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Hello my forgotten hymn
I can hear you in my head
I can see your face again
That's not a God, that's a sense of entitlement
A sugarcoated dishevelment in disguise
You don't have dreams, just infatuations
Turning hope into self-indulgent lies

I turned away from New York just to know you
Silver showered soldiers singing serene
I turned away from myself just to love you
But I don't think you know what love means

You're not alone, just afraid of isolation
Afraid no one will be better than me
I'm not that great, I say without hesitation
Someone will love you more, just wait and see

My opinion of you changes like the skyline
A star among the cascading dark
Baby, don't let yourself flame out
Before the rest of your fire starts
Your trembling hands
are steady for me
Racking my brains,
I lack all my past pain,
Which inspired me to write.
But I've won all my fights.
I've spent a year loving you,
With nothing in return.
Endless amounts of what ifs,
The embers you had left on me,
Began to burn.

You fed my fire with small twigs,
And I'd do anything for more.
The fire rose up but I contained it,
Didn't want it burning anyone.
But then you started throwing branches,
And then you threw logs.
You uprooted the trees,
That kept you alive,
And burned them to prolong your withdrawal.

My fire roared,
Your heart soared,
And we both knew what to do,
We uprooted you.
Diving into my fire,
We started our new little game,
Burn high, bright and forever,
Become an eternal flame.
And we burned.

We burned all people who had doubt,
We burned anything that got in our way.
We laughed at the thought of anyone else,
No one can douse our flame.
You've forged me with your intense yearning,
We showed to the world our burning.
Our flame isn't going out,
And for all I care let there be a drought.
You are the only thing I need.

Fire born from desire,
Love that broke the chains.
Lips that could drive a man mad,
An endless maze of a brain.
Yet she let me in,
And I'll never figure her out.
But I'm here laying with her,
Both of us covered in burns,
Still on fire with the flame that'll never go out.
Wow first on in a while.
Happy One Year my beautiful girlfriend Madison.
I hear them pronounce my name
(At least they call it my own)
Derived from the shamed
Whom i should call my own
Surrounding me completely
It's everywhere I go
It's everything I am
So I'm never alone
Sin is what I speak of
Of this, I am made
I should shun you, that part of me
Is all of you I hate
That is what they see
But it isn't really me
They hear no one as I speak
For I am nobody
they can take it as they will
But it was not my will
I watch you as I move
And I'll watch you as I ****
I am not inside myself
No, this isn't me they see
I shouldn't call it suicide
If you're the one who's killed me
Too scared to take another step
too tired to go all the way
too deep to back out and start over
my heart always kept at bay

why is it in this society
we shape our actions so sharp
our fears, our concerns, our inner strives
so clothed in our never-ending doubt

we need to look to light
so keen and soft and true
that is always sure to bring us
back as we begin to brew

sweet and longing tales of old
that keep our hearts so soft
like clay in the potters hand
or creation in the makers land
little implications
that there may be something bigger
lies under my foundation i've build under the belief that there simply
is
something bigger

why you reveal yourself
in twinkling of babies eyes
in crinkling of maroon leaves under my feet
in the hint of bitter nostalgia sitting in my soy milk of my peppermint tea

out of all things living and lasting
                                   out of all planets and stars rising, falling, suspending
                                                      ­                                                      out of all people born, dying and living



                                                       ­          Am I a Seed or a Remnant.
50% of the world resides in darkness
why do we keep running from it?
Embrace what comes in the night
grief,
death,
aging,
sagging,
anxiety,
fear,
the horror,
how it aches in my bones
                                                       because at times i feel so
                                                                                                                                 nothing
(lost in the terrain of my heart)

only through the darkness
can i see with clear vision
it is through grasping, hugging, holding and caressing all these grievances
that i can use them as a foundation, a step, to climb
higher
higher
higher

to finally see something
                                                and what is it,
                                                                                                  but only
                                                                                                                                                           the day.
not always an overcoming bliss...
love is...
conversing with a friend over a sad event that happened in there day,
stopping for a minute in the playground with your brother to play
showing steps in a math problem for your little sister
spreading the cheese over the lasagna for your mom and her mister
carrying grocery bags to an elderly person's car
picking up a **** in a yard
letting someone know some insight you have on a particular action
looking into someone's eyes and absorbing how they feel (for a minute, forget attraction)

doesn't have to be relatable.
doesn't have to be fun.
but this is the kind of love,
that when you give it,
you can't help but feel
some warmth coming from somewhere out there
and unwillingly, unknowingly
makes it's way inside your heart.
Here I am
wasting time
im gone a little
gone in time

I tried not to notice
the leaving day
by afternoon
i was gone away

the flowers sleep
your widows peak
summer iced tea
long and deep

blurred by vision
set in stone
i sat those nights
when i was alone

the gaze you gave
to those long lost stars
i wanted to save
keep in my jar

want to laugh like you used to
laugh in the day
laugh in the mornin'
laugh in the haze

i drew in a breath
it caught your gaze
in the shimmer and the haze
in the bronze of those days

gimme that smile
i knew so well
that day you met
my sorry soul

in the blues and the greens
and the songs and the trees
in the suns and the bees
in the moons and the seas

ill stay with you
for all of time
my heart is yours
all of mine

i'll pray for you
to the God i love
ill pray for you
to God above

the laughs we shared
the times we dared
there not a waste
there my endeavor

believe in me
believe in you
believe in us
and we'll see through

the darkened light
the drearier night
the dreaded times
the evil sights

the world we live in
the world we fight
the dusty morns
the cool of night

now friend, i,
know you struggle with the way you look,
the grades you get,
the fish you net,
your girlfriend next,
your tired dad,
your long lost soul
and long lost bet

but life is short,
(and so am i)
i'll pray to God
you'll get by

and if it's my last breath
i'll give to you
my last lie
i'll lie for you

i've never wished to die
never wished to die
but i'd sure do
if i left your side

so here i go
this is the end
of the song i wrote
for you my friend

miss you now
miss you then
miss you next year
when i'll send

a postcard from
far away
beyond the days
beyond those days...
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