Man it's real good to be alive, and for that I say thank you and continue to strive. Sometimes days are like open eyes, and shut, I don't want to but, I gotta get out of bed and my eyes are blurry, I see nothing but red. The **** that I smoke gets up in my system and I'm not ever fed. I gotta get everything I can possibly get before I leave otherwise I'll feel like I wasn't ****. Understand that? Understand that? Yeah, for sure. That's what I'm trying to say. For real. For real. Understand.

people need to look themselves in the mirror
when they don't understand
you got some feelings for them
that they could never understand
why don't they see the reflection
of what pours out of your soul
why do they only see a shell
and think it's only gold
when underneath lies coal
lava
hot fire
deep
and burning
but they be like
nah he's okay
he barely even likes me
but you keep dreaming
waking up from your sleep
thinking about them
why?
why is it like this?
why am i still in a dream?
why did the dream end?
what is going to happen to us?
will there ever be us?
or will it only be in my dreams?
i think i just think romantically
with imagination
and i think about
everything all working out
you know
because
it will
it's not going to end badly
maybe my sister was right
maybe my view of the world
and relationships
and life
is twisted

If you ever had something strange
happen in a way where two friends
send signals disconnected
and it's the end
of an idea that once lived
in a mind
but not the other mind
an argument is had
whether a brawl or a jab
to someone
it feels like a stab
a wound
will it heal?
in real
is all that what is
really what appears?
the two of you will get together
and the issue will be brought up
a question asked
a reminder
a request for appeal
the best way to handle it
is to smile and say
"Let's not talk about it"
change the conversation
or walk away

those feelings you had werent healthy
unable to manage
self control
like anger
fleeting
left breathing
heavy
heart
sweaty
trying to comprehend
what my mind is doing
while on my knees naked
praying to god
begging
crying
please help me through this agony
the cold
it is so cold
remove me from this blanket of pain
deliver me
and help me escape

she's gorgeous
maybe im broken


as the waves crash
up against the rocks

laughter and happiness

i miss her soul

im touched with sadness tonight

i hope she's okay

i love her

love is hard

cuz u go through times

together

that are hard times

and u need that rock

that solid foundation

and u hope and trust it is there

and sometimes u forget

and it leaves you

but comes back stern the next morning

destinies awakened

life changing

what people do for you

changes your life

and there's sometimes things

that people can't change

and you are who you are

to love through that

after hitting those walls

falling over in the water

scratching your knee

to get back up

and sit peacefully

on the rocks

enjoy the rest of your day

write a poem

stay at home

love and be loved

give yourself to a person
and be honored

pride
shoulders high

i miss u girl
u my top *****
after all these years
and all the hos i ran thru
u da one baby
u was the downest ** eva
girl that ***** was hot
but i aint trippin
u was coo
i dun ran thru a lotta *******
and fell in love with all dem hos
out of keesha, monica, monique, terea, stacey, and amber
u da one on my mind girl

Up late at night
when I write
feeling inside
opened up
and became a new person
super human
super charged
it is so powerful
a vein
you've entered my bloodstream
and I'm happy
at work
seeing your text
I smile
I feel like
I have gone wild
I'm an animal
A stallion at full strength
I can't be controlled by any reigns
no physical restraints
can take this feeling away
what I have in my body

but it's that same feeling
I have to this day
as the reason
I have a hard time
getting out of bed

I never wanted to live a life
as a jealous man
I did the best I can
to get where I am today

I still feel joy
and the excitement
but it's just not the same
I feel it all the way to my fingertips
it was electric
on fire
a feeling
that went away
but still remains
I thought I'd go insane
but i'm free
and I'll never forget
what made me feel this way

It was you.

it's hard to wake up in the morning
when you see someone in your dreams
that you miss so much
but you don't even see them
you just see a friend
at the door
in front of a dark room
and he says
Ben,
we're glad you came to Atlanta
It's a great city
and behind him
in the room
is her
but you can't see her
it's pure darkness
but for some reason
you know she's in there
and the door closes
and it's 12PM, your phone alarm is going off
and you gotta get up for work
and the song plays
on the way
that reminds you
of all the days
that made you feel this way

I sit at my desk
and I just want to shed so many tears
until work is over
so it makes me tired
and I can go back to sleep
and see
what she was doing in there
and why she leaves me
every time I wake up

gettin up
in the morning
thinkin about
why i'm so not
not not
happy
cuz all this ****
done had me
locked in a cage
of emotion
i'm chokin
but ****
haha
after while
i catch a quick breathe
of oxy
and generate something
better than hate
dancin around
in my house
havin the most fun that i've ever had
by my *******
self

The other day
I was jerking off to ****, right?
and
I'm in mid stroke
watching this ***** get banged
by some dude with a ****
that he slangs
in and out
all this nasty ****
got her *** spread open
dove in
lookin creepy
with this goatee
nasty *** *******
and her
got those eyes
that u can stare in forever
and still see nothing
but she got a body
who knows where her soul went
and as I'm getting mine off
watching these two ***** get off
these thoughts creep off
in my head
and I stop
and think
for a minute
the **** am I doing?
why do I have to need this?
to survive?
clicked play
and continued
and finished
stopped the video
and then thought the same thoughts
that I thought
when I first pressed pause

If you aren't here
we don't need you
but if you do so happen to stay
we could use a hand
but if you decide to go
someone else will replace you
as a matter of fact he's here
over there
look at him
he's waving
so are you staying
or going
make a decision quick
your **** is showing
we need you
but not that bad
we could go with Jose
or Steve
or Lashawn
or the guy over there
in the corner
with no pants on
standing there by himself
who is he
I don't know
but if you leave
them we could need
should we use you
or do you need to excuse yourself
from this
because we're going to move
in another direction
where are you going
the same direction
maybe we should turn around
stop following us

they dont know what i know
the side i see
the dark side that creeps
that she spits
and the fleas
coming out of her mouth
a disgust
coming from her gust
why are you still in the shower
ughh
where's my glasses
i don't know
ughhh
what about me
what about me
ughhh
i gotta go
time to flee

no i dont want to tell you bye
i want to tell you nothing
i want to go home
and go to work
i want to get paid
and do my work
i dont want to socialize
or tell you what i think of you
or develop relationships
i just want to be free
from this ******* work
corporate chain nonsense
i dontwant any part of it
so i dont want a goodbye
because iw ish id never see uagain
please let me leave
without saying goodbye
******* hate it
just trying to control me
why does it bother u
that i dont say bye
youre just ******* stepping on my toes
trying to make me be just like you
i'm an individual
not a robot
i dont have a goodbye message
or a fading apple
or a dancing android
to tell yuo im shutting down
i just want to go home
in peace
and i dont want to see you ever again

Where r u
as of now or later in a past or present time r u aging like fine wine or r u inclined to melt down at the spine

i'm tired of being desperate
i'm tired of being broke
i'm tired of trying to get a nasty ***** to choke
i'm tired of saying hey come over
i'm tired of saying want my number
i'm tired of this and that
the game
i've had it
with it
it's ******* ridiculous

a stress i don't need
i got other worries
like how i'm gonna feed
the kids i meet
when my wife conceives
and where is she
this whole time
why isn't she with me

i haven't met her
which is *******
cuz i have
in a dream
she opened the door for me
maybe that's what i need
or what i want
i keep dwelling
and not being thankful
for what i got

i don't get it
it's repetitious
it stays within me
most nights
some days
i feel empty
like there's something missing
an image
of a woman
in the bed next to me
coming over to kiss me
goodnight
and laying her head on my chest
i miss it

she was just a replacement
for the real thing
that's coming shortly
to a theatre near me
but every theatre i play
i look in the crowd
and say not today
cuz no one comes up and talks to me
at least not her

where's she at?
where'd she go?
how far in time do i have to travel
to get her

will it be when i'm 85
on my death bed
i'll look over across the room
and see a cutie whose life is gloom
i'll reach over and touch her hand
and together we will be again

the girl i saw in my dream
only knew her for a day
but at life's final moments
we held our hands and prayed
and lifted off into the sky
together
just how i saw it in the dream

nothin wrong with a **
but where's the one that's gonna blossom
and grow
into something substantial
other than ***** chasin financial
tryin to get extravagant

******* gonna do
what they choose
when will they see
the news
is old

when they get less attractive
and try
to lock up
with whoever stayed with them
or happens to be there at the time
some do it in an instant
with an instinct
i don't know what they are thinking
in their minds
what makes them so hard
to get inside
and see what it's like
to be them
why they feel like
they can't trust me
with their thoughts
their heart
their prayers
and wishes
why do they play tricks on me

maybe they play tricks on themselves
and i get to be the trick
used up
passed back
spit out
but a real woman will stand up
and see a man
made
branded
and ready to conquer
anything in the world
she gonna come along for the ride?
is she scared?
never
she'll say
and i'll say
**** right
there she is

some nasty *** *******
but it's okay
they're all beautiful
in their own way
just not the way i saw them
it was trash
low to the earth
but that's not true about them
or me
i know that they are good people
whatever
i think it's clever
to know who you're dealing with
how they perceive u
and themself
what the relationship is
there's other people in their lives
that know them so much differently
that u could never really understand
how a person is
until u hang out with them
forever
and until u die
then u finally
just maybe
won't have a clue
but u did it
and they loved u
and there u go
that's the end of the show
let the credits roll

said a few things
that i shouldn't have said
made a few choices
that i definitely regret
a casual mistake
with all the stakes
everything on the line
just not the right place
or the right frame of mind
a point in time
gone bad
or just miscalculated
the landing didn't stick
the take off was faulty
we started too hard
all those words were shoddy
comin out the ***
love came too fast
and left too quick
i got pain in my heart
that just won't quit
so now i'm sitting here
already quit the bottle
stopped smoking ****
cuz it wasn't making it less harder
but why even bother
who even cares
about this man in the room
who ran out of prayers
and cried all the tears
that could ever be cried
to drown a thousand people
i'm buried alive
and i can't even breathe air
i wish she'd be here
or someone
to take it all away
i need to be saved
jesus, where u at?
i feel like a slave
and all i see is rain
cloudy day after cloudy day
in my world of pain

It can be claimed
that your parting gift
was the motivation
for my success
and the heart you stained
or my slitting wrist
was the reason I made it
this far

it can be claimed that you helped
by making me jealous
only to motivate me
to do better

you can claim that i needed to be away from you
because i had work to do

you can make this all seem like
we never had a fight
and everything has always been cool
between us

you can claim you never did wrong
and it was all my fault

you can claim that i didn't hurt you
and made you think a different way
you'll just say
that you had complete control
the whole time
and everything was fine

you can claim the reason for my success
and you'd be right
only part of the time
because most of it
was without you

endless nights
of working late
and making sacrifices
you couldn't dream to make

you can't claim that at all
that belongs to me
when you sold your share
I walked away free
and for that, my success
I can claim

Don't ever talk to me again
I'm too busy working it out with the pen

I remember when you loved me
It was fun every day but now it's causin fury

I don't wanna do this **** again
Watching you with him turns me to a new man

I don't want to be filled with rage
You don't love me now let me be it's time to turn the page

You're just a non loyal maggot flea
That is something that I never wanted around me

To you I was just a nice piece
Something in the night that helped you get your sleep

But now that I'm finally gone
I hope you wake up in the night cold sweat no calm

The torment that I once felt
Is gonna come right back and it's really gonna smell

All that **** you stirred and the men that you hurt
Will come right back and bury you in the dirt

So good luck with that
You're just a ******* ***** that I never want back

i remember first meeting you. you said you saw me on the bus.
i said, where were you sitting? and you said, i wasn't on the
bus. then we met later. and then you came to see me later.
and then we came home, and kept drinking, and i vomited. then
i took a shower, and you made me grits, and we had ***. and i
thought i'd never hear from you again. and then you came
back. and again. and again. and we became best friends, just
for a short minute. but within that minute, it felt infinite.
and now it's dead. and my car broke down again.
so i have to get back on the bus.

You've been upgraded from ***** to ****
not a ****
not a **
you don't even blow
but your ugly shows
when your emotions grow

you're not a trick
it's not a stunt
I'm gonna light this blunt
and think about your upgrade
from ***** to ****

oh what have I done
went too far
from the time
we made love in my car
under the rising sun
before you upgraded
from ***** to ****

I remember when
things were sweet
just you and me
and every word
was spoken tenderly

that time went by
and that's why I'm here
getting igh
wondering why
how it all happened
when we lost our footing
tires lost traction

I'll never know
can't tell you why
the tears fall
from my eyes
as I smoke this grass
and saw it happen so fast
and for me to have to be this blunt
and upgrade you
from ***** to ****