you are a skin that i shed
made of fine silk that i toss into the waste bucket
along with the dinner scraps of yesterday.
to me,
you have no meaning
other then the feeling
you temporarily fill my chest with.

let them go
shop around
and
try a new one on

do you like the feeling that this one gives you pressed up against your skin?

this is all temporary you know that.
but they don't.

so let him *******
on his bed
in the morning
and let him build you a kingdom out of pillows
if it helps
cushion the blow
of you realizing that you truly have no sense of self.
he will teach you
how to forget
and you will walk away with his personality
and never look back..

i never asked to be this way
to not be me
not me
me

i share this body
with you
and her
and everyone i let in

we take turns playing
with this body
and pulling its strings
but
i am running on batteries and time
and my juice is quite low.
i am an apathetic android
in need of more soul
for
this situation
and i've just run dry
of everything

if only you could peer inside this dusty head
and see the inter clock work
that makes me the way i am
clean the cobwebs and confusion
out of the corners

blue wire
  to red

if only you could  turn back time and fix me.

when you leave bite marks on my arms
they turn a little rouge
and i end up trying to convince myself that they say i love you
even when your lips don't
it's quite chilly out and
your teeth marks still trace my skin with little indents
and little bits of her all caught up in your teeth.

goosebumps

it is now December
and my
skin crawls like a shedding snake
it's snowing and the days are really quite short
but i still remember the way your hands felt

even after they were inside of her.

leathery.
callous.

shivers

there's some cocoa by the fire place for us.
and
i put my lights up this year
in hopes that maybe you would come find me and call my arms home
again.  

but you never even looked back

smoke it on the daily
i do
and
i left the last batch near the window.
the only thing these days waiting on me to come home.

i have an addiction
and it all started
with
you
.

it is thursday today and
for reasons i don't remember
the exterminator is
coming

but i've been hiding out
in my hidey hole
under the patio
playing with needles
all day
and it seems like i have already missed him

he left a note on my door
telling me that there are
bombs in the house
but
i guess
it won't make a difference.

it's already a chemical warfare in these veins
and
nothing i'm not use too

closed into this skin
i won't let myself
out to see the world
too much restraint
the handcuffs are too tight
and i know i'm killing myself
but i also know they won't miss me

grown accustomed
to
this muggy air
and the lack
of
love in my lungs
i have

you can't
phase
the unphaseable.  

i open
the door and wait on the porch
for someone to invite me in
even though this is my home
and chivalry is dead.
sometimes
i expect my love
to great me at the door
but
we play a constant game of hide and seek and i haven't been able to
find her for ages.

the rain has stopped and
my vampire hands
have ceased to shake..
by the time
i
step inside.

the freshly lacquered linoleum floor
hits me in the face with a waft of lemon scented chemicals.
and i know now that
someone has been cleaning
but i purposely don't take off my shoes
and
this smell
of orchard lemon trees
is the false pretense of safety that
dances around my nostrils and tucks me into bed at night

this is home.
for now.
and
i
  guess
    it

  will
have
to
do
    .


i walk in a circle
as to not upset the balance of things
turn on the record player
and
find myself a chair in the kitchen.
only
to witness a symphony of
spiders
fall to the floor
and crumble up into
themselves
with  one
single
crescendo
.

everything is dying
and the air
is barely breathable
but i find comfort
in the thought of you
still loving me through it all.

i'll be sure to call this exterminator again
he really did do a swell job.
even took care of all the cobwebs  
on my bookshelf
which i haven't used in years
because its
where i keep our cardboard box full of memories  
hidden
behind the great gatsby and the
apocalyptic books
i tried to make you read
in hopes of you maybe seeing the beauty in such darkness
but you never liked them anyways
and you stopped reading my poetry
a long time ago
so who was i really kidding
other then myself?

it's newly November
and i hope it snows this year
i don't need a scarf
or mittens
because
i can feel your warmth even though you're not welcome in my house anymore  
and i can feel your lips on my neck
and your hot breath
whispering
***** little secrets to my skin

your hickeys we're love notes written in flesh
but of course bruises were your signature trade mark.

the thought of you calling my name
kills me
even quicker
then
this poison that enters in through my pores
and kisses my bloodstream like
an old family friend

i am not scared
of it
though

in fact i don't even flinch

after my experience with you
i am now an expert at dancing with the devil

i am brave
not fearless
no,

merely

immune to things that try to **** me
whilst loving me to pieces.

as intended
we do not
immediately
know
it’s a mock
resurrection.

our fathers do not suffer
magicians
lightly
and hoard
blindfolds
as if they are low
on photographs
of women.

our mascot pig
is a ****** elephant.

trained
to be homesick
the animals
disappeared.  dad advised

we get out
the way
of frost, let it get

to what it’s got
to chew.

we stayed inside mostly and hollered
loud enough
for mailmen
to hear

nicknames
like little
baby
bathwater
my favorite

from the year
god’s voice
changed.

let's look with eyes that are not our own
and
love every nook and cranny of this earth
with our small
young hands.

i will go anywhere with you..
do anything with you.

you just have to promise that you won't let them hold you down
if you want to run

you just have to promise
to kiss trees instead of boys
if your heart tells you to do so.

this name that they have branded you with
doesn't belong to you

it is not a limitation
unless  
you let it become one.

take off your clothes with me
and throw away
those keys
life was meant to be lived
without price tags
attached
to the small of your back
and your skin on sale for fifty percent off ..

and don't listen to a word anyone else tells you
unless you believe it to be true.
we are the light
and they choose to be surrounded by their own darkness.
they will not dim us
as much as they try.

silly people.

haven't they ever thought of the price they pay
when they use that piece of plastic
to buy themselves
yet another mountain
of worthless
garbage
.

what will a few
gold necklaces
and diamond rings
matter
when you're on your deathbed
exhaling your last little breath..?


why not run around the world twice
and tell your children
stories by the campfire of all your adventures
instead of passing on
some
stupid
sentimental
family airloom onto the next sorry sucker
that gets his *** dropped into this world.

it's not all your things
or your plastic faces
your cars
the things you do
or the way your treat children

it's your ******* personalities.
(or should i say lack there of)

so go
stuff your Gucci perfume down your throat
i don't want your chemical cynide
touching my skin
anyways,

i don't need to smell like a flower to be human and either do you.

go
**** your Prada bags
and your fancy cars
your homes
and your trophy wives

or if you're into that
have them *******.

i'm going to be looking down on you all from a mountain
and laughing
so hard
and
smiling so bright
that an avalanche crashes over your
sorry city
and you all get buried six feet deep in snow with all the things
you've
neglected for so long.

will you take my hand and do the same as i do..?

i'm going to
kick off my shoes
and unlock my shackles
feel the earth soak in between my toes
instead of feeling hot asphalt on my soles.

i am going to
brace hurricanes and swim against the sea
until my body gives out
from fighting
the world

and
it may be hard for you to understand why i break boulders with my toungue
or why
i don't want to go back home to the arms of people that love me
but that's okay
just
hold my hand
and
smile
like the whole world is watching


i don't need you to comfort me
when people call me a fool
or make fun  
of the things we do

there doesnt have to be words spoken between us
because
there are no words to describe how we feel

this is
what it's like to have found
your soulmate
this is what it is like
to be alive

Pull the plug on those big blue  bathtubs for eyes
once you've let your tears surround
you knees like the great big sea
and let your eyelashes become whispering sand
that stings your cheeks with sea salt kisses
and let your hands become seagulls that fly away
or sea lions that sink to the bottom of your bathtub
spiraling down
in a crystal whirlpool
right
past your eyes
trickling down your nose
and
into
your mouth