I used to think
I was reasonably strong.
Right until
You came along.

You tore down my wall
With just one look.
It felt like you knew me for centuries
You read me like a book.

The memories still linger
With other thoughts in my head.
What if I wasn't his,
But I was yours instead.

I dreamt big,
Bigger than I though it could.
You taught me how to
I never thought I would.

Now I'm getting my dream holiday,
It was our dream.
But it's not with you.
What do I do?

Every time I think about it
I break a little more inside.
But you broke me and left me,
Left me here to die.

It kills me slowly everyday,
The fact that I'll never hear you say,
"I love you Aysha,
And I'm here to stay"

Stay in my life,
That's all I ever asked,
Don't shut me out,
Especially not when I need you.

I need you
More than ever right now.
I need you to hold me up
When all I want to do is break down.

You're my biggest strength
But also my greatest weakness.

When the nights are long
And I can't sleep a wink.
My brain won't shut off
All I do is think.

The thoughts in my head
Would scare you away.
But promise me one thing,
That you're here to stay.

Don't leave me behind
Like you have done before.
My heart can't take it,
My mind is at war.

The last time we spoke
It was meant to be goodbye.
You were meant to move on
And not come back into my life.

I was starting to get over you
And all the pain you left behind.
Now you've come back,
Why?

Maybe it's true what they say
Once you have that
Once in a lifetime love.
Things can never turn back.

Iv tried everything
Besides ripping my heart out.
I doubt that would even work,
You'd still be there.

You're engraved In my heart
You're in my blood,
Look at us now.
I wish I knew where I stood

We met today
After a very long time.
It felt strange.
But in a good way.

Talking about
How everything's changed.
You're sad that we went
Our separate ways.

Baby I never meant to hurt you
I didn't know how you felt.
I distanced myself from everyone
It made sense.

My life was a mess
I would have dragged you down too.
I didn't think you're stick by me,
It was too good to be true.

You're successful
And accomplished,
Baby I'm a mess.

I thought it was just fun,
The times that we had.
My heart was torn,
From the memories we shared.

I didn't know you wanted me
And what you felt was true.
I thought it was impossible,
For there to be me and you...

Yes I still think
About us
About the times we had
About what we shared.

I know I shouldn't
But I can't help it.
You were my first love

Nobody made me
Feel the way you did
Nobody made me
Fall the way you did

Nobody
Kissed my scars
Nobody
Knew what's really in my heart
Not like you did.

I know we've said
Our last goodbyes.
I know you have
Moved on with life.

But I can help it,
I lay awake and wonder.
Do you ever think of me
Miss me even?

Your touch made everything
Bearable
Your words made everything
Feel surreal

Like nothing ever happened
Like I wasn't so broken
Like the world was at my feet
I only had to reach.

You're so beautiful
You're amazing
You're my Disney princess
Lies!

Lie to me again
I dare you.
Tell me you want me again
I dare you.

Break me down
Threaten me.
Overpower me and
Try to **** me.

Do it all over again
I dare you.
Tell me I'm your world again
I dare you.

Honey you don't know
What love is.
Don't act like you do.

Love and lust
Are two different things.
One is comprised of beauty
The other of pain.

Iv been there before
Been pushed to the ground.
I got back up
And I'm standing proud.

You attempt to contact me.
But darling it's pointless.
You don't deserve a place
In my heart or in my life.

I gave u 3 months,
Which went from heaven
To hell.
You proved your worth.

Worth nothing more
Than a pile of crap,
That's all your words and lies were,
A load of ****.

Don't try and come back,
I won't reply
I won't give u the satisfaction.
I'll make you wish you died!!

When I lay in bed
And wish you were here.
I think of everything we've  done
Everything we've been through

When I cant think straight
And things are so bad.
I call u to save me
From the thoughts in my head.

When I'm happier than ever
On top of the world.
I wish you're there to see me
To smile and say you're proud.

You look at me,
Like I'm the only one.
Me and you,
The perfect love song.

Honeymooning in Bali,
Bulgari rings.
I hope you know my love
It was never about the things.

I love you for you,
How the butterflies erupt
Everytime I see your face.

To be in your arms
And have you hold me close
That is my last dying wish
Before my body goes cold.

I'll be forever in your heart
If you want me to be.
I'll live there with u
For the rest of eternity

Welcome to the O2 voicemail service.
The words so repetitive
So familiar
In my head.

Countless calls
Countless messages.
Countless times,
Sitting here reminiscing

Reminiscing the times we had
The FaceTime calls,
The times we spent together,
True love conquers all.
That's what you said.

Now that Iv said goodbye
The world feels like
It's crashing and burning.
The earth swallowing me whole.

Yes it hurt to say goodbye
More than you will ever know.
The few tears you saw
They wernt just for show.

My whole world collapsed
I didn't plan for this to happen.
I thought about it a lot,
Yet it still killed me.

You can't delay the inevitable
That's what people say.
But the pain is still there
I don't think I'll be ok.

Maybe it would have been better
For us to drift apart.
But baby I wouldn't have told u,
All the things that broke my heart.

I know there's times
That you lay awake at night,
Thinking of all that was,
All that is
And all that could be.

I know there's times
When you feel weak.
You feel so empty
So numb
And so lost.

I know there's times
You wake in the night
From a nightmare.
Shaking,
Sweating
Crying.

I know there's times
You tried to fight it.
To act like you're ok
You are OK
You're fine.

I know there's times
You look in the mirror,  
See yourself looking back
But who is that?
Is it you?

I know there's times
That you wish
You could go back in time.
Erase all the hurt
Erase all the pain.

Truth is though
You can't turn back,
You can't erase it all.

You can't think,
You can't sleep.
You feel sick to the stomach.
But you keep on fighting

Fighting for another day,
Fighting to see the light
At the end of the tunnel.
Fighting for love.
Fighting for family.
Fighting for friendships.

You're stronger than most,
Stronger than me.
You keep on going.
You keep on fighting.

How can I ever compare
She's the definition
Of perfection
I'll never been enough.

Just the thought
The sight or mention
Makes me feel like
I'm nothing.

How can I ever compare
She's tall, slim
Everything you ever wanted.
I'm just me.

You say you're over her
But when she's mentioned
Your eyes light up.
I wish I had that effect on you.

I have made mistakes
Iv done you wrong.
Now I'm slipping into
A black hole.

A black hole
That I can't escape from.
Drowning deeper and deeper.
Will I ever be enough?

I'm not fit, **** or beautiful.
I'm nothing
In comparison to her.
She's everything.

Does your heart still
Skip a beat
When she calls or texts.
Did that ever happen when I did?

I'll never be her,
No matter how hard I try.
How do I ever compare to perfection
When I'm just me.

Why do I always come second,
Am I not good enough?
Don't compete with your precious family.
Can't compete.

You married me.
Promised to love and care for me
No matter what.
But I come second.

Yes you mostly do
Put my needs above your own.
But it's like a hierarchy,
My status is almost unknown.

After everything I do for you
and everyone else,
What do I do?
Only time will tell.

I know it's hard,
Finding the balance of things.
You say your trying

But I don't know if you will.
Maybe I have to change,
And just accept things
How they are.

Maybe this is what I deserve,
Putting everyone before me,
Putting you above everyone,
Friends, family and myself.

I've already taught you
That I come second,
Unknowingly it's true.
I don't deserve to be put first.
Not by anyone,
Not even you.

But I'm afraid.
Afraid that the pressure
Might crack me
Till I'm completely broken.
I'm afraid there'll come a time,
That I'll have to walk away.

I know I'm not perfect
I'm not even close
I can't be a trophy wife,
So please tell me we're through.

Tell me it's over,
Tell me were finished.
So I can go back
To the place I was in.

A cold dark life
With no one around
None to pass judgement
Or look at me and frown.

I can't do things right,
It's always a mess.
Cooking, cleaning, laundry.
I can barely iron a dress.

I'm no domestic goddess
I'm no perfect cook.
I tried and I tried
All my ******* you took.

You smile
Like everything's perfect.
Deep down I know
Your thinking why?

Why did I marry her?
She's useless, it's true
Even your happy dreams
Leave you feeling so blue.

You dreamt about us
Kids and a home.
But how can it be?
Im no better than a garden gnome.

Only there for decoration
And just to look pretty.
But that's not what you want in a wife
Not even close.

You want someone to rely on
Share your deepest fears.
Not some that goes out
Without the slightest care.

No care in the world,
Wanting to be young and free.
That's how I want my life
But that's just me.

What's to say
You won't find someone perfect.
Someone loving and caring,
Someone totally worth it.

So you tell me
Where you want us to go from here.
I know you'll tell me to stay,
Ruining your life is what I fear.

Sometimes I think to myself,
I'd give anything,
To have those moments back.
With you and only you.

You showed me the world,
Through your eyes.
Made me believe in myself again,
Showed me that anything is possible.

I am where I am today,
Because of you and only you.
You supported me,
And pushed me to dream,
And made my dreams a reality.

Yes we have different backgrounds,
But surely family could compromise.
I loved you and you loved me,
Wasn't that all that mattered?

No I don't want money,
Lavish clothes and cars.
All I wanted was you.
To say goodnight and sleep in your arms.  

To marry you
Was my dream.
The only one you told me not to chase.
It was impossible and that would never change.

But maybe I lay in bed sometimes,
Wandering about me and you.
Would it really have been that disastrous?
Or was your love just not so true?

You talk to me when you want me,
Other times I don't exist.
You're supposed to be my best friend,
I'm not your mistress.

Please treat me with some respect,
My love.
Knowing I'm someone else's now,
A thought you just can't bear.

But you're the one
That let me go.
Don't come back saying you were wrong,
Because now it's just to late,
My love.
Now I just have to go....

Why do you always
Let me down.
Leave me standing
In the pouring rain.
It's always the same...

You make promises,
Knowing you can't keep them.
I won't let you down,
I'll be there.
But it's always the same...

You don't show up,
You leave me waiting.
You hurt me so much,
My heart is aching.
But it's always the same...

You don't love me,
You don't care.
Don't come to me,
Telling me that you do.
But it's always the same...

I got caught up,
I had to do something,
I woke up late,
I didn't realise the time.
It's always the same...

If you don't want to see me,
Tell me please.
I can't live my days
Aching to see your face.
But it's always the same...

I'll make it up to you,
I promise.
Another promise broken,
More to add to your *******.
But it's always the same....

Sometimes I don't care,
Sometimes I give up.
Then you make me
Yet another fake promise.
It's always the same...

Why can't I let go
Of the moments
Of the memories
We share.
It's always the same...

I can't let go,
I can't forget.
How much I loved you
Once upon a time.
It's always the same...

I guess I'm just
A lovesick idiot.
Holding onto hope,
That one day you'll love me too.
But it's always the same...

Could it be,
This tiny life growing inside me
So miraculously.

Could the future be so uncertain,
Could we lift this huge curtain.
So we could cherish the moments we spend.
Me and you,
Mother and son.

But everyone will make their opinions known,
Of how they feel about me and you.
Your grandma will disown us,
Your grandpa won't accept us.

Your dad isn't ready for this,
It's a big leap of commitment you see?

Will I have to let you go?
If I do, I want you to know.
That I'll always love you
No matter what.
My diamond,
My sunshine,
My star,
My child it's you I adore...

I always said
To you.
To help me understand
Your addiction.

I always said
To you.
To show me
Your rehabilitation.

I always said
To you.
To show me
Your addiction.

When I take myself
To this world
Of addiction.
I am horrified at what I see.

I never want to
Come back again.
To the dark places
Your addiction takes you.

I'm sat outside your house,
Warm in my car
While the wind blows away
The remains of the affection I had for you.

How dare you tell the world,
That I broke you.
When you broke me.

How dare you tell the world,
That I hurt you.
When you hurt me.

How dare you tell the world,
That I didn't love you.
When you didn't love me.

How dare you tell the world,
That I used you.
When you used me.

You crushed me
You abused me
You stripped me till I was bare.

And now you tell the world
That I ruined your life.
How dare you...

A blast from the past that's come back with a vengeance. It's a hurricane that's destroying everything in it's path till it gets to me. I can't face this again. It hurts too much. It's killing me at a faster rate now than it has been over the last 4 years. As opposed to chipping away at me slowly like it has been. It's ripping huge chunks of flesh from my body and devouring them like a starved child in a third world country. I can't do this anymore. I have to put an end to it once and for all...

Mum
Mummy
Mumma
What would you have called me?

Could I have seen
Your innocent face,
Or felt the warmth
Of your embrace.

Would you have cuddled me
When you cried?
Or smiled and looked at me
With your bright eyes?

Was loosing you
Down to fate?
Down to destiny?

Or was it me?
Did my actions affect you?
Did my emotions
Destroy you?

Did your heart beat?
Even once?
Boom, boom, boom
Or did I **** you before it could?

Am I a murderer
Or a mother?
Will you ever forgive me?

I have wronged you,
I didn't give you a chance
To live the life you wanted,
With me and your dad.

We would love you
And cherish you,
You'd be the apple of our eyes.

But when I knew
You were no more,
A huge part of me died.

I didn't know you existed,
What kind of mother am i?
I should have known from before,
That I'd be blessed with a child.

So tell me
My baby,
What would you call me?
Mum, mummy, mumma.
But you're no longer
There to decide.

The deafening silence
The screaming thoughts.
Armour from a battle,
Scars from a war.

Can anyone hear
the words she says?
Can anyone find
The heart she misplaced?

Trapped in a zone
Where there's nowhere to run.
Everything is slipping
With the setting sun.

Falling deeper and deeper
Into an empty space.
What can you tell me,
About the devil she embraced?

He stripped her dignity,
Left her to die.
Tell me,
Why is she not able to cry?

He says he loves her
But hurts her so.
She smiles to cover it,
Her scars never show.

Time goes by,
Things don't change.
She's defined,
By the walls she's made.

Built so high,
Won't let anyone in.
You can try and try,
But I'll never be
That girl again...

***** you
And your **** perfections
Your blue eyes
And your calm disposition.

Telling me to smile
Cause it's Christmas.
Making me laugh
At your every lame joke.

No it's not Christmas
No I don't want to smile.
But friends like you
Only come by time to time.

Yes we flirt
And mess around.
I can sit in a room with you
And make no sound.

The silence isn't awkward,
It speaks a billion words.
It tells you tales
Of hardship and hurt

All my *******
You sit and listen to.
The way I turn to you
When I don't know what to do.

**** what everyone thinks
**** what they say.  
I know your amazing,
And I'll tell you everyday.

I know your stressed
About work and life.
I know I can't really say much
To make it alright.

But to try and make you laugh
Makes me happy.
Even if my attempts fail,
A small smirk makes it worthwhile.

Your smile makes me feel happy,
When I don't even want to smile,
You make me laugh wholeheartedly
So please can we sit here a while?

So I can treasure these moments
Forever
They're precious to me
It's true.

So special
These long conversations
And the **** that you've helped me through.

I could go on and on
All day.
Telling the world of our friendship.
Forever wouldn't be long enough.

Will you love me
When I go insane,
When I'm down and don't see
What living my life will gain.

When I can't see the light,
When there's dark all around.
Will you listen to my screams
When the world doesn't hear a sound.

Will you hold me in your arms
Just hold me so close.
Hold me when my days
Feel gloomy and cold.

When love ceases to exist
Even deep in my heart,
When I'm cold hearted
When I'm broken.

Will you love me,
And continue loving me?

Sat in the centre of the room
Still feeling
So alienated
Why do I not fit in?

Is it because
I'm not one of them?
Because I don't have
Beautiful but fussy children?

Or is it the fact that
I'm not yet their family.
Because my surname
Is still different to theirs.

Maybe it's just
That I'm not used to this.
Sitting around,
I'm feeling useless.

A million things
Going round in my head.
A million screams
Silenced instead.

So I'm still sat here.
Feeling so alone.
You're all my family,
But why can I not call you my own?

I considered you
As my sister.
I knew love
Through our friendship

I laughed with you
Cried with you
Stayed awake all night with you.

Your addictions died hard
I was there when you needed me
I made sure you got help
And we got through it together.

You called yourself my twin
But can you tell me,
Does one twin,
Betray the other?

I told you everything
Let you climb the solid wall
I'd built so high.

I thought you could never hurt me
I thought you'd never betray me.
I thought I could trust you
Coz of every sweet word you said to me.

Now I know,
Where your loyalties lie.
You pushed me aside,
A huge part of me died.

But that's just fine,
You carry on saying things
Saying I'm a ****
Behind my back.

You can carry on calling me
All the names under the sun.
To hell with your friendship.
I'm done!

She sits there in a corner,
Shuts herself away,
She doesn't speak a word,
She doesn't know what to say.

The only thing
That keeps her breathing
Is the hope and the dreams
That she wants to come true.

Things get bad,
She faces them alone,
A one woman army
With no fear in her bones.

She's amazing in every way,
She's flawless
Baby I don't care what they say.
Don't ever think of yourself as less.

She's my angel,
Saving me from destruction,
My suicide attempts fail,
She's my obstruction.

Words can't express
How much I admire this woman,
She's my world,
My universe.

I get hurt,
She feels my pain.
Her calm soothing words,
Take all my stresses away.

Her love and support
Is second to none.
I need it like oxygen,
I need it like the sun.

To shine on me
When my days are dark.
To enlighten me
When I can't see the path.

This amazing woman truly is
One in a million,
My best friend,
My sister,
My everything,
Baby I'll love you forever!

I lay on my bed
Faced down in my pillow
I choke and I drown
Deep in my sorrow

The one thing
That made sense to me.
Has crashed and broken
How can this be?

To an irretrievable end
Does our relationship turn.
Why do you make me cry so much?
Why do you make me yearn?

I didn't deserve
To be treated like this,
I didn't want us
To end up in this ****.

From when we met,
To us standing here today
Baby it's all changed
You've gone so far away.

There's no trust
There's no confidence
There's no togetherness
Tell me why we're in this mess.

The fact that you cheated
The fact that you lied.
The fact that you made me,
Curl up n cry.

Night after night
I want the pain to stop.
If you still want me,
taking me for granted needs to stop.

Everyone tells me,
Just walk away,
You don't deserve this pain
You'll get over him one day

The fact is I still love you
And it hurts me to think,
Of a life without you.
It's like a pen with no ink.

Forever is a punishment
That even I once loved.
The thought of being with you
The thought of living with you.

Everything is not as it seems.
I fell in love with a rose,
And didn't realise
The thorns would ***** me.

The path we chose wasn't easy.
We vowed to fight.
Till death do us part,
Till the very end.

Everything seemed right,
Through the rose tinted glasses.
The romance,
The love.

But when reality hits,
And things really change.
The glasses are off
And I see your true face.

You changed,
Like a chameleon
On a branch or a leaf
You changed so much,
That I don't recognise your face

Iv fallen for a monster,
That ***** the life from me.
Yet still I love him so,
How can this be?

If forever is a punishment,
With him I'll tolerate it.
Live through the days of pain,
What will ending it gain?

Forever is a punishment,
That sounds so sweet
The truth behind it all,
I am yet to see.

Reminiscing the past
Comes with pain
Heartache and fear.

Of the times I spent
With someone that didn't care.

You claimed to love me,
You swore you did.
Love isn't about possession,
It's not about being perfect.

You caused me a pain
That can never heal.
You shred me to pieces
That can't be concealed.

To the world
I'm just a pretty face.
They don't know
About the devil I embraced.

You took what I had
And left me with nothing.

Besides the desire,
the desire
To end my life
Everytime I hear your name.

I can't look in the mirror
Without feeling shame.
My confidence is so low,
I know your the one to blame.

When I see you,
Fear consumes me.
I can't breathe
Because of the way you hurt me.

Over and over
Like you have before
Battling with myself
To lead a normal life.

Every battle I've fought,
You've been by my side.
Every time I've cried,
You've been there to wipe my eyes.

I know I could never love you
As much as you love me.
I know I could never deserve you
No matter how perfect I try to be.

I'm stubborn, I know.
I can be difficult, I know,
But nothing means more to me
Than the love you always show.

I never knew true love
Until you walked into my life.
These emotions, this inner strength,
Makes me feel like I can face any kind of strife.

Baby what I'm trying to tell you,
Is how much I love you,
How much I care,
How much I miss you when you're not there.

Soon this distance will be gone.
The pain of missing you will be no more.
I'll forever live in your arms,
As long as I'm there,
I'll face no harm.

Me and you will soon be one,
Our hearts together.
Nothing will be able to break us apart,
And I'll remain yours forever.

You sit there next to me
Knowing how I feel.
You act normal.
So is it just me?

Am I the one with thoughts in my head
Insecurities that are left unsaid.

Problems with this
Problems with that
Feeling like our relationship
Has just gone flat.

The world was against us
We thought we'd prove them wrong
Now everything's crashing
It feels like a tragic love song.

The tune so slow
The words so deep.
The pain behind it all,
I can feel it as I crash and fall.

Hoping ull save me
Take me to my destiny.
Hoping its meant to be
You and me, we can be free

Was I just
The other woman?
Did you use me
For your personal pleasures?

The time we spent together
The sweet words we shared.
The times we made love
Was it really me you wanted there?

For the meals we had together,
The way I lay in your arms
The way that you promised me
I would never come to any harm.

How safe I felt
How secure I felt
How you gave meaning to my life
Despite the hand I was dealt.

The nights of passion
The days of romance.
Now I'm thinking
Was it just luck or chance?

The words you said
Did they mean anything?
The kisses you gave,
Did they seal anything?

Baby all I want to know,
Honesty from the start was the deal.
Was I just the other woman,
Or was what we had realer than real?