Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Jul 2018 · 4.2k
Nightmares
Barker Jul 2018
Nightmares
That's what the memory’s become
...
I wake up to the stars
Pain shoots up every limb.
My vision clears up and I realize that they aren't stars,
They are shards of glass.
I look down at my hand.
It's covered in blood.
I can hear my heart beating to the sound of sirens.
I clutch my chest.
I hear shouting but it's distant.
My vision goes in and out of focus.
I realize I'm dying.
...
Then I wake up.
Sweat drips down my shaking body.
That's the only memory I have left of you.
Everything else is locked away in my mind,
Suppressed by medication.
(c)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 453
To My Darling
Barker Jul 2018
Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain't nobody needs you like I do
I know that there are others that deserve you
But my darling, I am still in love with you

But I guess you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I'd feel it too
I could try to smile to hide the truth
I know I was happier with you

Baby, you look happier, you do
I knew one day you'd fall for someone new
But if they break your heart like lovers do
Just know that I'll be waiting here for you
Ed Sheeran Happier
Jul 2018 · 335
Turn to gold
Barker Jul 2018
Everything I touch just turns to stone,

I want someone who will hold me when I’m sad and whisper in my ear to wake me up,

She told me how she doesn’t like how my head is always in the clouds.

She said “If you just grew up then it wouldn’t be so rough.

I just don’t want to leave this life all alone.

So darling please listen to these 4 words.

Please Keep Loving Me
Because our hearts speak fluently
So baby,
Please Keep Loving Me
(C)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 445
The Moon Sends You My Love
Barker Jul 2018
I just had a vision. 3 years from now, one late night at my university campus, I look out the window to see the moon.
I ask the moon to send a message from me to you saying,
"I love you and I miss you."
And I know that wherever you are, you'll look at the moon and hear my message. We'll spend the night having a conversation through the moon and I'll make a wish, just like Brendon Urie once said,
"Hey moon, please forget to fall down. Hey moon, don't you go down."
(c)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 267
The Song We Made For Us
Barker Jul 2018
We dance in the street with no music,
But we listen to the same song  in our minds.
It's our song,
The one that we made with our love.
Our hearts beats in sync,
Our body is lost in the flow of the rhythm.
(c)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 249
Understanding the depth
Barker Jul 2018
I like you not just because you're pretty and smart,
But because you understand me
And what I'm going through.
We have had similar experiences
And you understand my diagnosis more than me.
Despite all my flaws, you still accept me for who I am
And that's more than I could ever ask for.
(c)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 180
You don't
Barker Jul 2018
I don't think you know the extent of how much harm my ex has caused me
And how much she haunts me.
She caused me so much mental and emotional pain
And I have so much PTSD from that relationship.
I don't think you know how scarred I am from that relationship.
Even the slightest thing can cause memories to flash through my mind.
Simple things such as watching Tv, eating food in front of people causes me so much anxiety.
I don't think you understand.

No, wait, I know you don't understand.
(c)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 320
Pain IV
Barker Jul 2018
You don’t get a say in whether you’ll be hurt in love,
But you do have a say in who will hurt you.
So, darling, hurt me.
(C)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 190
Pain V
Barker Jul 2018
You see that’s the thing about pain,
It forces you to feel it.
When you embrace pain,
Then you can move forward from it
(C)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 138
Nice Try
Barker Jul 2018
You take away the one thing that makes me happy,
That’s why I’m bitter towards you.
All my hatred and anger goes to you,
Because you tell me “We want what’s best for you. How can we make you happy?”
And when I tell you suddenly it’s my fault that everything is ****.
Then you say “Well we know what’s best for you. We understand what you are going through. We know what you feel.”
Well you ******* don’t.
You aren’t me and I sure as hell don’t tell you jack ****.
So, how do you expect me to be happy,
When all I am to you is a kid who can be ordered around?
(C)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 212
Disappointment in love
Barker Jul 2018
I love you
So let me
Disappoint you

Because if
You love someone
Than you are
Opening yourself up
To them
And that means
Disappointing them
In one way
Or another

So please
Disappoint
Me
(C)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 569
Feelings know
Barker Jul 2018
I know what you feel,
When you don’t feel anything
(C)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 202
Waves
Barker Jul 2018
I want someone who’s hugs bring me back home
And the feeling of being overcome by happy memories fills my mind
(C)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 169
Why.
Barker Jul 2018
Why do I always hate myself more after someone compliments me
Or says something nice to me?
It’s like my mind just shuts off and goes into reverse.
And ****
Why can’t i just be happy?

It’s because I believe that I don’t deserve anything but pain and suffering.
(C)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 213
Catch me if you can
Barker Jul 2018
You can’t be falling
I got you
(C)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 198
History
Barker Jul 2018
My history could use a change in scenery.
The ones I care about, they always leave.
The girl before you might have gotten rid of the best of me.

I push away the people that I love and care about
Because I’ve already scarred people with my past,
And now they are trapped in the darkness because of me
(C)ibarker
Barker Jul 2018
I’m insecure and so I question everything.
You’ve told me for the thousandth time that you love me,
But this feeling of doubt and insecurity still looms within me.
Voices tell me that you shouldn’t have doubts in a relationship
And that since I do have doubts I would be bette off alone.
So I always end the relationship early,
Even if there was nothing wrong or the problem was fixable.
You see the voices they tell me things
And my body just reacts to what they say,
Which in turn leads me to do things I don’t want to.
(C)ibarker
Barker Jul 2018
You’ve asked me to write you a poem,
But it seems that I have lost my words.
There’s been a disruption in the flow of my ink.
I need to get out of here and go somewhere where I can clear my mind,
But you see,
I am tied down to this house where I get flashbacks of my past,
Angry outbursts and drunken rages fill my mind.
You said to tell you how to comfort me so here it is
Come and break my chains,
Let’s run away together to the ocean where we can watch the sun set and rise.
Just you and me.
(C)ibarker
Jul 2018 · 195
Summer
Barker Jul 2018
Summer reminds me of the feeling of freedom and no worries.
It reminds me of the smell of camp fires and the sound of the water.
Summer reminds me of all the sunset and sunrises.
The sound of the wind.
It reminds me of warmth and all the fun of being around your friends.
Summer reminds me of myself
(C)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 383
Te Rog Ascultă-Mă
Barker Jun 2018
The joy and the chaos,
The demons we're made of,
I'd be so lost if you left me alone,

You locked yourself in the bathroom,
Lying on the floor when I break through,
I pull you in to feel your heartbeat,
Can you hear me screaming "please don't leave me"?

Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand,
I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life

A long endless highway, you're silent beside me
Driving a nightmare I can't escape from
Helplessly praying,
The light isn't fading
Hiding in the shock and the chill in my bones

They took you away on a table
I pace back and forth as you lay still

I don't wanna let go
I know I'm not that strong
I just wanna hear you
Saying baby,
Let's go home
(c)ibarker Hold On
Jun 2018 · 250
Tell me please
Barker Jun 2018
Tension was created between us by an argument we had,
Still unclear about the status of our relationship,
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 211
Songs We Sing
Barker Jun 2018
Back at home,
Downstairs playing the piano,
But for some reason it’s not the same
As playing piano for you
Back at the Psych Ward.

Back at home,
Playing that song.
Which I taught you,
And where you asked me to sing for you,

Back at home,
Away from you.
(c)ibarker
Barker Jun 2018
I lay outside in the sun,
Soaking in the warmth of the sun.

It is hot out,
But I still feel cold.

I’m cut off by the world around me,
The distance between my mind and reality is increasing rapidly.

Soon I will just be a hollow shell,
My mind lost in the past and the future.

I need you to bring me back to reality,
I need you to bring me back to you.
(C)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 243
An apology
Barker Jun 2018
You say that you’ll always be there for me,
But how can you say that when you haven’t even seen the glimpse of my mind?
You say that you care for me,
But I’ve heard those words before
By many different people
Who are now long gone.
So, I ask you
How can you say these things without knowing if you mean them?
And more importantly,
How do you expect me to believe you when everyone else who has ever said that to me, left?
(C)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 197
Untitled
Barker Jun 2018
Thank you,
For all that you’ve done,
Jun 2018 · 217
Codice Numeri Duo
Barker Jun 2018
1001001 1001100,1001111,1010110,1000101 1011001,1001111,1010101
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 210
367 968
Barker Jun 2018
4 5683 968 6673 8426 26984464 263 3837984464
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 164
Fight
Barker Jun 2018
You stand up on the table, you shout,
"This is not who I am. This is not what I want. This is my life not yours. I'm not a puppet."

Everyone gasps and points their finger at you, shouting,
"This is what you have to be. This is what you have to want. You must follow the status quo."

You look at everyone, "This is my life and I will live it wisely, for me, not for you." You reply, as you turn around and become something incredible.
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 212
A Mess Without You
Barker Jun 2018
I'm lost
Lost in the moments where I'm fighting to stay alive
Lost in the oceans of my thoughts
Lost in the fire of my feelings
Lost in the world
Without you
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 159
Know
Barker Jun 2018
All we really want is someone to let us know that we aren't alone
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 158
Never Alone
Barker Jun 2018
We forget that when we are lonely we are never really alone
Sometimes you just have to look deeper to find it. We are never alone.
There will always be someone out there
Going through the same thing
Dealing with similar things
Feeling the same emotions
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 156
Missing you
Barker Jun 2018
And so I wait wondering if I'll ever see you again
At least
Not in the same way
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 136
Statements
Barker Jun 2018
The sick cannot heal the sick
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 144
You XVII
Barker Jun 2018
Things I like: long walks, drives, laying on the grass, looking at the stars, reading, writing, playing music, listening to music, night, camping, out doors, laying on an empty street listening to the city, listening to nature, going on boat trips, drawing, painting, sailing, fishing, animals, reflecting, cemeteries, friends, rain, thunder, wind, ocean, watching a good TV show, watching a good movie, talking on the phone, having a good conversation, coffee, chocolate, fires, fries, And You
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 158
Strong
Barker Jun 2018
If you are strong enough to harm yourself,
Then you are strong enough to live.
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 149
Scared of Forgetting
Barker Jun 2018
I'm scared of being caught up with life and forgetting,
How much I love you.
I'm scared that one day,
I'll choose my work instead of you.
I'm scared that I will become so caught up with things I have to do ,
That I will forget the things that really matter;
And that nothing compares to sleeping and waking up next to you.
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 190
Love VIV
Barker Jun 2018
Our memories take a picture of the time where our heart says,
"This is love"
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 128
The Heart
Barker Jun 2018
"How many times can a heart be broken?" I asked,

You replied, "How many times can a heart heal?"
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 145
I am III
Barker Jun 2018
I am plastered with ideologies and expectations of other people.
I am the product of everyone else's wants.
I am everything everyone wants me to be.
I am everything but me.
I am not enough.
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 138
pleasefindthis
Barker Jun 2018
Remember who you are in the moments when you are not yourself
(c)ibarker pleasefindthis
Barker Jun 2018
I am in a room surrounded by family and friends,
But I still feel alone
Without you, I might as well be standing on another planet.
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 139
You XVI
Barker Jun 2018
Home is not what city you were born in,
What country of origin you are,
But where you belong.
Home is the feeling of being complete.
People travel the world to find it.
I find it in you.
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 136
Laugh
Barker Jun 2018
Hearing you laugh is the best kind of medicine.
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 196
You XV
Barker Jun 2018
You felt familiar when I first met you.
My heart said "Oh, hello, there you are. Where have you been? I've been looking for you."
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 137
Sky Stained Pink
Barker Jun 2018
I sit on the window sill looking out into the night.
The sky is stained dark pink from all the city lights.
It makes me sick to know that I won't see the stars,
But it's also comforting because it reminds me of all the good nights,
I spent in the city at night,
With my friends and with my family or just by myself.
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 208
753273
Barker Jun 2018
788 2 285538 46 69 4323
968 629 668 8633778263
9428 4 26 879464 86 729
288 49 968 36 538 63 5669
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 160
Untitled
Barker Jun 2018
Je marche mieux quand ma main serre la tienne
Jun 2018 · 135
Myself
Barker Jun 2018
If you must know why I'm like this
It is because everyone else is more sure and more who they are
Than I am
And I don't know myself or who I am
I'm never sure what I'm supposed to feel and think
Or what I even feel or think.
Everything is still a puzzle for me and I don't even have a single piece in the right spot.
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 126
Small Things = You
Barker Jun 2018
I just realized,
How many small things had to occur,
In order for me to have met you.
All the small accidents,
All the causes and effects,
Everything I went through,
All had an impact on me finding you.
(c)ibarker
Jun 2018 · 140
Intertwined
Barker Jun 2018
You are the space between everything,
You are the missing part that makes everything else a something
(c)ibarker
Next page