And if he says he misses me then maybe we can just start over
Relearn each other's name and how to articulate them to the letter
I will retell you stories of my childhood
and you can laugh like you used to
We can learn how to tangle our bodies together so intricately that this time they will not undo
And I'm not saying that this will work, I know that it probably wont
But logic doesn't mean that I don’t miss you and right now I don’t give a **** what logic has to say
Just tell me you miss me and I swear I'll come running
Tell me you miss me and we can fall all over again

You do something to me that is indescribable
The way your voice resonates in my chest
The simple sound of you breathing reminds me that everything is okay
Because if you are alive then I know I am too
The way my thighs unconsciously part just slightly
whenever you are around
It is no longer just my heart that is drawn to you,
It turns out so is my body
The way your touch can take away any discomfort
There is something about you that sweeps a peace over me
Funny to think that I would be empty if you left
And here I am, hollow and vacant
Because you did

I wonder if he misses me
I know it sounds insane because she exists
But I wonder if at night he is somehow reminded of us
The way we lingered over one another
The sweet torture for both of us
The way we wrapped up like tying a knot at boy scouts
I wonder if he has rid the remnants of our love
Or if they are held holy to his left side

I had all these little
perfections
hung across my life
like fairy lights
but now they're gone
and it will take my
eyes a while
to adjust
to the dark.

Addiction is seeking comfort in that which is destroying you
I have found I am addicted to loving you even though you are gone
I find myself craving your attention and my mind is begging me to avoid you
Because it knows better than my heart does
I fall for the simplicity in our text messages
The soft comments and compliments that are so friendly
You know how frail and thin my skin is,
How do you expect your words to not cut right through it
We joke and kid and laugh and seriousness will creep in but never for too long
I cannot describe my feelings the day after a rainstorm or how I feel when the sun sets early in the winter
And I cannot describe my feeling when I am talking to you
It is something sweet, like it is getting better
I am blossoming but this rain on some days is far too heavy
On some days it hurts me and you do not even notice
In this story you are the one who moves on and finds a girl who doesn’t write her thoughts onto paper instead of admitting she has them
I am the girl who's hand is always numb do to the constant writing about the one who has moved on to something better
I am sorry I could not love you like I wanted to
I am dealing with the consequences of letting you go
And this addiction to you is killing me
I have done real drugs and smoked and drank and I know what it is like to crave something every waking minute of the day yet with you
I have never been more afraid
Of overdose

They told me I was humble
Showing a modest or low estimate of my own importance
Having a tendency to decrease my dignity under others
They were telling the truth
My stature of one not as a boulder but a pebble
I am smaller to others, crushed underneath
They tell me it is a good thing
To place others above myself so I do not conquer them
Pushing them up even if I am falling
Unprivileged behind those who need love more than I do
It is selfish to not be humble
They tell me that I am
I wonder if that means I am weak
Or if that means I am strong

Your first love gets you raw, open, and naïve
Your first love sits with you until you head finds a home in the crevice between their neck and shoulder and you want to stay, more than anything, you want to stay
Your first love carries you to the car because your feet hurt
Your first love will dig up the secrets you kept buried, your first love wants to know it all
Your first love will listen you’re your favorite song in place of their
Your first love will levitate your well-being, make you float and flutter
Your first love will tell you that you won't fall
Your first love will introduce you to heartache, loneliness, what goodbye feels like
Your first love makes breaking an arm sound like a walk in the park
Your first love is the one that you convince yourself that you are over but you never really are
Your first love promises they won't forget you and you believe them until you see them kissing someone else

Her head bobs along to a song you can't hear and you wonder what she sings in the showers these days
She used to joke saying that singing wasn't her forte but you always loved the sound of her Sunday morning humming
You wonder who listens to her talk about the stars at night or who carries her home when she's drunk
She used to ramble on about her future and smile when she was upset
In her vulnerable times she put periods at the ends of her sentences
You wonder if anyone notices now the stress behind her proper grammar
She reminds you of the way the mountains change colors when the sun goes down, only lasting a few seconds and barely long enough to photograph
Her love did not last very long in one piece
It carried on when she left but you never knew about it, did you?
When she walked out it was like a tornado in your mind finally hit you and knocked you off your feet
The ground was a lot closer than you thought it was
Love will do that to you
Her hands grip her blue jeans and she keeps her head down when you pick here up, not so much a white horse just a white car
She is the poem everyone feels they should reread
And you have, you have read through her often
Memorized the lines like it was a monologue you had to preform
You wonder if she misses you
You wonder if she still listens to your favorite song
You wonder if she knows that you still listen to hers

The subway stairs will trip you up, make you slip, make you fall
They will hold you hostage, hold you close
Brush against their hand rails, let the feeling of other hands rub off on your palms
Sweat will gather on your back as you walk further down
It is too cold out and too hot down
Body heat radiates off of children and their mothers
You feel the gust of wind hit your body like a preachers knees hitting the floor
When the subway arrives, it is submitting to the sound of its breaks
It is telling you to stop where you are and fall into me
The doors open wide
They remind you of your mothers open arms
You step inside checking to see if you are going in the right direction
It never hurts to look twice
The subway trains will trip you up, break you down, make you weak
You will look and see quiet people, there are far too little people laughing
You wonder if it is the cold weather
You wonder if it would be better if it weren't so cold out