we     *****  


me.

you laugh with faces so bright
you could light cities
and
here
i'm left

  alone.

Oh, the way the world whispers when you shut off the lights and open your heart.
it speaks to you in the wind
the goose bumps on your arms and legs
the smoke that tickles your eyelashes
it sings to you in the way your hands tremble
the way your legs shake and your knees buckle;
and when your heart is free and your eyes are open
I guess the weight of the world isn't so heavy after all.

I just want to know why
I was writing goodbye notes before I ever sent them
And if you ever saw the broken I love you's written on my smile.

i am not the wanderer
who walks along these empty roads
hands in pockets
looking for something they lost long ago
i will not look at every sunset and think of you (even though I want too)
i will pack my things
my suitcase full of broken bones and molten skin
and if its the last thing i do i will breathe in the colors of a love long lost
in hopes of maybe some day feeling alive again.

i breathe
nothing in
but seagulls feathers
and
my lungs
try to paddle themselves to shore

your mind is
just an ocean of garbage that i'm swimming
in
indulging
for a short time
before
i
drown in
you
&
your likeness

just promise me you'll end it quickly

flush me
out to sea.

i love you a little if i love you means that I want to punch you in the face a lot

you laugh at my lips and my arms,
the things they say and do

but i know that when you lay your head down on your pillow at night
i dance behind your eyes and torture you.

i hide in the webs inbetween your fingers
the little 'you are loved' pin on the dashboard of your old ford
the little memories
you try to
keep
from
penterating your empty skull
but still patiently sit behind your eyes.

i scare you because i understand you.

and the truth
kills all the weeds
that you've been so pertinatiously  growing in your head.
lies are a false flower
hiding in rotting wood
whilst
growing against the bars of the sun


i understand why your scared
why you hide,
love isnt for the faint of heart.
love isn't for cowards.

maybe that's why your mouth always tasted like lies.
maybe that's why you would always slink back for more only in the cover of
darkness

so chase me,
call me names
set me on fire
with the hate in your eyes;

keep on trying to pick at my skin
while i effortlessly pick at yours
i promise it won't work

because I don't think you realize
i stopped caring
not long after
the
night
you
told
me
you
did
.

drop me like i dropped you.
give me a taste of the medicine
that you drown yourself in.
hold that knife tight
go ahead and take a stab

make me
feel
    It

make
me
       feel
something
.

everyday is a dream
full of monsters
that dance with me to the edge of my grave.
they're the kind
that make art out of peeling off their skin
and selling there souls
they call it
happiness.
emptiness.
what's the difference these days?
everyday is a nightmare of beauty
a dream full of monsters
flickering like flames to a fire, just waiting to die.
and
i want to press my bones against the lips of life
that open my eyes every morning but im too dead to breath..

each time you talk to me it's like swallowing swords.
nails on a chalkboard.
how can i tell you anything
if you don't bother to listen.
each time you breathe
i hear a symphony of pots and pans
electric currents buzzing and droning on through the night.
im hung up in you
like all the late night phone calls we never had
ill love you
like the way you treated me
******
and
ill remember you
as the boy who never kept his promises.
**always.

predator
hunts
   prey

while
i
hunt
your
   heart
.

i tell my bones to work until they're black and blue
because that's what daddy wants
but they don't listen to a word i say
and seem to have a mind of their own

we love each other
but we live separately, my bones and i
i'm a bit clumsy and i make a lot of clatter
at least that's what they tell me.
i scream in my sleep sometimes
and wake up whispering..
they cushion the blow though, my bones
they
give me something to sleep with at night
to
stop the terror from escaping my barricaded head
and past my prison bar teeth
like a river
forever flowing into
a sewer
i
pollute the world with hate and garbage


i guess im just lonely.
or i could be forgotten.



maybe.



or it could be just this city getting to me..
everything seems to stay the same
and the seasons never change;
sleeping on rooftops and seeing the same skyline, gets old
if you're
use to running barefoot and are too far from the ground.

i bought a calendar last year,
and ever since i've been
counting down the days until somebody
gives
a
****
but, this city is still empty and i am still alone.
it's funny, how it always seems to end up that way..

but at least now
after all of this back breaking work
my eyes are opened
and
i understand more then ever
why
you
all
left.


nothing lasts forever
i should have realized, but i was too busy being young and dumb.

people come and go
the city
comes alive at night
and dies
again in the morning

      but,
god forbid.
there comes a day when my skeleton wants to leave me.

i see
the way
you look
at my
skin
and
the want
in your
eyes
consumes
me.

All I really need is to go back to the times when I could smile without tears in my eyes
And all I have ever really wanted, was to be treated as something  more then
Just

*expendable.

please just hold me until the sun dies
or until i stop loving you.
whatever, comes quicker.

tie balloons to my ankles.
**** the life out of me.
darling, i think you forget to realize  that i'm just waiting for you
to
leave me in shambles

and let me
drift
       away.

i want to let myself feel something again
i wish you knew how bad
but
i don't know how to breathe
let alone
love myself
let alone
be okay.
i want to feel something again..
i want to fall in love with the shape your lips make when you talk
and the way you ramble on in the late hours..

i want to fall in love with the imperfectness that is you

but i only have two hands and one brain
and i don't know how..
and
i may seem strong now
but im not
and i don't think i'll ever be
because no matter how hard i try

**my bones will always break
just as easily as my heart does.

i'm stuck in a state of nothing
and I can feel my sanity slipping into the abyss of nothingness
after all
we are all broken people trying to understand even more broken misconceptions
trying to piece together the world like a big jigsaw puzzle so we can try to understand things were too scared to even discover.
So yes,
i am stuck in a state of nothing
because everything I've been taught
everything I have learned
has been worth nothing
and
nothing makes sense.
nothing. Makes. Sense.
we live on the lie that we control our lives.. but our lives control us
and when you don't conceal the truth with fancy cars and trinkets
you see life for what it really is

something beautiful.

worth?



**nothing..

What's the point of living, when you're just living for everyone else?