The monsters in my head are scared of love
They tremble at the thought of arrows
They are fearful of any romance
Though they are strong and frightening to many
They cannot bear the thought of something else entering my mind that does not cause their kind of pain
You see, love is gentle with the way it hurts you
It is like unraveling rope
You do realize that you are going to fall until the thickness of this cable is only a thread
The demons in my head simple rip the floor from underneath me
They do not slowly pull or pull me in and them push me off
And I do not know which I fear more
Someone who abruptly drowns me
Or someone who pretends they are teaching me how to swim

When life throws you in the water
Do not be frightened by the storm
Remember you know how to swim
Remember that getting the wind
Knocked out of you
Is sometimes the only way for your lungs to realize
That they like the taste of air

I want to know what it is like to fall in love with you
So we look like lovers on television screens
Let me read between your rough drafts
Maybe walk around, my hand in yours, falling in love under the silver circle
Intoxicated by only your kiss
Making it long and sweet and so cliché
Carry me up the stairs
Come to me like an afternoon
Slowly and in fragments of a sunset on fire
Cupid didn’t have an arrow large enough to fit this love so he high jacked a plane and flew it into my chest
The sound of your name is like a sip of alcohol to an AA member
I want to think of my favorite picture of you, only to come to realize that every picture of you is my favorite picture of you
If I could read your mind I would not invade you privacy
I want to know what it is like to fall in love with you
And for you to follow in love with me as well

She's young and confused
Her mind is hazy and her decision making
Has not yet matured
So she downs a bottle every night
Making herself numb
Never tapping out, just blacking out
Feeling that if she feels nothing
Maybe she will feel something
She loses her stability in drunken obscurity
She loves being drunk because
All of the guys are drawn to her
She feels like she fits in
Because if a boy seemingly likes you
In that state, then maybe that was the new cloud nine
They don't know she is confusing
This flirtatious intoxicated brush of the lips
She is confusing this with love
She loses herself like she always does
Because she's just waiting for someone to give it up to
The next morning has never been so cold
There is something about falling asleep to someone
But only waking up to a dent in your mattress
And she will never learn
That you will never find someone
While looking at a blurred picture
There is no clear answers
Only assumption
Do not search for your prince charming in a bar
Because it is too dark to see his face
And you are too drunk to realize the risk
You are about to take
And you think
It is only a kiss
But it never is
And it never will be

I packed my past-lovers
into a box and
put it on the
top shelf of
things been and gone,
leaving it to
gather dust
like a heart
gathers apathy.

I am doing everything I can, not to love you
Convincing myself that I do not need you
Failing to do so each time
I am doing everything I can, not to love you
Searching ruthlessly for pieces of myself that I have lost
Writing about how I do not need anyone to fill me
Drowning in this agony trying to remind myself that I know how to swim
I am doing everything I can, not to love you
But I cannot help myself
I am endeavoring with everything to keep myself away
But I cant
I am drawn to you like a sinner seeing the light
I am pacing myself for the fall
Assuring myself it won't hurt that bad
Dragging my feet backwards away from you
But you are a magnet and I am only a piece of metal searching for something to attach myself to
I am doing everything I can, not to love you
But frankly, none of it has worked
And for that I am sorry, both to you and myself

I knew from the start that stepping into this
Was not going to end in my favor
From the moment you gave me that look of desire
I knew it was only the alcohol
Consuming your thoughts and cravings
There was nothing special about me
I was never the girl you wanted to be with
Just for a night, that’s all I was used for
I was just another hit and run
This is no sweet love story where they meet in a bar
And something magical comes out of it
There is only anguish in this hole I have fallen in
This is no wonderland
I knew that from the very beginning
I was doing something so foolish
But I couldn’t help myself

I miss who he used to be
His heart used to light up with kindness
He kept sweetness in his pockets
He left each day with a mark on it
A memento of some sort of joy
He and I used to dance in the kitchen
He and I used to dance in the street
He and I used to really love
We were infatuated with each other's presence
He was always hoping for the light at the end of the tunnel
But now, he barely even recognizes how to light a match unless he is using to burn something
He is cold and I am sorry to say I ever loved someone like him
Maybe I changed him or maybe this was him the whole time
Both ideas terrify me
I am sorry for all that has happened
I never lied about him, or said any hurtful words to others
I told them that he was a good guy,
Still after all that has happened I endeavor to believe that
I am sorry for all that has happened
But that gives him know excuse to treat me like I am nothing
His words sting like a bee, I only use that analogy
because I am allergic to them
I often wonder, that even though he used to shine bright yellow, maybe I was missing the darkness
That also lined his skin
Maybe I was allergic to him all a long

I want a love that
Light up the night sky and puts
All of the constellations to shame
I want a love that
Does not falter when we fall
Though love sometimes hurts
There is nothing that can break this
I want a love that
Endures every hard time
That walks through battle grounds
Hand in hand
Conquering it all together
I want a love that
Dances on my lips
Sings on my skin
Traces maps on my back
Discovering new beauties
On each other
I want a love that
Grows
Stretches, flows
Like a spring stream
Racing each other
But keeping steady pace
I was a love that
Glows
Fireflies envy this sparkle
The one in your eyes
The one in our kiss
I want a love that
Makes me want to stay in bed with you
That carries me up the stairs
That spins me around, stumbling in the refrigerator light
That helps me do the dishes
That wakes me up each morning
I want a love that
Has you in it
I want a love that
You want too

We dream about how life used to be far too often. When people loved one another, strangers would smile at one another on the street. The earth was a paradise. Flowers popped up in impossible places and bird songs filled the air of every continent. Snow, fog, rain showers, spread with such astounding and unexpected beauty to every setting. Animals were loved as family members and it was natural instinct to be kind to one another. There were possibilities at every turn, no limits stood in your way and you could almost do anything. What we forget to realize that very little has changed. The world is still a beautiful place, we just tend to only see the worst of it. Love your universe because it is still as beautiful as ever.