I light a cigarette
and every inhale of
dull, grey, lifeless smoke,
is filled with all
the battles inside my
head that went on
throughout the entire day
It licks my lungs
but I feel it
all around my body
all in my blood
And then I exhale
every little atom of
air that carried some
kind of significance to
how the day went
I do it slowly
so I can watch
the smoke dance in
the stillness of the air
Like my worries are
nothing to worry about
and I have won
the battles of the day

*AA

Undateable
You can come closer, but never near enough to hear my heartbeat

Undateable
You can see me smile, but never see anyone (not even you), in it

Undateable
You can hear me laugh, but never hear anyone's (not even yours) voice in it

Undateable
You can hold my hand, but never find my fingerprints in yours

Undateable
You can give me warm embraces, but never understand why my body's so cold

Undateable
You can shower me with all your love, but never enough for me to do the same

--


I'm sorry

Some time ago
Heart leaking with sorrow I left puddles of my own blood wherever I went

When predators smell blood they hunt

They hunt and they want to conquer
They want the empty vessel to build a home inside it for themselves
They call it falling in love

I took only the good things they have given me and filled up the empty spaces, and then I drift away like the seeds of dandelions dancing in the wind

Selfish maybe but I'm not stupid
I only want to be free
I know what they want
But that is for me for now, and no one else

Because men are so beautiful
But this heart
Is so fragile

*AA

I have nursed open wounds
Of people who carelessly
Ripped themselves open
To give away their hearts

Like a bandage
I soaked up all the blood
And only tasted their lonely
As I continued to provide care

But after a while
There is no need for me
Cuts will heal on their own
I know they always do

*AA

Neither black nor white
Nor here nor there
No complete darkness, nor blinding light

Neither left nor right
Not a yes, or no
No love, no, no spite

I watched the city fade into desaturation, the life I knew so well became jaded.
The drought robbed her of her colour.
And when the clouds rolled in I only thought of grey.

The rain enveloped the city and seeped through our clothes and into our skin,
And we are soaked with
A kind of satisfaction.

That's funny.

There is still
comfort
in
the
grey.

*AA

My tired body
Doesn't need sleep
My tired body
Needs a warm embrace
My tired body
Needs a gentle kiss

Then maybe
I'll sleep

**-AA

Strangers

Oh my god
Look at that face
and that smile
all that grace
I want to know her
I don't know what I want to know
but I know I do

Acquaintance

She talks like
she has the universe
inside her head
and not a single
worry at all
but that sometimes
makes me worry
what a peculiar girl

Lovers

How did we get here?
I think I got lost
somewhere in the spaces
between parentheses
of the stories you told me
and all I wanted to do
was to interlace
my thoughts with yours
as much as I wanted
our hairs to intertwine
as we lay in bed
making love to each other.

**-AA

You showed me,
that I was capable of tearing down the brick walls surrounding me through the simple act of allowing the warmth of love enter and grow as it embedded in the cold vessel shaped like my heart, eventhough someone else needed you to love her like that too.

2. You taught me,
how to stop obsessing over the storms outside and to just concentrate on making the best out of being alive and well, to never entertain negativity and to always choose kindness.

3. You told me,
it's okay to not know everything, to believe in uncertainty. Because this life is temporary and it is just as important to live in the present as it is to propel towards a better future.

4. You gave me,
another reason to believe in my own courage to leave behind everything that no longer serves me well, another reason to pursue my own happiness, because the past is just a story we tell ourselves.

**-AA