“Go back to sleep love.”

I can’t

“What’s wrong?”

I’m not sure. I can’t tell if it’s one big thing or a million small things that is bothering me at the moment.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Not right now. Maybe in the morning.

“Alright, well come closer so I can cuddle you. That’s better. I can’t promise to solve all your problems my dear, although I wish I could. I can however, promise that you don’t need to face them alone. I’m always here, even if you can’t see me. “

I’m just not used to having someone with me.

“I know, but you don’t have to fight your problems alone anymore. You’ve got me.”

Thank you for staying up with me. I’m getting a bit tired now.

“Always. Goodnight darling.”

Goodnight...I love you

“I love you too”

If only you knew how much I want to be with you.
If only you knew how much you mean to me.
If only you knew how much I love you.
If only you knew how much I care for you.
If only you knew how much I am missing you.
If only you knew how great you are.
If only you knew how I feel about you
If only you knew what I'd do to be with you.
If only you knew I'd sacrifice my beating heart before I lose you.

Maybe you would start to love yourself as much as I love you.

Roads lead people to a certain place,
Whether it be in the past, present or future

Roads sometimes split,
And you're faced with a decision,

Roads sometimes end,
And you have to wander alone lost before you find another,

Roads sometimes cross paths,
From there you find someone who means something to you,

My question is,
Will your road cross mine?

I ran fast and far hoping that everything would fade away,
Hoping that if I ran far enough
Perhaps I'd be able to rest for a little bit,
At least before the storm caught up to me.

I ran until my legs became weak and my lungs started to burn,
I ran until tears were falling from the excruciating pain,
I ran until y body went numb and the storm swallowed me

On a plane reading the message you sent me,
My heart feels so warm like I'm drinking a warm cup of hot chocolate on a cold snowy night,
I feel at peace,
Such a rarity for me,
How can one person make me feel like this?

I have felt a resemblance of home with others,
But it always felt like I was missing something,
For some reason it seems like you hold it

I've been feeling empty and misunderstood for so long,
And then you come along and suddenly everything is changing,
I find myself thinking about you constantly,
Ways that I can make you smile,
Ways that I can share your burden so that life will feel less heavy,
I want to be there for you,
If you need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to talk to.

I've been in many relationships, and there's only one which hasn't left any scars.
Sometimes things can trigger certain memories or feelings.
If that happens, do not worry, it is not you.
I'm still trying to work through some issues.
It may take time for me to be comfortable around you.
Many of my relationships have caused me to mask my true self and become someone else.
I want you to know that the more get to know me, the more you may not like what you see.
I'm still recovering from my past and so bad habits are still present.
I'm still changing and still learning.
If I ever do something that you don't like, please tell me.
Don't hide things from me, especially if it's something that I do that makes you uncomfortable.

My darling,

I apologize if I am not the same hopeless romantic poet I once was.
I am sorry to say that I have wasted my words on poems that were written for temporary romances.
I am sorry that I can no longer write poems that sweep you off your feet.

If I would have known that this was the last letter to you
I would have written it differently.
I would ask you why.
What did I do that made you suddenly not want me anymore?
Why did we have to make things so tough between us.
If I had changed would you have stayed?
If I were able to mould into the version of me that you had in your head, would it have made things better?

Life moves on what can I say?
I've spent these last few months wishing that time would stop.
Hoping that it will let me readjust my grip,
Praying that it doesn't take me away.

It's so peaceful and quiet at night,
It's as if the world just kind of fades away,
I'm laying on the pavement in the middle of the road,
No cars are around,
I can hear the wind flowing through,
The trees rustle in response,
And the sound of the river flowing.
It's peaceful and for once it seems as if all the worries and  responsibilities are lifted off of my shoulders.
I look up at the sky, but no stars can be seen tonight,
The clouds are pink from reflecting the city lights,
I watch as they slowly roll by.
I am not necessarily happy, nor sad, but rather alive.
All I know is that I never want this feeling to end,
I don't want to feel that weight on me,
Not when I finally know what it feels like to breathe.

I've tried to play along,
I've tried to drown myself in work and things that keep me busy,
But the truth is I'm dying inside,
I mask my emotions with a smile and a laugh,
But I just want to cry and breakdown,

Why am I still going?
Why am I still here?
What's the point?

Writing has not come easy to me lately,
Maybe it’s because I’m older now and the routines of life has gotten me in a constant looping state of mind,
Maybe it’s because I no longer feel comfortable talking about my troubles,
I’ve become more reserved,
More cautious,
Afraid of being too transparent
And having my heart broken

"Hey, how are you?"

Typing...
Typing...
Typing...

"I'm not doing too well to be honest. I feel like a cold dark blanket has been wrapped around me, slowly suffocating me. I want the world to just stop for a second so I can catch my breath, instead of feeling like I am hanging on by a single thread. I want to run far away from here and go somewhere, where I am a stranger… I — I want to be free."

Deleting...
Deleting...
Deleting...

"I'm alright, you?"

My thoughts are like the ocean.
Deep, vast and easy to get lost in.
When my thoughts get restless it is easy to drown away in them,
And when I call out for help,
The sea of my thoughts drown out my voice,
And I am once again alone,
Unable to defend myself

One day,
When no one is around and I’m all alone
I’m going to drown in my own thoughts,
And that’ll be the end of me

What was supposed to be 15 min turned into 30
And then to 1 hour
And then to 2
And by the time you finally showed up
It was too late.


I was gone

I feel too much.
People say that that’s good,
But I spend most my nights
Crying over pointless things
And wanting to **** myself over them.

You replaced all the butterflies in my stomach with wasps,
And now every time I think of you,
I get stung

I wish that one day we'll cross paths
Walking along the street
And you'll hug me like you did
The last time we saw each other

I have lived a hundred lives within this one life,







I'm still not sure which one was the real me.

I missed my chance with a girl that I wanted to spend forever with.

I
Left
You
Because
I
Was
Tired
Of
Being
Your
Poison

In a world full of black and white
She’s the only colour I need

And as blood dripped down her battered face,
The sun shone through the clouds;
Ending her long suffering night.
A new day emerges and as she prepares for her next battle,
She stops and looks around,
For the demons that once haunted her had vanished,
And there stood in shinning armour,
Were those whom she now calls
Friends

You never knew because you never had the time,
And when you let me talk,
You would never listen,
Perhaps it was my fault that I didn't speak louder,
But you should've been there for me

I haven’t written in so long,
My hands have forgotten the way the words move.

The last thing I wrote about was a girl who I thought would be mine.

It is no secret that I’m blinded by love.
Every sane thought tends to disappear without a trace.

I try to lie myself by stating that it’s okay that I’ll never find someone like you.

But the truth is, I keep looking for someone like you.

Someone who understands me like you do,
Someone who knows me.

But there will never be another you.
Because you’re the only person who can fill this hole in my chest.

You’re the only one who can stitch all my wounds closed.
The only one that can pick up the pieces of my shattered heart and help me piece it back together.

You’re the only one who isn’t scared of seeing my dark side.
The only one who doesn’t turn away when things get tough.

Darling, the truth is, you’re the one that I want.

I am not good with words or people.
The thoughts I have seem to never come out the way I want them too.
That’s why I find different ways to communicate.
Yet no one seems to understand,
Well no one except you

A true poet at heart,
I’ve been trying to find someone who can untangle my messy thoughts and create something beautiful with them.

A true poet at heart,
I know you’ve been looking for the same. Every poem you’ve written has somehow been able to unravel my thoughts.

True poets at heart,
You’re the only one who knows me

I've been hiding behind my walls,
Afraid of coming out,
Even when the person of my dreams is in front of me.

I am scared to get in a relationship because I've been in so many abusive ones.

I tell myself that I don't need love and that my best friend is all that I need,
But deep down I know that I want something more.

I was born with a Lens of detachment towards the world.
It’s superficial ideologies never really caught my eye.
I saw the world and it’s people for what it is.
Plastic, fake, a man made product of false ideas and irrational decisions.
That despite the claim that we are superior beings
We are nothing like this.

I spend the day working on things that keep me busy.
I spend the night working in an empty garage, repairing cars.
I do this to distract myself, but sometimes my mind just stops when I’m working and thinks about that nagging thought that never seems to go away.

I notice it and I think to myself.
I am enough
I am enough
I am enough
I am enough
I am enough
But no matter how many times I say it
It doesn’t change the feeling of worthlessness

Because deep down I know that if I was enough.
Things would be different.
My life would mean something to someone
Or just general

Beneath my hard edges.
Beneath my torn, battered heart.
Beneath my sunbathed flesh 
and these worn bones

Please believe, 
that somewhere in me,
there is a love song
and it is the kind you listen to
while driving back home

Life just slips away.
Maybe you didn’t mean it to,
Maybe you just got lost in the ocean of your own thoughts,
Maybe the voices of others bothered you, so you dunked your head under water to drown out the noise,
Maybe it’s all of those moments you wasted on work
Maybe it’s all the times you’ve changed yourself to please someone.
Maybe, you were too busy dreaming of the future, that you forgot to live in the present.

I prayed to god
After you broke my heart.
I prayed for him to make the pain stop.
At first nothing happened.
I started to hate the pain.
I started to feel hopeless.
But one day I was able to get out of bed.
I was able to eat.
And suddenly the pain became manageable.
Until it was barely even there

Love isn’t worth the pain anymore.
I’m a hopeless romantic and maybe that’s all I’ll ever be.

I know I'm lost with no motivation to find my way back.
I led myself down a paper trail of the pages of my mind,
Now I want them back.
I'm somewhere between no courage among the other things I lack.
Lost in desperation where an ember turns to ash.

Somewhere along this path, I crossed the line,
Broken promises I've made without thinking twice.
I left my second thought and reason behind.
All in the name of making you mine.
Yet you left me alone and shattered my heart into a million pieces,

And now I keep asking myself
Why do I think that I have to live this life alone?
I know I'm lost,
I thought that when we lose ourselves,
We find each other,
But I guess I was wrong.
Now I am back to that feeling of heartbreak

I have a different kind of trust issue.
I love and accept everyone.
I welcome everyone in with open arms.
I go out of my way to make people feel both happy and comfortable,
But I don't trust anyone to be there for me when I need them the most
I don't even reach out, because there's just no point

It would be too simple and too wrong to say I love someone.
You see it's so much more complicated than that.
After you weave through the layers and layers of walls and barricades that I have put,
You'll see that when I love someone, it isn't just that I love them,
It's that I love how they speak, the way they can manipulate words with their tongue.
That the words that they speak capture the attention of everyone in the room.
It's that I love how their smile seems to sparkle and the way their lip seems to tug more upwards on one side than the other.
That the world seems a bit happier when they smile.
You see when I love, it's more like that feeling when you find a really good book that never seems to end and that you don't want to end.
A book that you can never really put down for that long without feeling lost and empty.
I cannot tell you exactly how or why I love them and I cannot tell you why I love them the way I do.
I just do.

I think I’m afraid of letting go...

You asked me why I never talk to you about me. At that time I didn't say anything, I just shook my head. What I wanted to say was "I'm afraid that if I do I will lose you."

I want you to tell me about your dreams while we are cuddled up in blankets on our bed.

I want to wake up and say good morning to you with a kiss on the forehead.

I want a "have a good day" as we rush off to work late, because we wanted one more kiss before we departed for the day.

I want to hear all about your crazy or boring day at work over dinner.

I want that goodnight kiss and the sleep well.

I want the waking up in the middle of the night because you stole all the covers.

I want all that and more,

But I don't want it with just anyone,

I want it with you.

Four words hold such destruction and chaos in them.