i'm so blessed and i don't fully understand it
i don't know how to really comprehend how good my life is
i guess if i just got to take a peak at the future
and see
what is in store for me
it would make this struggle
easier to swallow
and to know
that my sturggle will probably be worse, or there will be perseverance
either way tells me that i need to enjoy this moment


I don't know man

I just
feel like that you know
and I just wish there was a way

it's too bad
and it all fades away
it's too bad
but it all goes away
and that's too sad

it'll never get better
always worse
i mean it'll get better
cuz it has
and my life has been better
but it'll always hang there
like a scab
i feel like it's getting better
yet
i wish it got worse
for the better
i wish i had her
til the hurst
i wish she was with me to ride
while i make some cheddar
it's too bad she's gone
and it didn't work out
i wish we coulda worked out
wish we could have worked it out
no commitment in this world today
just a couple that gives up
says no and moves on
goes to someone else
even though there was something there
we aren't something you can just forget
yet we dismissed
and kept it moving
as if
there was nothing else brewing
no more love to be given
we can't take it
we don't want to give
we want to steal and run
****** and go
and never trust again
until the next door opens
then what?
what will we do with our golden opportunity?
will we save it
and decide to cherish
man
i'm too smart to make any woman miserable
to make myself miserable
we could have done it
you know
we could have done it
it's the most disappointing thing in the world
it's so hard
i don't know what to do
i just keep waiting for her
to see her come
and get off the bus
or drop in at a show
say hi to me in public
just so i can ignore her
and walk away
what a ****** up life we live
where that is what we have to do
to each other
to survive
the way we want to
man
the pain i live with
it's too hard
it's too much
but i fight
i stay alive
live to see another one
and as each day goes by
i just wish i met another one
but i can't even begin
to open my heart
because it still feels like
it hasn't finished closing
and in closing
i'd like to say
that i am thankful that she made me feel this way
although so much pain, so much hate i feel
the **** was something that was actually real
and now i know that i'm alive
and i'll continue to strive
forward and on
i live a blessed life

Being at the bar
And watching these girls dance around
and these dudes all do their walks
and their struts
chest out
lookin
lurkin
it's  just me.
and no one else.
I don't see anything.
Just whatever is in front of me
and I can't even see that
Cuz my mind is filled with images
and thoughts
that play
all this other ****
is background noise
I don't know what the **** these people are here for
other than being young
showing off their *****
And trying to forget about what they have to do tomorrow, or what happened today
Smiles, laughter
all that ****
It's going down.
Me.
I'm leaving.
I'm not gonna sit here in the midst of it all. And not do anything. I gotta go do what these people came to escape.

go **** someone else
nasty *****
***** aint right
all ****** up
u ******* ****
and ****
until u cant breathe
and then swallow
some nasty disease
****** *****

the whole team is here now
**** it
we started from the bottom
now we are here
what is the bottom
but the bottom
of an ****
a ******
a ******* ******
pouring out a baby
that's the bottom
everything
is grown
like a seed
to a flower
started
from the seed
to the flower
that's all he's talking aobut
upper class
middle class
no class
you don't get it
human achievement
disregards
money
trumps it
like a full house over three pair
there's a gap
no matter where u come from
talent
is talent
and u get
pushed
to the top
from the bottom
even if it was already at the top

it's best for me
to be free
and be alone
less misery
less agony
and feeling gloom
and all down and out
like the dirt underneath the broom
it's best for me
to be free
and on my own
that way my heart
can find a home
it's best for me
to let it go
and not think about thoughts
that make my heart swell
it's best for me
to let it all go
and forgive the person
who hurt me so
it's best for me
to erase my memory
through current events
and future tense
it's best for me
to live my life
harder than i've ever lived before
because now i have something new inside of my blood
a love that i never knew could bud
destroyed and crumbled, it is no longer
but it still stays
right there in my veins
and i project outward
now with my life
and use the love that i lost
to pierce sharper than a knife
it's best for me
to write it all out
and put it on the pad
just like i know my dad
always did every day
he'd write in his journal
to let out all the guilt and the pain
it was best for him
to get that peace of mind
and now i'll go for a drive
and look at the city lights
puff of smoke out my mouth
as i pull out of the house
it's best for me
to enjoy this night
and every second i live
i'm gonna be alright

my mind wants to
get back
but it's only gonna be
****** up feelings
no forgiveness
it takes time to heal
from stuff like that
you know
you think you're good
yeah right
yeah right
you still could see her
and do the same thing over and over again
it's so nice to have her
and be at peace
i just want to find
the woman of my dreams
my love is so strong
it's so weak
my knees so beat
my heart still beats
but that doesn't mean
that i'm gonna see
the same girl that did me
oh so *****
she's not even a ***** or a ** or a *****
she's just someone
that i miss
and want back
but i can't do it
cuz it'll never work
she doesn't love me like that
and i'll never understand that
i'll never really get it
i'll never really know
and time it will go
and i'll think about it more and more
and until i leave that door
wide open and see
to let someone else in
my heart is finally free

a self esteem boost
marked by pain
branded
it's almost like they pass you forward into the world
and have faith in you
but still let go
just cuz they have to
and they didn't want to
and neither did i
but u gotta go
sometimes
u gotta go
and there's always more hope
in another rainbow
another boat, gone afloat
another person stranded
waiting for the man to come
and rescue them
like they should be rescued
and i rescued you for a minute
and we went down with the ship
**** it, we went down with the ship
it's all good
we did it together
and we build back up
our lives together
in a separate way
co existing
peacefully
yet separately
and if there is a time
that i see you again
i know that it was meant
and nothing but time well spent