I used to like the rain
Because it sounds like white noise
Like silence but not as empty
And that was the only sound that I wanted  to enter my life
Because I loved being alone
I longed for the time when I would get to isolate myself from the rest of the world
Because I had no reason not to
I had no reason to dread being by myself
Until I met you
And now every time I find myself alone I am miserable
Because that means that you are somewhere else
With someone else
Who moves the clouds out of the way
When all I did was bring them closer
And all I can think is how much happier she makes you
And I envy everything about her
How she gets to hold your sweaty hand because you are so nervous to touch her
How she feels safe in your arms even though you feel like you could pass out
How she gets to kiss you in the midst of your anxious rambling
Because she is so beautiful
And you can't stop thinking how you could possibly hold on to a girl like her
And I wonder how I let go of a guy like you
And hope that the rain fills the silence with enough resonance to drown out my thoughts
Because I can't get you out of my head
Unless I fill it with something else
And it has destroyed my will
To be alone

I've always felt like an incompetent star among the cosmos
Like my light may play a part in the universe but without me it would just move in a different direction
I feel as if every day the darkness around me recedes as others glow more brilliant
And light is a good thing
But darkness makes stars grow brighter
The less illumination that surrounds you the more dazzling you seem
But I have come to learn
That dark matter surrounds all of us
And that the smallest beam of light
Adds to the part of the universe that we are allowed to create
Because we are allowed so little in this world
So even if someone else will always shine brighter than me
They won't make my light grow dimmer
I will take what I am allowed and appreciate the realm that I am in
Because why am I here if not to bring a little bit of light

To find love in the heart of war is to find only death
Because finding true love in a battle should cause the opposition to cease
Not to increase the casualties
I trusted that if I entered the fight with you
You would help me come out on top
But it turns out that you were my fatal flaw
Not because you were my Achilles heel
But because you knew what it was
And used it to **** me
I fell on my own sword because you told me you would fall on yours too
You used my trust to annihilate me and I've never recovered
To find love in the heart of war is to find only death
But I would die a million times to love you again

I once told the story
Of the little boy much too big to be called little
Who would stand over his parent's bed
When his father had nightmares
And would put his pudgy hands on his father's chest and say
"But I love you, but I love you, but I love you"
I once told the story
Of the young adolescent boy
Who watched his older brother give his life to drugs
Watched him be dragged away to penitentiary
But he would still call out
"But I love you, but I love you, but I love you"
I once told the story
Of the teenage boy
Who had been told that his sister had been *****
Who held her in his arms weeping
And he whispered to her
"But I love you, but I love you, but I love you"
I once told the story
Of the lonely young man
Who was surrounded by people
He couldn't bring himself to smile
He felt that all the joy had been ripped from him
Because it had been all his life
But he sat on his knees and cried out to his god
"But I love you, but I love you, but I love you"
But today
I now tell the story
Of a man no longer plagued by his past
Living the life he has always deserved
And I stand before him today
And watch his marry his soul mate
The man who always loved finally had love for himself
And he says his vows with excitement and vigor
Saying
"Because I love her, because I love her, because I love her"

A boy with a heart on fire is never one to fall in love
He burns up too quickly then looks for another spark wherever he can find it
But I thought I could take the heat
I thought I could allow myself to be in close proximity to the blaze and not get scorched
But as soon as he reached for me, I cringed because the temperature was far greater than I could have ever imagined
My blood boiled and my skin melted away
I was consumed by a fire that I had no desire to put out
So I just let it burn
But it is better to burn than to fade away because at least you are leaving something behind
The ash is proof that you once were the fuel to a flame that ate away too quickly at its source
The further he gets from me, the dimmer my embers glow
But I am still trying to suffocate this fire

I wish we started with tears
For becoming strangers
and no longer knowing the rhythm of the other's heart
And moved to angry rants
Spewing brand new feelings of hatred
Though we're not sure where they came from
Progressing to the closeness of intertwined bodies
Always feeling the cadence of one another
To being so in love
That the thought of the other makes you flush with enamor
Moving then to late night talks
About life and the universe
And flowers and chocolate
Because what's more cliché?
Then to sweet love
Shown through holding sweaty hands
And wanting to spend every moment in contact
Then gradually spreading apart
Becoming tentative but appreciating every time you touch
Swallowing every word you ever said to them
And letting theirs drain from your ears
So that you drift safely away from each other
I wish we started with tears
And ended with "Hi, nice to meet you."

They say to
write what you know
but I'm just so
sick of
tragedies