As your memory fades
the visuals grey
I can still say
I miss you

Even when it hurts
I feel bitter
about the way
I felt betrayed
I can't help but think
positively
about how much
I still miss you

There's been plenty times
in my car at night
I look at the lines
on the freeway
no matter how fast they go
and seem to disappear
the white paint is clear
I miss you

I've been on the porch
the balcony
and into the stars
is you I see
a puff of smoke
in the air
I watch you disappear
I miss you

In the morning when
I roll over
again and again
I try to pretend
I don't miss you

but then it comes
like a quake
I hear your name
or a reminder
carried on a banner
behind a plane
I see you

and at that time
I bottle that feeling
and put it away
so I can carry on
have a peaceful day

but when I get alone at night
I stay up and write
and all this pain is leaking out
because I still have thoughts
that I think about

what if it were to come true
and my memories turn into the real life
you

what if this just passed
all the songs I wrote in the past
about what you left behind
but that's for another time

until then
I bleed the pen
and reminisce again
about what I have
up in this mind
to remind and remind
and remind
what I hate to even admit
it's what my fingers cannot grip
I want to save this moment
and make it beautiful
for another day
when I look back and see
how much it was true

I missed you

You've been upgraded from ***** to ****
not a ****
not a **
you don't even blow
but your ugly shows
when your emotions grow

you're not a trick
it's not a stunt
I'm gonna light this blunt
and think about your upgrade
from ***** to ****

oh what have I done
went too far
from the time
we made love in my car
under the rising sun
before you upgraded
from ***** to ****

I remember when
things were sweet
just you and me
and every word
was spoken tenderly

that time went by
and that's why I'm here
getting igh
wondering why
how it all happened
when we lost our footing
tires lost traction

I'll never know
can't tell you why
the tears fall
from my eyes
as I smoke this grass
and saw it happen so fast
and for me to have to be this blunt
and upgrade you
from ***** to ****

this is something
that i just write
to tell you about
what i feel at night

inside windows
tinted
grimace
on my face
stitches
can't replace
the wound
or heal
the feel
that is still so so so so so so
very real

i want to take my feelings and drown
them in a pool
of alcohol
smoke of ****
a big puff
ecstacy
******* up my nose
til it bleeds
acid mushrooms
hallucinate
to make me feel great

it goes away

but won't this pain
won't this pain
leave with it?

trying to
hurt myself
by making myself
feel better
is the letter
i wrote to the devil

this is how i feel
this is what i do

until another day
when i meet a true
someone who can
take
me
away
from
this
place

i'll still do drugs
can't feel my face
i want to escape
i want to get out of here

i want to live a new life
i don't want to feel real

please
please
tell me
what this all means
before i **** myself

ever meet
someone who died
in real life
but it was a dream

ever wake up
and try to see
the face you've seen
in your dream

ever lay awake and scream
ever lay face down and cry
about the love that died
in real life

ever see that person and speak
to them like
it never happened
and everything is free

ever watch that person walk away
into another grave
to become another slave

in real life
is when i see
pain
such a burden to me

ever wake up and start your day
with tears like rain
you don't want to claim

ever forget about what you've dreamt
but you know inside
who was there

ever wake up knowing
you've gotta move on
your dream is gone

ever wish it was all a dream
that it would fade away
and you could rise like steam

ever wish you could go back to sleep
just to see the person
that was in your dream

the world can tell you
one big lie
line after line
spend your dime
drink your wine

tell you the truth
then flip it upside down
the world goes round and round
never stays its ground

i can't tell you
how many times i've seen
nothing that once
was something
some things i've seen

the lies i've told
to myself in my
world upstairs
underneath my hairs

the world told me that you were true
it was all i knew
a seed in my heart you grew
but now it's blue

the world still wakes me up to think
about what i missed
how much it stinks

the world
that was you
i thought i knew
that you were true

but the world has different plans
a different lie
it all takes time

for the world to create
a perfect match
an inconvenient truth

the world is going to open my eyes
to a new surprise
a different lie

i can't wait
i'll always seek
the new you
til the day i die

a joke goes through you
feels so fluid
three months later
it's starting to feel like
paste
and it doesn't quite taste
what it used to taste
the flavor saves
as long as it takes
to forget about the memory
that fades
of how you felt
when you first wrote it

happiness is fleeting
obsolete
cold like the sleet
it gets
when it wets
and success
comes in a disguise
wearing a dress
dreaming
of happiness
realizing
what it means
to be
not to be brought
or bought
or taken
with a restless mind
it's an image of time
in which relaxation
happens
without the need
of a glass of wine
or a drop of this
hit of that
the happiness to be had
do you think
you deserve all of that
to feel good again
to do something
that makes you feel guilt
something you feel
to be a rude awakening
that keeps you waking
in your sleep
your dream
you thought you had
could come true
unruly
attributes
begin to penetrate
what you had in place
what you wanted
thought you needed
a happy place
you built in your mind
gets crushed
by reality
now you're blind
to what happiness is
but you continue to live
and redefine
shape it
make it
and see
what you can find
is it happiness?
sadness
and gladness
and manics
panics
attacks
angry outbursts
not being able
to relax
has its way
into your life
how do you make
happiness
the number one
most felt
feelings
that you normally
feel
how do you make that real
that happiness
how do you not conceal
your happiness
without letting
the people around you
clown you
down you
try to put you in a place
where they are
which isn't at
the same spot
you're trying to be
the happiness
as it fleets
and you grasp
at your bed sheets
satin
slips away
through your fingers
give it time and let linger
feel breathe
get happiness
and when you see someone who needs it
and you still have some that lasts
go from within
and give it right back