I feel faded
like the dye in my hair
and the color in my sheets

I feel faded
like the roof on this house
and the lights in the lamps

I feel faded
like the storm in the sky
and the roses in my garden

I feel faded
like the old photos on my wall
and the shoes on my feet

I feel faded
and far away

I stood by the water
and I listened to the birds
the wind tossed my hair
and the grass kissed my bare feet

I felt far away
I felt like a plant who dug up its roots to look around
and I knew right away
I wanted to feel that way with you

You said you were thinking of me
thinking of me? just once
you're thinking of me
Thursday June 6 at 11:55 am?
But why now?

Are you unaware of what this means?
Nothing
everything
I am always thinking of you
Always
Never
You, my first thought when I wake up
Me, a single thought that crossed your mind
Me
You

"I don't want to be a part of your life anymore"
Weeks before
And yet here you are
thinking of me
I am
thinking of you

I cannot express to you
how empty I feel

my eyes are staring blankly
and my heart beat is slow

I know I slept
but I'm feeling none of the benefits

my walls are now covered
with the art I've been making

my lungs are full
of the toxins I'm breathing in

I cannot express to you
the emptiness
that I feel

you put me up on a podium
and forced me to talk about recovery
when I was barely tasting it

and now you sound so angry
why are you so surprised
that your least favorite daughter
is still falling apart

I'm playing hide and seek
with the shadows in my heart
the dogs are chasing me
i think I'm losing this game

i may be writing songs
but I'm barely holding on
whats the ******* point
anymore

give me a reason to breathe
because I'm fading fast
and life is pointless

give me a reason to hold on
because I'm letting go
my life is ******* pointless

how nice would it be
to
rediscover you
while you
rediscover me

you talked about
it
rediscovering love
while we
rediscover us

I laugh because
I
rediscovered you
while you
lost yourself

well you asked me
how I was doing
I covered my mouth
to tell you
that I am fine

when you turned around
I spit up blood
its happening again
but don't worry
I am fine

my head is louder
than your words
and I'm nodding
to tell you
that I am fine

I can't see straight
I am feeling shadows
but I just smile
to assure you
I am fine

memories flood my mind
I am not here
but yet I am
to show you
that I am fine

maybe when this passes
my words will be true
when I'm talking to you
to remind you
that I am fine

and maybe one day
I wont have to lie
and I can say
that I am fine