I am hoping this love will come to an end soon
Cease to exist in only one mind
Because love gets lonely too
It is a lot easier to share an arrow than you might think
The equally experienced pain, sharing in comfort for one another
Loving someone is giving them the map of your weaknesses
And hoping they do not abuse their right to explore
Our love was a perfect amount of splattered paint
Branded on life's bland canvas
We allowed color to flow from our veins
But I am standing in a pool of only red
I fell through the cracks in your skin and that is where I remain
I am hoping this love will come to an end soon
Because though love is such an exquisite thing
It is not as beautiful, when you are only looking at one half
Of the whole picture

I often dream of dancing in thigh high socks
To music playing off my cellphone
In a hotel on the edge of town with you
I think of lying next to you in white bed sheets
I want to be with you when the curtains open
And the sunlight is twisting patterns across your skin
I want to make you coffee in your t-shirt and my underwear
I want to almost spill it bringing it over to you
I imagine us laughing about this
You will grab the coffee and put it aside
Pull another things to your lips
That will not stain your breath
I want to be the one to kiss you in place of your coffee
We can sit in this hotel room and watch cable TV
And I can recite all the poems I have written about you
And I know that you never wrote poems,
but I knew you loved me like one

One day you will wake up
The bed will feel colder than usual
You will reach out your arms in hope to find someone
You won't
Lying in bed you will remember every girl you once claimed to love
And in that comes my part of the story
You will hear our whispered phone calls
The softness of them will weigh down on you
You will hear Hozier playing on repeat
It will resonate in your mind like hymn in an empty church
Suddenly you will remember the part where I stopped calling
And you stopped noticing
When dry messages became the norm, when you didn’t miss me
You remember the world conducting it's choir
It was so sweet
Like the "I love you was" reciprocated when you meant what you said
It was something that hung on a thin line
Unraveling of thread, it was always a risk
One day I know you will wake up
And think of me
And wonder if I am still asleep

I want to describe to you everything that you are
So you will consider
Letting us redefine what it means to start over
We can relay the foundation better this time
We can stand beneath the sky and wait for the planets to shape themselves around my newly intertwined bodies
You are the first drop of rain in a hurricane
You are the misunderstood tragedy
You are striking lightning slicing open the dark with luminous allure
You are coloring everything outside the lines
You are the poem everyone feels they should reread
You are the stem from a root planted in the belief that you have done something wrong in some way
You have not done anything wrong
I want to show you everything I failed to reveal before
Open new doors, let the cool breeze some in from my bedroom window, anything to make you want to stay here
My world is waiting for you to set it on fire
So whenever you're ready
Tell me that you miss what it feels like
To light a match

The dawn cracks the sky like his words tearing through your skin this is dancing in the suns intoxicating rays
It beams down, light reflecting off the water you thought of drowning yourself in
And for a moment everything is simple
The race of the world slows down, the bullet stands still in the air
Defying gravity, your heart is no longer trying to rip out of your chest
The oxygen you are breathing goes easy into your lungs
The heaviness decreases, something has lifted the weight
And you wonder why it cannot feel like this all the time
When dusk falls there is something that triggers inside of you
Your mind wanders into a forest lit only by the light in his eyes
This used to be a place so beautiful when he was yours
But as he trails away holding someone else's hand
This maze has become all the more difficult
You can never truly say that you are okay because deep down you are enveloped in an agony that words cannot capture
They say that things have to get worse before they get better
But I have never heard of their being a ladder at the bottom of the pit
This desolation seems eternal and I cannot bear to look at you without my chest having a plane crash into it
And the smoke is hindering my ability to breathe
I wonder if you are lost too
I wonder if you are looking for me
As I am looking for you

I want to get drunk with you
Allow our intoxicated senses to take flight
Speak all the words we are afraid to say with a sober mind
For fear that we might actually believe each other
I want to fall, stumble accidentally into your lap
Let us think back on times I did it on purpose
When you pulled me into you
When things were so much easier
We are playing the same game but describing it in different words
This toy of text messages cutting into my throat
I endeavor to remember that we are only friends
I know that I should be over this by now
But I want to get drunk with you
To tell you that I am not

There is something so heart-wrenching
About having dinner with yourself
Sitting down, and the waiter asks,
"Are you expecting someone?"
They will say this with a smile
Because they are used to the answer being yes
You will reach down into your gut
Scrounge for a decent ****** expression
That does not make it seem like their words have cut you open
"No," you sigh, "I am not"
They nod and pick up the plate and silverware across from you
And that's when you really feel it
That’s when it hits you like a brick
crashing through wind shield
And the calamity will be new to you
You will not see it coming, how can you ever?
At the end of the meal, you will get your check
And suddenly you miss the disputes on who will pay
The sweet argument that will never get old
In the moment, the frustration would build
But it was one that you could smile at
And you know that many things happen in your life
That you think should not
But they did anyways
And here you are
Paying your bill in silence

If only I could say this out loud
How our prior affair continues to draw breath in my mind
It is barely survuving and I am aching to restore it
It clings tight to my shoulder
Claws digging into my thin cotton t-shirt
I never imagined I would have to endure this
And here I am in a perpetual state of misery
If only I could say this out loud
How this distance is tearing me to pieces
It's as if I am the bridge and she is the earthquake
Ripping me apart each crumbling rock at a time
I am breaking before I was ever finished being built
If only I could say this out loud
How my chest is always heavy
And my stomach is always tightened
As if sooner or later my body will stop working
Have my organs cave in on themselves
Have my bones snap and you will only blink
If only I could say this out loud
How I love you
I know I shouldn't now
But all I can think about is you
And I cannot bear to say it
Looking at you, I cannot bear to say it
Out loud