I've watched as my leaves changed
from emeraldgreen
to jaundiceyellow
and tumbled from their blood vessels,
for my body could no longer support them.

I've witnessed petals descend from blossoms:
a flowergirl tossing the colors into the air
to pave the way for a father to let go of a daughter.

I gazed at buildings and bridges
buckle at their knees
as cornerstones and foundations fail-
Atlas crumbling under the Celestial Sphere.

I've seen many things fall.

But I've never gazed upon a girl,
fear as heavy as millstones
eclipsing her overcastgrey eyes,
ghostwalk off a ledge,
waving a whiteflag
as she plummeted to the ground like a bomb.

On a Tuesday afternoon I stumbled upon a park,
There was an old lady staring at tree bark,
She told me she could give me some light to bring me out of the dark.
She started telling me a story and I heard her say,
Don't worry about the boy that got away,
Let him stray, just obey.
He doesn't know what he's doing,
Isn't that obvious enough?
You're the diamond and he's still looking in the rough.
He passed up the best thing that could ever happen to him,
Now his happiness will never meet the brim,
And his light is going dim.
Young lady, you must listen close,
Your man is not the man that brags and boasts.
Your man is the man who will bring you to all the coasts.
Young lady, you must listen well,
In finding love you will accel,
Don't let your demons drag you to hell,
Because you're an angel with wings.
Then, she rang a bell.

The expendable existence.
That uncomfortable rat on your skin.
The cut in your gums that bleeds when you chew.

The last feasible member to fit on an ascending elevator.
Warm.
Hot.
Itching.

The spinach in your teeth.
The tear in your jeans located too close to “there”
The treacherous unzipped jean fiasco.

That crumb on your face.
Where is it?
‘To the left’
Is it gone?
‘A little more’
How ‘bout now?
‘Got it.’

The untied shoe.
The untucked shirt.
The eyelash stranded on your face.

The rainy wedding day.
The gold earring under the fridge.
The luggage thats flying to London instead of Zimbabwe.

These are the unwanted little honeybees of everyday being.
cracked mirrors, guitar-snapped strings,
welts of fire and third wheel things.

A sunflower grows
"tall and simple".
And so does a cancer
small and simple.
Holes grow larger
around me.
A field of sunflowers
and headstones.
The power of recovery and discovery;
the kick of a pen
during unconscious behavior.
Chatty beats taking control
of the morgue.
Not letting the rivers in--
only the shivers.
Chatty beats taking the liver,
putting it in a living corpse.
Chatty beats opening the door in the clouds.
That's but a bedtime story that's
read to the youth and
told as the truth.
Hypnotize so I can't criticize,
stick my face in the water
and show me the baby otters I loved
from my childhood bedtime stories.
The glories of floating
on my back into a
brand new habitat
filled with sunflowers
"tall and simple"
and holes growing larger
to keep me warm and breathing
under the water.

Everything is perfect,
and nothing makes sense.
One half-silly smile,
a split second knowing glance
and you’ve lifted me from the ground,
freed me from the laws of man and earth.

And just because of that,
I’m afraid to love you.

It’s not your fault.
Don’t blame yourself.
It’s me.
I’m afraid for you, and I’m afraid for me,
but I still feel my pulse racing
the instant you appear,
a tingling that starts in my fingertips,
then shoots up my body,.. a pulsating lightning bolt
that splashes into my mind
and explodes into.. hot.. blinding white light.
A buzzing, stomping insistence that I recognize
the affect you have on me.
I’m left short of breath, eyes wide, dizzy
and suddenly, longing for your gentle touch.

Chaos inside
I am everywhere
and nowhere.
I am limitless yet tethered
I am willingly losing control
but the fear balances on my edge…
I cannot lose control, again,
and the confusion makes me afraid.
Afraid to love you.

I know
if I let myself
I would be with you forever
which is much longer than a lifetime.
I would take all my choices, my dreams, my fear
and set them at your feet
my.. gifts of sacrifice for the only one
for who I would give my life

I would confess to you my joy
and hide in you my pain
for I know that you would view
each with a critical but loving eye,
You understand that I’m not the perfect man
that I pretend to be
you’re ok that sometimes
I’m not even up
to being me.
You accept me as I am.
You’re the only one.
It feels so right,
which is exactly why
I’m afraid to love you.

Still, I see it in you.
I’m not that blind.
I can see what I’m afraid to see.
You’re eyes shine when I talk to you
of simple things.
You’re breath catches in your throat
when you’ve made me smile
I make you laugh… You make me laugh.
At little things and when we’re angry.
When I am near you
I feel as though I should sing.
I wish for nothing
except our songs entwined.
I feel you tremble at my lightest touch.
You are a dove
unfearful of my captive embrace.
I belong to you,
and you to me.

Oh God, help me
because that’s exactly why
I’m afraid to love you…

… but I do…

You have GOT to read betweeeen the lines.

Destinies can sometimes be sublime.
Not everything gets better with time.
The pain may never recline.
But it's not how we fall
But how we get up that we decide.

We may never know when or why.
So keep your ears open and eyes wide. . .
Be AWARE of the signs,
Realize real eyes.
And realize where the real lies.

Can't call it gold just cause it shines.

It seems like when it comes to love and trust.
The blind is leading the blind.
But the wisest man knows that he knows nothing at all.
And what we think we know,
has been assigned.
And as we continue to walk this path called life,
It's amazing what we'll find.
Full of give and take, love and hate,
Heaven and hell combined.

What good is the strength in your voice,
If it is absent from the mind?
So I ask myself,
To what use am I, if I was to remain undefined?
You see,
A tragedy can be a blessing.
As you allow the chips to fall,
they shall align. .

Just don't let the beautiful cover fool you.

You have GOT to reaaad between the lines.

i found the secret to life
scrawled upon a crumbling brick wall
all those years ago
in a down-town pub house bathroom stall
and i wish i'd never read it

some things just can't be erased
not with paint thinner
and not with the sands of time

no
some things stain
some wounds scar forever
leaving cursive reminders of fights we've survived
and nights that parts of us died
to make room for something bigger

sometimes you have to paint the walls
in an attempt to silence the stories they whisper
recalling all they've seen

all that we've witnessed
and wished to forget

all the one-liners
and fist fights
and nights that should have never happened
those foggy moonlight memories
of evenings soaked in adrenaline highs
and cigarette smoke

sometimes you have to demolish the walls entirely
burn the structures of your nightmares and your fairy tales both
and spend more of your nights
with nothing
in between you
and the stars