation from everyone
I want to wake up one day and not have to see your insufferable  face Imprinted in my mind.
I'm sorry I'm not sorry, but I think instead of an apology I'll stick with the *******'s
and go to hell's.
don't get attached to me not now not ever
And save your I love you's for somebody that needs them
Because you're going to wake up one day and ill be gone, or as some may call it.

**Free.

you are just an echo of what i once dreamed
and i am merely a girl trying to stand on her own two legs.

ive lost myself.
any remenant of who i was
was killed in the fire that i burned your memory in
all that's left of me now is the ash prints that resemble your hands.

you tried to eat me alive
and i set you ablaze with all the hate i have for this world
and
i'm sorry our spark turned into a wildfire,
i let things get a little out of hand
and i let you inch by inch destroy everything that i loved
i would have extinguished you if you didn't force me into your bed all those nights
i would have stopped you if i had the strength
i can rebuild what ive lost
and find a new king  
to help me rule this world
but when i look in the mirror on nights like these, i don't even see my own eyes looking back at me

you either stole my heart
or

*i
became
you.

i scream so
loud
it kills all the birds in the sky
but you still wonder why they don't sing for you

it's cold outside
and the rose garden is frozen over
and it seems like the luster in your eyes is gone
for good

they've known for ages
that your dying
and that winter is coming
but they never once thought to
prepare
or save those roses your grandpa planted
for little blonde
curlycue
you.

the rose petals
fell
and
they let you go
too quickly


makes you think if
you ever really mattered at all?

the trees don't sparkle with gold anymore
and the butterflies don't sing on the wind

your forest for hair
has now become something you've gotten yourself lost in
and the intricate ringlets
once placed
atop your head
have now become
knotted
lose curls.

you are not what you use too be.

seventeen
and
already dying of things you don't understand.

what a ******* shame.

you can hear your bones creak
and you jam your words out
of your mouth threw the spaces in your
teeth


the birds are singing
but you've lost your voice
and  
your grandpa isn't here to teach you bird songs
or whistle the blues
while you sweep the driveway
clear of pine needles

no one can save you
except yourself
and
you don't know what you're ******* doing
and probably never did

life is lacking
in these eyes
and i can't live without it

i want the birds
back in the sky
and curls back in my hair
and the wrinkles
erased
from my skin

take me back to a time when i was happy.

take me back to a time
when i actually cared about things.



i need an adventure
or
maybe
     a

vacation

something to keep me
from being numb

again
.

something to keep me breathing


*just a little longer.
just a little longer.

my mind is revolting garbage
and it seems i have gotten under your fingernails;
and i know how this goes, you've been spending all night trying to get me out
and youve been pulling your hair
over the things i said to you...

i know that i make you sick
and no matter how many times you try to hide it
ive seen you on the bathroom floor.

when you kiss me i find my way into your blood stream
and I start attacking your pathogens..
eventually I'll shut down your nervous system
and end up eating away at your heart.

i know what i do to you.

it just who i am, it's just what i do.
don't take it personally.

so this will be the one and only time that i urge you to leave darling,
take what you need from me and go
i know i have already stolen too much time and too many years of your life from you..

don't you worry
and
don't you dare look back
ill be able to make due with my own company from now on and until the day i die

tell me you love me
give me a kiss goodbye
and save yourself

i understand
please
just

show me a bit of kindness before  you go
and before my bones pick themselves up and leave.
before i shed my shell.
before i die.


i just want to feel weightless one last time

before i destroy myself.

you didn't tell me to shed my skin..

peel off  all my insecurity's
all my faults
all the retired parts this world has broken inside of me
and plaster them onto a depressed collage of memories
and photographs


you didn't tell me to make sense of all the depression in my head
fight all of my demons in one on one combat
so I could put it on paper for you to read
but I did..
I fought wars to see you smile
Tried to tackle your fears and pain
just to hear that laugh of yours
but I wasn't enough
I've never been enough
not for me
not for you  
not for anyone.


I shed all of me when I stepped out of my clothes for you.

my heart was stitched into every part of skin
that you touched
and every part of me that you made alive again with the dance of your fingers


i didn't just take off my clothes
i clipped my wings for you..
i had so many chances to fly but i didn't
i had so many reasons to break down but i didn't
and
i would rather have my heart broken a million times then to break a single one the way you did.
and you know what? it's okay if you don't want me anymore.. its okay if your friends make fun of me
or if you make jokes about what we were
(you always were good at that)
or who i am
who i was
what i was
to be honest, you've ****** me dry of feeling
and
pretty much
robbed me of emotion
altogether
but its alright, really
there's a beauty in so much self hate
and
being so ugly
so worthless
so ******* disgusting.
and
maybe someday
one day
i wont think of your insufferable face
&
i'll finally have a reason to live for me
instead of everyone else.

the faces come and go
i hate them all the same.

something wild has been eating at me
because now i'm all torn apart..
so if I may
can i slide into your bones and become you..?
escape
what i can't control
and be something new..?
i tire of this skin, and i tire of yours
i can never find something to sustain my hunger long enough
because you're all the same really
you all leave the same taste on my tongue
petty little people
hiding in your generic houses
somewhere amidst the concrete jungles you call organized cities,
pretending to mean something

when we both know
deep down
inbetween our non existent hearts

you're nothing more than just an animal.

everyone that is good
                 ^was
is dying

or is already dead.

you fly with wings stained with crimson
catch flight as quickly as lungs fill with air.
it's only natural
for you
to leave people so breathless.
but you stole the feathers from my throat
and there's no tickle on the back of my tongue.

Dear Raven,

**I can't fly without you.

time is something we made up to escape the silence
of invisible beating wings
and hearts running rampant in chests belonging to people without names
and the laughter shines like sunshine
Through wooden shutters and doors that words creep through
our bodies creak as we dance to the music the earth plays for us
but for now,
we are all just children in tall grass
and the tall grass are the buildings and houses and places we call home..
we refuse to be silent
and we shake our bones in defiance
next to fires on late nights
with bottles in our hands
and words in our mouths that we will never say.
we wont stop breathing until
we stop dreaming
until we've fallen in love more times then we have fingers

until...  

never.

we are alive
&
we are young.
And maybe tommrow
when we are older
and bolder
we can shed our skins and our differences
and dance as one
in the cotton candy clouds
next to the diamond stars
with smiles so bright on our faces that nothing could stop us.

possibilities grow at the ends of my fingertips
sprouting out and upwards
like a noose around your neck.
when i consider the possibilities
i often catch my self dreaming at the edge of a cliff.

(crawl inside my head and my thoughts will rip you to pieces.)

they call me young but they know that im bold
and i'd sleepwalk into a field of land mines
if it made me like the rest of you
mind numbed zombies
scared to die
or should i say scared to live..?

border line insane is what they call me
and here is my cage where they keep me at night
they swallow the key
kiss me goodbye
and forget that i was ever there.

go ahead and call me crazy
but even behind bars i am trapped in a world where people would rather take a pill
then face reality
where people would rather run from there fathers
there abusers
there misusers
even,
there own broken hearts.

so i dream
i dream of a better world
where everything's
wild
free and simple
where people laugh in the face of danger
and
live on the thrill of possibilities
and yes there's a chance i won't wake up tomorrow
there's a chance the world could fall to pieces
and this roof I sleep under could collapse on my head
but wouldn't it be wonderful if just for a day

the sun shined...
and the world smiled back?

and if theres one last thing i could tell you
i think i would like to say thank you for letting me go
and after all we did
  after everything that transpired

it's okay.

i'm okay.

because i've set you free
  and i've learned to let things be
and maybe things didn't turn out the best in the end
  but everything happens for a reason
and isn't part of loving someone knowing when to let them go?
         you are the dust
the dust that lingers
           the dust that will always remain
in a special place, on the only shelf in my heart


**and i forgive you.

my legs were wild animals
hunting for scraps


and you spent every night
feeding me lies

just to coax me into your bed.

you offer your hand to me
as if i'm some type of dog.
shying away from your touch
i cower,
head hung low.


you get too close,
always too close.

i can feel the warmth of your fingers
as they hover above my skin

i feel almost safe
until you grab me

i bite your hand
you taste so bitter

please tell me why are you filled with bitter blood and bridges burnt?
don't tell me you don't know what it's like to feel pain
because i can taste it on your skin.

it exudes out of you like an odor that i can't get enough of

i crave it.
(you.)

but,
back behind bars i go
and we get back to that place where everything is okay
in your eyes

but i'm trapped
in mine

this was never love
this was never love
THIS NEVER WAS LOVE.

i rattle the bars
curse your name
and howl the blues with the wolves

i don't need to look you in the eyes to know that you despise me.

my teeth are sharp and my smile always did look like a snarl
and i cut you too deep to begin with
but i've never asked anything from you
in the seven hundred and thirty days that i've known your sorry ***,
so
please
just
this once
when you see me on the street
and drive by
as if
we never knew each other

free me from the ward of your heart
and set me free one last time..

i don't want to be remembered as the girl who gave you everything
i want to be remembered as the girl who took the rest of your humanity.
because we both know that's what i really did

look me in the eyes and tell me i didn't
destroy you.
tear you apart like a wild animal
from the inside out.


i'm not lying,
i promise you.
and him.
all of you.

im not crazy


just



**yet.

She gave her heart to him
as he held her head under water, and when he entangled his hands in her curls
or when his words cut like the blade she used oh, so long ago
Her only response we're the bubbles of air that followed her silence..

her legs buckled like splintering twigs as he touched her,
she was really shaking and scared but he didn't care
and all those nights she spent crying;
come morning
her lips still formed poems of devotion and his arms still said she was safe.
and while he was
Too busy priding himself in all the nights he took her to bed
to even notice..
I saw her slowly dying
half a word away,
and I could only listen to the sound of her
bones breaking
as she said
"i love you"
one last time.

i think i was born
cursed
with a lack of love
for
people
who
want nothing more
then to love me.

i wear no mask
no shining armor
you can see through my translucent flesh
i bare no weapon
no hidden intentions
for my skin is as clear as glass
you will look into my eyes and see nothing
except little marbles glazed over with discontent
but the planets are smiling tonight
and they want me to laugh along with them...
so I escape my mortal coils
and
unzip my skin suit, for now.
so I can dance freely
next to Saturn and Jupiter.
and I can push my organs aside
so you can pick and **** at which ever one you'd like to steal next...
i call him mr. nobody
the man who means nothing, to no one
but is constantly trying to be something.
he hates his name.
and each chance he gets he tries to steal mine out from under my nose
he doesn't like to dance
he just watches from the corner
with his eyes on his wristwatch
tick tick ticking time away.
he sliced me open
down the wrists, main artieries, you name it..
so I could make more room for him to weave himself around my bones.
like a **** he grew into my Skelton
and quite simply,
he became me.
he wore my skin like a mask
and used my body to commit crimes
that most people can't even pronounce.
I call him mr. Nobody;
a man,
a man with many faces
who in the dead of night just happened to steal mine.

I shed sour skin like leaves
Left to rot like crumpled music notes
churning like four day old milk in my veins
and you will be my branches
Dropped.
Fallen.
And
finally
Forgotten.

i'm just a clam in the ocean.

a mere muscle.

walking around with a smile permanently engraved on my exoskeleton,
a smile can hide so many things.
including a life time of lies
including the things he did to you
the things they said

i'm just a little itty bitty thing against these waves, against this world.

a little pinprick,

a dot on your map

so tiny
i don't even matter
to the spectrum of everything....

but I like to pretend I do,
play make believe
as
they throw me against the rocks,
and try to break me
i tell myself i matter
that I'm part of the chain reaction that is called life
that i, being so tiny, can make a difference..

but logic gets the best of me
time and time again
and the waves don't stop
whispering.
they either speak too quietly  
or all at once
either way there words always end up crashing against each other


i don't understand what i need to do

i don't understand what my purpose is and no one else can tell me.

im just a mere muscle
with two shells for eyelids to seal in my saline tears
i am only a clam, and these are only waves.
so I seal myself shut,
let the barnacles grow over my lips
and choke on
the
  words
in
    my
salty
    mouth.

the cop cars are the pulse of the city
weeding in and out of the city streets like veins to my corroded artery
and when their sirens come alive
no one dares to breathe.
But in the distance
the mountains shake with laughter
at the sheer mediocrity we call  life
and the trees whisper
words that we shouted from the rooftops on the darkest of nights
and
The earth vomits up
All the things we left behind
only to cover up our broken bones
when were to crippled to breath.

and
the city comes alive at night
beating drums in my head
all the
noise
So much noise
is
caused by the unity of our hearts.

crawl back inside your ribcage
rattle your bones
and

**try to
breathe.

the city is on fire.
my photos are burning.
and all i can think of saving is you.

It's scary to think that every thought I think has been thought of the same way at least a thousand other times
to think that every word I say has already rolled off the tongues of the people of the past
to consider even for a split second
That every face I see, has just been recycled time and time again..
It's scary to think that everything I thought to be true, everything I believed so strongly I was
Has disintegrated into nothing.

your fingers leave
mud marks
on my
skin,
tire tracks
leading
**h
o
m
e
.

you were the only thing on her mind
but you made her skin rot
her teeth fell out of her mouth
like gems losing their luster.
with some kind of grace.
and you stole them out from under her pillow
and collected them,
strung them up
knotted them tight,
and wrapped it like a noose around her neck

you found a way
to make her **** herself
without her lifting a finger.