these problems u got
or supposedly have
aint even that bad
just remember that
when u miss her
and see her in your dreams
it aint always
exactly what it seems

oceans
flowers
stars
planets
all do
man
you're so beautiful
i just wish
i can forget you

i think it all started
in the beginning
when
we first got together
and did a few things
and then
like
i guess
i didn't really love you like that
or something
i dunno
i just think about
my insecurities
and how i couldn't hide them anymore
and it was self destructing
containing
some sort of anger within
that must be let out
and when it finally did
all those suppressed emotions
came out
that's what i've done
so long
so long
so long
now we're all weird
right
but I made you laugh

still blazin
despite
staying awake
at night
looking off my balcony
into the sky
seeing the trees stand still
but me
you know
i made it through
even though
i still have to write this
cuz i still feel it
but it's getting hard to see you
cuz my eyes low
remember a girl i dated
told me
when her friend died
she smoked **** and watched jim gaffigan
all day
now it's me
doing comedy every night
making people laugh
forgetting about our pain
together
i feel like
when you smoke so much ****
you think about things more in depth
when they say
depends on how deep the heart break
is how long it's gonna last
i thought i'd get by fast
but i'm here
on this note book page
still blazin

stopped drinking alcohol
cuz i was crying
now i feel better
but there's still tears
supression
somehow
didn't happen
i don't know
what the problem is
guess it's just me
and this depression

she really ****** me up
and i barely even knew her
what the ****
happened
to me
that made me
this way
my childhood
was raised
inappropriately
i have a confession
i'm not even drunk
but i feel like
going to the bar
and not remembering
any of this day
just to know
that i can escape

thoughts and feelings
and prayers and healings
and ceilings in bedrooms
that i'm staring at
while railing
and holding onto the railing
as her legs are flailing
and she's moaning and screaming
but i'm still just thinking
about another girl
that i used to be with
used to please
and sleep with
under the covers
she kisses me
while i talk to my friend on the phone
i'm in so much bliss
and my stomach
is sending signals
to the rest of my body
and saying
here u go, feel good
i'm under the knife
the IV in my veins
it's flowing too strong
don't pull it out
because i won't be able to live
without it
****
****
****
I pull out
and bust
and lay there
silent
as the music plays
and the heavy breaths
she puts her hand on my chest
but i have no response
i just stare up straight
at the ceiling
with this same feeling
and the same thoughts
and prayers
and wishes
that the girl lying next to me
was someone different
but it isn't
and so
i live to see another day
and say goodbye
let her out the door
and head back
to my life
which i thought
would be nice
if i took a break
and had this other girl
to sleep with
like that would solve all my problems
but they're still here
waiting
and the drug is gone
luckily
i'm still breathing
another night
another sound
another girl
but still not her
so i still feel
this same way
man
i can't wait
til i see the day
that my new love
rescues me away
from this empty

it's hard to wake up in the morning
when you see someone in your dreams
that you miss so much
but you don't even see them
you just see a friend
at the door
in front of a dark room
and he says
Ben,
we're glad you came to Atlanta
It's a great city
and behind him
in the room
is her
but you can't see her
it's pure darkness
but for some reason
you know she's in there
and the door closes
and it's 12PM, your phone alarm is going off
and you gotta get up for work
and the song plays
on the way
that reminds you
of all the days
that made you feel this way

I sit at my desk
and I just want to shed so many tears
until work is over
so it makes me tired
and I can go back to sleep
and see
what she was doing in there
and why she leaves me
every time I wake up

another day, another night, another dream
it's me
waking up
to another day
with memory
I just keep thinking
about
the feelings
that I had
and the way
she made me feel
I thanked her
I said
Thank you
for making me feel this way
and goodbye
but
I never really did
escape
and to this day
even though she's gone
I still feel her presence
I'm at work, trying to type, and focus
in my cubicle
but tears keeps falling
so loosely
I hope no one sees
but I hope everyone feels
at some point
the way I did
becuase I tell you
you can never replace it
or feel anything like it
god ******
I can't
get rid of this
feeling
it's just with me
each day
I wake up
and see it again
feel it again
it chases me in my dreams
and stays with me as I sleep
it's a fleece of fabric
that I cannot remove from me

Jesus where are you?
R u there?
Where in heavens have you been?
Waiting for me?
I'm here

Communication
is a two way street
but we're under construction

I'm ready to talk but first...
but first...
I gotta play

You'll have
even more to tell me
after that
right?

Let's talk
another day