He stands
Firm
An immoveable foundation
That shields me
From a darkness
That seeks to claim me.

He lights my way
It spills forth from within
Illuminating the farthest corners
When I am blind
To the world
and consumed
I look towards the radiance
That he himself holds.

He stands next to me
Lending me strength
Finding a courage
Within myself
That never existed
Until now.
Doubt erased
And replaced with the knowledge
That I am capable
And Divine.


He loves me
Uncertainty never forms
His affection never held
Always in abundance
It wraps around me
Cementing me in a place
Of comfort
And peace
This intimacy
A gift
That I have never known before.

He slips softly into thought.
Causing my stomach
to turn
and
my heart to ache.
I don't want to love him anymore.
Times passed
and I'm void of comprehension,
a lack of understanding
on how he still has
such a profound impact
on my soul.

Our love is
untouchable.
Deeply rooted
and forever growing.
Built on a foundation
that's unbreakable
and unchangeable.

Exceeding
this world
and surpassing
what's come before us.
Our love
is soul connected
clear and profoundly pure.

I can live with out them.
The words that cut me.
The demons that haunt me.
The boys that couldn't love me.
I am enough.

I can live without the mistakes
they make my chest tight
they make me doubt myself.
The dirt on my hands that never
came clean.
I can cleanse myself.

I can live without distortion.
The twisted world I lived in.
The lies and manipulation
the contorted memories
and pointed fingers.
I can just be whole.

I can move on from my past.
Heal from the pain.
Heal my world of ruin.
Set aside what's been lost.
It's beyond me now.
My future is forward.
I can rebuild.

In the end
what hurt the most
wasn't the confirmation
of how much he hated me.

It wasn't the verbal abuse
the words that linger
and haunt
causing pain all this time after.

It wasn't the emotional abuse
the neglect
or the cold heart
that cut
and left frost bitten scars
on my soul.

It wasn't the mental abuse
of how incompetent
how worthless
I am as a person
or how his voice still rings
in my head
trying to convince me
that I am not worthy of love.

What hurts the most is the hope.
Hope that he will change
Hope that he will heal
Hope that he will see me
for who I am
and not what he's tainted
and twisted
into the memory of.

The hope that
some small part of him
truly did love me
before
he aimed to destroy me.

Old wounds reopen
the pain
suffocating.
The conversation
between us is so small.
How can someone
I keep so close
be so far away?
Lost in physical form
but haunting
In spirit.
He's a ghost
and I'm just
a person
he never really knew.

Only one
intrusive memory
and I break.
Tears push forth
and fall
without permission
or warning.
My heart
begins to beat
with this
incurable ache.