His laugh is impish,
His smile devilish,
He seems to have a secret
Behind his eyes.

Musicians have the best hands
After all.

It feels good to have
His eyes on me.
It feels good to look up
At him
And catch him
Looking at me.

One sided
Sideways glances
Are lonely.
To steal a moment
Of drinking in
A person’s humanity,
Catch the laugh,
The nervous chatter,
The awkward adjustment
To his bracelet,
And find him looking back at me
Makes me feel
Alive and present again.

His brief sigh
As the customers all fan out around the bar
Before he launches
Into his traditional speech,
And see him looking at me
Without the same fallacy,
The same false
Flamboyance,
Is an exhale
After holding your breath
Underwater for too long.

To see his body in the night,
To not have to worry
About who else is seeing it,
To just let it be
An art piece on display
For whoever he welcomes,
Me included,
Is so worry free
And calming.

His silver hair
Catches the lowlight.
My youthful skin
Only just of drinking age
Glowing in the night,
And I know
I shouldn’t look at him
The way I do,
But he looks like life.
Like vibrant
Life,
And I thirst for it.
I want his liveliness
To flow through my veins.
I want to wear his smile
On my neck,
Between my *******,
Or my legs...

“It makes me so mad,
Because you’re giving into the daddy issues stereotype.”

It makes me so satisfied,
To just exist
Without consequence.

A sweet
Sad Christian girl
Walked into a bar,
And tending it
Stood
A disciple
Of all cautionary tales
She’d ever heard.
And he poured her a drink.

She sat,
Legs crossed
Tied in a bow,
And he pulled the string,
With just a smile
And a few looks
That lasted too long.

In the arms of a sinful man,
Is where I
fantasize
about being.

Remember not to forget
This is why you’re leaving.
Because no one truly
Wants you here.

Remember not to forget
This is why you run to men
Who don’t look at you
As more than just
Young meat
Ripe
And vulnerable.
Because it feels better
To experience
Their desire
Than to feel alone.

Remember not to forget
This isn’t your home anymore.
No one wants you here,
They’re counting down the second
Until you’re gone.

It was exhausting to constantly apologize for taking up space
There's so many people on this big 'ol rock that I wondered how we don't run out of oxygen
Sometimes I held my breath, just in case
Then I got caught in thunderstorms
Stole air from the water through osmosis
The sidewalks cleared and I could expand
I think they were drowning, even before the rain came
When the lightening appeared, I imagined the selfish caught on fire
Oxygen is fuel and I think that's why everyone else is shutting down
Our blood was blue and maybe that's why we could swim through concrete

Please don't be worried when I vaporize
I'll be swimming in thunderstorms
Too tired to say, "I'm sorry,"
Learning to make room for myself
Maybe parts of me will escape this big 'ol space rock
Maybe we'll reach starts and breakdown into helium, and
Breathe.

Something inside of me
Caught fire
And now I can’t breathe