I prayed to god
After you broke my heart.
I prayed for him to make the pain stop.
At first nothing happened.
I started to hate the pain.
I started to feel hopeless.
But one day I was able to get out of bed.
I was able to eat.
And suddenly the pain became manageable.
Until it was barely even there

Love isn’t worth the pain anymore.
I’m a hopeless romantic and maybe that’s all I’ll ever be.

I know I'm lost with no motivation to find my way back.
I led myself down a paper trail of the pages of my mind,
Now I want them back.
I'm somewhere between no courage among the other things I lack.
Lost in desperation where an ember turns to ash.

Somewhere along this path, I crossed the line,
Broken promises I've made without thinking twice.
I left my second thought and reason behind.
All in the name of making you mine.
Yet you left me alone and shattered my heart into a million pieces,

And now I keep asking myself
Why do I think that I have to live this life alone?
I know I'm lost,
I thought that when we lose ourselves,
We find each other,
But I guess I was wrong.
Now I am back to that feeling of heartbreak

I have a different kind of trust issue.
I love and accept everyone.
I welcome everyone in with open arms.
I go out of my way to make people feel both happy and comfortable,
But I don't trust anyone to be there for me when I need them the most
I don't even reach out, because there's just no point

It would be too simple and too wrong to say I love someone.
You see it's so much more complicated than that.
After you weave through the layers and layers of walls and barricades that I have put,
You'll see that when I love someone, it isn't just that I love them,
It's that I love how they speak, the way they can manipulate words with their tongue.
That the words that they speak capture the attention of everyone in the room.
It's that I love how their smile seems to sparkle and the way their lip seems to tug more upwards on one side than the other.
That the world seems a bit happier when they smile.
You see when I love, it's more like that feeling when you find a really good book that never seems to end and that you don't want to end.
A book that you can never really put down for that long without feeling lost and empty.
I cannot tell you exactly how or why I love them and I cannot tell you why I love them the way I do.
I just do.

I think I’m afraid of letting go...

You asked me why I never talk to you about me. At that time I didn't say anything, I just shook my head. What I wanted to say was "I'm afraid that if I do I will lose you."

I want you to tell me about your dreams while we are cuddled up in blankets on our bed.

I want to wake up and say good morning to you with a kiss on the forehead.

I want a "have a good day" as we rush off to work late, because we wanted one more kiss before we departed for the day.

I want to hear all about your crazy or boring day at work over dinner.

I want that goodnight kiss and the sleep well.

I want the waking up in the middle of the night because you stole all the covers.

I want all that and more,

But I don't want it with just anyone,

I want it with you.

Four words hold such destruction and chaos in them.

Let them rage on things they cannot change.
We will continue to love.
Ignoring their bouts of hate.

I feel like I let you down, because you've always had a certain perspective and view about me; But I am not who you want me to be.

And I am tired of changing who I am in fear of being abandoned.

I want to know how you would comfort me if I was with you right now.

If I could only find a way to say sorry to you in a way you'd understand, I would.

We sit, backs to each other.
We are a mirror representation of each other,
Yet we are nothing alike.
Still, it is hard to distinguish one from the other.
A still framed image of a certain time and place.
Some may call me history,
Others,
Art.

Walking and thinking about too much of everything.

I know I've told you a hundred times.
You're the best thing of my life.
Don't wanna be anywhere, but you.

Sometimes there are days where I feel like Atlas,
Carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Sometimes there are days where I can feel every single little thing,
Every touch and every emotion.

Sometimes there are days where I don't want to live anymore,
For at that time nothing seems possible.

Sometimes there are days where I just I need to be alone,
And sit at the edge on the rooftop of an old building overlooking the city.

Sometimes there are days where I feel lonely,
Like the entire world is against me.

Sometimes there are days like these,
Days that the only thing I can feel is the burning sensation of a blade being dragged across my skin.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

I feel..off, like I'm watching reality from a distance.

I feel...empty, like I've been drained of all life.

I feel...anger, like someone did something very wrong to me.

I feel...pain, like someone stabbed me with needles repeatedly.

I feel...tired, like I haven't had a drop of shut eye in my 17 years of existence.

I feel...not myself, like someone cut a piece of me out.

And I don't know what's wrong with me.
And that scares me

I really like staying up,
Because for once
It feels as though the world stops for a few hours.

My love, my life, my darling, I love you so much.
But you see, I am having trouble getting my thoughts together,
And the words aren't flowing as easily as they used to.
I just wanted to say in less of a poetic sense,
You are the best thing that has happened to me.
I love how close we've gotten and I can't wait for our future.

I can't stop staring at those ocean eyes.
Burning cities, ****** skies.
Fifteen flares inside those ocean eyes.

I can't stop thinking about your diamond mind.
Careful creature, Made friends with time
She left them lonely in her diamond mind.

"Take a deep breath, you're shivering. Come here and I'll warm you up. What's the matter, love? Bad day? It's okay, you're home now. I've got you."

If I can make a difference in the world,
If I can help someone,
Then you bet my life I will,
I will try and help every single person,
Because everyone deserves a chance at life,
A fair chance.

The image of me loving someone else while you stand and watch,
Well, it's killing me because I loved you,
But you threw it away, and I know you're sorry
And I forgive you,
But forgiving is only half the battle,
And I want to be happy, and I want you to be happy,
But they collide, and I feel like if I were to stay
We would be happy at first, but time will catch up, and I'll become unhappy, and it would spread like a virus,
And If I am happy with someone else, then I'm really sorry.
I am not blaming you per se, but I do wish you would have stopped,
And it's hard to cope when there are so many people interested in me,
Because they make me believe in their vows and promises
And that's more than what you gave me.
He's kind, and he's nice, and I know him beyond his masks.
She's funny, and she knows me and knows what I need and want.
And then there's you,
You are sweet, and sometimes you can make me happy, but that's it.
And I need something more than that because you also cause me so much pain,
More pain than the positives you give me.
This last call could be all we can do for each other.
It's time to let you go

Maybe it's the way you look at me,
Maybe it's the way you hold me,
Maybe it's the way you care for me,
Maybe it's the way you talk to me,
Maybe it's the way you understand me,
Maybe it's the way we joke around,
Maybe it's the way we love,
Maybe all it is
Is you.

I didn't want to be your first.
I wanted to be your last,
But hey, at least I'm something.

After all this time,
Why now?

After everything you've done to me,
Do you think that it could all be forgiven through two words?

After leaving me on the side of the road in the middle of winter,
You think I would go out of my way to help you?

Well, you're **** ******* right.

Burning fire. The smell of smoke.
I watch as everything I've ever known
Burns to ashes.

There you are. Name engraved on a headstone. Dates marked out. Dead roses sit at the bottom. I sit to the side so I don't sit on your casket. I open two beers, one for you and one for me. I talk about what's going on; how ****** New York Rangers is going to be this year. I just sit there and talk to you for hours; Way past the hour I said I would. When it's time to leave I get up, fold my chair and say "I love you." Before turning around and leaving.

Fall reminds me of all the beauty in nature as the leaves change colour. It reminds me of that cool breeze and the smell of fresh air. The sound of snapping twigs as you walk. Fall reminds me of warm apple crumb and the time spent just looking out at the colourful sky, which is no longer only blue, but yellow. Fall reminds me of you.

When I grow up
I want to have a family.
I want to give my kids
A childhood that I never could have.

Imagine you're on a rollercoaster going up.
That's life.
But then you start to feel the roller coaster shift downwards
And you're trying to hold on that last bit of hope
Before everything starts crashing down.

Maybe it's the feeling that I could tell you everything.
Maybe it's fact that I could make a total fool of myself,
But not dwell on it because I know that you'll still love me.
Maybe it's because I've never felt like this before and that I have no fear of you hurting me.
Maybe it's the fact that I no longer believe that I am a tough person to love because you make it look so easy.
Maybe it's much simpler than that.
Maybe it's more complicated than this.
Maybe all it is, is you.

"I wonder how you are and if you ever miss me."

Learning your mom might die is one of the hardest things in life.

Regret is one of the worst emotions out there.

I want to fast forward 3 years where we’ll both be in university.
Waking up next to each other and falling asleep in each other’s arms.
Being able to come home and say
“Hey baby, how was your day?”
And we’d talk about our days over diner.
I’ll kiss you and smile because I know that I am lucky to have you