You remind me of the purest and simplest kind of happiness.
The kind of happiness you feel when you watch nature,
When you read a good book
Or having really good coffee after not sleeping the night before.
She is simply my happiness.

I've forgotten how to write

I've forgotten how to sleep

I've forgotten how to love

I've forgotten how to be happy

I've forgotten how to be me

I'm lost

Can you help me?

Remind me of how to be me again

Remind me of how to be happy again

Remind me of how to love

Remind me of how to sleep

Remind me of how to write

It's 2 o'clock
I sit on my bed
Tears dripping down my face
I wait for you

My ears catch every sound
I'm shaking
I wait for you

Hold me
Whisper to me that everything will be okay
It's 2 o'clock
I'm waiting for you

I dream of us
Sitting on the couch
Watching movies
And cuddling
Smiling at the happy parts
Laughing at the funny parts
Crying at the sad parts
Holding hands
With the knowledge that it is just us
Together

There is no stronger poison
Than love
And there is no stronger cure
Than love

Sometimes she can be the hammer that pegs you down.
Don't expect her to always be her calm self.
But you must be certain about one thing and that is
She will always love you and she will always be that crowbar to dig you out

Although at the moment you may not feel well and it may seem as though nothing will get better
Don't lose hope
Nothing lasts forever
Just like seasons you're just trying to get through to the next season.

There's something moving and poetic about pictures.
Not necessarily a clear staged picture,
But one that you took without everyone noticing

Dear  Love,

When I first met you I had no intentions of loving you. I did not believe that someone like you could love someone like me; and so I hid my emotions. I saw you with my eyes but not my heart. Yet you were still kind to me and you made me laugh. Our friendship grew and as I started to let my emotions go. I saw our friendship evolve into something great. You always stand by me and give me advice even though it may not be what I want to hear. You help me through dark times and I will always do the same. I love you unconditionally. We are inseparable, nothing can tear us apart. Although we may have our differences, we are connected. We are tied together by an invisible force. We may not get along sometimes and we may fight but I want you to know that I will always love you no matter what. You are the fire within me. You are my heart and soul. You are the very essence of my happiness. I love you more than the universe, multiverse and everything in it. May our love strive.

Love Me

I was walking around Dylan's candy bar. I turned around suddenly and bumped into you. "I'm so sorry!" I said. You laughed and said "It's okay." I stared into your deep blue eyes. "Hi" you said, "Hello" I replied, "My name's Evan. I like your ring." I smiled, "Thank you. My name's Barker." "Are you new around here?" you asked while raising an eyebrow. "No actually, I was here 5 years ago." "Oh ****. Where are you from?" "Ottawa, Canada. You?" "Born and raised here in New York City. It's the only place I've ever known." You said with a smile. You shifted your weight. You seemed nervous. "I know we just met and this might sound crazy, but I was wondering if you would like to go out with me?" you said and I smiled and replied, "I would love to." We walked down and you showed me around New York City. We stopped at an arcade and we played a couple of games. We then continued roaming around. You brought me to a carnival just outside New Yor City. We went on the Ferris wheel and we held hands. We talked about our lives and things that were going on. When we reached the top you put your arm around me and when it was time for me to go you asked me for my number. I gave you my number and we started to text. When I went back home ou called me almost every night. One night we were talking you were walking on 3rd avenue. You made a joke and I was laughing. There was a sudden screech and a sound of a car hitting into something. I heard screams and shouting. People were yelling for someone to call 9-1-1. "Evan? Evan, what's happening?" I asked. You didn't respond. Someone picked up the phone and said "Hello? What is your relationship with this man?". A knot formed in my stomach.  "I'm his best friend." I replied, "Do you know what his name is? Where he lives? What his parents' number is?" I responded and told them your name, where you lived and your parents' number. "What happened?" I asked, "I'm sorry to say this, but your friend was struck by a car." My heart sunk. The person talked to me for a bit, trying his best to comfort me. The ambulance arrived first followed by the police. The person handed me over to the police. The police officer took the phone, "Hello, I heard that you were Evan's friend. I'm sorry to inform you, but he died." I was heartbroken. you were and still are my best friend and I miss you so much. I wish you were still here. I am staying strong. I hope heaven is treating you well. I love you.

I'm sitting on the floor
The cold tile floor is the only thing that's keeping me grounded.
Flashbacks start.

I remember you being mad at me and throwing a knife at me.
I remember you being drunk and throwing the beer bottle at me.
I remember when I made a mistake you yelled at me saying
"There is no such thing as mistakes!"
You screamed at me until there were tears coming down.
I remember you said
"It's okay if you did. Confess now I PROMISE I won't be mad"
And when I confessed you got mad and threw me to the ground.
If you wonder why I don't trust people, that's why.

I hear banging on the door.
The flashbacks stop.
I'm back on the floor of the bathroom.
Hands cold.
Heart numb.
Tears dripping down the side of my face.

"That's the tragedy of living isn't it?" he asked,
"We watch our friends go through hard times. We watch the best people turn bad. We watch our parents die. We endure so much hardship in our early years. We let our feelings be locked up. It's like living isn't the goal anymore, survival is. If that's so then I don't want to live anymore."

I love you more than life and more than death

Dearest Darling,

I’m writing this for you because every ounce of breath you take is a representation of how many times you’ve taken my breath away. Although you may not see and I may be biased you are the greatest being that has every roamed these grounds in this generation. You are a magnificent piece of madness and I love you. Me being a hopeless romantic and a sentimentalist, doesn't mean that I’m good at expressing my fondness for you. I treasure every moment I have with you because these moments are the ones that bring me back to reality when my mind is clouded with darkness. You are the only one who truly knows me and hasn’t ran away. I am still amazed that you are still here with me. Hand in Hand, Heart to heart. It is just you, me versus the world. I will always be with you.. So, when the cold starts to come and you just need a place to be warm come on closer for it feels like home. I can’t wait for the experiences to come and the adventure that awaits us. It is funny how much I can miss you for I never deemed it possible until it happened. You have showed me how enjoyable life is. I used to think that I could get by in this world alone, but you showed me that it didn’t have to be that way. You showed me that together we are stronger. Onlookers will give us disgusting looks but we know that they are just jealous. I will always be here for you. You can put the blame on me and I will always forgive you, because I value our friendship more than the little actions that would be considered unacceptable and friendship breakers by others. I know that life treats you unfairly sometimes, but I will always stand by you. Even in your darkest hour. These words on this page do not even come close to justifying my feelings for you. These words are as perfectly imperfect as me and I hope that it is enough for I only have these words to trade for your love.

Kiss me hardy,
Merry Christmas!!!

Just breathe. You're okay. I'm here. Come back. It's over. You're okay. Wake up. You can do this. Just open your eyes. Come back to me. Please don't do this. Please wake up. I love you so much. Please come back to me. I can't do this without you. Please. Please. I'm begging you.