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Jun 5 · 25
azaria’s choice
Azaria Jun 5
like sophie’s choice
or maybe i’m just being
dramatic
maybe a little too self
absorbed
or close up on it
the faith died a couple
of times
not in the middle of the
night like you
would think
but in many multiverses
that all end in
the same way
i can’t love both me and
you abundantly
Jun 2 · 182
gold soul theory
Azaria Jun 2
word to the wall
for catching me
and the night for
embracing our
love in other
ways
word to the guilt
and pinched nerve
for always letting me
feel
word to the growth
and the truth and chika
word to you
for reviving or
ruining me
word to time
for coming too early
and too late
word to my stubborn
*** for writing this
and keeping on
Apr 19 · 111
john (after)
Azaria Apr 19
trouble in spirtuality
you have become abundant
masking from viruses
and breathing in your love
i hope it frees you
Apr 19 · 24
intro
Azaria Apr 19
word to my past
and present
i hope you aren't doing anything
to compromise your happiness
i hope you are at peace
i hope you are in love
Mar 14 · 43
pisces season
Azaria Mar 14
it’s funny how
you can disrupt my
peace and
accuse me of not
being harmonious
will i write about
you the way frida wrote
about diego rivera
was their love any less
epic because it was
tumultuous
i love you in a way
that blossoms
and drains me
i want the beginning
and the end with you
Feb 27 · 33
baby boy
Azaria Feb 27
i want you
like i crave
shelter in the longest
winter i have ever lived
through
all this space from you
shouldn’t be a thing
no planets in retrograde
i want slower time
this little boy at school
told me that they are letting
people on mars now
i wish we could fly
there and get tonight
back
i want you more than
stars and forever
Feb 20 · 102
freestyle ixl
Azaria Feb 20
all these things
that mean exactly what
they look like
you say it walks
like a duck but
talks like a dinosaur
why does your jealousy
fill up the air like
smog
i miss the country
side without all
the attachments
where
the oxygen is clean
like velvet
and your words sink to
the bottom of the sky
like tasteless freedom
Jan 22 · 36
john pt.11
Azaria Jan 22
it’s lonely
having all the right
words at the wrong times
you take up so much space
when you’re alienating
i always wondered if
anger is hereditary
passed down like
bad habits and last names
or does it set in like dementia
and complacency
your fire swallows up
the majority of our
love when you forget to
breathe
Jan 18 · 48
bobby womack
Azaria Jan 18
i guess it's true
that you can't have
all the things you want
at once
all this intersection
between words and perception
i am not the person you
think i am
or maybe i am
perhaps
my face just looks
different from various
angles and near
light
Jan 18 · 37
john pt.10
Azaria Jan 18
all this time
avoiding completion
half drank candles
and cycles of
suffering
i want to split
you open
and find all
the answers
that i've been looking for
you come with solutions
like extended time
and more words
you make my entire body
tingle
when you do that thing when
i'm on my side
i like you by my side
inside me
like your laughter
on all the days
you are warm
like eternity
Dec 2020 · 54
john pt.9
Azaria Dec 2020
there's no way
that you couldn't
have known that
i was coming
that you couldn't feel
me trembling
on the cusp
of march
i loved you as soon
as i knew you
existed
i just didn't realize
it until now
you fit perfectly
into my life/
next to my body
i miss sleeping
naked with you
at peace and
in alignment
Dec 2020 · 268
w pico ave
Azaria Dec 2020
i love you
like experiencing
california
for the first time
palm trees and
unique synchronization
lax time
and all hours
with you
i have known your
grandmother in
a past life
maybe we share
the same souls
maybe it's you
at the center of
it all
Azaria Aug 2020
every day you play
with the light of
the universe
you are more than
these warm hands
i hold tightly
like bottles of wine
and childhood memories
body of man
your shoulders
take form of mountains
that i have dreamed of
climbing

absorbing your
energy from the sun
through your
own process
of photosynthesis
turning light into
happiness
you have accepted me
in all shades and forms

i want our children
to have the
creases
under your eyes
that get deeper
when you love me

i want you through
the seasons
of time and weather
cycles of chaos and
stability

i want to celebrate
you in real time
licking your smooth
edges
like the folds of
a blunt
sealing up all the good
for later

i will bring you
happy omens from the universe, good kush, sunny days, and baskets of tongue kisses
i want to do with you what
spring does to the cherry trees
personal take on pablo neruda’s, “everyday you play.”
Jul 2020 · 72
john pt.7
Azaria Jul 2020
we take sun
like no one else
true leos
in our best
state
like nature
you perform for
me
verdant like
the origin of green
you are beautiful
and alive
like springtime
Jul 2020 · 189
john pt.6
Azaria Jul 2020
fighting is
excruciating
i crave you always
why do you
act like this?
i love you
deeply
and without
limitations
Azaria Jul 2020
i’m paranoidly
in love you
i admired you
quickly and
deeply
you impacted me in
the quiet parts  
of spring pandemics
and
self discovery
life cycles and
almost-leo season
i want peace and
all of you
Jul 2020 · 428
john pt. 5
Azaria Jul 2020
you exist in a
religion of your
own
taking shape in
the form of
happiness
and stability
like food in a famine
i have been praying
for you
for years  
you fill the empty
spaces and
gaps inside of me
with orange laughter
and more life
May 2020 · 196
john pt.2
Azaria May 2020
capturing your
essence like
don toliver’s album
and tongue kisses
i love you in
all states:
when you’re high,
dancing,
laughing (with and at me)
May 2020 · 88
john pt.3
Azaria May 2020
i can’t wait
to be in leo
season with you
basking in sun
and pride
you are warm
like all
good things
May 2020 · 61
john pt.4
Azaria May 2020
so brown
you’re red
sometimes
the greatest source
of potential energy
you emit
good vibes and
emotional
security,
like broken
rubber bands
and tongue kisses
you exist in
the folds and
dark places
of me
i crave your
warm body
and electric skin
Azaria May 2020
the way you have
to be ready for a
real woman
thick thighs
and scarred skin  
her body
rich with
the weight of
generational
suffering
one whose legs open
up like spring
when she loves you
one who you have
to be careful at how you
talk to
her words sterile
and sincere like alcohol
one who doubts herself
she is caught between
love and self
both fierce and fragile
her hips are painted
with lust and loss
these women are:
closer to god,
softer in the middle,
terribly in love
with you and
relatively unresolved
May 2020 · 54
john
Azaria May 2020
i get the highest
with you
taking in your
contagious laughter
like 60 degree weather
and hopes of
more time
your body
moves like electricity
when
we play together
like children
i seek solace
in your
natural warmth
and raging intensity
Apr 2020 · 253
john
Azaria Apr 2020
finding peace
in slowed/reverbed songs
and blue dreams
that suit the times
like a bug trapped
in amber
you look beautiful in
your 20’s
thick hair
and banana swishers
ancestral and telling
i crave your warm
body and contagious  
laughter
Mar 2020 · 67
luggage thoughts
Azaria Mar 2020
all this time
but no resolution
all this space to unpack
but the words are
so cumbersome
tommy, i can’t believe you died
on a road all alone when you
spent your life surrounded by
the same people
mikayla, i’m sorry about the
way time worked against us
i know you’re listening to tyler’s
new album and it’s great, isn’t it?
uncle tyger, you used to be the epitome of
my childhood and now as an adult
i can’t recognize you
unresolved pimples
nothing coming to a head
i want certainty
in exchange for peace
Mar 2020 · 77
squash
Azaria Mar 2020
they got it all
wrong
nostalgia
is the thief of joy
i experience peace in small
doses
i have some redness
i need to neutralize
some things i have
to get off my chest
there are streaks in
the polish on my
nails
streaks in the windows
that i’m looking out of
pre-apocalyptic thoughts
from the edge
i would’ve kissed you
on the mouth
had i known it
was the last time
i would see you
angsty.
Feb 2020 · 82
in tongues
Azaria Feb 2020
coping with loss
life a series of
good and bad
decisions
i want hope
and healing for
me
folded into
1,000 origami
swans
psychological
immune system
preventing me
from feeling too
badly
cycles of time
and happiness
existing like the
seasons
i want
peace in small doses
Jan 2020 · 72
bag thoughts//antidote
Azaria Jan 2020
in my bag
and i find you
at the surface of it all
a 15 minute visual
album of first love
you live in the
back of my
head
taking solace in
the quiet corners of
me

///

sticking to you in
the nighttime
you break down
my natural composition
of chaos and good intentions
Jan 2020 · 48
smoke//risk
Azaria Jan 2020
the childhood
version of
you
chasing your
adult self
through
alleyways
bad habits
and love lost
catching up to you
like tupac and
saturated memories of your
uncle
id, ego, & superego
fighting for dominance
like the power struggle
between you and
nicotine

//
you speak in
rhymes
that  
float around
my head
columbus discoveries
like faith
hiding in plain sight
i can write again
because you exist
Jan 2020 · 240
lsd (lightskin daydream)
Azaria Jan 2020
you told me that my
aura smells like
a night out
skipping through
the stages
like theories
of development
sacral chakras
speaking to
me in tongues
you place me
in time
with your
hands
that feel
like they’ve seen
suffering
a scorpio in hiding
you’re a tribrid of
3 people i
may have loved
Dec 2019 · 77
me, and the egg prince
Azaria Dec 2019
coping with free time
i want certainty
like religion
i don’t know how
to be alone without
feeling lonely
Sep 2019 · 86
help wanted
Azaria Sep 2019
seeking validation
like coming up for air
after being underwater for 6
months
like looking for the reminents
of yourself on your past lovers
collecting them up
like searching for the meaning of
life and getting ****** in the
end
understanding heartbreak
like birthing your feelings
a c section to remove
the security
the intimacy
the love
Jul 2019 · 247
the big c
Azaria Jul 2019
indifference and silence
like stagnant water
i want you on fire
Apr 2019 · 34
25th hour
Azaria Apr 2019
i’m afraid that i need too much
validation to be ok
all this talk of top and bottom
regardless of the whole
i wasted a liter of water today
all this talk about plastic straws and
turtles
forgiving and moving on
there is so much that i have not let go
of yet
i want the same slap on the wrist
for the worst parts of me
a holiday dedicated to
my warmth
and childlike idealism
i want all the parts of
myself back
from you
Apr 2019 · 439
new wave
Azaria Apr 2019
milo and quantum physics
but yet there is no equation
for your emotional unavailability
y equaling the x factor of vulnerability
i’ve always hated the duality of
math
all the silent rules to remember
i just want to be loved the way that
i love
without so many computations
how do i know if silence + comfort equals
pleasure or complacency?
a limit on the questions i can ask in a day
i just want to know everything
do you like the way i **** on your *******?
am i ever going to meet your family?
are you going to love me forever?
2 standard deviations of what you mean
when you say what you do
am i enough for you and i just don’t
know it yet?
basic math skills at a deficit
am i unable to put 2 and 2 together
are there limits to us
or do they not exist?
Mar 2019 · 526
february 8th
Azaria Mar 2019
jumping to conclusions
like gap years
with no intent
of returning back
to universe 1
composed of matter
i am unequal disproportions
of good intentions
and inconsistency
a little
selfish
i want quality time,
altruism, and attention
a $700/ a month off campus
apartment  
a slap on the wrist for
the worst parts of me
******* to the government
conspiracy of whites looking
for an opportunity to bring
the black (wo)man
down
******* to the
smoke, the air, the stress
for taking up space
where the love was
supposed to be
but most of all
******* azaria
you had a good thing
and you ****** it
up
Azaria Feb 2019
trying not to **** myself
like happy thoughts
and bad timing
life lessons on
the duality of
enlightenment
caught in the karmic
cycle
the good and bad of
me struggling
for dominance
self-proclaimed
altruism
and general unluckiness
frozen time like
longing for it all back
20 years and i've
all done is
master the art of
falling in love
and ******* up
Dec 2018 · 1.3k
pure scientific intelligence
Azaria Dec 2018
i found 12:41
revelations
milo and quantum
physics
i couldn't pass chemistry
in 11th grade
stuck in the act
of balancing equations
too much o2 taking
up all the space in
the air where
words are supposed to
form and make
things easier
pure scientific intelligence
the art of descerning
the oil on
skin leaving fingerprints
on the surfaces of things
only surface-level
too afraid to go any deeper
i want you on all levels
in all aspects without
limitations
Dec 2018 · 1.8k
black love
Azaria Dec 2018
new wave thoughts
about me
no more writing
about love
for other people
12:41 and no more
writing about
all the ways my girlfriend
can't love me the
way i love her
before our time
little white men sold
her mind away
cerulean boat trips
from the promise
of emotional security
into the land of
avoidant attachment and
rich dreams of
comfort before falling
and living but
not feeling
everything
how the **** do you
live if you don't feel everything?
i feel the beginning like
18 years of virginity
and broken starts
almost a lots and
never anythings
the middle like
sifting through
oppression and finding
the ******* and the love
intertwined like rice
in braided hair and
messages in old hymns
breaking bread like
whisper-talking through
the bad times
going down on
you parting
your red sea
like moses in heat
your breaths unfolding
like the duality of
old ***** spirtuals
and the interpretation of
dreams
the end like loving you
being nothing of a
choice
born into a
system where black
love isn't enough
i bleed cognac for
you
when midnight
isn't dark enough
to capture
your mind before
it's capture
all the beautiful things
before 12:41 you
left back
in the motherland
Nov 2018 · 105
tobert bedford
Azaria Nov 2018
getting older
summer vacations
like too much time
to think
overthink
drink and overdrink
my hometown doesn't
fit me anymore
it fills me like
smog
i breathed in too
much air
and it got stuck in
my lungs
like the thought
of you
9-5 days
like a religious experience
white office space and
dry humor
bitter like stained
coffee cups and
blurry childhood
memories
i'm very sad
that you died
all alone
in your office
when you could've
died reffing a basketball
game or
in bed next to your
wife on a
tuesday
how peaceful
would it have been
to die knowing
where you
stood and exactly
how it would
happen
Azaria Sep 2018
you move me
the way
music moves you
the vibrations
on the chords
of  your guitar
tell me how
your day went:
spilled lemonade
on your favorite sweatshirt
and 3 bonus points
on a clicker quiz
i'm not caught
in the essence of firsts
like 30 extra minutes
to kiss you in
real time
your dark features and
unfaltering movements
evolve like
the sounds of me loving
you
composed of your stiff-fingered
electricity and a continuation
of all the good
things
Azaria Sep 2018
enfolded in
your abundant legs
i find all the good
things etched
on the surface
of your
skin
like an egyptian
relief painting
you are worth
enough tears
to flood the nile
and re-write the
way the marsh unfolds
like the way i found you:
verdant discoveries
on sundays
and new ways
to say shadane
pragmatic star girl
i add your name
to my mental thesarus
like a new favorite
word
adoring and
absorbing your
lower-case
expressions
like second
nature
come here often?
Sep 2018 · 197
for azaria
Azaria Sep 2018
bag posts like
irrational
thoughts floating
in my head like
carousel days
i've had a lot
that i've wanted to
cry about lately
i want to be loved
enough to be put
into a song
my smooth skin
lingering in the
underflaps of a melody
a declaration of love
for my child-like enthusiasm
and unconventional
ways of loving you
Jul 2018 · 831
fuck you
Azaria Jul 2018
like 1500 ways to
skin a cat
and being
told you're wrong
for your technique
the rugged edges of your
knife snagging on the
skin like
good intentions
unfolding like
a-bay-of-pigs-invasion
in the heat of the
moment
Jul 2018 · 769
holy roller
Azaria Jul 2018
sacred water
doesn't drip from
in between my legs
when you read me like
passion-of-the-christ-subtitles
post fornication
you didn't
walk 9 miles through
the desert
to find me in the
middle of nowhere-pa
to ****
me under the
white-bin-compartmentalized-
notions of your religion
my words are not the italicized-
golden-paged-expectations
of all the people that existed before
worship me
like moses' interpretation
of jesus on the third day
rising up like hot air
and pinned arms on
sundays
Azaria Jul 2018
trying not to
**** myself like
gratitude journals
and internalizing every
word on drake's new album
trying to understand
why you want to **** me
in the middle of
12 am twitter dms
wearing your words
like a straight jacket
that once made me feel
free
tiny desk concerts like
a hard life lesson
with lukewarm thoughts
of you on the hottest
of days
Jun 2018 · 486
eating and loving people
Azaria Jun 2018
i don't quite know
how possible it
is to psychoanalyze yourself
to figure out the tender reasons
why you place people so
delicately on your plate
making sure the mashed potato
man and baby corned tooth
woman don't touch
like sticking a fork in
yourself trying to
pull out how she
made you feel
in 6 words or less
the language gettting
muddled like word salad
that only you can understand
eating and loving
becoming synonymous
like you asking me if
i (still) love you
and drowning my
chicken in the fiercest
bbq sauce
it's fleshy white
skin
crying out like
a blemish
on history with
no take-backs
like using
every condiment
and coping mechanism
trying to cleanse
my pallete of
you
Jun 2018 · 251
azaria b.c. (before christ)
Azaria Jun 2018
then i remember i am
the sun
and the earth
loved me for the nectar
i shed through my
laughter
the woman before and after
you existed
large breasted wide hipped
brown woman
men (boys) have bought me pastries
from new york
and pancakes from diners
whole bottles of malibu coconut
*** and adoration
and
even held
me on
the warm days
i will always crave
the sound of your
voice on the quietest
of nights
but you are not the sun
please ignore me, i am so high.
Azaria Apr 2018
like: arnald's
rippled
interpretation of
the sun
you: your
crackled seed
words
that seep
into the roots
of me
like the lines
on your fingers
you: like borrowing time
to recreate
all the best inventions:
the first submarine
to sink into
the warm
reassurance
that becomes you
your existence: like me reflected
into a dream
your laughter: like the air that
takes a new breath
everyday that you
live
and this a trailer right after the showing: a preview of my favorite woman.
Azaria Dec 2017
me.
crumbled words
your chalk
traced pavement
silouhette
existing
like white noise from
a tv
i dream about your
legs in between
my thighs
at night
when i cannot breathe
when does the longing stop?
Azaria Dec 2017
a gift from god
that's what my mom
tells me that my name means
handcrafted like
blown glass vases from
god's kaleidoscopic hands
and dropped into the earth
like undigested chicken into the frying pan by
nonnie's crisco-battered
fingers
as time goes on i realize that
my neatly folded corners
have crinkles in them
from all the seconds that i have wasted and cannot get back
from all the good in people that i looked for
that wasn't there
i haven't experienced a
great tragedy but yet
the words still roll from my body
like thunder
like god in the sky clapping
down to me
saying you go girl
saying you've made it, azaria
you've finally arrived
my mom never told
me that my
father wouldn't love me
like the way the first
breath feels when you
come up for air after
being underwater
like his love wouldn't
be an exclamation point
to finish the part of
existence where i
wasn't present
a ******* to gravity
for depriving him
of my high-voltage skin
and heroic laughter
she didn't tell me that
i would go to college
and fall in love with a
girl who
has a collection of 23 hats
and speaks of jamaica
like a past life
she didn't tell me
that my heart would burn like
hitting the corner of your
hip on a table
like the sting of your knees
on raw carpet
and holding on to things
that weren't meant for you
she never told me that
the ending was the hardest part
that time is stagnant like an open wound
when you peer into the night
waiting for god
to confirm your existence
like splitting open the
white sky
a 2 am revelation
unfolding like
atoning  
with your last breath
waiting for god to say
you go girl
you've made it, azaria
you've finally arrived
surely we'll live to see the day.
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