i emulate you
in forms that i can’t have
and find myself in stories of flooding *******
and summertime haste
it’s strange and comforting
that everyone you ever
love becomes a part of
you somehow

you’re haunted like
a 20 year old with
a past life of regrets
the head and the
heart in
an endless power
struggle
maybe a bath
will save me
i’m haunted by
it all

the love was reinstated
at 12:30 in the afternoon
on an unsuspecting tuesday
it came cautiously from
around the corner
and regrettingly after
2 years
all this talk of forgetting
and my body
trembles at the thought
of you
long haired-fake apache
and the taste of your mouth
that felt like a happy marriage
pink toes swinging over
desperate water
longing and complicated
you injected me with
religion when you kissed me
when you came into my life
and when you left

crystals and clonazepam
to keep
the bad dreams away
the growing pains
are unbearable at times
and/both
coexisting like
radical self acceptance
and struggling to blame
you for all the suffering
i read that just because
someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to
doesn't mean they
don't love you
i don't know exactly
what i would
call it then

creating boundaries like
inevitable wars
i hate to fight when we are all
the same color
cut in the same way
wounded in the same spot
you said you love me because
i always want the best for people
maybe that speaks to what the
uber driver said that day
to all the self loathing
to why everyone loves me either
too little or too much
the apple fell very far from the
tree and has been
trying to differentiate
ever since

different stages of change
i’m sorry i didn’t realize
you were pre-contemplating
the baby once sat in a ******
diaper for years and forgot
he could take it off
i miss you like the luxury
of west coast weather
after living in the east
coast my whole life
i’ve been preparing
for peace instead of
war this time
my face feels different
and i don’t think of my
last meal as much
endings make me
sentimental
you’ve all stormed my
world so subtly

you want all the time it takes for you to be ready. what happens if takes you too long? what does it mean for me if i wait?